Not a good Christian....?

[KristianKnightKid]

I am currently in a relationship with a boy from my church. We are devout christians and worship together. However, he thinks that my faith is not strong enough and worries about me.

I have never questioned the strength of my faith before until we started dating but he continues to point out things in my life that make me think that I'm not a good enough christian. It's like suddenly I'm seeing evil in my life that I never knew was there, whether it's the music I listen to or the books I read or the movies I watch.

He has also shown me how the evils of homosexuality are penetrating every part of our culture so that we accept it without realizing it. I have thrown out some of my books and cd's and stopped watching some of my favorite shows and I do feel more pure, but about the same as I did before I started dating him.

I love him and I love God. Have I been blind to the evil this whole time? I am afraid that both will not love me back if I do not work to get rid of these evils.
I would really appreciate the thoughts of my fellow christians, for I am very confused...

 

[peanutbutter12]

Sorry, I don't buy into the whole "this music is evil" or "you shouldn't watch this movie because it's evil." Movies nor music nor anything else without a soul has the capability of being evil. It's how a person responds to something that matters. For instance, I have no issues listening to music like Marilyn Manson or NIN, or watching R rated movies. It doesn't effect my walk with God at all, nor does it bind me down. Some people are affected by those things spiritually, some people are not. What matters is how YOU react to these things, not how someone else tells you that you should be reacting to it.

I also think that your boyfriend is a bit of a heel. He's trying to mold you into what he wants rather than accepting you for who you are. He also has the mentality... the WRONG mentality to tell you how your faith is and should be when the only being who can do that is God. It's quite a common manipulation trick to make people feel bad about the things in their life to try to make them do the things they want to do. It's not his place to tell you whether or not your faith is strong. That is between you and God to discuss. Nor is it his place to tell you things you have to remove from your life if you love him or love God. That's complete ignorant hogwash.

As for the homosexuality issue... it's becoming part of our culture because our culture is becoming more accepting of things and falling away from God. People realize it, but they accept it because of what the culture is becoming.

Bottom line, if getting rid of this stuff makes you feel more "pure", then by all means, get it out of your life, but you only have to if you feel it's bringing you closer to God by doing so. The feeling of pureness if doing it for the sake of removing things you're being told are evil won't last if you do it for the wrong reasons. Also, you should be doing things for your spirituality for yourself, not for your boyfriend. If he can't love you for who you are without molding you into what he wants, then he does not love you. When it comes to your faith, worry less about what he wants it to be for you and more about what God wants it to be for you.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

There is a lot of wisdom in the Word of God....whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Philippians 4:8

 

[SiyoNqoba]

I hate this whole "good Christian," "bad Christian," "okay Christian" thing. You're either saved or you aren't. And let me tell you one thing, you're not saved because you threw out those CDs, you're saved because Jesus Christ died for your sins.

Go ahead and try not to sin (of course), but the only reason you're a Christian is because of Christ's death. Nothing you could do will ever make you a "good Christian." You're just a Christian.

 

[Ryskee182]

I hate this whole "good Christian," "bad Christian," "okay Christian" thing. You're either saved or you aren't. And let me tell you one thing, you're not saved because you threw out those CDs, you're saved because Jesus Christ died for your sins.

Go ahead and try not to sin (of course), but the only reason you're a Christian is because of Christ's death. Nothing you could do will ever make you a "good Christian." You're just a Christian.

well said. well said

 

[Kicking_Kittens]

He seems to be a controlling, power hungry man who wants to feel like he is better than you, by telling you that your average lifestyle is "sinning"
Let me ask you a few questions:
-Do you love God?
-Do you love his son, Jesus Christ?
-Do you try to love everyone you meet, even if they do evil things?

If you love everyone, and love God and his son Jesus, you should be fine. There is no way that you should stop watching the shows that you like, as long as they aren't horrible. I'm sure if Jesus came down right now, he would love homosexuals just the same as he loves your boyfriend. He will love their acts just the same as well. They are not doing something that is evil, or even your boyfriend's business. As long as they are loving each other, I don't think there should be anything wrong with a homosexual relationship.

The evil is just the bad things that people do. Saying "the devil is tempting you" is just a way to scare people into believing that living their life is bad. Your boyfriend seems to want to control your spirituality, and your own beliefs. Don't let him walk all over you, like he is Jesus himself.
If you are living your life right, you should be able to fit your morals on the back f a business card. "Love others, as I have loved you."
Live that way, and you should be fine.
The evil he is seeing is non-existant, and I believe that he is acting a bit evil, in judging others just because they don't meet the same lifestyles that he does. And he has no right trying to get you to change your morals.
I suggest you pray. Pray for truth and beauty, ask for some answers in your relationship, and what your boyfriend says, then listen. If you focus, and ask, you shall receive truths from God.
Then, I suggest you talk to your boyfriend. Tell him you've been praying, and then tell him what you have learned, what your morals will be and ask his opinion. Depending on what you decide, just make sure that you stick up for yourself, that you make sure your boyfriend knows that you have thought about and asked God about the matter, and stick up for what you believe.
Good Luck.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I hate this whole "good Christian," "bad Christian," "okay Christian" thing. You're either saved or you aren't. And let me tell you one thing, you're not saved because you threw out those CDs, you're saved because Jesus Christ died for your sins.

Go ahead and try not to sin (of course), but the only reason you're a Christian is because of Christ's death. Nothing you could do will ever make you a "good Christian." You're just a Christian.

I agree.

God hates sin but he loves you for YOU. Don't change your personality completely. Make up your own mind about what is right and wrong, and acceptable and non-acceptable. I would not worry about being a "bad Christian" in your boyfriends eyes...never let anyone make you feel like you are an inferior Christian compared to them!

 

[That_Guy_Josh]

I am currently in a relationship with a boy from my church. We are devout christians and worship together. However, he thinks that my faith is not strong enough and worries about me.

Romans 14: 1-4 says:

1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. 2One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

I have never questioned the strength of my faith before until we started dating but he continues to point out things in my life that make me think that I'm not a good enough christian. It's like suddenly I'm seeing evil in my life that I never knew was there, whether it's the music I listen to or the books I read or the movies I watch.

Hebrews 12: 1 says:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

I think this is the best Christian response that can be given... Hope I could help you out.

Your boyfriend is a jerk. Get a new one.

...and this comment just made me laugh out loud! I needed that today!

 

[Bootstrap]

First off, be careful of people who want to manipulate you with guilt and shame, calling you bad, etc. Sounds like your boyfriend is doing this.

Remember that we are saved by grace - but we are also saved for discipleship. So seek out what is good, do what is right, keep your mind on what is good and pure, but it's not about whether you are a good Christian or not, it's about learning what God wants.

Jonathan

 

[latteda]

If your boyfriend is always trying to guilt you into changing, in my opinion, that's very unhealthy. You need to respect each other for who you are currently. You don't fall in love with who you want someone to become; you fall in love with who they are. If he doesn't have that straight, you're headed for some problems in the future. You need someone who allows God to speak to you directly and understands that your relationship with God is personal.

That's not to say there isn't a place for spiritual encouragement. In a healthy relationship, both sides work together to encourage each other in growth, but it doesn't come by condemnation and guilt. It comes from respecting each other as is, and that motivates each person's personal growth, because they desire to be the best they can be for the one they love.

 

[KGirl]

I think it depends on how he goes about it. I mean is he also emphasizing the positive and does he seem like he is telling you out of care? We are right in warning our fellow Christians of wrong, as Jesus did. Firstly, God does tell us to think on things that are pure, noble, etc. It does effect us spiritually. We think about what we see or hear, or it at least goes into the subconscious. That isn't to say that if you see a killer movie you will automatically go out and kill someone. However, it can aid in us being uncompassionate to others and/or accept seeing human suffering which would not be a Godly trait.

 

[Jayangel81]

I think it depends on how he goes about it. I mean is he also emphasizing the positive and does he seem like he is telling you out of care? We are right in warning our fellow Christians of wrong, as Jesus did. Firstly, God does tell us to think on things that are pure, noble, etc. It does effect us spiritually. We think about what we see or hear, or it at least goes into the subconscious. That isn't to say that if you see a killer movie you will automatically go out and kill someone. However, it can aid in us being uncompassionate to others and/or accept seeing human suffering which would not be a Godly trait.

Well said.



OP:
It is hard for anyone to make a comment whther he was right or wrong, because we honestly does not know how he said it. Paul warned alot of people of their sins, but He did it in the right way.

Often times when people get told about a certain thing in our life is in fact sin, (like most of the Tv) we feel that conviction. some people respond in anger, while other Christians may feel they are a "terrible Christian"

we learn things throughout our walk, people will find that alot of the things they do in RL while may seem harmless, isnt exactly pleasing to the Lord..

however nobody should be telling you that "you arent saved" or you are a "bad Christian" The people in Corinth were doing terrible sins and St. Paul called them babes in Christ. It is all a matter of approach and doing so in love, and a gentle spirit.

just my 0.2 cents

 

[Luther073082]

I am currently in a relationship with a boy from my church. We are devout christians and worship together. However, he thinks that my faith is not strong enough and worries about me.

I have never questioned the strength of my faith before until we started dating but he continues to point out things in my life that make me think that I'm not a good enough christian. It's like suddenly I'm seeing evil in my life that I never knew was there, whether it's the music I listen to or the books I read or the movies I watch.

He has also shown me how the evils of homosexuality are penetrating every part of our culture so that we accept it without realizing it. I have thrown out some of my books and cd's and stopped watching some of my favorite shows and I do feel more pure, but about the same as I did before I started dating him.

I love him and I love God. Have I been blind to the evil this whole time? I am afraid that both will not love me back if I do not work to get rid of these evils.
I would really appreciate the thoughts of my fellow christians, for I am very confused...

Well the question is what kind of music? Are we talking about Satanic death metal here? I assume the answer is no.

My answer to this is I would draw a firm line and if he pushes it then end it. On one hand you can see this as trying to make you a better person.

However having worked with abused women before, I read strongly controlling behavior in all of this. Along with a hint of paranoia. And thats scary because controlling behavior is a major pre-curser to emotional abuse.

I'd seek opinions of the music from other Orthodox Christians. Perhaps a pastor. But I wouldn't start doing this all just cause this guy says so.

 

[KristianKnightKid]

Thank you for all your support. I feel better knowing that others also think that my boyfriend might be going a little over the top. The guilt and worry is the worst part, but I can see now that these concerns should not be present in a loving, whole relationship. It's gotten to the point where I hide things from him because I know he will disapprove. I think it is time we sat down and had a heart to heart talk.

 

[Luther073082]

Thank you for all your support. I feel better knowing that others also think that my boyfriend might be going a little over the top. The guilt and worry is the worst part, but I can see now that these concerns should not be present in a loving, whole relationship. It's gotten to the point where I hide things from him because I know he will disapprove. I think it is time we sat down and had a heart to heart talk.

Good idea hon.

I don't rule over my girlfriends faith life. I encourage her but I don't push her around or tell her she should do this or shouldn't do that. That isn't my job. Because she has to answer to God for herself, I don't answer for her.

 

[Adonaija]

I agree with Jayangel.

In a mature relationship two people want what is best for each other, including spiritually. We are surrounded by believers for accountability, edification, and growth. If there was something in my life that I was holding onto I would DEFINITELY want my SO to bring it to my attention. I do not want to be the same person today that I was yesterday, or the day before etc. Growing together is part of the journey!

That being said, ultimately your walk with God is YOURS. You can heed the counsel of godly people, your SO, and others but when it all boils down to it you need to seek God on the matter in all things. If your bf is pressuring you, guilting you, or belittling you for not being "Rhonda Righteous" then there is a problem. If he honestly sees issues in your life he needs to come to you in a mature, loving, and honest manner and communicate rather than "tell you" how it is.

I know in my own relationship (9 years) there have been times where my SO felt he wasn't "good" enough because of things I brought to his attention. THAT was not the issue at ALL. I loved him for who he was, but I wanted the best for him. There were genuinely things in his life that I really felt lead by the Lord to discuss with him (one being his sarcasm that came from bitterness of past relationships- some of the things he said; although in jest, really hurt me). He would often defend himself saying I was over-reacting or not loving him for who he was, when in reality I loved him enough to be honest with him. We still battle this issue, but we are stronger and communicate more because of it.

All that to say, you can love someone and still desire change for them. God loves us but still desires continual growth and change for us!

 

[dobieman0488]

well, movies aren't evil, i think your boyfriend's overcautious

 

[Bootstrap]

Thank you for all your support. I feel better knowing that others also think that my boyfriend might be going a little over the top. The guilt and worry is the worst part, but I can see now that these concerns should not be present in a loving, whole relationship. It's gotten to the point where I hide things from him because I know he will disapprove. I think it is time we sat down and had a heart to heart talk.

One of the things I'm learning, late in life, is to pay more attention to the main feelings that I"m having. If you're feeling warm and cared for in the relationship, that's good, if you're feeling mostly guilt and worry, that's bad. Now sometimes you can feel guilt and worry because you're doing what is wrong - having an affair, and sometimes we really do need to learn that something is wrong even though we want to be in denial. But this does not sound like that. This is subjective, I know, but relationships are pretty emotional and subjective, I'm afraid.

Here's one thing that's not subjective: when you start hiding things from each other, that's going to create distance and distrust in your relationship. You need to get to a point that you can be open with each other about the things that are particularly important to each of you. If you can't be open with each other and still feel loved, something has to change.

Sometimes it can be OK to give up something you like for the sake of the other, even though you don't think there's anything wrong with it. But this is something I would do with prayer and discernment, because it's also easy to give up who you are for another person, then find that you can't pull it off over the long run.

Blessings to you!

Jonathan

 

[eatenbylocusts]

If you love everyone, and love God and his son Jesus, you should be fine. There is no way that you should stop watching the shows that you like, as long as they aren't horrible. I'm sure if Jesus came down right now, he would love homosexuals just the same as he loves your boyfriend. He will love their acts just the same as well. They are not doing something that is evil, or even your boyfriend's business. As long as they are loving each other, I don't think there should be anything wrong with a homosexual relationship.

God does love homosexuals, but he does not love sin. I Corinthians 6:9-11 (this just happened to be my reading this morning) Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

 

[Windmill]

MOD HAT ON

Guys this is not the place to discuss the morality of homosexual marriage. Lets get back on topic please

MOD HAT OFF​