Not looking good for the n00b....

[Lucky_Skunk]

I have been married for 8 years to a non-believer and I think it is pretty much over.

We are still going to couseling but I just don't think I have enough left to give. Without going too deep, there has been no infidelity, partying, etc. on either party. However, it has been 8 years of verbal abuse and degrading from someone who turned out to be nothing like the person I married.

I actually met with my pastor two weeks ago and told him all that I have endured over the years and he too understood. Even when I told my mother and father (both very strong Christians) about our probable divorce, asked me why I have put up with it for so long.

I really blame myself for testing the lord when he told me "Be ye not un-equally yoked...".

I NEVER imagined I would ever reach this point in my life and I am still having trouble accepting it.


Please pray for me.

Skunkus

 

[tonya]

Yes...it is amazing what happens when we disobey God...but even more profound what happens when we obey Him...although I have not been in your shoes so tio speak..I have been in a place where I was disobeying God and things were rough...and I heard him speaking to me...And finally I obeyed..man what a relief..I still say though with all of that being said that you should really search the scriptures concerning your situation, continue to seek God, and pray...God can change people and circumstances...and I am sure you know what the Bible states about divorce and unequally yoked...have a blessed day!

 

[Lucky_Skunk]

Thanks for your reply, Tonya.


I just thank the lord that he never allowed us to have any children.

 

[Yitzchak]

I will pray for you.

Maybe try a temporary seperation first before going the whole way through with divorce. That may be enough to shock your wife into trying a little harder. it would be a shame for your husband to finally change because of the devastation of divorce and then you are not there to reap the benefits. I know nothing about the details of your situation. Just general principles here.

Sometimes people go with the all or nothing approach. Maybe try the seperation first to give you wife a little perspective. I am not saying that will work but it might be worth a try.

 

[heartnsoul]

Continue going to God in prayer for yourself and your wife. Pray that God opens your wife's heart and mind. I believe that God can work miracles and save marriages if both parties have an open and loving heart. God can work situations that no man can do. Give God a chance to work in your marriage before calling it quits. A temporary separation is a good idea as mentioned by the previous post from Yitzchak. For now, I would recommend that you work on strengthening your own walk with God. Ask for his healing. I know you must be feeling a lot of pain from all the years of verbal abuse. Anyone being abused knows what kind of damage it does on one's self-esteem, happiness, and peace of mind. If after a while your wife rejects God's love and intervention, then you will know when it's the right time to end the marriage. We will be praying for you.

 

[seekfirst]

My prayers are with you...I'm so glad heartnsoul posted first..I would have put for you and your husband...but it's you that is the husband!!

 

[Lucky_Skunk]

Actually, I am the husband but I appreciate your prayers.

 

[LegacyOfLove]

You'll be in my prayers. I'm not sure what else to tell you except....to put this in God's hands. Seek His will....His guidance....and when you are at "peace" about what you should do....then no matter what you'll face, you'll at least be able to do so knowing that you are doing what is best in your situation. God bless you!

 

[AJ]

Prayers headed your way, brother...

 

[Lucky_Skunk]

Thanks for the prayers everyone!

Update: my wife and I have decided to stay under the same roof, but "separate" by staying in different rooms. For all intents and purposes, we are roommates. We have drawn up rules for our living conditions and we are both expected to live by them (mainly the "no abusive language" rule.). I made it clear that I am too be treated with the same dignity and respect that she wouoffer to her best friend.

I prefer this solution to an immediate divorce for several reason. Mainly, She is actually about 2 more years away from her nursing degree (currently 4.0 GPA) and, if we were to flat out divorce, She'd have to drop out of college (dropping out would not be an option, lets leave it at that.). Personally, I still love her and care for her enough that I want to see her finish school and go to work as an RN. Also, we both believe that this arrangement may possibly save our marriage too, in that it has forced her to let go of some of the responsibility that she refused to let go of. However, if things do not work out under these conditions, then we will divorce. (which would force her to quit school.) In the end, after we talked, we hugged and were both happy with the plan.

Anyway, today I really feel like a new man and I am now ready to enjoy the Christmas season (even though we will be spending Christmas apart.).

Thank you again and please continue to remember me.

~Skunkus

 

[tonya]

Thanks for the update...

 

[Yitzchak]

Thanks for the prayers everyone!

Update: my wife and I have decided to stay under the same roof, but "separate" by staying in different rooms. For all intents and purposes, we are roommates. We have drawn up rules for our living conditions and we are both expected to live by them (mainly the "no abusive language" rule.). I made it clear that I am too be treated with the same dignity and respect that she wouoffer to her best friend.

I prefer this solution to an immediate divorce for several reason. Mainly, She is actually about 2 more years away from her nursing degree (currently 4.0 GPA) and, if we were to flat out divorce, She'd have to drop out of college (dropping out would not be an option, lets leave it at that.). Personally, I still love her and care for her enough that I want to see her finish school and go to work as an RN. Also, we both believe that this arrangement may possibly save our marriage too, in that it has forced her to let go of some of the responsibility that she refused to let go of. However, if things do not work out under these conditions, then we will divorce. (which would force her to quit school.) In the end, after we talked, we hugged and were both happy with the plan.

Anyway, today I really feel like a new man and I am now ready to enjoy the Christmas season (even though we will be spending Christmas apart.).

Thank you again and please continue to remember me.

~Skunkus

I am glad for you. It sounds like an excellent solution. I will continue to pray for your situation.

 

[Cright]

God Bless you and yours during this holiday season!

I'll be in for you and your wife.

Carina