Not interested..?

[ICE_girl]

I found out this weekend there's a guy at church that is really interested in me, but I'm not at all interested in him. I didn't find this out until after I agreed to go to a baseball game with him tonight. I went, even though I really didn't want to anymore. I don't want to lead him on at all, but at the same time I don't want to go there. It is SO hard for me to "reject" someone, because I know how it feels. Does anyone have any good ideas about how to avoid making things akward with the friendship that's there, and not hurting him at the same time, and also not dating him at all?

 

[God_follower]

It all depends on how in control you are, but the best thing would be to have a flat out rejection, if he seems solid, full force, if he seems a little bit unstable, try to soften it, but if you are good enough friends, then it will be ok. If he reacts badly, then he has probably had ulterior motives to what he has done up till now (i.e. he wanted a relationship). Now for your part, you control exactly however what you think and feel, if you dont want it to be akward, then dont let it be. Be yourself, thats always good advice. lol hope this has helped. God bless

 

[chanis]

I'd say go and have coffee with him and let him know that you value him as a friend and that you don't share the same feelings. I had a smiliar situation happen to me and I just had to tell the guy that I wasn't interested but that I enjoyed his friendship and we hang out once in a while...honesty is the best policy you don't want to string him along thinking there's something when there isn't...

 

[Sketcher]

"I'm sorry, but I just don't feel that way about you."

Keep it simple, that's all he needs to know. And depending on the amount of time he has before the game, you should let him know before he takes you there so he can invite another guy there so that ticket won't go to waste.

 

[Peter_in_Christ]

ICE_girl,

As you have already said yes to the date, tell Him that you've been praying (I hope you have or it would be a lie) and tell him the truth: the outcome of your prayer i.e. be friends. If he asks why you didn't say no, you could say that you needed time to think and pray about it.

A guy who is grounded in the Lord will respect your response. Do compliment him for his courage in asking you out, it may help give him the confidence to move on and not give him the feeling that he has done something wrong.

Peter

 

[Jenster]

ICE_girl, thanks for your post. I'm in a very similar situation, so I appreciate hearing everyone's advice. I got a phone message from a guy who says he wants to get to know me better. I feel casual about him, nothing special. He doesn't seem that mature actually, so that's why I don't want to go out with him. But he's an okay guy. I've dated enough guys like him to know I don't want to go there again.

I guess I'll take twistedsketch's advice and tell him I don't feel the same way.

 

[the_man]

I had a friend of mine who was in a similar situation. I probed her about her feelings (or lack there of in this case) for this guy. Really, she just wasn't feeling him or his game. So I told her that he was honourable to approach you, you should return the favor and reject him (as opposed to running away from him hoping his feelings would fade over time). I told her that when she does so she should be strong with him. None of that, it's not you it's me, lets just be friends, i'm not ready for a relationship mess. Tell him like it is. Tell him that a relationship will never happen.

Well, she went to soft route. Said that the door is shut. You know what he said? He said that he will sit by the door.

Contrary to popular belief, you need to hit a guy hard with rejection. Not that you be mean with it, but tell him like it is. If you go soft, he will hold on to anything you leave out there for him to hold on. If you hit him hard, he will thank you after he has recovered.

Personally, I think guys need to do more research before putting females in such an uncomfortable position.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Contrary to popular belief, you need to hit a guy hard with rejection. Not that you be mean with it, but tell him like it is. If you go soft, he will hold on to anything you leave out there for him to hold on. If you hit him hard, he will thank you after he has recovered.

I am not a guy, but I agree with this due to past experiences. Do not give false hope when telling him you don't have feelings for him. Don't say, "maybe some day," or "not right now" statements. It may seem like the easy way to do things, but it can end up more hurtful in the long run--for both of you.

 

[Jenster]

Well, she went to soft route. Said that the door is shut. You know what he said? He said that he will sit by the door.

LOL! I can just see her now ....

Personally, I think guys need to do more research before putting females in such an uncomfortable position.

I tend to agree. Sometimes it seems like men don't bother to consider whether their interest is being returned. Perhaps they think they'll win someone over, which they may, but I'm here to say that many women observe men and their actions carefully. I can see a man's character by how he interacts not just with me, but with others, and how he behaves in general.

I do realize that guys feel the burden of asking someone out, which puts a lot of pressure on them, though. What could help is if a guy asks a girl out and is specific about how he feels, and gives her an "out." Such as, "I'd like to get to know you better, and if you'd like, I've got tix to a baseball game this Saturday. If you don't want to go with me, that's okay."

Believe me, it does no good to "trick" a woman into dating you. IT just leads to awkwardness.

 

[Fatolia]

Believe me, it does no good to "trick" a woman into dating you. IT just leads to awkwardness.

I tricked a girl who shunned me into spending time with me. Turns out, now we're good friends. SCORE!

Really, though, I think God was tricking me into thinking that I was tricking her. Every time I think I have the last laugh, it turns out God had the whole thing planned out.

 

[justasinner]

Though our lives we will be ask or tempted by others that is unwanted by us. I know that saying "No" sounds easy but may not be but it is one thing that we must be able to do.

And when your married, a man may make an unwanted advances. So, all ladies need to learn with be able to say "No, Thanks".

Plus, even though you may have had one date does not mean that you want a second.

Therefore, politely tell this man that you are not interested other than maybe being friends. If this man is a Christian he will understand. He may even thank you for tell him the truth instead of waiting and giving him hope that will never bear fruit! Which mean you could stay friends!

For your information, a lot of guys are turn down so we guys are use to it. And for the most part it does not hurt that bad if it is done quickly and politely.

So, my advice is tell him as soon as possible what type of relationship you want with him and be firm about it.

 

[Ginsu]

For your information, a lot of guys are turn down so we guys are use to it. And for the most part it does not hurt that bad if it is done quickly and politely.

I agree. Get it over and done within' a minute.

 

[JPPT1974]

I agree. Get it over and done within' a minute.

Nah not me as I tend to take it personal and make a big deal out of something so, so small. Sad but true as that's just me of course!!