Not sure where this should go...

[LonelyTraveler]

If I die a virgin, will I go to Heaven?

Odd question I know, and talking about it is bound to bring out some unfavorable comments. But it's been on my mind alot lately and I hoped I could get some feedback here.

I've really struggled with life. My mother took me to church when I was a kid and burned all these morals into my head. Add that to being molested at a child and I've come to have some very distorted mindsets that have really hindered any real human development. Basically....I want what I can't have; love, human companionship. The strange thing is, even if I could have them, I'm not sure I could handle them. I've never been accused of being attractive. In fact, I've suffered so much rejection that I no longer think that it's OK to like someone. Feeling attraction for someone is torture for me because I feel so guilty about simply thinking about them. If I see a woman that I think is pretty, I feel like I'm hurting her by thinking it. I try to hide it, but sometimes I feel so guilty about it that I tell them and ask for their forgiveness. And they're always dumbfounded that someone could actually feel that bad about thinking favorably of another person.

And now that I'm pretty much resigned to thinking that I'll always be alone and unloved, I no longer care about myself. Most nights I pray that God takes me in my sleep, and I wake up frustrated that He didn't grant my request. I've had thoughts of suicide for many years now, and have even thought out plans of when and how. Nobody in my family knows. I went to the doctor recently. I didn't tell him everything, but I told him enough that he put me on an anti-depressant. I've been taking it for a month now and I'm not sure it's doing any good. I still feel guilty about the warm thoughts that I have about women. And I still feel hopeless and lonely.

I have to admit I'm not near as Christian as any of you. It's been years since I've gone to a church for anything other than being with friends. My faith, if I have any at all, is really weak. And many times I get angry and question why God chooses to keep me trapped in this repulsive body. I do read the Bible on occasion and I have a goal of reading it all the way though just once.

So I guess my real question is. If I lose this battle and give in to the need for relief, would I make it into Heaven? Is God as understanding and forgiving as people make Him out to be? Would He know why? Would He know that I tried? I just want to know.

 

[tapero]

Hi LonelyTraveler,

Mainly the point I want to share with you is about salvation. If you believe that Jesus is God, and that He was raised from the dead you will be saved. Have you ever believed that? I only ask because at the end of your letter you wonder if he's forgiven you. If you believe in Christ, you are forgiven. If you haven't already, confess your sins to him. I know you are the type that feels guilty about everything, cause I'm the same type, and we often doubt that good things could happen for us.

Everyone of us sins, and yet we are forgiven. So I am not telling you to sin, but know that once you are saved you can not lose your salvation, but be sure you are saved in the simplicity of the message I wrote above.

I am so sorry for your experiences; but ask God to help you have normal guilt not fake (pseudo) guilt. satan will try to make you feel guilty for things you are thinking of, for your past even though you've been forgiven (if you are in Christ.) Your own conscious is fragily guilty like mine because of our experiences, and so I have to figure out which is real guilt and which is pseudo guilt. Either way you take them to Christ, and say Lord, I feel guilty about this, please forgive me for this, and you are forgiven. Then satan can not use this against you, you see. Let everythng lead you to Christ.

I think that counseling would help with the feelings of guilt over women. I'm so glad you are seeing a doctor, and tell him if you think that medicine has or hasn't helped.

I'm glad you read the bible and hope that you can read it more than occasionally because it is the sword the written word, that helps us in all our troubles.

Sorry this was so long, Take care, God bless you, Tapero

 

[Johnnz]

You need support, and some good Christian counselling. You have a lot to look at and replace with something more positive.

John
NZ

 

[sherry40]

I have been told (not being a man myself) that it is quite normal for men to feel attracted to women. Feelings are not wrong it is what you do when your feeling something that could or could not be wrong.

As a abuse survior I know what you are talking about and most of it is all old past junk mucking up our present.

First thing you need to do is learn to love yourself, then you need to learn to forgive yourself and finally you need to learn to forgive the abusers.

going to a adult children of alcoholis, addicts or abusers may help. Also called ACA or ACOA. It is not Christ based anymore but it's teaching are pretty much straight from it even if some members don't want it to be.

I will pray for you also.

 

[LoG]

Most nights I pray that God takes me in my sleep, and I wake up frustrated that He didn't grant my request.

Traveler- Can i suggest that you pray for healing for how you think instead of God taking you away? Like the previous poster has mentioned, it would be an idea to look into an ACOA group.
I had a lot of help there myself for some issues I had in regards to relationships.

 

[Sad Aunty]

dear lonely traveller,
i understand a lot of what you are saying from my past.
please don't take yourself out of this world, it may not seem like it at the moment but God can bring you relief in this world and i believe he is willing to. someone else mentioned praying that God will heal how you think and i truely believe with all my heart that so many of us live our lives with a distorted view of who God is. God loves you and thats something you can't see at the moment. i didn't know it for so many years, and thats why with all my heart i pray God shows you his love because its pure and real. dear lonely traveller i will pray for you.

 

[TheDerek]

Lonely Traveler,
There are two main ideas out there. Some people believe that you can lose your faith, and some believe that once saved, always saved.

Personally, I believe that once you are saved you cannot lose your salvation, unless you curse God.

The other question that a lot of people have is if you commit suicide will you go to Heaven. Personally, I believe so. Suicide is a sin the same as any other. But it is still a sin, so we should not do it, or tempt fate.

I will be praying for you.

 

[Im-revived]

Most definately, it doesn't make any difference, as long as youve accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, and accept he died for your sins, you will definately go to heaven, being a virgin doesn't make a difference Love.

Im-revived

 

[samsonknight]

ok. I was going to simply give you advice, but i have asked advice from the lord.
i was praying, i dnt know who you are or anything, but i got a picture what i think is from the lord. i am not 10% sure if this is right.

Those anti depressents will not help, you may double your medication, they may supress your depression but those alone will not help. you feel that, that you need something else. You feel bored and spend most of your time being bored, you dont kknow what else to do.

I also got an image that the reason you think your unattrictive might be because your overweight? i also saw that your thinking of self harming your self, the image keeps popping in your mind but you havnt done it yet.

You reveal very little to what you really are like, and dont think much of yourself. But i have a wonderfull message for you... god loves you. i see an image also of you lieing on your bed praying and out your wiindow light is shining through the clouds. I see tears in your eyes filled with joy as god covers you with his love. ?I see bthe holy spirit comeing down on you. i see love in your life. Its going to happen either its already happened or quite shortly. I would encourage you to pray, cling onto life all you can.

I know im only 16. I still sin occasionally when thinking of women. It is oooh soo difficult. Sometimes i think to myself "your pathetic, your worthless" but dont let this lie grab you. You are more valuble than gold and god is proud of you. YES HES PROUD OF YOU!!!
You may feel far away from him, i got a feeling you have been a christian all your life but there have been times wehn you go far, far away from god. But just imagine this: what woould your life be without god?
i prayed bthis and i got an image that you were already dead! and you took drugs and had a demon in you.

What would i be like? well i weas aved quite recently. I would probably have an extreme depression, drink and take drugs, cause thats what i was starting to do.
I know it is hard. i know! you may not know where you going when you die. But cling onto every single part of your life you have. If you knwo you are going to heavwen, do this. As in heaven, heaven is so wonderful, so glorious, so loveing that if someone was to see a glimpse of it, that this is true they would spend an entire lifetime of suffering. And even more amazing, they would spend an entire lifetime of hell to go to heaven for eternity than to just wither away and die. That is how great heaven is.

but there are things you wont do in heaven, like preach or sin. Remember, 70 years of your life of suffering is worth to cling on to so that afterwards you will gpo to an eternity of everlasting paradise!

just hang i there and when you feel most down pray to god and say with as much heart as you can "feel me with your love". Its worked for me!!!

God bless you, i hope this has helped you and sorry for talking for so long

 

[cassyrode]

Ive heard the crying of your heart. I have seen the searching of your soul. I know how deeply you have desired the truth In pain you have cried out for it. When I see you I am overewhelmed with tears and wish to hold you close to me. Go ahead now, Ask me anything. Anything. I will speak to you if you listen. The words to the next song you hear, the information in the next article you read, The story line of the next movie you watch, The chance utterence of the next person you meet. Or the whisper of the next river. The next ocean. The next breeze that carresses your ear. All these devices are mine. I will come to you if you invite me. I will show you then that I have Always been there...

Always.

 

[LonelyTraveler]

Sorry to bring a tread back from the dead. I've just recently felt up to coming back.

Thanks for your replies. It's a nice change from what I've dealt with in the past.

On the rare nights that I pray, it's usually to ask that I be taken out of the world or to at least stop these thoughts. A few months ago I walked by an air hockey table in a store and I started thinking of this girl and how it would be pretty cool to play air hockey with her. And an instant later I felt this crushing guilt come over me. I felt like I had really violated her. I had thought of her without her permission. And I was angry with myself for the rest of the day for thinking such thoughts about her. I wanted to apologize to her, but felt that she would be hurt even more if she knew, so I didn't tell her about it.

I can't watch TV anymore. When I'm at work I have to keep my eyes closed except when absolutely necessary for me to see something because I always start glancing at the women there. I try to stop it, but it just happens. One walks by my desk and I look. And I know that I shouldn't.

samsonknight, you're pretty good. I don't think that the med is helping any and will probably ask to be taken off of it when I see the doctor again. And yes, I am quite overweight. It's something I've struggled with since I was around 6. Since then I've never had anything approaching a social life, so I do spend most of my time in extreme boredom. I used to think that cutting was ridiculous, but recently it's starting to make sense for some strange reason. And I've been thinking of trying it, but haven't yet.

I guess you can say that I've been a Christian all of my life. I was raised in the Church of Christ that my mother went to. So when people talk about religious topics, I'm not clueless to what their saying. But as you've said. I do feel like I'm very far away from him. Actually I sometimes feel that I shouldn't have been born, or that I should have died long ago. And instead of doing the job right, He just keeps me here as part of a sick experiment to see when I'll crack. I know it's probably wrong of me to see God in that way, but it hurts to see everyone else so happy and normal and I'm here trying to live a good life and feeling miserable.

I've thought of seeing some type of therapist, but am kinda scared that I'll get in there, tell him/her what I'm thinking and then be told "So? Life sucks. Get over it." and be treated like I'm the one who made myself this way.

I just want a friend. Someone who it's ok to care about. Is there such a person?

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'm sorry to hear about all your troubles. I will be praying for you.

No therapist worth anything would downplay or belittle your situation. You have serious problems that are hindering you from living a normal life.

My advice is to change what you seek in life. You mention weight and girls, that's not really something you want to base your life on . You need to rebuild your life on the Lord and Jesus Christ. With God as your rock, you will be able to tackle these problems.

Regarding the staring at women, maybe you should consider studying the bible with a bible study group. You say that your mother burned morals into your head, why don't you find out for yourself what the bible teaches. I think it's Matthew 5:28 that deals with the staring.

28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

I believe that passage would be a good place to start. May God lead you to a deeper understanding.

God bless.

P.S I think there are bible study groups on this site, you could also ask a priest what the passage means.