No Children, good plan?

[Jupiter Drops]

Before, I blurted out something along the lines of wanting many children. Back in the ye olde times, having ten children was the norm. Now, it's about having one or two kids.

I did the math, and I think I won't be able to have children. It's not that I'm incapable physically. It's about finance. I just found out that my parents don't have any retirement plans. I feel like the weight's on my shoulders now. I'll have to somehow support them, but I know that I might not be able to make a lot to support a child.

Yes, I know that you have to be married to have children under normal circumstances. Yes, I know that being married means that you have double income with benefits. But I'm smart enough to figure out that nursing homes are terrible, and unless I'm severely old and incapable of doing anything, I don't want to spend the remaining days of my mortal life confined in an itty-bitty room with a bed and an old TV set constantly churning garbage out 24/7. I'm smart enough to figure out that unless Jesus finally says "It's time," and fulfills the last remaining bits of the prophesy, I won't be able to stay forever in the workforce with youthful energy. I'm smart enough to figure out that saving money is a lot of work, and paying for mortgage, insurances, and other small necessities in life is a lot of work as well.

I'm also smart enough to figure out that in the long run, you just never know what might happen in life. Some of my friends are already married, and they all got married in their twenties to thirties. God wants most people on earth to find their mate, for sure. Sometimes, you don't end up with anyone even if you try.


Call me greedy, calculating, cold, and stingy. All the words that can make up the DNA of a new Scrooge. But see, I'm going to have old, dependent parents without any retirement plans one day who might need about $1000-$2000 per month or more to live comfortably. I'll also probably need to put away a bit of my income for my retirement fund. One day, if I get married -and yes, do let it happen, Lord!- my husband and I will need a place to live and a car -or another source of transportation- to use.


I don't even dream of having a nice little wedding with a few of my friends and family gathered in to celebrate anymore, but this isn't because of finance. It's because I'd rather go against the norm and reject the mainstream way of having a wedding. Tbh, I wouldn't mind exchanging rings, the vows, and signing the papers to get hitched. I'm not sure how many guys are out there who would want a girl like me. I don't want children, and I definitely don't want a mainstream wedding.


I knew this girl from work once. She was a terribly slow worker and probably got fired multiple times for that, but she married a decent guy. They have no children even though they've been married for nearly a decade. But since the guy has a steady job as a technician, I don't think that this couple has anything much to worry about for the future.

CF singles, if you do get married, do you want children? Do you think having children is a solid plan despite having financial setbacks?

 

[EazyMack]

Wanted children before 25. At 25, changed my mind. Still don't want to.

 

[Neve]

So your parents have no retirement plan. Are they eligible for Social Security benefits? Most people pay into the system even without having a 401K and fancy pension plans. Do they have living parents which they might receive an inheritance from? I do think you've cooked up the "very worst case" scenario here, JD. You're letting your fears influence your decisions. What if you marry and accidentally fall pregnant? Would you abort the baby fathered by your husband? Or will you be getting your tubes tied right now?

As far as your question to us goes, yes, I would like to marry and have one or two kids. Yes, I have student debt which will delay the plan, but it's not the reason to nix the plan altogether. Try as I might, I can't plan everything to a "T". Sometimes life throws us a bit of luck or a curveball, and we have to take it in stride.

 

[Keri]

No I don't want children at this point. Thankfully its physically impossible for me to get pregnant by my current partner.
I'll re-evaluate this desire when I'm settled.

 

[Amber.ly]

My parents have completely taken care of my 93 year old grandmother for 15+ years while living on one income, raised 6 kids and are very involved with their 3 grandkids.

Your math is based out of fear, not out of wisdom or common sense. Stop stressing. It will only age you quicker

I honestly don't think you should even be questioning future children as that is a topic you will be deciding with your spouse. You can't make a decision now as that is a choice you make together- not one you make when you're single and then expect the other person to fall in line.

 

[Spunkn]

My parents have completely taken care of my 93 year old grandmother for 15+ years while living on one income, raised 6 kids and are very involved with their 3 grandkids.

Your math is based out of fear, not out of wisdom or common sense. Stop stressing. It will only age you quicker

I honestly don't think you should even be questioning future children as that is a topic you will be deciding with your spouse. You can't make a decision now as that is a choice you make together- not one you make when you're single and then expect the other person to fall in line.

What Amberly said. She beat me again!

Anyway.....

these verses comes to mind

Matthew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

That's not to say you can't attempt to plan for the future. But ultimately we should depend on God.

Matthew 10:29 "Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father."

 

[Paulie079]

Yes, I would love to have kids and I am not fearful of any financial strain it may cause.

And you should really talk to your parents about this more, Jupiter. Like what plans they have in place for caring for themselves when they are past working age. I have a hard time understanding why they wouldn't have put any money away for retirement, and really this means that hopefully they plan on working for a good long time past retirement age. You should also make sure they have other important insurances and even a will in place. It's great to be willing to help care for them when they get to be in their old age, but they should at least try to put some things in place to make that easier on you.

 

[Purge187]

Never wanted kids, and I might not ever get married as a result. The prospect of being an eternal bachelor depressed the hell out of me for a while, but God delivered me from it.

I applaud your forethought, Jupiter. Parenthood is a major undertaking and not something that should be rushed into.

 

[Strider1002]

How can you do the math on stuff that hasn't even happened yet?

Wait until you're married, then you can figure it out.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

My parents have completely taken care of my 93 year old grandmother for 15+ years while living on one income, raised 6 kids and are very involved with their 3 grandkids.

Your math is based out of fear, not out of wisdom or common sense. Stop stressing. It will only age you quicker

I honestly don't think you should even be questioning future children as that is a topic you will be deciding with your spouse. You can't make a decision now as that is a choice you make together- not one you make when you're single and then expect the other person to fall in line.

You, always beating me to the punch. One of these days...

Seriously though, I fully agree with Amber, and also with those saying to not worry about the future. It's good to be prepared for things. However, the time is now, Jupe, so focus your mind on the present. Don't try to cross over that bridge before you've come to it.

 

[ImperatorWall]

Back in ye olde times having ten children was the retirement plan.

I want children, I would gladly make the sacrifices needed to raise and support them. And I would not wait until I'm financially "secure." Because no one ever is. We can only trust God to provide for us each day.

 

[Amber.ly]

You, always beating me to the punch. One of these days...

Hey, I was just trying to get ahead of Spunkn for once

 

[KitKatMatt]

I don't plan on having children biologically, but I am interested in adopting. I was barely rescued from going into the adoption system when I was a baby, and I want to help out at least one child who hasn't had that fortune

But if it doesn't look financially feasible at the time, then it's something that will have to wait. I know unexpected things can happen, and we can be on stable footing and someone could lose their job, but unless we're doing "pretty good" for a while and have built up a buffer in case of an emergency, then I don't want to bring a child into the situation just yet.

 

[FearlessHeart]

You worry about finances too much. It's bums me out

 

[Isambard]

I used to have a romantic notion of marriage and family life. Then as friends got married, had kids, and I saw the passion slowly drain out of them, I changed my mind. I'd rather spend the money that would go to potential kids on enjoyable vacations, the arts, and amazing fancy dates.

If I must fulfill my biological obligation, then I'll donate to a sperm bank. At least that way I'll be paid for my genetic contribution and I can go on with my life.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Thanks everyone for your input. It gives me a lot of insight and wisdom on what to do and how to go from here.


God bless

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Back in ye olde times having ten children was the retirement plan.

Still true in Third and maybe Fourth World countries.


exploitation ftw

 

[K9_Trainer]

I used to have a romantic notion of marriage and family life. Then as friends got married, had kids, and I saw the passion slowly drain out of them, I changed my mind. I'd rather spend the money that would go to potential kids on enjoyable vacations, the arts, and amazing fancy dates.

If I must fulfill my biological obligation, then I'll donate to a sperm bank. At least that way I'll be paid for my genetic contribution and I can go on with my life.

This!

I have no clue why having a family is so romanticized. It's not romantic. It's hard.

Anyway, when in doubt, don't have kids. It will change your life forever and you can't undo it.

 

[ImperatorWall]

Proverbs 17:6 Children's children [are] the crown of old men; and the glory of children [are] their fathers.

 

[Saucy]

Just because something's difficult doesn't mean it's not romantic or worth having. If you ask me, life is harder alone than with a spouse to help out. But I can see for some people how not having a spouse and kids would be more fun and free for them to do whatever they wanted rather than be 'tied down'.