me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and a half. one thing we are both very disappointed about is that his parents only allow us to get together twice a week. we go to school together, but we get about 15 minutes in total to talk during the day. phone calls are to be about half an hour, not more. he was gone to abundant springs 2 weekends ago for 4 days, and we didnt get together all week until friday for about 2 hours, then on saturday we went to a ball game together. the monday after that he went to a work out with some other guys, and then came over for an hour after, and now he's GROUDED!! these past two weeks our relationship hasnt been that great, we havent really communicated a whole lot, and dont get together during the weeks because we are busy, and then we can only get together on weekends, but often his parents just say no. on the other hand, my moms dating should be spending 5 nights a week with your partner getting to know them. i feel like i should tell his parents that their rules are keeping us from getting to know eachother and strengthening our relationship..or should that be up to him? i dont want to offend anyone. his dad used to be a pastor and is now the president of a Bible college.. i would think he would understand that we need time together. could you please pray for me, or give me some advice or encouragement? thank you
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not allowed time together
- Thread starter dig_for_christ
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LiberatedChick
Contributor
I agree with Blue. The limits are there for good reason even if that may not be obvious now it will be in the future. Through our courting my husband and I were in the same situation as you (though it was my parents that set the rules)...we started courting at 16, both went to the same college yet saw each for about 1-2 hours there and I was limited to seeing him 2 (sometimes a max of 3) nights during the week. We had these rules between the ages of 16-18 as at 18 college was finished, we got jobs and moved out of our parents houses. But during the time I was under my parents roof we had to follow their rules. However, I was allowed to spend all of Saturday and half of Sunday with him. Like Blue I don't understand why they keep the same rules for the weekend. I did school work and had time for hobbies etc on the weekdays I didn't see him. That was the case before the relationship started and weekends were always my time to do what I wanted (within reason!).
My parents knew that if I was round his house every weekday my school work would suffer as a result. They also wanted to see me! If I had my way I'd have been at his house all the time but my parents wanted sometime when I was home with them. That's not to mention that it wouldn't have been healthy for us or our relationship if we saw each other all the time...even when you're in a relationship you still need time to yourself. So though these rules seem controlling and hurting your relationship I think in the future you'll be thankful they were there. I don't see how they stop you from getting to know each other, it may feel that way but my husband and I had similar rules and got to know each other just fine with those rules in place. Though like you, at the time we didn't like the rules either but looking back can see that they never had any negative effect and were actually a positive thing for us.
So I wouldn't say anything to his parents. At the most you could politely ask if they could relax the rules a little at weekends but certainly don't ask them to scrap them altogether.
My parents knew that if I was round his house every weekday my school work would suffer as a result. They also wanted to see me! If I had my way I'd have been at his house all the time but my parents wanted sometime when I was home with them. That's not to mention that it wouldn't have been healthy for us or our relationship if we saw each other all the time...even when you're in a relationship you still need time to yourself. So though these rules seem controlling and hurting your relationship I think in the future you'll be thankful they were there. I don't see how they stop you from getting to know each other, it may feel that way but my husband and I had similar rules and got to know each other just fine with those rules in place. Though like you, at the time we didn't like the rules either but looking back can see that they never had any negative effect and were actually a positive thing for us.
So I wouldn't say anything to his parents. At the most you could politely ask if they could relax the rules a little at weekends but certainly don't ask them to scrap them altogether.
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peanutbutter12
Senior Veteran
Heh, I love when people complain that they ONLY get to see their significant other (2) times a week when I've not seen my fiance' for a month and a half. BE happy you have that 2 times a week...
CJ
CJ
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Tenorvoice
Give me Liberty ...Or a pie in the face
- Feb 10, 2004
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My dear don't fret over things like this.
My G/F lives only 10 min. from me, and I only get to see her for a very short period of time durring the week, and that is usually @ church, durring different kinds of chior practices. We talk just about every day, But I know that its not the same thing as seeing them face to face.
But this time of seperation, causes the heart to grow fonder of that person, and you will ejoy their presence more while your are with them, and learn to cherrish that time more alos.
God Bless
My G/F lives only 10 min. from me, and I only get to see her for a very short period of time durring the week, and that is usually @ church, durring different kinds of chior practices. We talk just about every day, But I know that its not the same thing as seeing them face to face.
But this time of seperation, causes the heart to grow fonder of that person, and you will ejoy their presence more while your are with them, and learn to cherrish that time more alos.
God Bless
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Alone But Surrounded
Active Member
i totally agree with cj because you get to "see" each other at school so thats nice i would love to see my boyfriend at school because my parents were like you but through time we have gotten more time together! Its good though to be apart bacause then you will have time with your girlfriends! If this relationship is truley ment to be or a really good relationship you will survive! trust me i know!!
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halifaxhoney
Senior Veteran
I agree with Blue Impulse. It's very smart to be limited you appreciate the time you spend with each other alot more.
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I suggest that you spend some of the time together with him at his home and also with his family. That way you would get to know them better and they would get to know you as well. You would also get to know your guy a whole lot better seeing him interact with his folks and siblings.
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thanks for all your advice and comments. i am truely thankful for the 2 minutes at a few class changes we can spend together. he is a very responsible person, and his grades are great, he's the kind to argue with his family about anything really, but i think i might know what's making me sort of uptight about our time. he has a sister who graduated last year, and when she was in grade 12, she had a boyfriend who was in his first year at college. he didnt have a job, so he really had no money for anything. he practically lived at their house.. did his laundry there, went there for many meals a week, he was just really into the family. thats a lot of time, if you ask me. maybe i just think they're being unfair in letting him into their home all the time, and i pretty much feel unwelcomed. maybe it'll just take till my grade 12 year, or until we are both 18 (which for him would be the september after we graduate). we even made a list of get together ideas we could do with his family to get to know eachother, but the first time we tried them, they didnt even work out, i just sat there with his mom and had a talk that i think we both pretended to enjoy, while he went outside to work with his dad. i know that too much time together wouldnt be good, but i wish i knew the reason for so little time. i am very thankful for every minute we spend together, and so is he. and im thankful he doesnt live in another province or a far away town. i guess im also kinda scared to approch his parents about it, because i really dont them all that well.. maybe if we would get to know eachother better, they would allow us more time together? anyways, thanks again for your comments.
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invisiblebabe
He will restore the years the locust hath eaten
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If you two were legal adults and living at university or away from home, I would say his parents are nosing in where they don't belong. There comes a time when kids have to grow up, and that means not having Mommy and Daddy tell them what to do all the time. When someone is an adult, it means he has the responsibility to take care of himself.
However, seeing that you are still both in high school and living at home.... I think his parents do have their son's best interests at heart. I think they are a little extreme though. What starelda said -- asking them to relax the rules on weekends -- sounds like a good idea.
blessings
kayli
However, seeing that you are still both in high school and living at home.... I think his parents do have their son's best interests at heart. I think they are a little extreme though. What starelda said -- asking them to relax the rules on weekends -- sounds like a good idea.
blessings
kayli
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I
InTheFlame
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Just an addition to the excellent stuff already said...
I know it's tough when you're young, and you're insecure around your BF's parents (boy do I remember that feeling!). It's worse than when you're older, imo, because you don't think of yourself as an adult and so you feel like you can't approach them on an equal footing... but you want them to like you!
So here's a thought... try to get to know them, but see if you can do it WHILE doing other activities for the time being. Like, go to church with them, go over to watch sports with his dad, go to a movie with his mum. That way those uncomfortable silences can be easily filled. Do you think that might be a workable option?
I know it's tough when you're young, and you're insecure around your BF's parents (boy do I remember that feeling!). It's worse than when you're older, imo, because you don't think of yourself as an adult and so you feel like you can't approach them on an equal footing... but you want them to like you!
So here's a thought... try to get to know them, but see if you can do it WHILE doing other activities for the time being. Like, go to church with them, go over to watch sports with his dad, go to a movie with his mum. That way those uncomfortable silences can be easily filled. Do you think that might be a workable option?
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YES! i think that would work out. i think i'd like to something involving my boyfriend too.. like catch a movie with his family, or go to a ball game or something, and as i get to know them better, i can do one on one with each of his parents. thank you so much!
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I
InTheFlame
Guest
No worriesdig_for_christ said:YES! i think that would work out. i think i'd like to something involving my boyfriend too.. like catch a movie with his family, or go to a ball game or something, and as i get to know them better, i can do one on one with each of his parents. thank you so much!
Like I said, I remember being kinda scared of a bf's parents! Another trick is to show some interest in their lives - even if it's just getting into the habit of asking each of his parents how their week was.
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