non christian as bf

[lingjanet]

can i have a non-christian as my bf? from christian view, should i accept him? What can i do?

 

[superfly]

the bible doesn't specifically say that you can't, but paul does warn us not to be "unequally yoked." having a non-christian bf can siginificantly impact your christian walk. he doesn't believe what you believe, he doesn't subscribe to the same set of standards as you, and he's certainly not going to understand some of what you do.

a friend of mine whom i'm very fond of (i call her my little sister) went out with a non-christian guy, and he was anything but good for her. even after i warned her not to go out with him.

also remember that when you start dating someone, it should be with the view of getting married. if you're not dating to marry the guy, don't date him. also, is the guy gonna be entering the relationship with the view of it ending in marriage? does he realise that marriage is a sacred bond of two people under God? that God has an extremely important part to play in marriage...?

you see, marriage is not a 2 way thing. it's 3 ways: husband, wife, God. it's a triangle... when you marry a non-christian, you're effectively breaking that triangle that God intended be in place.

feel free to pm, e-mail or im me if you want to chat more about it.

 

[LiberatedChick]

The bible tells us not to be yoked with unbelievers. Being joined with an unbeliever is given the term "unequally yoked". In the OT there are verses that say not to yoke say a donkey and an ox together. The reason for that is that one will pull harder than the other and end up dragging the other along for the ride. Joining an unbeliever and a believer brings a similar outcome, one will pull harder than the other or both will even be pulling in different directions.

This is not good when marriage should be too people working together to reach common goals. Shortly after marrying my husband I became a believer and so now we're unequally yoked. It's hard knowing that even though I love him and we get on so well, I can't share with him the most important relationship I have...my relationship with God. Also often I think I'm taking one step forward and then end up taking two steps back. Trying to grow and keep growing spiritually is difficult when sharing your life with someone that doesn't believe in bringing glory to God, fleeing from temptation and trying not to sin. This is where most problems crop up. With one person not believing in God (and therefore not concerned about sin) you can find yourself and the relationship being pulled in two different directions....with one wanting to take a course of action that would lead straight to sin and the other wanting to avoid that at all costs.

Now ok, you're not married to this guy so you're not joined to him yet. Though why date someone unless it was to lead to marriage? Why pursue a relationship if the possibility of it developing further had been ruled out right from the start? Ok so whilst during your relationship he may turn to Christ but also he may not. It's not fair to string someone along, refusing to take the relationship to another level because they haven't turned to Christ. It's also not fair to be with someone and hope they'll change. The fact that you're with someone suggests that you like them for who they are already and not who you want them to be. You can't change someone into something else, now if they want to change then great but what if they don't?

Basically being unequally yoked is a situation I would advise anyone to not enter into if they can avoid it...and you can avoid it. It's a strange situation really. You can have your best friend by your side as a life-long companion yet still feel completely alone. You can get on like a house on fire at all other times but be drawing swords once a conflict arises from the difference in beliefs. You can be the most devoted Christian ever yet feel as though you're constantly being pulled away. You can be an open and talkative person yet feel bound and gagged because you can't share your faith with your spouse.

The bottom line is that the bible tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers...I view that as a warning to not get into this situation. A relationship needs to be strong to survive this world we live in and being unequally yoked can weaken it. God wants what's best for us...being unequally yoked is not what's best.

 

[Sketcher]

Don't do it.

 

[EmSchmem]

I have only encouraged ONE PERSON to stay in a relationship with a non-Christian. She had already been dating him for 3 years and they were getting engaged soon. She set up boundaries like he had to pursue a relationship with Christ and he has to deal with no sex and a few other things. He accepted Christ a few months before they got engaged.

 

[Iceman_Aragorn]

I more or less agree with everything said above. Though I believe Paul's warning is especially to do with marriage. In other words, it's strongly advisable not to date a non-believer, but not prohibited. The problem is that if you get married, you will not have the kind of family God envisioned, with the father being the strong spiritual leader of the household.
What many people do in your situation is date the person anyways, hoping they become a Christian eventually. The problem is that if they do, it might just be for show so that you'll accept them. The more advisable solution is to stay close friends, encourage him to seek Christ, then begin a courtship.

 

[pegatha]

Here's a scenario from my own younger days.

Christian girl meets nonChristian guy, they hit if off, they date for 2 or 3 years. Guy gets attached. Girl eventually decides to get serious about her faith, decides it's wrong to date an unbeliever after all, and breaks it off. NonChristian guy is hurt, confused, and probably resentful at being suddenly dumped, especially considering that the girl knew all along he wasn't a believer. And who can blame him?

And this is one of the "happy" endings. At least I stopped short of yoking us together for life.

Is this something you'd like to repeat in your own life?

 

[B®ent]

http://www.christianforums.com/t1794113-dating-an-unbeliever.html

No, you cannot have a non-Christian boyfriend. We are not to be unequally yoked. There is no room for debate on this issue; the Bible is loud and clear.

 

[trust_faith]

Is difficult. Let not 2 unequally yoked persons be together... I used to have a non christian Bf too. In the end, the ending is all the same== Break up.

Religion play an important role.. hai.. is saddening. But is good to have a person sharing the same faith as you. Growing together in God's Way...

 

[trust_faith]

Yeah. i agree that when u are with someone, view it as u are going to stay and Marry that person already.. Are u really in Love with that person as much as u can marry him and everything?
If not, then why waste your time. Just get someone who u really wan to spend the rest of your life with.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

can i have a non-christian as my bf? from christian view, should i accept him? What can i do?

See this thread: Dating an unbeliever

diane

 

[BOJAX]

I posted this in the Christian Advice forum earlier. The truth and good news as given to me by the grace of our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.

ok,
I have prayed about this whole thing and i got many answers. First and foremost, it is not wrong to court or to marry a non-baliever. It is not a sin. Since it is not a defined sin that means that there can be some good that comes out of it. No good can come out of a defined sin. Period. I believe that if you spend your life with an unbeliever, you get a lifelong chance to witness to them and show them the goodness in Christ. You are to believe in others as you believe in Christ. You are not to deny others as you would not want to be denied by Christ. We are to fllow his example. Christ is 100000% perfect. We are most certainly not. We cannot go about acting like we are perfect because we believe or because we memorized a couple scriptures. What good is a scripture if you don't understand it? I understand the concern about being spiritually alone, but are we really alone when we have Christ? I understand the possibility that courting or marrying an unbeliever can distract you or maybe even turn you away from Christ, but can one who is strong in his faith and belief be seperated from the eternal and unconditional love and grace of Jesus Christ? Amen. How good does it look to the Lord or saviour that you dedicated your life to witnessing to your non believing partner, even if your partner never turns to Christ and confesses Him as lord and saviour. How can one even be a proper witness if they are not following all the teachings of Christ. We cannot be exactly like Christ but we can aspire to be. That is having faith in others, not turning anyone away, forgiveing others, praying for their salvation. That is what love is about. Christian marriages fail too. It depends on how strong either of you are in his or her faith which determines how hurt you are should that marriage fail. Can one be truly hurt if they have Christ as their comfort and joy. What I am trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with being with a non believer, especially if you are worried they might separate you from Christ. If you are worried a sinner like you and me would seperate you from the love of Jesus then is your faith REALLY that strong? Let them understand right off the bat that Jesus Christ is your number one priority and who you depend on for eternal happiness, love and life. Right then and there it will be easy to know what their intentions are. Remember, it is not THEM who is trying to seperate you from Christ. IT IS SATAN. Amen.


-Jamie

 

[Ceris]

I believe it was Blue Impulse (and forgive me if I am wrong about this) that said it this way: "Being spiritually single [yet married] sucks".

That's all I have to say about this in that I do not have any experience in this area.

 

[lingjanet]

my sister marry to a non christian husband. But her husband was understandable. They have thier on way to walk in religions. Her husband never stop her walking in christ or doing god's work.
Her family in law are not understandable about us as a christian. There always unhappy and misunderstanding with her family in law.
But my sister never fear of them, she told herself that no wan is greater than God. Nothing for her to fear of.
God really take a good care of my sister although she have marry to a non christian husband.

My sis also don't encourage christian and non-christian. But for her, nothing to fear of as God will take care of us.

 

[Oblivious]

I posted this in the Christian Advice forum earlier. The truth and good news as given to me by the grace of our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.

ok,
I have prayed about this whole thing and i got many answers. First and foremost, it is not wrong to court or to marry a non-baliever. It is not a sin. Since it is not a defined sin that means that there can be some good that comes out of it. No good can come out of a defined sin. Period. I believe that if you spend your life with an unbeliever, you get a lifelong chance to witness to them and show them the goodness in Christ. You are to believe in others as you believe in Christ. You are not to deny others as you would not want to be denied by Christ. We are to fllow his example. Christ is 100000% perfect. We are most certainly not. We cannot go about acting like we are perfect because we believe or because we memorized a couple scriptures. What good is a scripture if you don't understand it? I understand the concern about being spiritually alone, but are we really alone when we have Christ? I understand the possibility that courting or marrying an unbeliever can distract you or maybe even turn you away from Christ, but can one who is strong in his faith and belief be seperated from the eternal and unconditional love and grace of Jesus Christ? Amen. How good does it look to the Lord or saviour that you dedicated your life to witnessing to your non believing partner, even if your partner never turns to Christ and confesses Him as lord and saviour. How can one even be a proper witness if they are not following all the teachings of Christ. We cannot be exactly like Christ but we can aspire to be. That is having faith in others, not turning anyone away, forgiveing others, praying for their salvation. That is what love is about. Christian marriages fail too. It depends on how strong either of you are in his or her faith which determines how hurt you are should that marriage fail. Can one be truly hurt if they have Christ as their comfort and joy. What I am trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with being with a non believer, especially if you are worried they might separate you from Christ. If you are worried a sinner like you and me would seperate you from the love of Jesus then is your faith REALLY that strong? Let them understand right off the bat that Jesus Christ is your number one priority and who you depend on for eternal happiness, love and life. Right then and there it will be easy to know what their intentions are. Remember, it is not THEM who is trying to seperate you from Christ. IT IS SATAN. Amen.

Thank you so much for your post! You have been repped.

Anyway, I posted my original comments on the topic here:

http://www.christianforums.com/t1794113-dating-an-unbeliever.html

Yes, I've been married (and happily, imagine that!) to a non-Christian for almost 5 years. Yes, I put God first, yes I'm spiritually happy, no, I'm not selfish, and no, I'm not falling from God because of it. Don't judge people and throw the Bible at their relationship until you know the situation. That's wrong. Just because your situation/relationship is unfavorable or someone you may or may have know situation/relationship is nonfavorable, does not mean everyone else's is.

My parents were both Christians and I have never seen 2 people disrespect and flat out verbally abuse each other as they did. But hey, they went to church on Sunday and were "equally yoked". If you think that marrying a Christian equals happily ever after than you are wrong, sometimes it doesn't work that way. And yes, of course the same can be said for marrying a non-believer as well. My point is, there are no guarantees. I believe you marry the person who is the best fit for you. Preferably, a Christian, but it doesn't always work out that way...

 

[BOJAX]

I didn't mean that one would be marrying them for the SOLE purpose of witnessing. I meant that one should be as best a Christian as possible to show them the benefits of Christian life. That is what I meant. Jesus did the same. This is why I do not feel it is wrong. And my personal revelations have proven it that it is not wrong, if anything it strengthened my confidence and helped me develop a closer relationship with Christ. One does not have to lose that if they let it. I do not expect them to ever change as the Bible says we would not know if they do or dont. Personally it is far better to experience the love of God and his power personally. that is how I became a christian after every one, people ho didnt even know me , tried witnessing to me. I never liked being ministered to. I just believed on my own. I am just saying that in my particular situation i have decided to take a chance. if i fail, i fail. if i get hurt, i get hurt. The hurt would only bring me closer to christ as I depend on Him solely for comfort and joy. And even if some of us DO happen to stray, it's not like God forbids us to ever come back. You can only be turned away if you allow it.

-Jamie

 

[BOJAX]

even Jesus took time for himself to be "spiritually alone" I take my relationship with Christ VERY personally.

 

[Oblivious]

I didn't mean that one would be marrying them for the SOLE purpose of witnessing. I meant that one should be as best a Christian as possible to show them the benefits of Christian life. That is what I meant. Jesus did the same. This is why I do not feel it is wrong. And my personal revelations have proven it that it is not wrong, if anything it strengthened my confidence and helped me develop a closer relationship with Christ. One does not have to lose that if they let it. I do not expect them to ever change as the Bible says we would not know if they do or dont. Personally it is far better to experience the love of God and his power personally. that is how I became a christian after every one, people ho didnt even know me , tried witnessing to me. I never liked being ministered to. I just believed on my own. I am just saying that in my particular situation i have decided to take a chance. if i fail, i fail. if i get hurt, i get hurt. The hurt would only bring me closer to christ as I depend on Him solely for comfort and joy. And even if some of us DO happen to stray, it's not like God forbids us to ever come back. You can only be turned away if you allow it.

-Jamie

Good post.

It's very easy to be a Christian if you exclusively associate only with Christians. As I recall, besides the disciples and a few others, Jesus associated Himself with unbelievers did He not? How strong is our faith and relationship with God if we can't handle relationships with non-believers, either dating them, being married to them, or even being friends with them? Just because you marry or even hang out with non-believers does not mean you take their beliefs. That is ridiculous, unless your faith is weak of course.

 

[Oblivious]

From now on I will speak and never return to the same thread on this topic oy.. But I'm sure I'll be back on the NEXT thread about the topic

Okay...

Very strong because you will be following what God commanded.

Its not about being able to handle it, its about following the Word on this one. You have to stop thinking about *yourself* and start thinking about God.

By saying "Go ahead and date/marry unbelievers because you are strong enough not to lose faith" you are essentially saying "you are above sin, go do whatever you want, who cares what God said."

That is very dangerous.

When you put your own personal wants before God, you weaken your relationship with Him. And no one *needs* a relationship with anyone but Him. So when you place the fact that you simply want to date or marry this unbeliever over what the Bible tells us (in more places than just one) about marrying unbelievers or what happens when we do marry an unbeliever, then you essentially spit in the face of God and say "I don't need Your Word on this stuff, I'm above falling".

First off, it's not a sin or are you changing your opinion now? You said Paul "made a very CLEAR warning to the UNMARRIED people, do NOT be unequally yoked" So it's a sin now, no longer a warning? Anyway, I've discussed my views w/scripture support in the other thread I referenced.

No one is above falling away from the Lord and thus no one should chance it, and no one should be encouraging others to chance it either. If you are going to encourage dating non-believers, you also might as well encourage pre-marital sex, hey who cares about that right? Yeah go do that because you are above sin apparently.

You're now comparing apples to oranges which is silly. I'm sure you know pre-marital sex is clearly a sin, marrying or dating a non-believer is not.

When you compromise yourself in one part of the Word, you essentially compromise your position on everything.

Then everyone must be compromising themselves because I don't know anyone who is perfect and without sin, do you?

 

[LiberatedChick]

Then everyone must be compromising themselves because I don't know anyone who is perfect and without sin, do you?

Jesus!

Sorry...I just couldn't resist