Not strong enough

Nilla the video you posted here really brought me to tears. I just randomly checked my email on my phone because I have it already set up on my iPhone. I just clicked on the email from Christian forums which I rarely do and I wasn't even sure if the reply was under my thread but I clicked on the link and it was like God was talking directly to me and reading my heart. The lyrics describe my life perfectly and I thank you and everyone here for never giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. I still have fears that I'll relapse into my old ways of being depressed. I know I need to take a day at a time and before the thought of slow recovery angered me but I am excited to finally know God as my father.

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You're welcome sweetie!!

knw1991 said:

Thank you Criada, but God won't answer my prayers if I have unforgiveness in my heart . I just feel like my healing is on hold. I feel empty. I'm a college graduate with no direction for my life. I had an idea of what I wanted to be but I have to take other steps but I'm not financially able to and everything is just all jumbled together. I can't study for the GRE, shadow a Pa, go to school for a health care job, and then work and work on my issues. I feel lost

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While I cannot disagree with the premise about unforgiveness, if one is experiencing depression and.or other maladies that bog them down, God will not hold that against them.

God does not blame us for the illnesses that we have, actually quite the opposite, He tries to help us when we are troubled even though our thoughts and actions may be trying to push Him and other people away. Does this make sense?

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

Please know that God IS there with you.
If you are unable to sense God it is a malfunction of your human system, not with God and His promises sweetheart. God promises to accept all those who come to Him, and in fact, we cannot even go to Him unless He calls us...and then salvation is in His hands...there is nothing we can do to lose it since the Holy Spirit seals us until the day of redemption.

I surmise it is the depression that has you thinking these negative things. That's why it's good to know that GOD never takes a vacation, never suffers any illness and always keeps His promises.

You are not worthless. That's another lie depression tells. What I think is good to remember is that you never want to make any blatant or big decisions while depressed. Who would want to, know that you aren't at your best? No, don't make any big judgments about God or others--or yourself--during this time.

I'm glad you have sleep to calm you...God made it that way, you know? He never sleeps, He doesn't need to...but we do!

My main study this year has been on the REST of God...how to rest in Him, how He wants us to rest. Oh what a notebook I have! And it has made me feel better and also sharpened my thoughts about God and how much He loves.

I find when I focus upon my pain it makes it more real, more intense and so I find that by purposing distracting myself I am better. Yes, some of my physical pain is so intense that I can't even think...but I call out to God and praise Him and I live through it, and He blesses me for it. I know He will do the same for you.

God doesn't give us these things, but He certainly leads us out of them. You don't have to worry about holding onto His hand because He has yours.

knw1991 said:

I'm back to where I started, I knew this wouldn't last.

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knw1991 said:

I was so stupid to believe things would ever change for me.

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I have great hope for you. Don't give up. I know from my own life that with the help of God, and perservering, things will get better. I'm reminded of a couple of different verses that are so very true. In fact, I've looked up quite a few regarding perservence.

What Does the Bible Say About Perseverance?

God bless you. I'm praying for you.

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

knw1991 said:

Thanks for posting. I will try to hold on to what you both said but I want to give up. I've been down this path over and over. I'm tired. I went to God with my pain and it was just thrown back in my face. I can't move forward. I have so many obligations I have so much pain to face. I just can't make it anymore. I don't want to go on. I can't even move because I feel so much emotional pain

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Dear sister the problem with depression is that we got life in it. What I mean to say with this is - we got times where we live in depressive feelings bringing more depressive feelings into us because over the years we have build ourselves that way.

Having a depressive illness, I, after 10 years of constant depression, had life in lovelessness, ungratefulness, guilt, shame, fear, faithlessness, anger, bitterness, unforgiven issues, addictions, hopelessness, despair, doubt and suicide.

It took me years to die to those emotional powers over me, for I had to let Jesus build me a new self where I coped differently with my depression then I had in the past.

For example did you notice that when you gave your depression over to God in faith that you felt a lot better for as long as you did that? This is the beginning of a new stronger life in faith and with God. The thing to do is to keep struggling for faith, love and hope when you are back in your bad life and so slowly dismantle your godforsaken life with a God filled life.

Over the years Jesus managed to kill my bad life in doubt, shame, guilt, my unforgiven issues, hopelessness and despair and replace those emotional forces with positive things such as faith in God's loving good and hope for better to come.

I still struggle with fear, suicide, fatigue and lovelessness though I have made massive head way and those emotional powers are not near as strong as they used to be.

Please dear struggling sister be of good courage. Know that bad life cannot beat God's good life - rather empty yourself of bad life by slowly filling yourself with His good life

Keep looking in faith at our ever loving God and let Him place His New life where the old life is now, slowly replacing bad life and its misery with His good life making you strong and much more able to deal with the forces depression fires at you.

im so sorry you are tired and in so much pain but god loves you and is right there with you even though it may not feel like it. he cares about you and loves you so much. i wish i could give you a great big hug and a shoulder to lean on right now. if you ever need to talk my inbox is always open.

It's hard to trust God at times, I know. I've been there so many times, in new situations or situations that makes me uncomfortable or whatever. It's so hard to trust that God is there and is wouldn't make me do anything that would harm me.

Yes, some things might be uncomfortable and scary to go through but the main thing is that I'm not alone.

For me it's scary to let someone in..to trust them with my feelings and my heart, so to speak. I'm so scared of what they'll think and say etc. I've been hurt on occasions but I've also been very pleasantly surprised on many other.

My PM-box is open if you wanna talk, ok?

K --- (i won't put ur real namee here) <edit>
u inspired me 2 become a doctor n w/o u I would havr never chosen to do pre-med. as u kno i get no encouragemebt to do ir from any1 else or any advice, i get it all from u b it changed my life. <edit> u only deserve the best in da world!! <edit>

knw1991 said:

Thanks.I dont know how to allow God to replace the bad with the good. I have so much doubt that He isn't hearing me. My sins have seperated me I can't reach God. Every time I try to trust I always fall again. The memory of all that happened, my present loneliness and pain makes me feel like God isn't hearing my cry

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The best way to allow God to replace the bad life with His good life is to give the bad to Him as it is torturing your heart and mind.

So when you doubt God, give those times of doubt to God, tell Him that you doubt Him and that you don't trust Him, and tell Him why you doubt Him and don't trust Him and ask Him to help you overcome your doubt and distrust - ask Him for faith and trust - keep doing that until you have faith and trust - even if it lasts only for a few minutes.

It took me ages to dare and trust God and not to doubt Him any longer, (I kept on falling,) that is because for so long I had doubted Him and distrusted Him that I had lots of bad life in such spirituality.:o The truth of God had to dismantle all the lies I believed about Him - this took ages
It took me 3 years to leave my bad life behind and to grow a good life with God.


What really helped me was the truth that I saw - when I doubted God I suffered misery - the more I doubted God the more I suffered my misery - but when I trusted God then I was comforted in my misery - even if I only managed to trust Him for a few minutes those minutes would bring me peace and comfort. The more I began to trust in God the better I began to cope with my depression - this was the biggest proof that God loved me and wanted to help me, so I persisted.

I understand that you have been badly hurt - so you have lots of bad life in that pain - so try and give the pain to Jesus - bit by bit, day by day, as it comes up and tortures you - and ask for strength in dealing with it. Ponder on Jesus ability to cope with pain and to forgive His tormentors and to still trust in God and ask for a little of that.

So dear hurting sister, please seek after His love and don't believe the lies of the devil trying to convince you that God doesn't care, is unwilling to help you, or doesn't exist, give those lies to God as well, and begin to hold onto the truth.

The Bible tells us that when we doubt we receive nothing from God - check this truth out - look at yourself when you doubt God and see that despair, misery, hopelessness, anger, unforgiven issues, lovelessness, dislike and fear (to name but a few of the worst culprits) rule your inner world of being. Yet when you do trust God - even if it is only for a few moments, love, faith, hope and peace begin to rule your inner reality. Let this truth be the evidence that God can take your times in bad life away and replace it with His good life and then keep fighting for God's good life for as long as it takes.

Praying that you will take God at His Word.

TT Me on FB! I la u!! lol just s....... w/e it is!!!!!! N ya know what I wanna say tho can't say it here lol daaaaaaaaaaam

knw1991 said:

I don't want to try anymore. I have so much hatred toward god and I don't want anything to do with him. He ignores me and allows more and more pain. I have cried and prayed many times and no answer. I don't care anymore. I give up, I wish I was never born. After coming to him for salvation this is what I get over 2 years of depression and i have to make it all go away I have to pick up the broken pieces I hate life I don't want to be here anymore. I know he enjoys seeing me suffer, I'm done!!!!

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Jesus K! Just cuss out w/e it is. u r an important person. I'll hafta go across there n c ya somex. Ur life is grwat u just went to the Bahamad woman, u jusyt had a bday, n u just graduated w a college degree that a lotta ppls dream about. ur life rocks. cruises, lotta friends who live ya. i think u needa c ur life as othrrs c it, bc it looks hella good. so just tell w/E or wjoever botherin u "talk to the hand bc the face ain't listeninf" lol. u rox. woman u tell me ehat 2 do 4 premed n other stuff. changed a life. u don't think so but u did. u matter!!!