nessa said:
I am not to happy to say..but i am not a virgin...and i haven't been since i was 16. And i have had sex since then too. It wasn't until i was reading posts that i realized that it wasn't the smartest thing *duh*.
There is one other struggle i have though...i struggle with bisexuality. I have a girlfriend...and i can't bring myself to tell anyone, especially my parents because they are very strong on their christian beliefs. My friends all know..but i feel like i am leading three different lives...home, church, and personal.
My home life is not pretty...im rude with nasty mood swings *hence my possibly bipolar*
My church life is fun...i have friends there and people who care..and nobody knows i am bisexual
my personal life is so much different...not only with the sexual issues, but i also enjoy drugs..but that is a different issue...oh well.
What do i do to combine these multiple lives?
You don't, and you can't combine those "multiple lives" - the Lord Jesus said no one can serve two masters, either he will hate the one and love the other. I'm concerned you may have already decided on that. But let me give you what I know:
I'm in fact quite convinced that it's not bipolar disorder that causes abberant sexuality in girls, but rather abberant sexuality (i.e. lesbianism, nymphomania) that causes bipolar disorder ... at least in some people. Your parents' and your religious differences are also contributing to this "rudeness with nasty mood swings." Of course, at your age it could be hormones causing most of the problem, but I'll assume you're a reasonable person.
My suggestion is that you tell someone you really trust - not a gossiper, and preferrably a female youth leader, or someone you know is a true Christian. What I mean is not one of those pretentious people who go around with T-shirts saying "Pray More" or "Body Piercing Saved My Life" or advertising Christian bands/or churches, but rather someone you know actually practices their faith on a daily basis. Don't go for anyone you can't trust, who gossips all the time, or who you think might come from a very traditional family.
The reason being is that they might spread rumors about you, or completely avoid you, leading you to hate the whole church for its supposed "bigotry" against those who do homosexual kinds of things.
However, I'm a serious Bible-believing Christian, and I won't hesitate to tell you that you must repent and be born again to enter the kingdom of heaven. The same goes for all people, not just involved "sinners" who do have an interest in God's kingdom but are pushed away by do-gooders who are just as unconnected with the Lord as any non-believer would be.
Don't let the opportunity to repent go to waste. You could end up living half your life upset emotionally. Judging from your testimony to your mood swings, troubles at home etc. - you won't have true peace either with God, yourself, or your family until you repent and start over new with your life, in God's hands.
Be aware that lesbians suffer a lot of domestic abuse from their live-in partners. It's a common, albeit overlooked problem, and strangely, something that isn't touched upon in liberal "discussions" and "reports" of GBLT (did I get the abbreviation correct?) issues. The mental instability you face now points to the possibility that you may know what you are doing isn't in line with God's will ... feel free to PM/instant message me about it unless, of course you think I'm just another "homophobic" bigot with a little too much time on his hands.
Beats me why people would imagine me to be that way, after all I do have a roommate at college who deals with SSA in his life ... never really been "afraid" of him at all.
