no 100% in a relationship?

[Starpuppy]

my gf of 4 years just told me shes not committing 100% in the relationship because of our ages gap(shes older), sure we had a few big fights, mostly were my fault and now i am trying to change

i mean a few big fights are common due to personality differences but the moment you don't put 100% into a relationship, you bound to break up

she says that to put 100% in a relationship, chances are you will get hurt and also guys mature slower than ladies but she did say shes not giving up, only that the % drops after every argument

opinion people?

 

[jehoiakim]

I hate to be the one to tell you if the % drops every argument then she is giving up.

at this point I think you need to do some serious backtracking on some issues here because you seem to have a very shaky foundation. If you would like to save the relationship I suggest you consider some kind of counseling, or ask a seasoned married couple that can help mentor your guys.

One thing that helped me and my wife through our arguments is to realize that I had to be the one to lead us to reconcile not her. I also realized that with every argument I should never point to her sin first, even if it was the cause of my sin or if it was bigger. I always start by admitting my fault, and then almost every time she would admit her mistakes as soon as I was done and we would be on the road to resolving it.

My pastor also gave us a great word of advice in our premarital counseling, he told is every word that comes out of your mouths to each other you are either building and the other person up and growing them or you are manipulating(or at least trying to) that person.

 

[Starpuppy]

I hate to be the one to tell you if the % drops every argument then she is giving up.

at this point I think you need to do some serious backtracking on some issues here because you seem to have a very shaky foundation. If you would like to save the relationship I suggest you consider some kind of counseling, or ask a seasoned married couple that can help mentor your guys.

One thing that helped me and my wife through our arguments is to realize that I had to be the one to lead us to reconcile not her. I also realized that with every argument I should never point to her sin first, even if it was the cause of my sin or if it was bigger. I always start by admitting my fault, and then almost every time she would admit her mistakes as soon as I was done and we would be on the road to resolving it.

My pastor also gave us a great word of advice in our premarital counseling, he told is every word that comes out of your mouths to each other you are either building and the other person up and growing them or you are manipulating(or at least trying to) that person.

Thank you brother, i tried but she doesn't trust anybody

I understand i been quite harsh on her, pointing out her faults and now i have seen my mistakes, is is possible to make things right?

I know a supportive half makes your spouse stronger

 

[jehoiakim]

I can suggest a great book called "love and respect" you could read through it together.
As to whether it will actually help make things right? I don't know, I can't tell you but even if the book doesn't help I believe working through any of these issues will only make you stronger and better in the next relationship your are in.

really, though??? she does not have any married friends or couples she trusts or looks up to?

 

[Starpuppy]

I am quite hurt but i can't fully blame her..its just that i don't feel like working this relationship after she said it

nope..not at all

 

[Tiberius]

Sounds like you might benefit from couples counseling.

 

[The Nihilist]

Break up with her. See what else is out there.

 

[Luther073082]

my gf of 4 years just told me shes not committing 100% in the relationship because of our ages gap(shes older), sure we had a few big fights, mostly were my fault and now i am trying to change

i mean a few big fights are common due to personality differences but the moment you don't put 100% into a relationship, you bound to break up

she says that to put 100% in a relationship, chances are you will get hurt and also guys mature slower than ladies but she did say shes not giving up, only that the % drops after every argument

opinion people?

If she's not going to give it 100% then the relationship is over. Everything she's saying basically says "I don't want to marry you".

And honestly it doesn't sound like she's ready for marriage. When you have a fight or are upset with your partner is when you need to be MORE committed to the relationship/marriage. . . not less.

 

[Starpuppy]

If she's not going to give it 100% then the relationship is over. Everything she's saying basically says "I don't want to marry you".

And honestly it doesn't sound like she's ready for marriage. When you have a fight or are upset with your partner is when you need to be MORE committed to the relationship/marriage. . . not less.

i can't blame her..i was immature and never made plans to settle down

she on the hand was waiting so long to marry down..ready to find a house but i was never intrested

 

[Luther073082]

i can't blame her..i was immature and never made plans to settle down

she on the hand was waiting so long to marry down..ready to find a house but i was never intrested

How much older is she?

Either way, it doesn't matter if its your fault or not. When your partner upsets you, you need to be more committed to the marriage. Not less.

 

[Starpuppy]

How much older is she?

Either way, it doesn't matter if its your fault or not. When your partner upsets you, you need to be more committed to the marriage. Not less.

4 years older

I know what you mean and it sounds like i am defending her but i was reading a article online the other day and it gave me a slap because i never really stood in her shoes

You're Driving Me Crazy! | Psychology Today

and i don't blame her if i pushed her to that state of "i had it"

 

[Luther073082]

4 years older

I know what you mean and it sounds like i am defending her but i was reading a article online the other day and it gave me a slap because i never really stood in her shoes

You're Driving Me Crazy! | Psychology Today

and i don't blame her if i pushed her to that state of "i had it"

If she's "had it" then she needs to end the relationship and look elsewhere.

The bible tells us that love is patient and kind. If she isn't patient with you, then she doesn't love you.

Really you need to get out of this relationship. The fact that she's not willing to give 100% but still wants the relationship says a lot of things and none of them are good. It says that she never will be willing to give 100% unless everything goes her way. It says that as soon as things get tough in a marrage she will quit.

She also talks down to you and doesn't respect you. She clearly does not think you are terribly mature at least not mature enough for her. And maybe you aren't, I don't know. But she shouldn't be dating someone that she thinks is immature. (Personally I have more questions about her maturity then yours.)

Get out of this relationship is all I can say. I know its probably tough, but she's not treating you well and she's not marriage material. I'm sorry to have to tell you that.