Normal?

bluegreysky · Nov 24, 2009

Is it normal,
if you are in a relationship with a guy and there's some comittment and its relatively serious,
to go out with a bunch of girls at night sometimes?
Or should I stay home just so he doesn't worry?

Because I went out last night and there was some trust issues.
Should I keep going out to build his trust that I won't go get into trouble,
or should I stay home to keep him happy?

vote.
Ktnx.

gzt · Nov 24, 2009

I'd generally say yes, but it depends on the crowd and what you kids are into. If you're into drinking heavily at clubs while wearing skimpy outfits, I can see why he'd be wary. If you're into playing board games at one of the girls' apartments, that's another thing.

citizenthom · Nov 24, 2009

It's not only normal, but necessary for the success of the relationship. You can't be a two-person island and expect to have a healthy relationship, not even a marriage. If he expects you to be around him 24/7, he needs to schedule some time with same-sex friends, too. If he doesn't have any...you need to push him to address that.

SmileAndAHandshake · Nov 24, 2009

I keep no friends aside from my husband. I do not go out on my own ever, so I disagree with the above poster saying it's "necessary" -- My marriage is wonderful. That being said, I know that other people are not always like this. As a result, my answer doesn't fall into your poll.

"It depends on the individual / couple / situation" is my answer.

Overall, I'd say both of you are being normal. It's normal to go out with friends, and a certain level of insecurity to a point is also relatively normal in human beings as they watch their SO go off on their own. But there is a point at which insecurity becomes obsessive and unhealthy, so you have to keep an eye on that. Really he should be able to learn trust in you.

My husband and I don't spend much time apart. When he started playing hockey again and being out late at night a couple times a week, I used to freak when I was here worrying and he went off to do his thing... but a year later, it's no big deal at all. I learned that it was no big deal over time. But I had to be given that opportunity to learn, you know? He called me to let me know things were fine and when he'd be home... even if it was 1am. It let me know he kept me in mind, and that decreased my insecurity level dramatically.

So I think if you and he can come to some sort of even ground when talking about the issue, I'm sure you'll both be able to work on it and you'll be able to go out with your friends and still be able to let him know that there's nothing to worry about.

Try not to judge him on his insecurity though. Contrary to popular belief, it is normal to hold a certain level of concern/insecurity in situations like these. You just have to communicate, and be able to problem-solve together. Communication breaks down all barriers, it really does.

Windmill · Nov 25, 2009

bluegreysky said:
Is it normal,
if you are in a relationship with a guy and there's some comittment and its relatively serious,
to go out with a bunch of girls at night sometimes?
Or should I stay home just so he doesn't worry?

Because I went out last night and there was some trust issues.
Should I keep going out to build his trust that I won't go get into trouble,
or should I stay home to keep him happy?

vote.
Ktnx.

Are you serious

Of course its "normal". Even if it weren't "normal", you should still do it. Why should he worry? Don't compromise to just humor jealousy.

JCFantasy23 · Nov 25, 2009

It's normal and great to hang out with friends some nights if that's your thing. Men seem to respect people more when they have friends anyway, at least with my experience (and vice versa). Makes the women/man seem less clingy, desperate, whatever you want to call it, like they have a full life.

joshrichie · Nov 25, 2009

I only ask that you put yourself in his shoes. If he was visibly upset about your choice to go out, going out again is not the way to "strengthen" the trust. As a male I can say that when my wife goes out there is a small amount of insecurity that rises. It's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust other men. I want to be there with her, to protect her, to show her off, to be shown off. I know that seems childish but it's natural. I'm not saying never go out, just that you should address it by COMMUNICATING. Ask him why he has a problem. Thats jus my honest opinion.

Mrs. Luther073082 · Nov 25, 2009

gzt said:
I'd generally say yes, but it depends on the crowd and what you kids are into. If you're into drinking heavily at clubs while wearing skimpy outfits, I can see why he'd be wary. If you're into playing board games at one of the girls' apartments, that's another thing.

I'm going to agree with this guy's answer.

If your man is freaking out about you going to movies or Bible studies or something innocent with your girlfriends then that suggests he has some issues, and if it continues, that's not a good sign. But if he is freaking out about you going to a club or something then I wouldn't blame him.

xDenax · Nov 25, 2009

When you go out, where do you go?

alfrodull · Nov 25, 2009

gzt said:
I'd generally say yes, but it depends on the crowd and what you kids are into. If you're into drinking heavily at clubs while wearing skimpy outfits, I can see why he'd be wary. If you're into playing board games at one of the girls' apartments, that's another thing.

I agree. Spending time friends is, in of itself, healthy and normal. But if it's happening every night of the week or you indulge in activities like heavy drinking while you're out, it could become bad for the relationship.

NiobiumTragedy · Nov 25, 2009

Trust is a big issue in a relationship. If you cannot go out without him freaking out and trusting that you will be loyal and honest to him, then the relationship will not work and is not healthy. Eventually, it will break down.

If my wife goes out with friends, it's no big deal. I know she will be loyal and responsible and it's very healthy to be out sometimes with others just doing girl stuff.

Blank123 · Nov 25, 2009

like the others said, it depends on what he's concerned about when you go out with friends. If its just a night out with the girls and nothing questionable going on then his lack of trust may be a serious issue that the two of you need to address. but if his concerns are valid because there is something questionable going on, then obviously that needs to be addressed as well.

I don't think a relationship has to be all or nothing in the sense that you can never have a night out without him though. In the end both people need to be able to trust each other for the relationship to work.

BranwenUerchLlyr · Nov 25, 2009

The ladies and I like to go out, to BARS (dun dun duuunn!!), but we also like our significant others to attend most of the time. Sometimes though, a ladies only night is in order, as is a guys only night.

SiyoNqoba · Nov 25, 2009

I, too, wonder where you're going to make him feel so insecure.

I regularly go out with my friends, and my boyfriend never has a problem with it. But we tend to go shopping or to the movies. I can imagine him having a problem with me going out clubbing or something, so maybe it's what you're doing that's the problem?

Manda_24 · Nov 27, 2009

Girls and guys only nights are important, in my opinion. My boyfriend and I do things separately occasionally, guy from our church get together and play disc golf or basketball, he sometimes goes out and does that. My old roommates come to town and I'll go out with them for dinner or out to see a movie. We're both totally fine with spending some time away from each other. In marriage you might need the support of friends. A friend of mine of 18 years recently got married, when her and her now husband were dating she pushed all her friends away and would never spend even an hour alone with us. We've all lost touch with her which is really sad.

Luther073082 · Nov 27, 2009

The trust issues have to be resolved first before anything else.

After those have been resolved you need to find a balance between your boyfriend and your friends.

Ursie · Nov 27, 2009

bluegreysky said:
Is it normal,
if you are in a relationship with a guy and there's some comittment and its relatively serious,
to go out with a bunch of girls at night sometimes?
Or should I stay home just so he doesn't worry?

Because I went out last night and there was some trust issues.
Should I keep going out to build his trust that I won't go get into trouble,
or should I stay home to keep him happy?

vote.
Ktnx.

I would like to suggest that a better question is, "Is it right for me to go out with the girls at night?"

What are you doing while out? Are you out at bars, which are known to be institutions for 'picking up' on people? Are you just out having dinner and conversation? The question is really what are you doing and how are you and your friends dressed while doing it? How are you representing yourselves and to whom?

Yes, it is perfectly 'normal' to do these kinds of things, but is it right before God? As someone else said, what is your priority? Is it more important to have a trusting relationship with the man you are ( I am assuming here) thinking about marrying, or is it more important to have time out with friends. Again, this is largely impacted by how you are spending the time with the friends.

Mrs. Luther073082 · Nov 28, 2009

Well, if she is doing normal, innocent things when she is out, I would recommend continuing to do that. If that is the case, you don't want to dump your friends for a relationship. Find a balance between those things. If the guy can't handle that, get out of the relationship because trying to isolate a person from their friends CAN be a warning sign of an abusive personality.

IzzyPop · Nov 28, 2009

Go out, girl! The trust issues are his, not yours. It doesn't matter if you are headed out to Bible study or a nudie bar, either he trusts you or he doesn't.

latteda · Nov 30, 2009

Melissa1208 said:
I'm going to agree with this guy's answer.

If your man is freaking out about you going to movies or Bible studies or something innocent with your girlfriends then that suggests he has some issues, and if it continues, that's not a good sign. But if he is freaking out about you going to a club or something then I wouldn't blame him.

alfrodull said:
I agree. Spending time friends is, in of itself, healthy and normal. But if it's happening every night of the week or you indulge in activities like heavy drinking while you're out, it could become bad for the relationship.

little_tigress said:
like the others said, it depends on what he's concerned about when you go out with friends. If its just a night out with the girls and nothing questionable going on then his lack of trust may be a serious issue that the two of you need to address. but if his concerns are valid because there is something questionable going on, then obviously that needs to be addressed as well.

I don't think a relationship has to be all or nothing in the sense that you can never have a night out without him though. In the end both people need to be able to trust each other for the relationship to work.

SiyoNqoba said:
I, too, wonder where you're going to make him feel so insecure.

I regularly go out with my friends, and my boyfriend never has a problem with it. But we tend to go shopping or to the movies. I can imagine him having a problem with me going out clubbing or something, so maybe it's what you're doing that's the problem?

Agree with all of these posters. What are you doing when you go out?

We hope the site problems here are now solved, however, if you still have any issues, please start a ticket in Contact Us

Normal?

Go out with the girls, or stay home because you have a guy?

Yes, go out. Have fun. Girlfriends rule!

No, stay home. Keep the dude happy.

Can't adult today.

The age of the Earth is 4.54 ± 0.07 billion years

I'm not sayin'. I'm just sayin'.

Senior Veteran

Legend

In a Kingdom by the Sea.

Striving to Be Like Christ

Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

Jewish

Senior Veteran

Glorious Tragedy

Legend

Veteran

Junior Member

Saved by Grace

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον

Member

Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

I wear my sunglasses at night...

You're not my nemesis

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency