No turning back now

[kanga22]

I told him that if he had a sexual affair, then we were through. He officially did that a few days ago.

I'm pretty much speechless. I don't know what to do next, I guess: breath in, breath out, right foot, left foot... Is it too early to seek out divorcecare? Do I put house for sale? Do I move out w/ kids? Do I just sit here in a stunned state of mind and wait to see what he does next to screw up my life? I don't know....

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Talk if you can.

My wife committed adultery, it took 3 weeks of me being on the couch till she moved out. She visits each day to see the kids and eat.

Your emotions are gona go nuts, but listen to your instincts

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Seek out some good support people (like me and Flan support each other). And give yourself time. You need to first accept what has happened nad then process it and you need to do it at your own pace. I will be praying for you and pm me if you want to vent/chat.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

I told him that if he had a sexual affair, then we were through. He officially did that a few days ago.

I'm pretty much speechless. I don't know what to do next, I guess: breath in, breath out, right foot, left foot... Is it too early to seek out divorcecare? Do I put house for sale? Do I move out w/ kids? Do I just sit here in a stunned state of mind and wait to see what he does next to screw up my life? I don't know....

I read your post and chuckled for some reason. Not at your situation because my heart breaks for you. It just seems like you have a level head. What do you feel God would have you do? What does your heart tell you? (In a level headed sort of way)
Do you feel that this is the straw that broke the camels back? Did you in some sense expect this? Do you think that perhaps he did this to move things along? Do you think he thinks at all?
About the house thing I just read that many times a women tries to hold onto the family home and because of the expenses of divorce and all the added monetary responsibilities wind up losing it anyway along with any savings they might have had while trying to hold onto it.
I found that after the ex and I separated I found not having the home along with all the decor kind of liberating in that (once I recover financially) i can choose my own "style" and start over. (certainly not a reason to end a marriage but a glimmer of hope in the cesspool of emotions)
As far as adultery (IMO) when it was just mine I was happy. When it became the village bicycle I didn't want to ride it anymore.

 

[Gimpy]

If you own your home, dont move out. Moving out may just lose it for you. You can redecorate later if you want. You may be able to keep it and collect child support on toop of that. It all depends on the laws in your state. Get a lawyer for advise.

 

[VioletLady]

Praying for you. And I'm here for you too

 

[zoila]

Thats good advice about going to a lawyer. Find out exactly what your legal intilements are. Knowledge is how you will give your self back some power. I know that this must be a terriable time right now, I know I just cried for weeks straight, but started seeing a councilor straight away and that really helped as she help put it all into perspective for me, helped me recongise a big part of what I was feeling was fear and encouraged me to stand up for my rights. I really recomend it. Its helped me.

Zoila praying for you

 

[kanga22]

I read your post and chuckled for some reason. Not at your situation because my heart breaks for you. It just seems like you have a level head. What do you feel God would have you do? What does your heart tell you? (In a level headed sort of way)

I'm actually in pretty good spirits... most of the time. I guess I'm just going to sit tight for now. I'm going to pay bills, go to work, take care of the kids, and deal with dh however I can handle dealing with him.

Do you feel that this is the straw that broke the camels back? Did you in some sense expect this?

Oh yeah, it's definitely the last straw. I could see him moving in this direction. I drew a line in the sand and he crossed it, so that's it. Now we just need to figure out how to live our own seperate lives.

Do you think that perhaps he did this to move things along? Do you think he thinks at all?

Thanks, that gave me a chuckle.

 

[kanga22]

Thanks all for the prayers and advice. I'm planning to take it slowly and figure out what decisions to make as issues present themselves. Mostly, I needed to vent and think (type) outloud. Thanks for being here for me to have someone to talk to. I have made one decision; to get re-licensed so I can pursue full time work in my profession. Maybe I'm in denial, but for now I'm feeling alright.

 

[in2Nas]

I told him that if he had a sexual affair, then we were through. He officially did that a few days ago.

I'm pretty much speechless. I don't know what to do next, I guess: breath in, breath out, right foot, left foot... Is it too early to seek out divorcecare? Do I put house for sale? Do I move out w/ kids? Do I just sit here in a stunned state of mind and wait to see what he does next to screw up my life? I don't know....

My heart goes out to you, as I've been there myself.

I know you have a lot of thoughts running through your head right now, so I'd suggest some time alone to gather your thoughts. You'll be getting alot of advice from friends and family, but you'll know in your heart what to do.

 

[jenilyn1965]

Hi Kanga. I haven't been on here much but I come back every once in a while and lurk. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I just wanted to let know you are in my thoughts and that I'm praying for you.

God bless you.
Jenilyn1965