Not sure where i belong

Macchiato · Apr 15, 2025

I've really been battling with myself mentally and spiritually. I just don't think I should call myself a Christian.

I don't read or pray anymore. I don't care about spiritual warfare. I have no desire for God. I feel very much betrayed by him. I belive in God but I feel im not better than the demons lol

But I'm just at a very rough space in my life. I'm filled with rage and bitterness. I don't trust God and never will.

I just don't care. Like at all. I just respect God is God but I have no desire to pursue him. I don't think I can call myself a Christian but I do belive in him. I just don't want to do mental gymnastics to put faith in someone I feel let me down.

I just wonder what category do I belong. I'm definitely not Atheist or agnostic. I just idk.

I just don't love God or feel anything for him. Nothing. I don't want to read,pray or anything. I just feel apathetic towards God.

d taylor · Apr 15, 2025

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Well if you have believed in Jesus for God's free gift of Eternal Life salvation. Believing Jesus is who He says He is The Son of God/The Messiah, the resurrection and the life.

Then you are a permanent born again child of God.

Joseph G · Apr 15, 2025

What is that you feel that He owes you? Is His expression of His love for you on the cross not sufficient? What is it that He has held back from you that could possibly be as valuable - that you can keep for eternity?

jacks · Apr 15, 2025

Don't be too hard on yourself. We all go through spiritual dry spells. Try just a small prayer, asking God to make you feel closer to Him. Then let it go. See if you don't feel better in a few days.

timf · Apr 16, 2025

Your honesty is a refreshing. Many times people come to a disappointment with God because they were told something about God that was incorrect. The Christianpioneer.com web site has some interesting articles in the blog archive. Here is one about why God allows suffering.

Why There is Suffering

God is often seen by people as a meany because people can suffer in life. This assumes that the perfect life would be one of comfort and ease. That this is a false assumption can be seen in the story of the Prodigal Son. He had every advantage and comfort of a prosperous life. As a result, he rebelled against his father and sought to strike out on his own. He came to an understanding of the truth because of his suffering. It was suffering that helped rescue him.

We can suffer because of consequence such as hitting our thumb with a hammer. However, not all suffering is self-inflicted. People can look at the world and see injustice, hunger, homelessness, illness, and even old age and see suffering that they attribute to God’s failure to make life comfortable. The hardships of this fallen natural world are not God being unfair, but having love so great as to even see people suffer in the hope that they will learn to see truth. We have turned the world God gave us into a sinking ship. It is God’s love that allows this painful world to continue that some might come to see truth and turn to him.

It has been said that the place least likely for people to have an interest in God is a country club. The places more likely for people to have an interest in God are hospitals and prisons. God gave us free will. We also have suffering almost as a gift to rescue us from the soul destroying effects of using our free will to pursue selfishness. Some see prosperity and comfort as blessings from God, when they might more accurately be seen as deceptions from Satan.

Moses warned Israel that when they entered into the promised land they would transition from the hardships of wandering in the wilderness for 40 years to inheriting a land with wells already dug and orchards already planted. It was this prosperity that would tempt them to forget God (which is what happened).

Seeking truth, speaking truth, and following truth are not always activities that produce pleasure and comfort. Often we only undertake them in response to suffering. Old age is an example of a process of discomfort to disconnect us from this world and induce us to consider the next.

God could have chosen to wipe us all out for using our free will to inflict suffering on ourselves and others. Instead God chose to send Jesus to pay for all sin. If we trust in what Jesus did, we are placed into what is called “the body of Christ” by the Holy Spirit. This placement becomes the means we have to enter into the world to come. Jesus is our “lifeboat”.

As long as we are in this present world and live in the flesh, we will encounter suffering caused by ourselves, others, and the natural world. Even after we become Christian, we can experience difficulty and suffering. However, we have a more sure hope.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; - 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Jermayn · Apr 22, 2025

The fact that you are sharing this says something in itself. You seem to have at least a little concern over your current spiritual condition or you wouldn't take the time share it here. Just based off what you've given us, it seems you've hit a dry season coupled with some trauma. Every Christian will experience dry seasons in their walk with God. As for the trauma, it's difficult to help with that part without knowing the details. Was there ever a time in your life where you were you did feel love for God?

Macchiato · Apr 30, 2025

I feel pretty bitter towards God. I just idk I don't feel he wants me to experience happiness. I feel like he keeps me in a box destined to struggle until I beg and grovel and obey and that's not going to happen with me.

I just feel distant from Gid for this reason.

com7fy8 · Apr 30, 2025

When you list what you don't feel like doing . . . how about sharing with other children of God?

May be you have been getting isolated.

When I have done this, it has been because of me criticizing others and not really having hope for them to do better because of God.

So, praying is not only for myself, but we need all-loving prayer.

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" Jesus says in Matthew 5:46.

Mikeys · May 8, 2025

I understand some of what you are writing. The bitterness and the anger about everything that has happened in my life, which is still there to this day. Some of the horrors have been so pointless that I don't even want to understand what it all supposed to mean. All I can say, I pray that God still keeps my faith strong enough in him, and that has not been shaken so far.

lismore · May 8, 2025

Don't give up, in time things will be different. I'm sure many of us have gone through times when things didn't seem right and the inclination was to think to blame God. But give it time.

Psalm 30:5 One may experience sorrow during the night, but joy arrives in the morning.

God Bless

RileyG · May 16, 2025

Have you considered talking with a mental health therapist?

God bless you

Macchiato · May 23, 2025

Yeah he doesnt help much. Chat gpt helps more. Idk i feel im not cut out to be a christian nor do i feel i want to be one anymore. I feel my situation is just doing it for me. I dont care anymore. I feel not believing is better than being angry like this al the time.

RileyG · May 23, 2025

I am sorry you are struggling.

Questioning Brother · May 23, 2025

I am sorry to say you are in the same situation as me. I have no comforting words for you, sorry. I hope things look up for you.

ldonjohn · May 28, 2025

Your focus is wrong. Stop looking at yourself; your heart will condemn you. Look to Jesus & His finished work on the cross where He died & shed His blood to pay they penalty for your sin, and for my sin. He paid that penalty in full; it is a penalty we cannot pay. Look at what He did for you there; He will not condemn you; He will forgive you if you ask based on His finished work on the cross.

Macchiato · May 28, 2025

Its fine. Its just my situation.. really.

ldonjohn · Jun 2, 2025

Macchiato, think about who Jesus was & is. He was all man and all God. I don't fully understand that, just like there are many things in the bible that I don't fully understand. But, I don't fret over the things I don't understand, because the ONE thing I do understand is that Jesus died on that cross, shedding his blood there to pay the penalty for my sin, and for your sin. That is a penalty that we could never pay, therefore if Jesus had not paid it for us we would have NO hope of having our sins forgiven.
Think about it, Jesus was all God & all man, and just before He died on the cross He cried out to God ".............................My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken?"(Matthew 27:46,KJV) Three days later He he walked out of the tomb in a risen glorified body.

You said "I feel very much betrayed by him." Well, Jesus felt betrayed by God, but look how that worked out. IOW, your feelings don't change the way God sees you.

You also said "I believe in God but I feel I'm not better than the demons lol." The bible says in James 2:19, "Thou beleivest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble." (KJV). But, Jesus didn't die on the cross to pay for the sins of devils; he died for you & for me. So, yes, in God's eyes you ARE better than devils.

Don't give up on God. He is your only hope. Give up on "self." Your feelings will condemn you; God will forgive you.

Regards,

John

Muhan · Jun 8, 2025

What exactly are you expecting to get from it?

Not sure where i belong

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