No one to talk to

[comewhatmay]

I'm so glad to have finally found a place where there's people going through the same life stages/experiences as me.
My husband Raymond passed away suddenly of myocardial infarction (in other words a heart attack) on Nov 15 2006. He was only 32 and 3 months shy of his 33rd birthday. He left me with our 2 very young adorable girls (4 and 2 yrs old). The hardest thing then was i was not at his side when it happened. In fact he was in another country for work. The night before he died he called but the line was so bad we never said our usual goodbyes and i love yous. That hurts. If only i have known the morning he left for the airport was our last goodbye.

He was a strong believer in the Lord and was one the youth leaders in our church as well as a bible class teacher. From the onset of knowing his death, i knew God had planned it all and He has his reasons. But somehow somedays it is hard to accept it much less believe in it yet i know i have to. To JeanR, i feel the same about the anger. I am not so much angry at God but at Raymond because i feel so betrayed by him leaving us so soon or perhaps i am afraid of being angry at God.

Next week would mark the first year of his passing and one of the hardest in the past year is not having anyone who could truly know what i am going through to talk to. Where i'm from, there's no support group for Christian widows that i know of. Another hurdle that i have yet to conquer is letting anyone who does not know already that i am a young widow at the age of 30 with 2 kids below 5. I am the only widow in my church much less a very young one. No one in my church has ever encountered another person in my situation because 65% of the members are below 35yrs (most of whom have young families like mine or single).It feels very lonely in this place as i am neither married nor do i feel single. A person CAN feel lonely even in a crowd and i feel it everyday. It feels worse when i have to make major decisions. There's no more discussions with Raymond and it's just me now and it's really scaring the wits out of me.

I am asking the Lord to give me strength and to trust in Him everyday because i came to learn that in everything He is in control. Yet the waiting is tearing me apart.

 

[Auncy]

Hello comewhatmay. I am so sorry for your loss. Although I am not a widow (I have never been married). Please feel free to send me a PM anytime you want to talk to someone.
I will be praying for you.

 

[virtualgirl]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will pray for you and your children.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I am so sorry for your loss as well! I too am a widow. I am a little older than you though (48). I too am the only widow in my church. I have support from friends, but it's still hard at times. It's been almost 3 years for me. It does get better, but it never goes away. My boys are older 10 and 13. If you need to talk we are here for you, or you can PM me if you like. God Bless you!

 

[JeanR]

My husband also died from myocardial infarction on October 9, 2006. I was not home at the time and my son found him in the family room. I have struggled with not having said good-bye, but I know that Terry loved me and I loved him. I didn't say good-bye, but the next time I see him I'll say hello. I look forward to that day. (Although, I have a few other things to say to him, too. lol)

Comewhat may, I am not as young as you, and my children are grown, but I am the youngest widow at church. The other widows are at least 25 years older than me. I feel very out of place. My church family has been very supportive, but they really don't understand. But, they recognize that they don't understand and are trying their best to help me. Still, some pretty stupid things have been said, such as "you are too young to be a widow, you'll get married again".

Each day is a struggle and the wonderful people on this site have helped me so much. Here I have found people who understand completely how I feel. I hope that you will find comfort here, too.

Jean

 

[Mariawasmylife]

Dear comewhatmay,

My wife died just over seven months ago. I too am being torn apart by the knowledge that I must wait to be with my beautiful bride again. And I too am angry; it ebbs and flows with the degrees of my loneliness and sadness. I knew very early on that I needed someone to share my feelings with. I was fortunate to have a very close friend in my church who was (and still is) willing to just listen. Noone who hasn't been where we are could possibly know what we are feeling. But my friend's willingnerss to just listen and simply accept how I am feeling has been a big reason I've made it this far. I also found a support group and individual counseling through my local hospice organization. Most hospices have grief support groups and counseling services. Please think about contacting your local hospice and find out what they have to offer. You won't be sorry. Let us know what you find out. We'll be praying for you.

--Bill

 

[JeanR]

It is good that you have a close friend to walk with you. I was also blessed with a wonderful church family and 3 dear friends. It helps to ease the burden when you know someone is just a phone call away.

I went immediately for grief counseling. I didn't want a group session, I went for individual counseling. It was the best thing I could have done. The counselor helped me every step of the way and I was able to see that what I was feeling was expected and I was not going crazy.

This site was also a wonderful help. It's comforting to know that there are others who know exactly how you feel. Others can care, but they really have no idea of the depth of loneliness and longing and grief that a person can experience in this situation.

We need to hang in together and we'll survive.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

I lost my wife 2 years ago. It took me 2 years to get over the intense grief and I still experience lonliness. But I know that I will see her again one day.

 

[comewhatmay]

Thank you all for the words of comfort and encouragement.

I suppose there will always be that empty numbing feeling that will never go away. I realised having very good friends around helped even when all they do is bring you out for coffee. For me now, i try to occupy my time with things/activities and work so i wouldn't have the time to dwell on the grief too much. My kids have been a great help at this. Of course, the worst would be nights when all are asleep.

I made it a point to pray to our heavenly Father whenever i needed a relieve from depressing moments which i couldn't tell anyone. But reading through this forum has helped alot as counselling is hard to find in my area. I do have a few church friends and family who had been really supportive and of great help and i am forever grateful to them. Still, as Jean R had said it so well, there are bound to be a number of really silly remarks here and there which i learned to laugh off most of the time so I thank God i still have my sense of humour to see me through because i suppose they do care but they just didn't know what to say or do yet most of time it didn't matter to me if nothing was said.

 

[pammie54]

I too found that grief counseling at the local hospice was indispensible. I had one on one counseling as JeanR for a year. That precious Christian saw me through some very dark days. I went to one group, for widow/widowers and connected with 3 ladies who I still see every 1-2 weeks.
At times it does feel like I am going through life just waiting to be reunited with my beloved. But I also know that God has us all here for a reason, or He would have taken us at the same time. There is purpose for us.
I find I too am lonely but I'm lonely for him. God bless you in this time. But take time to feel the pain. If you don't do the grief work now it will come in the future. Take care of yourself. Saturate yourself in God's Word. If your not sleeping talk to your doctor.

 

[InHisCare]

I just signed up today so forgive me if I not sure how all this works. I just read your entry (No one to talk to) and I felt the need to respond. It was just a year in July that my husband died. It was not unexpected, he had been ill for sometime. That really doesn't make it any easier. I did say goodbye before he went into surgery but after he passed I kicked myself for not saying more. I am also the youngest widow in my church. I have two teenagers and a preschooler. Now that I have passed this one year mark I feel like I'm ready to start giving back to my church and I want to be more productive. I want to be looked at as another sister in Christ and not the "Poor Widow". Yes it is so hard to think of yourself as the decision maker for the family. I encourage you first to seek God's counsel in making decisions, but after that go to the more mature Christians in your church. I have received counsel regarding rebellious teenagers, strong willed toddlers, home repairs, finances, etc. God is not a god of confusion. The answers will come. Be patient, if you are not sure what to do, don't do anything. You may have experienced this same thing. I was walking with my 3 year old the other day. Out of no where she asked when daddy was going to get better and come down from heaven. It hit me so hard, it was like I was back to day one again. How are your little one's coping? You and your family will be in my prayers. Your sister in Christ
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