Not able to breastfeed.

[Girlee]

I was not able to breastfeed my now 7 month old.
I tried everything, and I got a lot of flack for "not trying hard enough".
In fact, my mom couldn't-my sister couldn't, my grandmother couldn't.
But yet, people decide it is their place to tell me I could have breastfeed if I had wanted to bad enough.

I get the typical "only 5% of women cannot breastfeed"
Uh, yeah, ever stop to think that you happen to be talking to one of the women IN that 5%???

Anyone else have such an experience?

Or even anyone else who chose to bottlefeed?
Want to talk about bottle feeding?

 

[Robinsegg]

I am soooooo sorry that you were put through that! The way you parent your children, the way you feed them, should be your choice, and your choice should be honored. The fact that you made a choice and then tried but couldn't should be commiserated with, not condemned.

You know, I had to supplement for my baby (now 12 months) until my milk came in. I had one of the nurses giving me a hard time about continuing to attempt breastfeeding.

You've gotta do what works for you and your family and your child. Choose what will work best. Then let people say what they're gonna say . . . but don't let them get you down, because you know you've done the best you could for your family.

Rachel

 

[aunt_kelly]

You know, I had to supplement for my baby (now 12 months) until my milk came in. I had one of the nurses giving me a hard time about continuing to attempt breastfeeding.

Talk about a double edged sword! You just can't win! People are always going to give their opinion no matter what. I wonder when it is that they'll learn to keep thoughts to themselves?

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I got it from both ends, my first was FF and the next two were BF, When I FF I kept getting told how horrible I was for not BF'ing my daughter, I was on a medication that passes through BM. Then when I was BF my second and third daughters I was asked when I was going to wean them, they both weaned at 13.5 months, one due to meds and the other self weaned. And all this was coming from my mother who FF and my twin sister who only nursed her daughters 4 months and 10 months respectively. Though some of it came from ladies here.

You are doing what is best for your child and you should be commended for it not made to feel ashamed that you cannot BF. God gave us free-will and don't you let anyone try to tell you different, or try to bend your will to theirs.

With my next child we might BF again or we might not, it just depends on meds and circumstances.

 

[Glenda]

It's been may years since I tried to breastfeed my kids.. but I remember how hard it was when I couldn't.. and my SIL had such an easy time.. I wanted my kids to get immunity through my milk, but my son would scream & scream cause he was hungry.. & my Ex would get upset because the baby was screaming.. and all that just made me more uptight.. What a vicious cycle! So I gave up and bottlefed.. and they've turned out just fine.

My hubby's daughter had a baby boy last August & what a difference. She was afraid that she would not be able to breastfeed, but the hospital she was in in Boston had a "lactation specialist.." She was there when Griffin fed.. giving pointers & tips.. and his daughter went home with an electic pump to use to express milk..

She did really well and Griffin just weened himself a few weeks ago.. she is still giving him breastmilk.. just in a sipper cup now..

 

[lucypevensie]

I have to confess I am very skeptical when I hear women say they cannot breastfeed, but I always keep my opinion to myself (except here, I am making my confession for the first time). I hear it so much there is no way all those women are in that 5% group of women who cannot BF.

My opinion is that while there is indeed a small group of women who truly cannot BF, most women who say they cannot, really can, they just didn't for one reason or another. They didn't like it, found it intensely frustrating and difficult, just didn't know how, didn't expect setbacks... etc...

There were many times I really really really wanted to throw in the towel because of one reason or another. It would have been the easiest think in the world to say "I literally couldn't do it." But it wouldn't have been true. I had latch-on problems, low-weight babies, milk taking many days to come in, doctors urging me to use formula in the beginning, a very painful cyst, and hated hated hated the wet feeling that was constantly there. So I know about breastfeeding setbacks

All that said, I don't care how you feed your kid as long as you do feed it. No one has to try to convince me that quitting BFing is an OK thing to do. "I just didn't want to" is a good enough reason in my book.

 

[b.hopeful]

I have to confess I am very skeptical when I hear women say they cannot breastfeed, but I always keep my opinion to myself (except here, I am making my confession for the first time). I hear it so much there is no way all those women are in that 5% group of women who cannot BF.

My opinion is that while there is indeed a small group of women who truly cannot BF, most women who say they cannot, really can, they just didn't for one reason or another. They didn't like it, found it intensely frustrating and difficult, just didn't know how, didn't expect setbacks... etc...

There were many times I really really really wanted to throw in the towel because of one reason or another. It would have been the easiest think in the world to say "I literally couldn't do it." But it wouldn't have been true. I had latch-on problems, low-weight babies, milk taking many days to come in, doctors urging me to use formula in the beginning, a very painful cyst, and hated hated hated the wet feeling that was constantly there. So I know about breastfeeding setbacks

All that said, I don't care how you feed your kid as long as you do feed it. No one has to try to convince me that quitting BFing is an OK thing to do. "I just didn't want to" is a good enough reason in my book.

Complete ditto.

Although...with my first, I was in the can not category. I had retained placenta so my body thought I was still pregnant and my milk did not come in. Nothing. After bleeding profusely for over 8 weeks, they did a d & c and voila...some leakage. I tried using an SNS feeder but we struggled for 2 weeks and were never successful. However, I went on to successfully bf my next two for over 2 years each.

 

[illudium_phosdex]

I've gotten it too. With my first, it wasn't that I couldn't breast feed, she was born prematurely and was too weak to latch on. I pumped for as long as I could and continued to try to give her the breast until I dried up (about 2 months). My pediatrician encouraged me to continue trying but also to keep in mind that with her being premature, she couldn't go without anything at all while I'm trying to get her to latch on. I still had people tell me that I should quit giving her bottles and that if she got hungry enough, she'd do it.

With my second, I breast fed for 6 months. I had plenty of milk and he had no problems latching on. The problem was he had constant colic. It was thought that he had food allergies which were coming through my milk. After changing my diet drastically several times with no improvement, we decided to try him on that predigested formula. He quit screaming the day I switched him and I have no regrets for doing it. Again, I had people telling me how there is no way that breast milk could have caused the problems we had. Oh well. We did and he was under a pediatricians care the whole time so there it is.

 

[jgonz]

I just recently retired from being a La Leche League leader. I can't tell you how often I hear "I couldn't breastfeed".... and I also can't tell you how often new moms are sabotaged in the hospital so that their breastfeeding experience gets off to a horrible start and downward cycles into formula feeding. Sometimes it's the lack of knowledge from the medical staff, sometimes it's being induced a week or more early (the baby's latch is the LAST thing to develop, so inducing or scheduling a c-section 1 or 2 wks early will Easily sabotage breastfeeding). The lack of support (not bullying) blows me away...

So often the women who think they "can't" breastfeed are the ones whose babies have a bad latch or are tongue-tied or have some other issue that never gets identified or solved. Then they feel like They did something wrong, when it was the Baby's fault.

I went through it too~ after successfully breastfeeding 6 kids (after FF my 2 oldest), my youngest was born tongue-tied~ but we didn't find out he was tongue-tied until he was nearly 2 wks old. Even after his frenulum was clipped, he still couldn't nurse properly. I pumped for year for him (I had to take meds and herbs both to even get half of what he needed on a daily basis). I had little to no support... even as a LLL leader! There just isn't enough information or support for moms who are struggling and straddling the fence of breastmilk and formula. It grieves my heart.

 

[b.hopeful]

I just recently retired from being a La Leche League leader. I can't tell you how often I hear "I couldn't breastfeed".... and I also can't tell you how often new moms are sabotaged in the hospital so that their breastfeeding experience gets off to a horrible start and downward cycles into formula feeding. Sometimes it's the lack of knowledge from the medical staff, sometimes it's being induced a week or more early (the baby's latch is the LAST thing to develop, so inducing or scheduling a c-section 1 or 2 wks early will Easily sabotage breastfeeding). The lack of support (not bullying) blows me away...

So often the women who think they "can't" breastfeed are the ones whose babies have a bad latch or are tongue-tied or have some other issue that never gets identified or solved. Then they feel like They did something wrong, when it was the Baby's fault.

I went through it too~ after successfully breastfeeding 6 kids (after FF my 2 oldest), my youngest was born tongue-tied~ but we didn't find out he was tongue-tied until he was nearly 2 wks old. Even after his frenulum was clipped, he still couldn't nurse properly. I pumped for year for him (I had to take meds and herbs both to even get half of what he needed on a daily basis). I had little to no support... even as a LLL leader! There just isn't enough information or support for moms who are struggling and straddling the fence of breastmilk and formula. It grieves my heart.

Great post. I was so lucky to have very supportive and knowledgeable friends when my second and third were born. My ped gave awful advice. I love him...but I was the ONLY breastfeeding parent he had when my daughter was born. My daughter was 3 weeks early and my son was 4 weeks early and they were terrible latchers.

One of the most common things I saw amongst my play group was women that freaked out during growth spurts. The minute the baby started to nurse constantly...they assumed it meant they weren't making enough milk...so they supplemented...which then lead to a decreased supply. A viscous cycle, for sure.

 

[Robinsegg]

Sometimes it's the lack of knowledge from the medical staff, sometimes it's being induced a week or more early (the baby's latch is the LAST thing to develop, so inducing or scheduling a c-section 1 or 2 wks early will Easily sabotage breastfeeding).

I didn't know this! My first came 2 weeks early on her own, the other 2 were induced 1 wk early (due to gestational diabetes). No wonder we had issues for a few days!
Thanks for this info!
Rachel

 

[TaterFaith]

I was not able to breastfeed my now 7 month old.
I tried everything, and I got a lot of flack for "not trying hard enough".
In fact, my mom couldn't-my sister couldn't, my grandmother couldn't.
But yet, people decide it is their place to tell me I could have breastfeed if I had wanted to bad enough.

I get the typical "only 5% of women cannot breastfeed"
Uh, yeah, ever stop to think that you happen to be talking to one of the women IN that 5%???

Anyone else have such an experience?

Or even anyone else who chose to bottlefeed?
Want to talk about bottle feeding?

oh honey, that is awful! I am so sorry what a horrible burden to have to carry. That just isn't so, I know how you feel. With my 2nd child I tried for 2 weeks to breastfeed him. I thought he was gonna starve. I just couldn't get him to latch on right and I felt horrible. I can't imagine if I would of had to deal with what you have.

 

[Girlee]

Thanks to all.
I will say that I did have lactation specialists in the hospital for advice. I followed their advice to a tee, but still didn't work.
The way I look at it, it's a mother's choice, unless nature makes that choice for her--whether to breastfeed only, bottle feed only, supplement, or pump only.
I do believe that a lot of the "i couldn't" mothers out there, either just didn't have the right advice, or decided to stop on their own for other reasons. But who is anyone else to judge if they actually could or could not?

What I had the worst time was that I would ask questions about bottle feeding, and instead of answers, people who come back with the "you wouldn't have that problem if you would breastfeed".!! That wasn't my question!!

When my mom was a baby, "formula" was cow's milk with molasses in it--far from the enriched formulas of today--and she turned out just fine.

 

[clep]

I'm so sorry to hear about your negative experience with people.

I never breast fed either of my children but pumped for a month for both. That was lots of work in itself.

I had great intentions of breastfeeding as I did then and still do think it is the best thing we can do for our children. I remember being in the hospital and putting my daughter to my breast. She latched very well and it didn't take me more than a couple of minutes to be completely disgusted. I was shocked with how it turned out.

I felt sensual feelings like I would if dad was suckling on my nipples. I asked the nurse to get a bottle for me and I started pumping from that day on. It just felt so wrong to me to be feeling sexual feelings from my child.

I tried again with my son, and the exact same thing happened. It was not right for me at all. Pumping didn't feel like that, it was painful so I could accept that.

Things are different for everyone and I would not be too concerned about what other's think. Their perception is not your reality.

 

[tiredwalker]

I'm so sorry. People are dumb, don't listen to them. The best advice I got when I was pregnant and a new mom was: ignore everything people tell you. Do what you feel is right.

I couldn't get my first dd to do it either. Poor thing was STARVING and would have nothing to do with me even with the lactation consultant. I pumped for 11 1/2 months with her. I sat with that darn pump for up to 5 hours a day, but was lucky enough to never have to supplement.

With this dd, she latched right on and then my milk didn't come in for well over a week and I had to supplement. Then she got nipple confusion. I'm pumping most of the time with her, but I am still attempting to get her to nurse; she's 2 1/2 months.

 

[lovesdolphins]

My son was 1 month early - he was in the NICU for 5 days and I was discouraged by his Drs, my Dr and the LC to not breastfeed; this was all due to a medication that I'm taking. DH & I discussed it and we determined that it's better to have a happy mommy and baby than to worry what my medication may do to him.

I luckily haven't gotten flak about it from anyone; but I think that's b/c I wouldn't let them give me any. A lot of people assume it's b/c I went back to work, and sometimes I don't correct them; but sometimes I'll just say it's b/c of a medication I'm taking and that shuts them up.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I'm sorry you got such a response. It's always easier for others to tell us how we should/could be doing things when they aren't in the same shoes. Just remember that if it were them they probably would've given up even before you did. I breast fed all mine for only a short period of time, and it was a tearful anxiety producing situation with each one, wondering if i was trying hard enough.. always torn between quitting and to just keep trying. I think breast feeding is a wonderful thing and wish i could've lasted at least one year with mine, but it's not worth living in anxiety over and it taking away from the joy of your baby. I sometimes wonder if i even want to attempt it with this one and go through all that again, because i always end up having a hard time. I think you have a good head on your shoulders and realize that you tried hard and did what you could, that other's always have opinions and if you can keep from letting their opinions keep you from getting discouraged then you are doing well.

 

[Etsi]

I'm so sorry to hear about your negative experience with people.

I never breast fed either of my children but pumped for a month for both. That was lots of work in itself.

I had great intentions of breastfeeding as I did then and still do think it is the best thing we can do for our children. I remember being in the hospital and putting my daughter to my breast. She latched very well and it didn't take me more than a couple of minutes to be completely disgusted. I was shocked with how it turned out.

I felt sensual feelings like I would if dad was suckling on my nipples. I asked the nurse to get a bottle for me and I started pumping from that day on. It just felt so wrong to me to be feeling sexual feelings from my child.

I tried again with my son, and the exact same thing happened. It was not right for me at all. Pumping didn't feel like that, it was painful so I could accept that.

Things are different for everyone and I would not be too concerned about what other's think. Their perception is not your reality.

There is a biological reason for this. Suckling causes the uterus to contract. This is very important after childbirth as it helps the uterus to contract back to it's normal size quicker and can prevent problems. You also contract during [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and suckling by your spouse can cause [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] by suckling. Nursing also releases endorphins that help with bonding and relax the mother, helping prevent depression from the drop in hormones and to get the rest she needs. The mother has to be willing to mentally put each case into the context of the situation. Husband suckling: pleasure, [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], part of intimacy. Child suckling: nourishing one's child in the best way possible, bonding, and helping your body (uterus specifically) do what it needs to do, lowering stress levels, and reducing risk of depression.

 

[FaithPrevails]

My grandma was not able to BF. I have a few women who have simply chosen not to BF.

I'm sure it had to be discouraging to not be able to BF and I'm sorry that people were not sympathetic to your situation. Yes, breastmilk is best for baby, but they can and do thrive if they are solely formula-fed, too. It's not like you had a choice in the situation and even if you did, the choice should be yours to make without the judgement of others.

 

[GolfingMom]

There is a biological reason for this. Suckling causes the uterus to contract. This is very important after childbirth as it helps the uterus to contract back to it's normal size quicker and can prevent problems. You also contract during [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and suckling by your spouse can cause [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] by suckling. Nursing also releases endorphins that help with bonding and relax the mother, helping prevent depression from the drop in hormones and to get the rest she needs. The mother has to be willing to mentally put each case into the context of the situation. Husband suckling: pleasure, [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], part of intimacy. Child suckling: nourishing one's child in the best way possible, bonding, and helping your body (uterus specifically) do what it needs to do, lowering stress levels, and reducing risk of depression.

My stress levels were extremely high and my depression was horrible while I BF. I didn't like it. I gave up after a few weeks/months and I never looked back. Boy did I get flack from it from women/moms who where BFers. I heard all the statistics and was given so much 'info' I never asked for Welcome to parenting! Vax/no vaxing, cloth diaper/disposable, circumcision /no circ, public/private/homeschool, etc...I'm sure you'll hear more 'advice' in your future.