no good

[armyman]

I've nothing good too talk about lately.

I've found several letters that my wife has written to some guy that she works with about little trips in the woods riding horses and stuff like that...

I really don't know what to do about it...I can't find the words to say to her or even how to act around her. I think she know's that I know....I just want her to get rid or me, or him. or else I will.

 

[hat lady]

Do you love your wife? Like Christ loves his church?
Do you love your wife?
Do you want to stay married?
If so, you need to call your pastor, chaplain, or a marriage counselor.

Get help! You don't have to be alone in this situation. God loves you and cares for you! God wants the best for you.

If you can't talk to her, write her a letter and leave it for her to see. That should be a good way to get you two talking. Don't do anything rash with the other man. Leave
him out of the picture for now.

Concentrate on yourself and getting help and talking with your wife. They have been millions of people who have cheated on their spouses. It's not right. But it's not the end of world. People want to help you. Reach out to them.

Lord, help this soldier, wrap your arms around him. Let him feel your love and peace while he spends time praying and being alone. Help him to pick up the phone and make a call to someone who can help him. He's needs their support. DO a miracle in this marriage, cause the wife to want to only be with her husband and make the marriage work. Let them receive the godly counsel. Restore their marriage and be a witness for you. Amen!

 

[GirlieGirl]

I've nothing good too talk about lately.

I've found several letters that my wife has written to some guy that she works with about little trips in the woods riding horses and stuff like that...

I really don't know what to do about it...I can't find the words to say to her or even how to act around her. I think she know's that I know....I just want her to get rid or me, or him. or else I will.

Little trips in the woods? I must be naive. Does it clearly insinuate that she's having an affair with him? One can ride horses with another individual and not have sex with them.

 

[SkyeBlue8]

Armyman,
Do you know for a fact that your wife has cheated?
Even if she hasn't actually had sex with him, and all she's done is gone off with him alone, without telling you, it's still quite wrong (as I'm sure you know). If she has indeed hung out with this guy, and kept it a secret, well that's just it, she's hiding something from you. To some this would be considered an affair even if sex or physical contact was not involved, because the desire to have an affair may be in her heart. I pray that's not true at all! I pray the situation is much different than what I've speculated.
I encourage you to not remain idle with this, go to her right away and discuss this matter, before things get worse. Just try, even though it's hard, to stay calm about it...I know if I found little 'love notes' written by my husband to another woman, I wouldn't go yelling and screaming to him, that's a perfect way to make things go from bad to worse, and fast!

I'll pray for you tonight armyman, that whatever has happened, you will be led by God to do the right thing.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

The point is that she shouldn't be doing things like this alone with another man, especially if her husband has no knowledge of it.
I have friends I would love to go out for coffee with. But I don't need to be spending time alone with a single person.
1. It is a bad idea to think that you are incapable of liking someone, or developing feelings for them.
2. It's hard to explain the reason you are spending time with a female who isn't your wife.

As far as this guy is concerned, confront her about it. The longer you wait the more potential there is for it to get messier.
Do your best to listen rather than get angry, and good luck on that one.

 

[Oblivious]

Little trips in the woods? I must be naive. Does it clearly insinuate that she's having an affair with him? One can ride horses with another individual and not have sex with them.

True, but why sneak around behind his back then?

Armyman, before you come to a conclusion, you need to call her on it and find out what's really going.

 

[FranklinNoble]

Agreed... you need to have a very candid talk about this with her. Soon.

 

[armyman]

Our candid discussion on this turned our to be horrible... She admitted to everything that she wrote in the letters were true, that she has fallen in love with this guy and that he is her "dream guy".

but she does not want to divorce for the sake of the kids....

when I asked her what she wanted to do, she just says that she doesn't know....
weellll I don't know what to do either....

this guy even knows that she's married. she said that they talk about me alot...(dont I feel better knowing that...)
With everything that's going on in my life right now:
--A step-daughter that doesn't show me any respect,
--A daughter that does'nt love me for taking her away from her real mother,
--A step-son that I can't see because he was taken away from us...
--A wife that is cheating on me, that doesn't love me, and that wont' talk to me.
--A brother-in-law that just moved in yesterday with marital problems,
--A Sister with money problems, always asking me for help
--Another Sister that's just admitted she's Gay.
--A God that's either (not listening anymore or doesn't care about us)

A soldier past the edge...

Happy Freakin' Veteran's Day!

 

[Donnabing]

oh my. I can see how deeply you are hurting in your life. It seems that you are at the end of your rope, at least that is how you feel. Is your wife a Christian? If so, I would suggest that you talk to her using scripture. God can change the hardest and most sinful/stubborn hearts. If she is not a believer, we need to all be praying for her salvation. She is in blatant sin, and is in desparate need of the forgiveness of Christ. Fill me in on these details, so I can know better how to pray.

 

[armyman]

oh my. I can see how deeply you are hurting in your life. It seems that you are at the end of your rope, at least that is how you feel. Is your wife a Christian? If so, I would suggest that you talk to her using scripture. God can change the hardest and most sinful/stubborn hearts. If she is not a believer, we need to all be praying for her salvation. She is in blatant sin, and is in desparate need of the forgiveness of Christ. Fill me in on these details, so I can know better how to pray.

My wife and I both were christians, but loss of faith and hope has stirred me here to try and find it again.

There is no point in talking to her anymore.

 

[Donnabing]

Please don't give up. I know it's hard, but God can make it happen. I will be praying my heart out for you and your wife. I'm so sorry you feel so desparate and lost. Are you familiar with the song "somebody's praying you through?" If you hear it, remember that I am praying for you.

 

[armyman]

Thanks for the prayers, but at this point in my life, I still can't see where it will help any.....

 

[heartnsoul]

Hi Armyman,

I feel for you. Sounds like your world is falling apart! (and that's an understatement!) Sorry to hear about everyone's problems that has become your problems too. Well, first of all, you need to maybe step back and not take on everyone else's problems. You can't solve everyone's problems by bending over backwards for everyone. Right now you need to take care of yourself FIRST. You can't be of any good help to others if you, yourself, are not "all together." Please know I mean no offense to you. I am just trying to be objective about your situation. Second of all, in my opinion, TRUST is the foundation of any relationship, whether it's marital or friendship. Your wife has violated her marriage vows and there is no marital commitment right now. It would be very difficult to rebuild that kind of trust. It could take years and years of counseling. I'm not saying it can't be done, but right now, you are too close to the fire to see things clearly.

My advice: Maybe you should try a temporary separation from your wife. Give yourself time to begin healing from all this unhealthiness and destruction in your marriage. Maybe get counseling for yourself and definitely re-establish your relationship with God and begin praying. Give God a chance to work things out in your life. Going through all this anguish and chaos right now, it may be hard to see the forest from the trees. But given time, God will help you through all of this and you will someday be able to step back and learn a few lessons or two. And likewise, hopefully your wife will one day realize the errors of her ways and turn her life around. Things always happen for a reason and sometimes we don't understand what the reasons are. Everything takes time. Be patient and just trust in God. Adultery is grounds for a divorce according to the bible. If I were in your shoes, I would probably file for a divorce...but before you pursue that, I think you need to separate from the situation and gain clarity. Then with a clear mind, you will be able to do things from the right heart perspective. Never act on anger or impulse. Be patient with yourself and let God heal you. I will keep you in my prayers. God never meant for us to suffer. Life happens, and we just need to try and learn from it and let God help us pick up the shattered pieces. God is for marriages, but He also gave us free will. So, it's not God's fault that your wife made the personal choice to cheat on you. Keep the faith...you'll be okay. Remember God loves you!

 

[Donnabing]

I have to disagree with you heartnsoul. I do not think that separation ever helps a marriage. I have known a few couples who have had similar situations, and the separation only fueled the anger and temptation for divorce. Just because scripture give the "ok" to get a divorce because a spouse was unfaithful does not mean that it is God's desire for people to get divorced as soon as something becomes difficult. My advice for our friend is to get on your knees and pray your heart out to God. He NEVER forsakes those who will turn to Him and trust in Him. Armyman, If the only thing you do is tell God how you feel, even if it is telling Him you are mad at Him, He will be there with you. He will get you and your wife through this, and He can make your marriage better than it has ever been.

 

[heartnsoul]

Donnabing,

We can agree to disagree. This is not about who is right or wrong when it comes to advice. We are all here to give advice if we choose and we each have our own path with God. Your way doesn't make it the only way. So we can agree to disagree and let Armyman find his own way in his spiritual journey. It's not for us to judge each other's path with God.

Armyman, do what feels comfortable for you. You can solicit as much advice as you want, but the bottom line is you need to do what works for you. We all come from different walks of life. My opinion still stands. I still feel you need to give yourself time to heal and separate yourself from the situation temporarily. Whether others agree, that's not the point here. You asked for our advice and now it's up to you to do what you feel comfortable with.

Everyone is praying for you and hoping you re-establish your relationship with God again. Bless you!

 

[desi]

Thanks for the prayers, but at this point in my life, I still can't see where it will help any.....

Why should prayers help when you are capable of handling this yourself. You need to get to the bottom of this.

 

[SkyeBlue8]

Why should prayer help? Because God always helps no matter what the situation. And she obviously needs God's help, as we all do.

 

[SkyeBlue8]

Sorry I meant He, not she.

 

[desi]

God helps when we have done our best. Quit your job and pray for food, see what it gets you. Proverbs says, 'Prepare for war but recognize God grants the victory.'