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Newlywed help on intimacy and what is normal

Dave-W

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Men have needs as well,
I had a pastor about 20 years ago that said "Trying to get your own needs met is the heart of humanism."

As men we are to model Christ to our wives and "lay down our lives."
 
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RDKirk

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I had a pastor about 20 years ago that said "Trying to get your own needs met is the heart of humanism."

He wasn't thinking of Acts 2 or Acts 4 when he said that. Clearly those poor Christians in Jerusalem who made their needs known and got those needs met--like those Hellenist widows--were just darned humanists.

As men we are to model Christ to our wives and "lay down our lives."

And if we weren't talking about a treatable illness, that would surely be true. But there is nothing laudable about a man who lovingly nurses a wife with an ailment he could get her help to cure.
 
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LinkH

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It is at this point where the fictitious husband crosses the line from instruction and correction into abuse and "lording it over" his wife. Which, btw, is strictly PROHIBITED in the New Covenant community.

Matt 20.25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them.
26 It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,"

To any man who "insists" or "demands" submission from his wife, I present Hebrews 13.17 which tells men to obey and submit to their congregational leadership. "What if your pastor approached you and said 'I insist - no, I demand! - that you submit to me as God designed...' "

Heb 13.17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.

Sometimes it actually opens their eyes to what they have been doing.

While I think you make a valid point about being domineering. I'd like to point out that the word 'submit' in Hebrews 13:17 is a 'lighter' word that means to yeild to persuasion. But still we should all be careful what we so and treat others like we'd like to be treated.

There may be cases, though, where it is important for church leaders to remind fellow believers of this verse. Let's suppose there were a member of the congregation whe decided to make all the financial decisions for the church, decided to check to see if the church trash can was full so she could tell the church elders to take out the trash in a very bossy manner. You don't usually see that sort of thing in a church environment and the nature of the relationship is different. You might see that in a household.
 
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Dave-W

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Let's suppose there were a member of the congregation whe decided to make all the financial decisions for the church, decided to check to see if the church trash can was full so she could tell the church elders to take out the trash in a very bossy manner. You don't usually see that sort of thing in a church environment
Nor should you. Both the financial decisions and trash duty are functions that fall within the realm of the deaconate - not the elders. This is the elders' responsibilities:

Acts 6.2 So the twelve summoned the congregation of the disciples and said, “It is not desirable for us to neglect the word of God in order to serve tables. 3 Therefore, brethren, select from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may put in charge of this task. 4 But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.”

That is the elders' job: prayer and ministry of the word.
 
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