No one to talk to

[comewhatmay]

I'm so glad to have finally found a place where there's people going through the same life stages/experiences as me.
My husband Raymond passed away suddenly of myocardial infarction (in other words a heart attack) on Nov 15 2006. He was only 32 and 3 months shy of his 33rd birthday. He left me with our 2 very young adorable girls (4 and 2 yrs old). The hardest thing then was i was not at his side when it happened. In fact he was in another country for work. The night before he died he called but the line was so bad we never said our usual goodbyes and i love yous. That hurts. If only i have known the morning he left for the airport was our last goodbye.

He was a strong believer in the Lord and was one the youth leaders in our church as well as a bible class teacher. From the onset of knowing his death, i knew God had planned it all and He has his reasons. But somehow somedays it is hard to accept it much less believe in it yet i know i have to. To JeanR, i feel the same about the anger. I am not so much angry at God but at Raymond because i feel so betrayed by him leaving us so soon or perhaps i am afraid of being angry at God.

Next week would mark the first year of his passing and one of the hardest in the past year is not having anyone who could truly know what i am going through to talk to. Where i'm from, there's no support group for Christian widows that i know of. Another hurdle that i have yet to conquer is letting anyone who does not know already that i am a young widow at the age of 30 with 2 kids below 5. I am the only widow in my church much less a very young one. No one in my church has ever encountered another person in my situation because 65% of the members are below 35yrs (most of whom have young families like mine or single).It feels very lonely in this place as i am neither married nor do i feel single. A person CAN feel lonely even in a crowd and i feel it everyday. It feels worse when i have to make major decisions. There's no more discussions with Raymond and it's just me now and it's really scaring the wits out of me.

I am asking the Lord to give me strength and to trust in Him everyday because i came to learn that in everything He is in control. Yet the waiting is tearing me apart.

 

[Chrystal-J]

It feels very lonely in this place as i am neither married nor do i feel single. A person CAN feel lonely even in a crowd and i feel it everyday. It feels worse when i have to make major decisions. There's no more discussions with Raymond and it's just me now and it's really scaring the wits out of me.

I am asking the Lord to give me strength and to trust in Him everyday because i came to learn that in everything He is in control. Yet the waiting is tearing me apart.

I know what you're going through. I don't feel single or married either. And I've had to take over all the decision making too. It's stressful. In my church, it's mostly elderly people who are widowed. But, they were widowed at a much later age than I was. They have told me that they don't want to date because they are "past the dating age" and are happy the way they are. But, I'm in my early 40's--so, I'll probably date again at some point. That's scary to me cuz I'm shy and it takes a lot for me to meet new people--especially in a dating situation. (But, that'll be down the road for me anyway and I'll deal with that when I get to it.)
The Lord will carry you through this painful time in your life. I go to church 2-3 times a week and I read the bible as often as I can--that helps a lot. I try to stay focused on the day to day activities--that helps too. And only allowing myself to focus on a few things at a time, so I don't get overwhelmed. But, prayer is the best comfort for me. It really helps me to relax--and it strengthens me too.
Take Care and I'll say a prayer for you!
C J

 

[comewhatmay]

I know what you're going through. I don't feel single or married either. And I've had to take over all the decision making too. It's stressful. In my church, it's mostly elderly people who are widowed. But, they were widowed at a much later age than I was. They have told me that they don't want to date because they are "past the dating age" and are happy the way they are. But, I'm in my early 40's--so, I'll probably date again at some point. That's scary to me cuz I'm shy and it takes a lot for me to meet new people--especially in a dating situation. (But, that'll be down the road for me anyway and I'll deal with that when I get to it.)
The Lord will carry you through this painful time in your life. I go to church 2-3 times a week and I read the bible as often as I can--that helps a lot. I try to stay focused on the day to day activities--that helps too. And only allowing myself to focus on a few things at a time, so I don't get overwhelmed. But, prayer is the best comfort for me. It really helps me to relax--and it strengthens me too.
Take Care and I'll say a prayer for you!
C J

What you said is so true that indeed the Word of God and prayer is the best comfort. It's also true that i cannot let myself be overwhelmed yet there are still days when things just got too much. For now it's about the kids and just trying to take one day and one thing at a time. I am still trying to adjust to the changes to our daily routine. Hardest thing for me at times are those daily activities that reminds me of when my husband was around.

Thank you Chrystal J and to others too for the words of encouragement. I found much comfort reading the replies on this post and in this forum. There are no manuals on dealing with grief and each of us had to plod through in our own ways. But it's comforting when there are others who truly knows what we are going through and the things that goes through our minds at our lowest points in the journey.

 

[Ann Doupont]

Hello Comewhatmay,

You're not alone. The Lord is right there for you. He loves you so much...and there are others who are also experiencing similar things as you are. They're just possibly at other places on the earth. 1 Cor. 10:13 helps us to know we're not alone.

As we draw closer to the Lord, He has promised He would draw nearer to us.

I was divorced when I was 21, and my ex-husband died about 3 years ago. That makes me officially a widow.

Before I was saved, I lived with a guy I wasn't married to. He died when I was only 32, which is around the same age as you are now...however there were no children between us. I thank God for that, as we weren't married.

I know what loneliness feels like. When my guy died, I felt like a widow.

We need to know that God is right there for us, no matter what we're facing and that He will see us through...some things take longer to heal than others.

Even though those at your church aren't going through what you're going through, most likely, they are going through something...maybe even worse.

As we're to weep with those who weep, I put this here for you.

Love,

Ann

 

[christismyrock]

I'm so glad to have finally found a place where there's people going through the same life stages/experiences as me.
My husband Raymond passed away suddenly of myocardial infarction (in other words a heart attack) on Nov 15 2006. He was only 32 and 3 months shy of his 33rd birthday. He left me with our 2 very young adorable girls (4 and 2 yrs old). The hardest thing then was i was not at his side when it happened. In fact he was in another country for work. The night before he died he called but the line was so bad we never said our usual goodbyes and i love yous. That hurts. If only i have known the morning he left for the airport was our last goodbye.

He was a strong believer in the Lord and was one the youth leaders in our church as well as a bible class teacher. From the onset of knowing his death, i knew God had planned it all and He has his reasons. But somehow somedays it is hard to accept it much less believe in it yet i know i have to. To JeanR, i feel the same about the anger. I am not so much angry at God but at Raymond because i feel so betrayed by him leaving us so soon or perhaps i am afraid of being angry at God.

Next week would mark the first year of his passing and one of the hardest in the past year is not having anyone who could truly know what i am going through to talk to. Where i'm from, there's no support group for Christian widows that i know of. Another hurdle that i have yet to conquer is letting anyone who does not know already that i am a young widow at the age of 30 with 2 kids below 5. I am the only widow in my church much less a very young one. No one in my church has ever encountered another person in my situation because 65% of the members are below 35yrs (most of whom have young families like mine or single).It feels very lonely in this place as i am neither married nor do i feel single. A person CAN feel lonely even in a crowd and i feel it everyday. It feels worse when i have to make major decisions. There's no more discussions with Raymond and it's just me now and it's really scaring the wits out of me.

I am asking the Lord to give me strength and to trust in Him everyday because i came to learn that in everything He is in control. Yet the waiting is tearing me apart.

I too lost my husband. He had just turned 30. We had two children 6 and 7. They had just started their first week in kindergarten.

This was over 30 years ago. The Lord helped us through it. If you need to talk - I am here.

 

[comewhatmay]

Thank you Christismyrock. It's just that it is scary sometimes to think that possibly that i would have to go through the next 30years with this grief. It's maddening, there are days when i get so angry with grief. But thank you for letting me know that there are others such as you who made it through.