No Doubt?

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

If you have any doubts whatsoever about getting married....should you still get married or is that a warning?

I've heard some people say: We had no doubts when we got married.

I've heard some people say: We had some doubts, but we still got married.

All of these people have good relationships. So, does it matter more over the reason as to why you have doubts? If so, what kind of doubts would be normal, and what would be more like a warning?

 

[intricatic]

Depends on the reason you have doubts, I'd imagine. Sometimes you'll have legitimate doubts, other times it's just nervousness in the face of such a commitment. Of course, I've never been married, but I can imagine what it must be like.

 

[JesusWasn'tWhite]

It does depend what kind of doubts, I think. Sometimes I doubt if I'll be a great wife for my fiance, or if I'll always enjoy marrying young. But I have no doubts at all that this is a man I want to marry, to commit to forever, and that marrying young is right for us.

It's normal to doubt or be scared of the future. If you don't have any doubts whatsoever, that's cool. If you do, don't dismiss everything altogether.. just be honest about what those doubts are, and really decide if they are indicators that you shouldn't marry.

Some people have doubts about marriage and get married anyway. They may have a great relationship.. now. It may not have been so easy in those first years, or it may get harder in the coming years. Not everything is peachy all the time.

 

[plum]

I truly think those situations need the wise counsel of matue married couples and perhaps a counselor/pastor/spiritual mentor... I think G-d can help us figure out certain things by using the wisdom and G-dly insight of others

 

[Inperfected]

I've had doubts, and they've nearly ended us more than once.

But I can NOW honestly say I will be going into my marriage with no doubts about him or our relationship

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I truly think those situations need the wise counsel of matue married couples and perhaps a counselor/pastor/spiritual mentor... I think G-d can help us figure out certain things by using the wisdom and G-dly insight of others

Amen! I'm going to rep you for that!

 

[Blank123]

it depends - if the doubts are major things that could actually effect the future of the relationship the it might be wise to hold off and examine the relationship and even go to older and mature couples/pastors for counseling to help resolve those issues.

otherwise I understand from listening to other people that cold feet syndrome can be common just because people realise that it is a huge commitment and that can be a scary thing I don't think that alone should be enough to call off or delay a marriage although it might be a good idea to talk about it with your SO.

 

[allthatisgone]

Where there is doubt....STOP.

Better to pause and listen and take time, then to ignore it and go ahead and live with a lifetime of regret.

Unless its the kind of doubt Satan speaks, like: your marriage wont work...you'll be a bad wife....how will this andthat work out...so on.

Then again, doubt isnt the main prob. Thing is, do you have certainty that you have God's blessing in this?

 

[peanutbutter12]

it depends - if the doubts are major things that could actually effect the future of the relationship the it might be wise to hold off and examine the relationship and even go to older and mature couples/pastors for counseling to help resolve those issues.

otherwise I understand from listening to other people that cold feet syndrome can be common just because people realise that it is a huge commitment and that can be a scary thing I don't think that alone should be enough to call off or delay a marriage although it might be a good idea to talk about it with your SO.

I totally agree. If there are doubts that could turn into major problems in the future from letting them build over time, then stop now and seek counsel from someone who is in a qualified position to give it. Things you may think will fade over time could very well become enhanced when you marry because of being in a permanent relationship situation where there is meant to be total commitment.

I always always always tell people that before they get married, they need to have marriage counseling with their pastor, or the pastor who is going to be doing the ceremony. They can dig up the roots of major problems and help a person get over them before they become major issues withinn a relationship.

CJ

 

[AnaSnow]

I personally believe all engaged couples should go through pre-marital counseling. I have heard that the first year of marriage is the best and scariest. You begin to find out your partner isn't "perfect" and you are usually not just running on emotions anymore, which may make you see things you were blinded to before. Next, open communication is a MUST. Whatever concerns or questions you have about your relationship should be discussed with your SO. Honesty is the best policy. I also want to distinguish the difference between doubts/fear and questions. I believe that once you have reached the point of engagement there should be no doubts about the person you are with. Satan often uses fear as a way to keep us from hearing God's voice. Fear is one of the best mechanisms for preventing positive influence. It also makes it easy to forget that we are not in control of our lives, God is. Questions, on the other hand, are normal and often originate from our own insecurities. I believe that if you find yourself asking questions like, "Will I be a good wife?" you have nothing to worry about. If you are already asking yourself such questions, then that means you are already making an effort to be the best wife you can be. Pray and spend time in His Word. Remember to pray with your fiancee as well. Keep God as the focus in your relationship.

 

[Inperfected]

Where there is doubt....STOP.

This does however depend on the type of doubt.

And even if it is about the relationship, you need to not pull yourself emotionally from the relationship before you've had an adaquate review of it (OTHERWISE, the realtionship is pretty much destined to end right there)