"Not allowed"?

[squigglemonster]

I've been struggling tonight pretty badly. Long story short, dinner was pizza. I came nowhere near to finishing, but the few bites I had were enough to send me into a downward spiral. I'll be okay in the morning but right now I'm on CF trying to distract myself.

But to get to the point of this post.

Have you ever felt that you have no right to have 'issues'? Not that you don't deserve them, but rather, you shouldn't have an ED because you are the 'strong one' or the 'sensible one' or something? You feel that it's stupid and you let people down?

Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve it because I don't try hard enough because of recovery. Then I get competitive... argh. I don't know. I'm just blabbering now.

I don't even know if this had a point. It would have probably been wiser to post this in my blog. Sorry.

But 's to you if you got this far reading!!

 

[mandy43]

hello there squigglemonster

i have battled with anorexia and bulima for 4 years now... i am finally to the point where i am able to talk about it... and on CF i find it a great place for me and others to relieve the pain that no one else can understand! i still have thoughts about going back to my old ways... but with the help of Jesus... He lets me know its not worth all the stress and pain we are putting on our bodies.... i truly believe Jesus has gotten me through the hard part of this struggle and i just have to keep on going and thinking positive!

i know how u may struggle. and i read ure post... if u need anyone to talk to i am here... for me talking with the people at CF helped out alot when i was at my lowest point! but now its my turn i am here to listen to anything u wanna talk about...

as are the CF staff and other users

u will be in my prayers...
keep smiling and keep healthy!

always,
mandy

 

[goldenviolet]

i think we don't have a right to have issues. but we do. i know all of us, mature or young has deep issues or trials. it's like a swing. back and forth from issues or trials to rejoycing and peace. i think we get stuck in our struggles and forget good times sooooo easy. back to the 'right' to have issues. we all trip on this. it's part of life. atleast we have Christ to keep drawing us back to Him. we sure make enough trouble for ourselves.

everyone has a right to be who they are. be what they want to be. very seperate from a right to have issues.
and now i say, we have a right to have issues. back and forth like a swing... sometimes yes, some times no. it deeply depends on what you mean/ the circumstances.
it's all just life. the more exsperiance we have the more we know what trips us up, and what we need and we see the swings alot better.

 

[purples]

No one deserves an eating disorder - no deserves that type of pain. It is also important to remember that we don't choose to have an eating disorder either... at least I know I didn't choose to have one and no one else that I know who is surviving theirs has *chosen* it either. It is a curse, but a curse that has the potential to make us so much stronger in our lives if we push through it.

Sometimes I find myself struggling with how I should be stronger than my eating disorder and that I would be stronger than my eating disorder if I could only give it over to God, completely.

 

[inHisgripkim]

I've been struggling tonight pretty badly. Long story short, dinner was pizza. I came nowhere near to finishing, but the few bites I had were enough to send me into a downward spiral. I'll be okay in the morning but right now I'm on CF trying to distract myself.

But to get to the point of this post.

Have you ever felt that you have no right to have 'issues'? Not that you don't deserve them, but rather, you shouldn't have an ED because you are the 'strong one' or the 'sensible one' or something? You feel that it's stupid and you let people down?

Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve it because I don't try hard enough because of recovery. Then I get competitive... argh. I don't know. I'm just blabbering now.

I don't even know if this had a point. It would have probably been wiser to post this in my blog. Sorry.

But 's to you if you got this far reading!!

Hmmmm:


Everyone has issues. It's a part of living. I used to struggle because I could not accept my Body Dysmorphic Disorder. That non-acceptance became a trigger and I was in one episode after another. I had to accept my Body Dysmorphic Order before I could get to some degree of recovery. I have my good days and my bad days. I accept the bad along with the good.

We all have bad days in some aspect of our living. I used to play softball and pitched. I was fairly adept at pitching, but there were games where I just couldn't find that groove. We just have those off periods whether we like them or not.

Even a strong person can't be strong all the time. It's a life cycle that we come to understand from living. Having ed does not make a person weak. On the contrary, it toughens us up. My weaknesses in the long run makes me stronger; therefore, I embrace it and accept it. In so doing, I do not have the mood swings or the frustrations when I have an episode. I do not put my self through guilt trips anymore. The shame is minimized. Guilt, shame etc tend to slow our recovery and growth and prevents us from finding happiness.

God bless you,
Kim

 

[Soulwings]

I know what you mean, squiggle and yeah, I do feel that I don't have the right to have an eating disorder. I should be the "healthy one" in my family, the one who never does anything wrong, who is never sick. But this past year and a half have totally contradicted that, and I've been in the hospital nearly as many times as my (very ill) sister has been in years previous.

I think we do have a right to be ill, in whatever way - as long as we remember that God is greater than the illness(es). He can take care of anything, and not even the most severe anorexia is greater than God. Okay, so that sounded a little silly :o but I think that sometimes people think that "they're so ill that not even God can save them". I know I've felt that way before.

*buzzer sound* WRONG.
And isn't it nice to know that God is greater than anything we will ever face on this earth?

I get competitive too. I talk to others with eating disorders, I try to find out what their caloric limit is, and then I go lower than that. It keeps things "exciting" and "challenging".

And I feel guilty because I've tried to recover and have failed so many times. Not just with eating, but with SI and depression as well.

Take care of yourself. Stay strong. And keep on the narrow road to recovery.

xxx April