Non verbal communication

[Run to Jesus]

I would like some help on a situation...

What or how does one describe a man who seems to pursue a lady without actually talking to her. I mean like sending signs or using eye contact across a room and even after he gets a positive response from her, he still continues with the same. They can never actually sit and talk because if she gets tired of it and ignores him the next time he tries to reach out to her will be in the same manner.

This has happened on two different occasions with two different men of (one being more recent) and I'd hate to believe the men were shy because they seemed to be extroverts and can actually talk and have conversations with other ladies except me. Sad thing is I met them in Church too.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Run To Jesus.
Sounds like its shy at 1st thought, but then as you say they are talking to others.

So I'm left with the thought that I just don't know. When that is the case all I can say is to be bold and said to him you'd like a conversation and ask questions that will tell you that he is thinking and where he is at with the looks and being quiet.

 

[bhsmte]

I would like some help on a situation...

What or how does one describe a man who seems to pursue a lady without actually talking to her. I mean like sending signs or using eye contact across a room and even after he gets a positive response from her, he still continues with the same. They can never actually sit and talk because if she gets tired of it and ignores him the next time he tries to reach out to her will be in the same manner.

This has happened on two different occasions with two different men of (one being more recent) and I'd hate to believe the men were shy because they seemed to be extroverts and can actually talk and have conversations with other ladies except me. Sad thing is I met them in Church too.

As a general rule, non verbal signs can be more trustworthy than verbal signs, because a lot of people, just tell others what they feel they want to hear.

I am confused though, are you saying you actually talked to this person, or not, because I can not tell by what you wrote above.

 

[blackribbon]

My opinion is that they sound like they both just like flirting for whatever reason...and aren't serious.

 

[quietpraiyze]

I would like some help on a situation...

What or how does one describe a man who seems to pursue a lady without actually talking to her. I mean like sending signs or using eye contact across a room and even after he gets a positive response from her, he still continues with the same. They can never actually sit and talk because if she gets tired of it and ignores him the next time he tries to reach out to her will be in the same manner.

This has happened on two different occasions with two different men of (one being more recent) and I'd hate to believe the men were shy because they seemed to be extroverts and can actually talk and have conversations with other ladies except me. Sad thing is I met them in Church too.

Well my thought is that you can always ask them about it. You can always ask them why do they do that behavior. After their response if you're comfortable, you can then let them know what you think of the behavior. Other than that if the behavior is frustrating to you, don't interact or look their way. Greet others and keep it moving...

 

[Run to Jesus]

The first one who we can count as history never could actually talk to me. Only preferred to give non verbal signs, say " Hi, how are you doing?" Give me a hug and would talk to every other lady he could talk to easily.

The more recent one did start by talking. He said "Hi, would you like to have one of these?" then offered me some delicious scones on a platter. I guess after I gave him a beaming smile and graciously refused having had my full share. He has been in smiling mode and non verbal communication since. He seems to want to stand near me and look at me but not come to near and keep looking at me in order to make eye contact.

 

[miss-a]

I've had a couple of experiences like that, and ultimately found out the guy was trouble for some other woman. One actually had a girlfriend. I think the looks might have been to keep me interested in case his current didn't work out, or he was just one of those guys who couldn't control his eyes. Neither is a very positive trait and is an indication he was just not ready for a real relationship at that time.

The other guy was just looking for a fling and had it with another woman and devistated her.

And, yup, they were both church guys.

These sorts of things may not be the case with the guys you're dealing with, but I now choose to not get drawn in by guys who look but don't do anything else.

 

[Kingsdotter]

I would like some help on a situation...

What or how does one describe a man who seems to pursue a lady without actually talking to her. I mean like sending signs or using eye contact across a room and even after he gets a positive response from her, he still continues with the same. They can never actually sit and talk because if she gets tired of it and ignores him the next time he tries to reach out to her will be in the same manner.

This has happened on two different occasions with two different men of (one being more recent) and I'd hate to believe the men were shy because they seemed to be extroverts and can actually talk and have conversations with other ladies except me. Sad thing is I met them in Church too.

If they can talk to other ladies, then I think they are flirting. It doesn't sound like they are serious

 

[Chad Farwell]

I am shy beacuse I am playing the same game women play

 

[Run to Jesus]

I'm sorry to hear that. I guess you don't mind hurting those that would actually care about you.
After all it is a game to you and life to others.

 

[Chad Farwell]

thank you RTJ for continuing to help women cover up their superficiality

 

[Run to Jesus]

I do not know which culture you come from. I could easily assume that it is the western culture. I therefore do not understand the games women play that you allude to. My culture does not allow ladies to make the first move. Now if a guy continues with making signs and trying to make me move with his eyes as if using the powers ‘Matthew Star’ that is confusing. One does not like to think they went to bed and woke up and the world changed and men do not actually talk any more but they do in novels and on TV. Worse if you have greeted him once or twice as he decided to stand in your way but he can never try to greet you on his own. Such situations mean leave this situation alone if the man is serious he will make the first move. Now if shyness is the same as playing a game that is sad. I definitely would not want to meet a shy guy. The sad part is one can actually like the person who is not verbally communicating but it means the person is not worth the trouble because he will not talk to you. Then again one can pray for the person who is not verbally communicating and ask God for guidance and wisdom in the matter. Fortunately, God knows everything and can let you know if it is in His will or not. My advice is pray and don’t play games. You don’t want to meet the wrong woman or you could end up hurting someone who likes you.

 

[Messy2]

My culture does not allow ladies to make the first move.

Really? Is that American or something? No wonder there are so many women complaining they're still waiting for Mr. Right who God would send and who never came or settled for Mr. Wrong because it took too long.

 

[Messy2]

I would like some help on a situation...

What or how does one describe a man who seems to pursue a lady without actually talking to her. I mean like sending signs or using eye contact across a room and even after he gets a positive response from her, he still continues with the same. They can never actually sit and talk because if she gets tired of it and ignores him the next time he tries to reach out to her will be in the same manner.

This has happened on two different occasions with two different men of (one being more recent) and I'd hate to believe the men were shy because they seemed to be extroverts and can actually talk and have conversations with other ladies except me. Sad thing is I met them in Church too.

Weird. In church? I think I would give the guy a handkerchief and ask him if something's wrong with his eyes maybe.

 

[blackribbon]

Non-verbal communication is the primary way we communicate with each other. If you are not good at reading non-verbal, then it may seem deceptive I suppose...but personally, I think it is usually the most truthful form of communication.

 

[OGM]

My culture does not allow ladies to make the first move.

Out of curiosity, what culture are you from?

I am from the Northeast of the United States (Boston/New York). In New York City women will ask out men. It not considered to be bad among high earning professional women. With them it is a time issue. If a woman is an investment banker making deep in to six figures...she often will not waste time when trying to get a guy to ask first.

Either she likes you or she doesn't. If she does, she will often say something. It is a Type-A personality thing.

 

[Run to Jesus]

I am African and live in Africa. Zambia to be exact. I have no issues with your culture. I just would like to be understood. I find it strange when men can continue with the non verbal if the message is already got. That is why I'd like to agree with what Day Hiker said. It sounds like shy but then when you see the same person talking to other ladies it would seem strange. The sad part with making the first move I've learned is the guy dates the lady but marries the one he pursues himself. Any way when I first posted I was asking for help because I needed to know that I was genuinely seeing something that happens not to just me but probably someone else. Every one else I asked here saw my situation as in isolation and told me men talk. At least a few ladies made me realize I was not alone. I learned to pray about it and don't worry about it anymore.

 

[Messy2]

Non-verbal communication is the primary way we communicate with each other. If you are not good at reading non-verbal, then it may seem deceptive I suppose...but personally, I think it is usually the most truthful form of communication.

Yes but a guy winking and looking all the time in church that's so weird. I just talk to men in church because they're brothers in Christ. If one says nothing and only looks, weird. Eew guys on holiday did that in Yugoslavia when I was young. One just put on his mirror glasses so he could sit and watch you. It would make me think he was a creep if someone watched you all the time and said nothing. I wouldn't think he's shy because shy guys look the other way.

 

[blackribbon]

Yes but a guy winking and looking all the time in church that's so weird. I just talk to men in church because they're brothers in Christ. If one says nothing and only looks, weird. Eew guys on holiday did that in Yugoslavia when I was young. One just put on his mirror glasses so he could sit and watch you. It would make me think he was a creep if someone watched you all the time and said nothing. I wouldn't think he's shy because shy guys look the other way.

Just because a guy is at church does not mean that he is a Christian or living a Christian life.

Men like to look at females. Normal part of their makeup. Some guys are just flirts ... part of their personality. I know married men who are flirts and quite often their wives are very aware of it and are okay with it if they know he will never act on the flirtation. Maybe they are in a relationship already ... but not sure that they are committed to it so just checking out the options. Maybe they just like to see you blush and get their immature kicks doing that.

 

[OGM]

It is strange behavior to me. Maybe because I have always had a boundary between my church life and dating. Meaning I would never come-on to anyone lady in my church. It is always very Brother-Sister platonic. Just like I have never dated anyone from my workplace. I maintain a professional distance.