Not trusting yourself

[ThisIsMyLife]

Hi all- I'm new here but so glad I found this board. I was diagnosed with paranoid dillusional Schizophrenia with obsessive tendencies almost 2 years ago. Since then I've gotten on a good medicine/therapy routine and have really improved a tremendous deal: I have a full time job and for the first time in my life bills are getting paid on time, and things are getting taken care of.

However; i also lost my husband. we seperated 7 months ago because he couldn't deal with the illness and the way it had affected me.

Since he's been gone my parnoia has jumped a little. I've had to turn the TVs off again (I used to not be able to watch TV because I felt that everyone that was laughing/fighting was laughing at me or fighting because of me) I've also gotten some of my obsessive tendencies back; like only blinking when I am driving if I pass between two light poles, even if my eyes bleed from holding them open. And the uncomfortable feeling of my thoughts being read is back.

My DRs say that its stress from the seperation and while they can up my medication a little, I mostly need to handle it on your own. Those here with Dillusions/Paranoia, let me ask you: How do you trust yourself, what you are feeling, thinking, hearing is not a dillusion/voice?

Thanks for any input

 

[Jenafer]

I am so sorry you are going through a bad patch.. going through a seperation has got to be tough for anybody. Most people would experience sadness, anxiety, sleep problems, lowered self-esteem.

I want you to remember the positive things you've achieved.. I think you've done really well considering your troubles. Try to let time pass to heal the first raw wounds of seperation.. just do your job and be kind to yourself.

I don't have all the answers for you, perhaps others would like to add some kind words to mine.

All the best, Jenafer

 

[Jeshu]

Hi all- I'm new here but so glad I found this board. I was diagnosed with paranoid dillusional Schizophrenia with obsessive tendencies almost 2 years ago. Since then I've gotten on a good medicine/therapy routine and have really improved a tremendous deal: I have a full time job and for the first time in my life bills are getting paid on time, and things are getting taken care of.

However; i also lost my husband. we seperated 7 months ago because he couldn't deal with the illness and the way it had affected me.

Since he's been gone my parnoia has jumped a little. I've had to turn the TVs off again (I used to not be able to watch TV because I felt that everyone that was laughing/fighting was laughing at me or fighting because of me) I've also gotten some of my obsessive tendencies back; like only blinking when I am driving if I pass between two light poles, even if my eyes bleed from holding them open. And the uncomfortable feeling of my thoughts being read is back.

My DRs say that its stress from the seperation and while they can up my medication a little, I mostly need to handle it on your own. Those here with Dillusions/Paranoia, let me ask you: How do you trust yourself, what you are feeling, thinking, hearing is not a dillusion/voice?

Thanks for any input

Hi ThisIsMyLife.

What an awful time you must be going through getting sick and all again.

You know God's Word and what He promises is a good yard stick to hold, combine that with logic and we get sound reasoning most of the time. (I say most of the time because when we are severely unwell only God can get through to us.)
Don't believe no voice ever. (even if it seems right.)
Don't heed the inner fear nor the suspicious thought they only leads to bad bouts of paranoia.
Rationalize EVERYTHING in your mind ALWAYS.

Perhaps you should increase your mediction. Please don't let go - fight for your sanity you are worth it.

Gerry

 

[devotee]

I am not schizophrenic, but a couple of my freinds are. And well, they haven't quite figured out how to do this either. Although one has actively kept a dream journal for almost 7 years, and we now make time each week to type up the dreams and her interperetations, we may make a book from it!

Have you watched the movie Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe? a noble prize winning scientists found a way to control his paranoia and illusions. A university here in australia is now studying the way he went about it, they think it has promise.

I really encourage you to express your feelings and thoughts in some artisitc form. And be outdoors as much as you can.

Did you know that in papua new guinea, south america, siberia, and many otehr first world nations, that those who we call schizophrenic were called"medicine woman/men" or withcdoctors. They were trained to control their walking between worlds. Our society does not allow for difference, and it exacerbates the hard times for those of us that come at life from a different angle.

Hope this helps, all the best,
charmayne

 

[goodmac2006]

Hmm. You talk about "not trusting yourself." The Bible says, "The prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly" (Proverbs 13:16) I
It is wise to retain knowledge. To be fool is simply to express your own opinion. "A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself." Proverbs 18:2 When you are a fool, you are giving out, when you are wise, you are retaining. You should not assume however that it is bad to be foolish.
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom and the weakness of God is wiser than human strength." (1 Corinthians 1:25) Solomon seemed to look down upon foolishness in his proverbs because God made his heart wise, he knew not the essense of itself. Therefore you see a "flavor" of the portrayal the foolishness is a bad quality in his proverbs. All the proverbs are true, but people take the "bad" view of foolishness. I have read on web pages people saying David was being a "fool for the LORD." You may notice that when you express your heart, people take a negative view. This is because it originated from the heart and therefore a lot of people reject it if they can't prove its veracity. Many people want proof. But Jesus says "Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed" -- from John 20:29

 

[simplicitylife0007]

I can understand most of what's said in the post "Not Trusting Your Self" i too have been diagnosed for two years however i reckon there's more behind my illness in many ways than just chemical inbalance. I have some of what you've experienced i'e not being able to watch tv properly or listen to others conversation from a far without hearing them respond to you in some way it does make you feel not normal even worse when it goes on inside your head too.
I was on Zyprexa which helped with the continues dialogs from outside things and people but i would still hear voices separet on their own. I have had some problems with previouse medication and now i'm hopping this new one will rid me of the symptoms the dialogs and voices.

I would also incourage you in that since this began i have developed in some ways some not so good but can now deal with myself and deferentiate paranoya and true things as they happen even when not on medication which i use to fall back on.

The thing that bothers me these days is auqward thoughts and over thinking things that i do not intend to think that have come about out of the conciouse thought that i am interfred with or like bear windows. We all want privacy and when you feel you don't have that it can effect you in some way and me it's coming up with things that do humiliate me and make me feel bad about who i am as myself.

Any ways i was just wondering obout the idea of Gods Love and his persona. I would thinkpersonly he is:
As inocent as a Baby any gender
As strong as a Man
As gentle as a Women
As good looking as a young Man
As supportive as a Mother
As caring as a Mother
As Productivly supportive and caring as a Man
As wise as a Grandfather or GrandMother

There's proberbly more but realy, how does he appear apart from gloriouse, shining, bright and colourful.

There's one time i had this sort of strange dream where i thought i felt God looking into me. I tried to be contravasial but He/She was realy loving no Parciality all without saying a word baisicly awsome.
But i still have my doubts if it was God. Otherwise it would have been clear so i'm not exsaulting it yet. Even if it was from elswhere or imagination it still made me conteplate on some of what Gods Glory must be, i reckon too much of something can effect you in some way so i'd better stop wondering too far.

 

[simplicitylife0007]

Any one gone though some wired or disterbing things in their head aither from thought insertion, voices, ocd or whatever there is a verse in the bible i found comforting i cant remember what book but it baiscly says that once you die you depart from your physical self and what comprises this it aslo says you dapart from your thouthts which the most reasuring part. There's another supporting verse stating since no one knows what happens to a man when we die we should therefor do all we can find with all our strength.

 

[If Not For Grace]

It's A process--and like some others here have said;
concentrate on how far you have come, remind yourself of all the work and the accomplishments you have made.

YEAH, pat yourself on the back and say others go thru bad things too (the separation has to be terrible timing)
and real pains hurt---loss is like a wound and you must give yourself time to heal from it. Leave the TV off if it bothers you. When you feel a little better look at the TV guide and find a "happy" program that you have enjoyed in the past and see if you can watch a little of it, but if it makes you anxious--turn it off--

Give yourself time to heal. If you had fallen down and broke your arm, you would not lift anything heavy with that arm or try to write with it right? Let yourself get used to being single and take it easy, baby steps. Being anxious and depressed in this instance sounds very normal (situational). But keep a check and make the effort to stay positive even if you don't feel like it.

Prayers--keep posting. Dee

 

[didot]

My heart breaks for your suffering. Your question is how do you know whether what you're thinking is real or not. I do not know how to answer that, but it is essential that you hold out the hope of healing and the answer to your questions. Rather than propose any answers here or make suggestions about what to do, I'd like to say I'm praying for you and asking God to direct your steps for answers. However, I will say I had some problems a while back related to childhood trauma and my therapist made the statement that a lot of schizophrenia stems from abuse. Is this also in your past? If so, I'm praying you'll get the right kind of help.

 

[artjack]

learn to laugh at yourself, but dont be cruel, enjoy it, relax,dont get angry.

 

[njcl]

as for your last question on the "how do you know what you hear aint true",done some research on schizophrenia,apparently its called compatilisation {sp},part of the mind works seperate from the rest of the mind,has its own personality and set of thoughts,hence why sufferers are positive the voices are not theirs