In another thread I shared my struggles with some pretty sinful thoughts concerning a female coworker.
I don't know how I should feel about a certain co-worker
I got some pretty good advice from everyone, the best being just avoid her. However due to my work situation I am required to deal with her and I was required to go on another work trip with her.
Like I talked about in my last thread, o have this Co worker who is rather corrupt, immature, promiscuous, and possibly narcissistic. However there is just something about her that makes me sinfully last after her and I have received much help and prayers from the people of CF to keep me from acting on my sinful desires. Anyways, today I spent about 6 hours driving across 2 states with her and the ride was utter torture. I felt the whole time I was being tested and constantly failing.
I tried to get out of this rig survey by taking to our supervisor about how uncomfortable my coworker makes me and I was pretty much told that I just don't know how to "handle" her. The advice our boss gave me was just to ply her with junk food the entire trip and she will eventually eat her fill, fall asleep and I can drive in peace. Others on CF suggested I use that time to engage her about the gospels and bring Jesus into the conversation but that truth be told I both avenues just left me frustrated and guilty feeling.
The day began when I arrived at the office to pick her and the company truck up to drive to Mississippi. When I arrived she and our boss was already there and our boss was sort of fussing over her like a mother fusses over a daughter. Infact when I got there our boss was braiding her hair so it would fit neatly under a hard hat. When my Co worker got into the truck our boss even handed her a bag lunch and reminded her to eat it. She wasn't dressed appropriately for a work trip and for some reason she decided it was a good idea to bring her saxophone but I tried very hard not to look at her. I just wanted to focus on driving. As we drove in silence her dour demeanor slowly lightened and she started figiting. She stated poking around and shuffling through things until she found my hand gun. Before she could start fiddling with it I asked her a generic question about her weekend. She took that as a cue to tell a completely inappropriate story about how she went to a bar by her self and ended up biting some one before being kicked in the stomach. She then pulled up her crop top to show me the bruise on her upper abdomen. I know I should have been disgusted but I felt so much guilt being aroused by seeing her bare stomach so I tried to change the subject right away.
Here I think I made my second mistake. Instead of bringing Jesus into the conversation, I took the cowards way and decided to do what our boss suggested and ply her with junk food. I told her that I brought along some snacks and she was welcome to have some. She dug in pretty quick and made a total pig out of her self. I realized I made a mistake when I just couldn't stop watching her stuff her face. Just watching her hog through all that junk food made me think all sorts of inappropriate things. I almost lost it when she started playing with her belly and talking about how she thinks she getting fat. I asked her to please stop doing that but instead of stopping she asked me if I would find her less attractive if she "got a little porkyer". Before I could stammer an answer to her she stared right at my crotch and said that I can't lie about how excited she makes me. That's when I just told her that she needs to stop and that she needs to respect that I have my moral compass. I told her that I am a Christian and that I would love to be her friend but I could not continue just play along with her little game. That's when she stopped all her, as she calls it "merry making" and apologized for her behavior. I asked her if she wanted to hear about the gospels and that we could stop at any time she felt uncomfortable and she surprisingly agreed.
I thought this was my chance, and I didn't want my mind to wander to anything in appropriate so I pulled the truck over and asked if she minded sitting in back so "Jesus can ride shotgun". Again she agreed and jumped in back. So for about 2 hours she sat quietly as I explained as best I could the nature of Christ and the Trinity. She occasionally interjected with a couple questions and I tried to answer as best I could. The whole time we talked I did my best to keep my eyes on the road and not look at her. I knew she was fiddling around back there but u had no idea what she was doing since she was engaging me in the gospel talk. So after about 2 hours I asked her if she was ready to accept the free gift and she told me that she was. So I asked her to pray with me. It turned out she was just having fun with me and what she was doing back there was putting together her saxophone. Instead of saying a prayer she told me that Jesus spoke to her and told her that I need a theme song. That's when she started playing a jazzy rendition of when the Saints come marching in. That saxophone nearly scared me half to death and I almost veered of the road.
This is the first time I actually lost my temper with her and I feel very guilty but I began shouting at her and calling her all sorts of names. It took everything inside me not to reach back there and just strangle her. Of course she stated crying and proceeded to cry for about an hour, with me the whole time telling her I didn't mean it.
When she finally calmed down she said she was "sorry for being a turd" and she will behave herself. I told her I accept her apology but I want her to put the saxophone in the front seat and just sit quietly in back. This worked for while until some sheriff deputy pulled me over. I have said in my last thread that this girl is 28 but she looks like she is 19. When the deputy was walking up I told her to have her Id ready and just keep her mouth shut unless she was spoken to. I told her better yet she should just pretend to be asleep. So she closed her eyes and leaned against her door. When the deputy was at my window, she thought it would be very funny to "wake up" and ask if we "were in California yet" and "how much longer until we get to the modeling academy". At that point the deputy asked for her ID and she told him that I was "keeping it for her". At that point I was telling the deputy that she is just joking and we are both engineers for a drilling company and that we are on a way to a job. I was ordered out of the vehicle and made to place my hands onto the hood. The whole time I was telling the officer to just look in the glove box and that this was a company truck and both our names are on the insurance paper. He said he wasn't looking at anything until his backup arrived. When his backup arrived I was throughly searched. I told them to just please look at my phone, there are pictures of both of us in company colors from the conference on it. The deputies finally looked and realized I was telling the truth so they proceeded to pull her from the truck and start to question her. I watched as they cuffed her and stuck her into the back of the patrol car. They came back over to me and asked what I wanted done. One of the officers said that they could take her in for disorderly conduct or if I wanted they could release her to me and "not see a thing" if she "fell and busted her pretty little face on the car's frame ". I told them as tempting as that would be I need her in one piece so they let her go with a ticket (we are at this point about 600 miles from home, so although I know it's a sin I got a perverse sense of joy that she would need to come back to settle this within a month or face having a warrant taken out). When we stopped for a bite to eat, I called or boss to tell her what happened with the deputies and the saxophone and why we will be late arriving to the site, she just laughed and said that "I got Ava-ed". She told me that's how I know she likes me. She then proceeded to tell me an "adorable story " of how my Co worker for her stripped searched at the airport while going through customs, how she "got Ava-ed". She then said it was my own fault for telling her to pretend to be asleep and that she told me not to preech gospel to her.
When we arrived at the rig site she whined about how it was now late, and she was tired despite how the entire trip she just ate and played practical jokes so she insisted we go to the hotel for dinner and drinks. I finally got away from her by telling her that I wanted to stay at the rig site so I could do some of the measurements while it was cool and dark. She initially protested but I convinced her to go to the hotel by herself by telling her that if I ate dinner at the rig she could charge a double portion onto her company card and no one would question because everyone will think she was eating with me. So with that she happily left and I am shaking up in the senior company man's trailer.
Today was a very trying day. I am still filed with my conflicting feelings over her. I still lust for her but now more than ever I resent her. I know I should do neither. I failed to share the gospel with her and now she has even more ammunition with which to make mock of me. I feel so foolish now.