My life has taken several turns within the last few years. I'd say within the last five years,actually starting from when I was 8 so about 12 years. When I was 8 my dad left my family until I turned 12 more worried about buying crack than buying food for us. In fact he spent $10,000 he won in the lottery on crack. Before he left he burned images of him beating my mother into my head. Only to come back when I was 12 saying they never happened. My mother started seeing a guy named Bill after my dad left and he didn't like me. I knew he was an alcoholic even at the tender age of 8 and that he made my mom, who was a borderline alcoholic, even worse. She started putting me in mental hospitals just to get rid of me. She really only loved my brother. She had always wanted a boy. I was teased in school, beaten up (both there and home), and was hungry alot of the time. I was put on pills that hurt me to say the least. I wasn't myself and sometimes I can't remember large pieces of my past because of their longterm affects. I had surgery the summer my dad left. No one could stay with me in the hospital and I felt so alone.
We moved when I was ten into a better neighborhood. Better means better right? I didn't fit in. Everyone had two parents, everyone made good grades, everyone had money... I had one parent messed up on drugs, had to take care of my siblings (no time for homework), and we were dirt poor. I wore the same shirt and shoes to school everyday. I flipped out on April 1st (yeah I know haha April fools) after no sleep for two weeks and all the stress. I guess I tried tokill myself and assaulted a police officer. IDK i just woke up in juvy the next day being told I was going to foster care.
That's a long period of time we'll just break it down.
First home-beat, abused verbally, felt like nothing, attempted suicide multiple times moved two years after getting there.
Second home-starved, my foster sisters and I pretended to be suicidal to go to the hospital and get food. No one believed us.
Third home was wonderful but short-lived I was moved soon after to a treatment facility.
I spent 9 months in the facility living for Christ yet because of this I was there longer than I was supposed to be.
Fifth move- had older foster sisters who had me smoke weed and burnt crosses into my legs. I ran away.
Sixth home was wonderful but short lived I went to live with my aunt and uncle within two months.
Seventh home-my uncle and aunt only wanted me there to watch their three kids and after my uncle got home (he was sent to Kosovo for the war) he went nuts on me. They said it was PTSD and not my fault. I felt horrible either way.
Eigth home-I moved in with my pastor and his family. His wife went nuts I mean nuts. She found out I had lost my virginity and got all these crazy ideas that I wanted to come live with them to steal her husband (40 years old and I was only 16). I lived there for a year before they dropped me off at Children Services with no warning one day after school.
Ninth home- I guess it wasn't really a home. It was more like a half-way house. They didn't have a foster home open for a 17 year old so I was supposed to stay there until they found one for me. I ran away to live with my bf.
Tenth home and last- I went to live with my boyfriend and got pregnant within three months. I went most of the pregnancy hiding from the cops and not getting prenatal care. My son was born and weighed 4lbs 15 ounces he's still the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I was 18 then now I"m 19. My boyfriend and I had a fight and I left. I was freezing with my then 7 month old all winter with no heat in our apartment because I couldn't afford it. Eventually we got back together and plan on getting married here soon. Things are going great! We're in an apartment on a good side of town, our son is healthy and well provided for, I just recently found a part-time job that goes well with my fiance's schedual... but I'm not happy. I still don't feel right. Shouldnt I be happy now? I lost Christ but got the family I never had. I couldn't even tell you who I am anymore. Even when things are great I'm depressed. I don't know what to do I just want to cry.
We moved when I was ten into a better neighborhood. Better means better right? I didn't fit in. Everyone had two parents, everyone made good grades, everyone had money... I had one parent messed up on drugs, had to take care of my siblings (no time for homework), and we were dirt poor. I wore the same shirt and shoes to school everyday. I flipped out on April 1st (yeah I know haha April fools) after no sleep for two weeks and all the stress. I guess I tried tokill myself and assaulted a police officer. IDK i just woke up in juvy the next day being told I was going to foster care.
That's a long period of time we'll just break it down.
First home-beat, abused verbally, felt like nothing, attempted suicide multiple times moved two years after getting there.
Second home-starved, my foster sisters and I pretended to be suicidal to go to the hospital and get food. No one believed us.
Third home was wonderful but short-lived I was moved soon after to a treatment facility.
I spent 9 months in the facility living for Christ yet because of this I was there longer than I was supposed to be.
Fifth move- had older foster sisters who had me smoke weed and burnt crosses into my legs. I ran away.
Sixth home was wonderful but short lived I went to live with my aunt and uncle within two months.
Seventh home-my uncle and aunt only wanted me there to watch their three kids and after my uncle got home (he was sent to Kosovo for the war) he went nuts on me. They said it was PTSD and not my fault. I felt horrible either way.
Eigth home-I moved in with my pastor and his family. His wife went nuts I mean nuts. She found out I had lost my virginity and got all these crazy ideas that I wanted to come live with them to steal her husband (40 years old and I was only 16). I lived there for a year before they dropped me off at Children Services with no warning one day after school.
Ninth home- I guess it wasn't really a home. It was more like a half-way house. They didn't have a foster home open for a 17 year old so I was supposed to stay there until they found one for me. I ran away to live with my bf.
Tenth home and last- I went to live with my boyfriend and got pregnant within three months. I went most of the pregnancy hiding from the cops and not getting prenatal care. My son was born and weighed 4lbs 15 ounces he's still the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I was 18 then now I"m 19. My boyfriend and I had a fight and I left. I was freezing with my then 7 month old all winter with no heat in our apartment because I couldn't afford it. Eventually we got back together and plan on getting married here soon. Things are going great! We're in an apartment on a good side of town, our son is healthy and well provided for, I just recently found a part-time job that goes well with my fiance's schedual... but I'm not happy. I still don't feel right. Shouldnt I be happy now? I lost Christ but got the family I never had. I couldn't even tell you who I am anymore. Even when things are great I'm depressed. I don't know what to do I just want to cry.
