No communication

[sunlit]

:o
Hi all,
In a turbulent 3 yr marriage, with issues on my H's part ranging from infidelity to abuse, we have been separated numerous times.No legal involvements. He threatens&leaves at the slightest excuse.
Time flies, there is absolutely nothing from his end. Doesnt respond/revert to my communication, doesnt visit to even see our son, no effort
nothing by way of reconciliation. Doesnt agree to getting counseling. Has anger issues.I have to keep at it till he returns, a few days later its the same cycle.
He doesnt want divorce, wants to continue with his life
but not with his wife&child without getting legal.
In these periods of separation, its I who keeps up a one sided communication. We are separated yet again. Of late, i've stopped that also as it seems
like i'm talking to dead air.
He too doesnt make any attempts at communication.
What do i do?

 

[young@heart]

Hi sorry to hear of your troubles, All i can advise is get on your knees and seek God, in the storm he can be your everything.

I dont have children but know what its like to be in a troubled marriage I struggled to do daily tasks. Jesus is your only santuary.

Also do you have a close friend or family? talking to someone can help you release and get advice.

If he's being violent in his abuse?! then you need to protect yourself and your son. Do you have a pastor you can seek advice from?

Some boundaries need to be set, either he wants the marriage or he doesnt and if he does he needs to work at it and show that its going to work.

Are you both christians?

Sorry I can't be much help but I will pray xx

 

[sunlit]

hi,
I go to my pastor for counseling. My H is a non believer.
What really upsets me is that he is unwilling to work towards having a good marriage, doesnt want to thrash the problems out, places the blame squarely on me for our marital woes & leaves me for months together but claims he doesnt want divorce.
At this rate since i'm afraid i'll be the one to ask for legal help which i find unfair as i wanted to salvage the marriage despite huge pitfalls.

 

[young@heart]

what advice does your pastor give? Is your husband willing to meet with the pastor?

 

[young@heart]

Maybe sit him down, tell him exactly how you feel. That you don't want to divorce but unless the situation changes I will leave and live separated. You don't have to legally divorce straight away. Once separated he might make steps to improve and if not you can stay separated, if he wants a divorce let him do it.

Unfortunately when myself and my ex split we didn't communicate very well. I left him to divorce me as I didn't agree with it.

 

[sunlit]

H doesnt want counseling least of all from pastors.
He says he is unable to talk to me even for 2 mins&neither does he respond to texts or emails that i've sent by the dozen till recently.
I've made my stance of either live with me or quit entirely but he claims he'll live his life separately&i should lead mine
&that he will never initiate nor agree to anything legal.
So i sit here resentful wondering where i'm headed.
Its like dragging a huge boulder.
Neither does he want to live with me nor let go. He says if
I'm pressing for any thing else to what he says about living separately, i can do the legal procedure.
I'm upset. how long do i remain like this?dont know what to do

 

[young@heart]

ok all i can suggest is you live your life. continue to be married but dont wait around for him get out, serve etc show him you can live. eventually he will give in and file for divorce or will want to be a part of the life you build for yourself.

You are still married so act accordingly but build a life with friends from church etc, don't contact him unless you have to. he will wonder whats happened and will hopefully act in respnose.

either way dont put your life on hold for him, you can live life to the full but remember to honour your vows.

pray and seek God for strength in this time and pray steadfastly for your husbands salvation. Only God can fix this not by your strength but his
Blessings xx

 

[dayhiker]

Hi sunlit,
Sorry your husband is treating you this way. I find it very irresponsible of him.
He has abandoned you for all intend and purpose. So It seems to me you have to go live your life. I'd especially work towards getting separated from him with all money issues. Bank accounts, not have his name on your apartment, car loan etc.
So you know sending him a lot of emails etc didn't work. Ie trying to communicate didn't work. So as it sounds like your doing, try not contacting him, give him no info about you or his son. See if he come by to ask what's going on at some point.

Is he paying any child support? That's the one thing to consider asking the court to require at this point. Which means you will need documentation. So start keeping a log/journal of all contact you and your child has with him.

I pray God gets to your husband in some way.

 

[sunlit]

Thanks!
I'm hanging on&praying though at times i've doubts&whether its a futile exercise.
He's always taken me&our child for granted.
He sends me a little money every month after i email, insufficient.I quit a big job around the time i got married and theres this gap.I'm applying for a job.No luck yet.
It rankles me that having put up with&tried so much
my H doesnt value me.
He runs to his mother's house
everytime&she would rather see us divorce.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Go to a lawyer, file legal separation, stake your claim on where you live and get child support set up.

Here's guessing he'll have something to say after that.

You need to make sure you're protected, not that he wanders away and then wanders back after saying not a word to you, paperwork in-hand that states he's taking the house, cars, and joint assets and you're in the dust. He's abandoned you, he made the choice to leave. You're within your rights to make sure you're protected. I'd say it's your moral imperative considering you've got a child that he's not taking care of... You have to make sure your protecting your ability to be the sole provider for your child.

 

[iambren]

Like the woman who marries then refuses sex, this man is abandoning you. Biblically it is a legitimate reason for divorce; in fact you are admonished to LET THEM GO!

I'm sorry for your child's involvement but Tropical Winds has made a great call. This man needs to be brought to task to take a stand.

 

[sunlit]

yeah, i need to get something done. i'm procrastinating Though it seems irretrievable mainly due to lack of interest on H's part to mend fences, to correct himself, i'm stuck in a haze of what ifs&whys,am unable to get my mind set on the decision.
Am being blamed by him that i'm the one who isnt commited to the marriage, i'm responsible for its breakdown
That he wants to give me(!!!) a chance!
Am praying for clarity

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Sounds like he wants the marriage to end, but he's not man enough to do it himself. He sounds like the type who'll say that you ended the marriage, but forget to mention that you ended it because he abandoned you and your child.

 

[sunlit]

hi,
Just wish i could make up my mind&never having to look back with regret wishing i could have tried more or waited some more.I most certainly do not want to carry that nagging doubt.
These separations by themselves are hard enough because its been forced on me&i've had to accept it.
Divorce will be tougher.
To add my H's mum&sisters dont want us together&thats where he runs to.

 

[sunlit]

And i feel so very bad for my toddler.

 

[fields316_2000]

yup T.winds is right. he's having his cake and eating it also, by not having any responsibility in the family but also not wanting you to move on or have any separation from him. set up some legal boundaries not for blackmail or as a game, but to protect yourself from any further problems and set up a line in the sand to let him know that the buck stops here and he can either make it right OR it's over.

a man that doesnt provide for his children is worse than an infidel