Nothing seems real anymore

[LostChildinTheMidst]

lol deleted

 

[mark kennedy]

Look I don't know exactly what your going through but I've walked through some pretty unreal earthscapes. Your not going through anything new, we all have our times when it just makes no sense how screwed up we are. Get up in the morning, take a bath, work on a new attitude and ask yourself, is there anything I can do about this.

Yes God answers prayer and does wonderful things, but I don't believe he answers half hearted prayers. You have control over being mean to other people and you certainly have control over whether or not you just decide to give up.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night. (Dylan Thomas)
​

If you don't like where you are it's time to make some moves. You don't just quit.

Grace and peace,
Mark

 

[longwait]

[Staff edit]. We tend to feel that surrendering our life to God will make it boring. It might that way at first but the end result will be peace. Don't try suicide. You will end up in a worser place. That is not the way to escape fro your life's problems. The answer is to take refuge in God. Read Psalm 18

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Young lady, I encourage you to seek counseling since you still
struggling due to being abused by your father...that is a serious
betrayal and it's not how all fathers treat their children.

Does your mom or anyone else know that your dad abused you?
If they don't know or if they don't believe you, I encourage you
to seek counseling.

Here's an online site: RAINN | The nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization

You are a victim and you need help dealing with what you
have suffered.
You don't have to be a slave to the past nor do you have to pretend
things are fine between you and your father, when in fact they aren't.

 

[LostChildinTheMidst]

Young lady, I encourage you to seek counseling since you still
struggling due to being abused by your father...that is a serious
betrayal and it's not how all fathers treat their children.

Does your mom or anyone else know that your dad abused you?
If they don't know or if they don't believe you, I encourage you
to seek counseling.

Here's an online site: RAINN | The nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization

You are a victim and you need help dealing with what you
have suffered.
You don't have to be a slave to the past nor do you have to pretend
things are fine between you and your father, when in fact they aren't.

I was abused physically and mentally not sexually. But he already apologized

 

[Kerensa]

Physical and mental abuse may not be quite as deep a violation as sexual abuse, but they are still abuse. You do need help and support, friend. You obviously ARE still reaching out to God even when you think you don't want to or are afraid to, or you wouldn't keep coming back on a site like this. And I think you know deep down that God did not "do" any of this to you or "make" you like this. He is there to heal and save all who turn to Him, not to thwart and torture and destroy His own children. God isn't an abusive parent, that's for sure.

Is there someone at your church whom you can trust and confide in, and who might be able to give you counselling and support or point you to someone who can? Sometimes it really, really is better to find someone to speak to one-on-one, rather than have all manner of advice from people online who don't really know you and can't reach you right where you are. There IS an answer for you, dear heart, and you can and will find the way. You can't be crying out to God like this and not be heard and answered, however that answer comes.

 

[Emli]

You have been hurt, and there is a lot of pain in your heart that God wants to deal with. He wants you to come to Him and cry, and pour out your heart to Him. You can not see Him right now, but He sees your suffering, and Jesus is right there with you in it, working through your pain to heal your heart.

God did not do this to you. He is not condemning you. If you feel that, it is coming from the enemy, as is the rest of your suffering. God loves you, He wants to heal you and care for you. Trust in Him!


"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7



I have gone through a lot of what you are going through, and if you want to talk, send me a PM. It might help.

 

[Haipule]

life feels like a dream. Nothing feels real, everything around me is starting to feel surreal. I can feel my heart hardening, I know my conscience is starting to become hardened, and I'm just confused and dazed. Pain doesn't even feel like pain. I've become so evil, aint it funny how I asked God not to make me this way and look at what I have become. I don't want to give my life to God but at the same time I don't want to go to hell. I already tried to give my life to God, but to be honest I'm afraid to give my life because I always mess up and everyone says: "everyone messes up" but it gets annoying. I have so much hate for people, especially my little sister. I say hurtful things and I think it's okay.im becoming like my father who used to abuse me. I don't understand God, I don't know what's true anymore. I thought I was walking in the spirit, and I feel like God is giving me a limited time and I'm just watching the days go by fast. Nothing seems real I just don't get it. I'm in fear I don't feel remorse. I'm becoming so evil. I'm confused why did God do this to me? I mm tired of life but if I commit suicide I don't know where I am going. There for I'm just living. Why is God doing this to me? All he does is condemn me. I'm lazy and fat I guess I'm depressed, I'm going crazy in the head. I'm beginning to act like a child like a mentally ill child.

You are not so lost that God cannot find you. And He will find you and nurture and comfort you. When you are ready, run into His arms that are like a Hens wing to embrace you, shelter you and love you.

I have, at times, sought counseling when I became confused. Because, sometimes we forget how loving our God is and just how radical it is to seek a relationship with a God we cannot see.

When I need a reminder, I play this song and pretend God is singing it to me!

It is baby blue by Badfinger

 

[tdidymas]

life feels like a dream. Nothing feels real, everything around me is starting to feel surreal. I can feel my heart hardening, I know my conscience is starting to become hardened, and I'm just confused and dazed. Pain doesn't even feel like pain. I've become so evil, aint it funny how I asked God not to make me this way and look at what I have become. I don't want to give my life to God but at the same time I don't want to go to hell. I already tried to give my life to God, but to be honest I'm afraid to give my life because I always mess up and everyone says: "everyone messes up" but it gets annoying. I have so much hate for people, especially my little sister. I say hurtful things and I think it's okay.im becoming like my father who used to abuse me. I don't understand God, I don't know what's true anymore. I thought I was walking in the spirit, and I feel like God is giving me a limited time and I'm just watching the days go by fast. Nothing seems real I just don't get it. I'm in fear I don't feel remorse. I'm becoming so evil. I'm confused why did God do this to me? I mm tired of life but if I commit suicide I don't know where I am going. There for I'm just living. Why is God doing this to me? All he does is condemn me. I'm lazy and fat I guess I'm depressed, I'm going crazy in the head. I'm beginning to act like a child like a mentally ill child.

I recommend: 1. Find a support group or counselor you can talk through these issues. This might take awhile, so in the meantime:
2. Work on forgiveness, especially with your sister who you said you hate. Forgiveness is foundational to relationships and in Christianity. We all must learn forgiveness, as God has forgiven us of a great many things. Sometimes just saying "I'm sorry I said..." does wonders for humility.
3. Stop focusing on your own feelings. Instead, focus on Jesus. Get familiar with how He is described in especially Luke and John. Don't let your feelings define your faith, let God's word define it.

I think that would be a good start.
TD

 

[Petros2015]

[Staff edit].

God isn't doing this to you. He promised, personally:

Luke 11:9-13

9So I tell you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 11What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”

Not the spirit of a snake or a scorpion, not an evil spirit. The Holy Spirit.

I've struggled with that evilness too - keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking. Recognize what it is, reject it, embrace Christ as Lord daily and put it behind you day by day.

 

[Catherineanne]

life feels like a dream. Nothing feels real, everything around me is starting to feel surreal. I can feel my heart hardening, I know my conscience is starting to become hardened, and I'm just confused and dazed. Pain doesn't even feel like pain. I've become so evil, aint it funny how I asked God not to make me this way and look at what I have become. I don't want to give my life to God but at the same time I don't want to go to hell. I already tried to give my life to God, but to be honest I'm afraid to give my life because I always mess up and everyone says: "everyone messes up" but it gets annoying. I have so much hate for people, especially my little sister. I say hurtful things and I think it's okay.im becoming like my father who used to abuse me. I don't understand God, I don't know what's true anymore. I thought I was walking in the spirit, and I feel like God is giving me a limited time and I'm just watching the days go by fast. Nothing seems real I just don't get it. I'm in fear I don't feel remorse. I'm becoming so evil. I'm confused why did God do this to me? I mm tired of life but if I commit suicide I don't know where I am going. There for I'm just living. Why is God doing this to me? All he does is condemn me. I'm lazy and fat I guess I'm depressed, I'm going crazy in the head. I'm beginning to act like a child like a mentally ill child.

You sound confused, certainly, but I am pretty sure you can find a way through this.

First of all the good news; you gave your life to God. This may not feel any different to you, but it is very different from God's point of view; you are his and you are surrounded by his love at every moment of your life. We may doubt this, but God never doubts us for a moment. You are his adopted child, and unless something goes seriously wrong you are not going to end up in hell. We all have a limited time here and we all have a specific purpose to fulfil for God. At first we have to seek that role, and then we have to try to achieve it.

Next, your abusive father. Whatever he did you did not deserve. It was not your fault, and you are not to blame. It looks as if your feelings towards your father are contaminating your feelings for God; that is very natural for someone who has been abused. Your minister may be able to help you with this, or to refer you to a Christian counsellor to explore just this area of your life.

If you are experiencing a degree of dissociation (that disconnected feeling) then it may well be a symptom of the abuse you suffered as a child. This needs to be investigated properly by a doctor, so that is the place to start.

As for the words you use; 'I'm beginning to act like a mentally ill child' I am pretty sure that is your father's voice speaking, not yours. You are not a child and you are not mentally ill; you are emotionally injured and you can recover. You are a survivor, and you get a gold medal for that one. The first of many!

 

[Catherineanne]

I was abused physically and mentally not sexually. But he already apologized

 

[Catherineanne]

Physical and mental abuse may not be quite as deep a violation as sexual abuse, but they are still abuse.

In fact studies show that emotional abuse is worse in its effect than sexual abuse.

Sex abuse only gets so much attention because our whole society is obsessed with sex. Any child abuse is a deep violation; it is meaningless to try to compare one with another; the wounds always go deep.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I was abused physically and mentally not sexually. But he already apologized

Most all the world is living in bad conditions. Men , women, and children are living oppressed and deceived and misled/ lied to every day, with few exceptions.
The only 'solution' is mentioned frequently on this forum, but maybe not frequently enough - trust God, yes, in spite of all that ever happened. And learn like Corrie ten Boom learned in prison camp, to forgive even the worst murderers and offenders.
(they may still be brought to justice, but there is no room in our hearts to hold unforgiveness, if we want to be free to live as Christ provides life for us).

life feels like a dream. Nothing feels real, everything around me is starting to feel surreal.

This is true for most people, only a lot of them never realize it.
It is not related to any previously mentioned abuse or mistreatement necessarily,
as it is true throughout most society. (deceptiveness)

The only 'solution' again, still, and always, is to trust God , seeking Him constantly for the Truth, trusting Him and relying on Him for Salvation and Healing.

 

[Kerensa]

In fact studies show that emotional abuse is worse in its effect than sexual abuse.

Sex abuse only gets so much attention because our whole society is obsessed with sex. Any child abuse is a deep violation; it is meaningless to try to compare one with another; the wounds always go deep.

That's a very good point, thank you; I hadn't heard about the studies of emotional abuse, so I'm grateful to have been set straight there. I totally agree any kind of child abuse is equally wrong and harmful — I guess I was trying to respond to the OP's insistence that the abuse she suffered wasn't sexual, as if that somehow makes it less bad. Which, as you say, it doesn't.

 

[Catherineanne]

That's a very good point, thank you; I hadn't heard about the studies of emotional abuse, so I'm grateful to have been set straight there. I totally agree any kind of child abuse is equally wrong and harmful — I guess I was trying to respond to the OP's insistence that the abuse she suffered wasn't sexual, as if that somehow makes it less bad. Which, as you say, it doesn't.

No, it is just as bad. And even if it was not overt sexual abuse it could well have included covert sexual abuse. It happens more than people might realise.

 

[TurtleFish The Challenged]

life feels like a dream. Nothing feels real, everything around me is starting to feel surreal. I can feel my heart hardening, I know my conscience is starting to become hardened, and I'm just confused and dazed. Pain doesn't even feel like pain. I've become so evil, aint it funny how I asked God not to make me this way and look at what I have become. I don't want to give my life to God but at the same time I don't want to go to hell. I already tried to give my life to God, but to be honest I'm afraid to give my life because I always mess up and everyone says: "everyone messes up" but it gets annoying. I have so much hate for people, especially my little sister. I say hurtful things and I think it's okay.im becoming like my father who used to abuse me. I don't understand God, I don't know what's true anymore. I thought I was walking in the spirit, and I feel like God is giving me a limited time and I'm just watching the days go by fast. Nothing seems real I just don't get it. I'm in fear I don't feel remorse. I'm becoming so evil. I'm confused why did God do this to me? I mm tired of life but if I commit suicide I don't know where I am going. There for I'm just living. Why is God doing this to me? All he does is condemn me. I'm lazy and fat I guess I'm depressed, I'm going crazy in the head. I'm beginning to act like a child like a mentally ill child.

praying for you!

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I went through violent and mental abuse as a child as well. My father was the main culprit but I am the youngest of 3 brothers so the older 2 took out their anger on me as well. It takes time and God to heal you. I have had counselling on several occasions, where possible with a Christian counsellor.

I tottlly understand what you mean by saying everything seems unreal and you are detached from reality and emotion. I used to feel the same. I now, 20 years as a Christian later think of myself as reasonably normal and Ive been married for 16 years with 2 children. Things can get better but only God can heal you. If you look to this world you will never be healed.

There are some things you need to do though. Accept Jesus as your personal saviour, but it sounds like you have done that already. Then you need to forgive your father, that starts with a choice. You also need to forgive yourself for being a victim, even though its not your fault. Then you need to accept the Love of God. His love is perfect, not like an abusive father.And then give Him time to work. When I was saved there was a massive immediate change but still a lot of deeper damage that was healed over several years. There was one time that I had another huge step in healing when God "released" some of the emotions that I had bottled up and blocked off. Anger was one of them and I probably called God every swear word in the English language that day. But it was part of the healing process. When you pray and ask God for freedom, give Him permission to do whatever is necessary for healing.

 

[Halbhh]

life feels like a dream. Nothing feels real, everything around me is starting to feel surreal. I can feel my heart hardening, I know my conscience is starting to become hardened, and I'm just confused and dazed. Pain doesn't even feel like pain. I've become so evil, aint it funny how I asked God not to make me this way and look at what I have become. I don't want to give my life to God but at the same time I don't want to go to hell. I already tried to give my life to God, but to be honest I'm afraid to give my life because I always mess up and everyone says: "everyone messes up" but it gets annoying. I have so much hate for people, especially my little sister. I say hurtful things and I think it's okay.im becoming like my father who used to abuse me. I don't understand God, I don't know what's true anymore. I thought I was walking in the spirit, and I feel like God is giving me a limited time and I'm just watching the days go by fast. Nothing seems real I just don't get it. I'm in fear I don't feel remorse. I'm becoming so evil. I'm confused why did God do this to me? I mm tired of life but if I commit suicide I don't know where I am going. There for I'm just living. Why is God doing this to me? All he does is condemn me. I'm lazy and fat I guess I'm depressed, I'm going crazy in the head. I'm beginning to act like a child like a mentally ill child.

Use your faith and pray with faith the prayer Christ Jesus told us to pray in Matthew chapter 6. Also, you will do much better if you join a church where the people are doing "love one another" and welcoming to strangers (if they do not, leave and find a church that does).

6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“ ‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,

10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

11 Give us today our daily bread.

12And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.

13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one. ’

---
Pray with faith as you pray these things will be given to you, to be delivered from evil, because you pray with faith, and have faith because you know this is how Christ told you to pray, and so it is perfect and right and good.

 

[Old Lioness]

life feels like a dream. Nothing feels real, everything around me is starting to feel surreal. I can feel my heart hardening, I know my conscience is starting to become hardened, and I'm just confused and dazed. Pain doesn't even feel like pain. I've become so evil, aint it funny how I asked God not to make me this way and look at what I have become. I don't want to give my life to God but at the same time I don't want to go to hell. I already tried to give my life to God, but to be honest I'm afraid to give my life because I always mess up and everyone says: "everyone messes up" but it gets annoying. I have so much hate for people, especially my little sister. I say hurtful things and I think it's okay.im becoming like my father who used to abuse me. I don't understand God, I don't know what's true anymore. I thought I was walking in the spirit, and I feel like God is giving me a limited time and I'm just watching the days go by fast. Nothing seems real I just don't get it. I'm in fear I don't feel remorse. I'm becoming so evil. I'm confused why did God do this to me? I mm tired of life but if I commit suicide I don't know where I am going. There for I'm just living. Why is God doing this to me? All he does is condemn me. I'm lazy and fat I guess I'm depressed, I'm going crazy in the head. I'm beginning to act like a child like a mentally ill child.