Not having a close friend around

[welshchick]

I'm finding it a struggle at the moment not having any close friends to hang out with and basically chat to, encourage, and grow in the Lord with. i moved out of my home just over a month ago into college dorms. Now i love the independence that i have, and i;m not homesick - in fact i hardly ever think about home. but i struggle with not having a best friend or a really close friend around.

The Lord has blessed me with friends who live in my dorms, and we get on great and have a laugh and go out and have fun. but i just don't think i'll ever be really really close friends. but i still value their friendships SO much. I miss not having a girl who i can talk to about anything, who i can tell everything to. i do have such a close friend at college, but she doesn't live in the college dorms and in fact lives 20 miles away, so she's only here in the day, and sometimes she doesnt come in. when she's in college we get on really well, and i've told her things that i thought i would never tell anyone, things that i thought i would take to the grave with me. lately though we've grown apart a bit. she's not been in college much, and her life isn't really based in college but based where she lives with her friends, which i totally understand. but i just find it ahrd not having anyone to share deep and meaningful stuff with!! does anyone else have this problem?

I know that God is probably testing me - He wants me to rely on Him rather than on other people. i gues ive always had a close friend around me, but now He is saying "no, depend on me". It's just hard sometimes when you're feeling really down and would like to talk to a good friend who knows and understands you as a person! Maybe it is a lack of faith - i need to talk to God an trust in Him more, but i feel that it can become a vicious circle sometimes. does anyone else know the feeling?

 

[girlofgrace727]

this can definatly be tough, and I've been in that situation alot too. I have plently of christian friends, but I live on the opposite side of the city as them...its no longer a problem now that we are all older and have licenses and cars and all that, but when i was younger the ONLY time I got see them was church and youth..which, granted is still twice a week, but I now I have the option to see them as much as I want, and its definatly a blessing..I know its totally encouraging and uplifting to have christian fellowship..I'll pray God puts some amazing people in your daily life

 

[micaela]

Hi Welsh Chick. I can definitely sympathise having been in this situation many times. I've moved overseas and within my country every few years, so each time around, I find myself close-friendless for a period of time.
I've learnt that while it's a lonely period, God is so gracious, and just waits for me to lean on him, grow in him, and devote my extra time to him. The last time I experienced it was 2 years ago when I moved to Australia, and not only had I not found a close friend, but I hadn't found a church to settle in for nearly 6mths. I spent a lot of time refreshing my relationship with God, praying that he would teach me to find my sustenance, my joy, my need for 'closeness' in him. The rest of my time was spent feeling sad about not having a close friend (lets be honest here!), but if I look back, it was the depth of relationship with God that is the distinguishing feature of that time.

I praise God that you're a member of CF and can come and share stuff with us (PM me if you like)! It may be that this time is set aside for you to learn how to survive independently of close friendship, with God alone for comfort. I liked to think that God was preparing me for service in outback Africa where I wouldn't have a regular English church service, or friends to share my innermost thoughts with. It remains to be seen whether I'll ever be in that situation, but I know that God is all-powerful, all-loving and most of all, all-able to provide and care for me in that situation. I'm praying for you!

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I have the same problem just now.... my best friend moved to England to the same town that I live in BUT then she got herself in to quite alot of trouble, we're no longer friends and anyway she's back in Scotland!! I don't have any other close female friends - I have alot of male friends but not very many female ones - i have female friends who i consider close but none of my age!!! It does suck i must admit

 

[Eagle_Wings]

I can totally understand the feeling! I've moved around quite a bit growing up, have lived in 4 different states, was homeschooled most of my life, and was painfully shy as a kid. Up until I was 16 there was always kids around that I would play with, but I never had a "best friend" and then we moved to a place where there wasn't anyone around. I got to know some people in the youth group, but once again, no "best friend" and then when we moved here 6 years ago I had a full time job and was trying to finish up my senior year of highschool and get going in college. Our church is extremely small and there isn't anyone there my age. I've met people my age through work and stuff, but we always seem to be on different wavelengths and at this point I don't have any friends, close or otherwise! Alot of times I think this makes my struggle with being single even worse and right now I'm actually content with being single, especially since I moved out on my own, but I still really want a friend. I'm sure there is a reason that God has me in this situation and we've had many, many talks about it, but it really doesn't make it any easier!

 

[welshchick]

thanks for all your replies it's good to know that others can sympathise, or actualyl know the feeling and how isolated you can feel at times. It's funny how as Christians you all have something in common, something which is the most important thing in life - Jesus - and yet you still find it hard to make really good and close friends! I always thought that having common ground in Jesus would break all the barriers down, but we're all different as people!

I was feeling a bit lonely today, so i wen to my dorm room, and sat and read some more of this book that i'm reading about Jesus (Seeing and Savouring Jesus Christ by John Piper), and then prayed, and it did in fact take my lonely feeling away for a bit. then this evening i just went out for a drive and put my worship cd on really loud and sang and praised God as i drove along. So i am now feeling more content in God, although i cant say whether i'll be feeling the same tomorrow as i'm always up and down. It's so great to know that God is the same yesterday, today and forever - that he is always faithful to us, even when i'm so up and down, near and far from Him from day to day. God really is amazing i still miss not having anyone around to tell my problems to though!

 

[kelco]

I know how you feel too. I have a couple of people here at home that I do things with on occasion but not really close enough to talk about anything really major. I have made a couple of really close friends here at CF though. I can't be with them and that's a bummer sometimes but I know they are there if I need them. Thank God that friendship dosn't depend on location!

 

[paging_jonah]

I know that feeling. I have several friends but I'm not really close to them. I pretty much have no one that I can talk to other than my parents. But even then I don't discuss any personal thoughts with them. As for finding friends at church, that's been tough because all the college age scene at church is clique-ish.

It really doesn't get to me. I go out to a lot of places often by myself with no problem at all.

 

[london boy]

Hey Welshchick,

I know where you're coming from. I came to faith in Germany a few years ago and all my close friends are there. All my friends from London have moved away and I have this longing to be with my friends from my church in Germany. However, I know I'm here for a reason and God has given me a good opportunity to grow in Him and focus on Him and I would like to say that even if you feel alone, you're not. He knows your every thought, your every wish and He will bless your desires. The friendships will come given time. Take care

 

[JPPT1974]

As a child, I used to not have friends maybe because I looked different being half-Asian as well as also not particularly interested in things like other teenagers are like partying, into boys, dancing, stuff like that. Now I am glad that I turned out ok despite not having interests in those things. But also I am glad that I now have friends in Sunday school that love the Lord as well as involve others in our lives. I will be praying for you and that you will find Christian friends!! God bless!!