Newly weds and couples do this, and it is very annoying

[Musician4Jesus]

They've been desiring a romance just like all of us single people here do. However, they become so excited with the romance and become so captivated with their new signficant other, that this is what ends up happening:

They become completely absorbed in their new romance. It becomes the most important thing in their life. So important, that they imply through their actions that the other important relationships they have with others who also love and care about them just don't matter. That they don't care what is happening in the lives of their friends and family (actions speak louder then words). Okay, this is selfish, unfair, and you can cause much pain and sorrow to others without even realizing it. I know this because my friend has a girlfriend. Here is what ended up happening when I tried to call him one night and actually talked to him instead of receiving his voicemail. "Can you call me back"? I'm on the phone with my girlfriend.

I understand a romance is important, but you need to put relationships in priority. To allow this romance to completely absorb your life is selfish and hurtful.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I know what you are talking about, but maybe he did not want his new girlfriend to be concerned that he had gotten off the phone with her to talk to another girl. Did he call you back?

Honestly, I don't think it is a big deal that he asked you if he could call back. I do that to people who call in the middle of my phone calls and it doesn't matter who I am talking to. I think it would be rude to just let the person who you were originally talking to go so you could chat with the person who interrupted the call.

 

[Echoespeak006]

They've been desiring a romance just like all of us single people here do. However, they become so excited with the romance and become so captivated with their new signficant other, that this is what ends up happening:

They become completely absorbed in their new romance. It becomes the most important thing in their life. So important, that they imply through their actions that the other important relationships they have with others who also love and care about them just don't matter. That they don't care what is happening in the lives of their friends and family (actions speak louder then words). Okay, this is selfish, unfair, and you can cause much pain and sorrow to others without even realizing it. I know this because my friend has a girlfriend. Here is what ended up happening when I tried to call him one night and actually talked to him instead of receiving his voicemail. "Can you call me back"? I'm on the phone with my girlfriend.

I understand a romance is important, but you need to put relationships in priority. To allow this romance to completely absorb your life is selfish and hurtful.

I guess I don't think too much about it, because I just figure that humans in general become absorbed in the novelty of something. Give it sometime, and you realize they get back to normal.

As for the phone thing, I do that, now. I mean if you're on the phone with someone, then I think its perfect legitimate to have the second caller call you back. It just is what it is.

 

[Godssong]

Yeah, I've witnessed the change, too. And two of my best friends started dating each other, and now they're getting married in December...at first it was very hard to adjust to the change in the relationships...but it came...and now I'm actually excited about being in the wedding!

And, like some of the others have said, I'd call the second caller back, too...no matter who I was talking to.

 

[S.T.A.R.S.]

As Singles, we have to be careful with ourselves. Sometimes the one that changes or is not understanding is us. I've always expected a difference in my daily activities with my friends when they build relationships with thier girlfriend/boyfriend. It's expected and I accept it. I try to make sure my relationship is not built on how often we talk or hang out. It's built off love, respect and trust.

 

[Godssong]

As Singles, we have to be careful with ourselves. Sometimes the one that changes or is not understanding is us. I've always expected a difference in my daily activities with my friends when they build relationships with thier girlfriend/boyfriend. It's expected and I accept it. I try to make sure my relationship is not built on how often we talk or hang out. It's built off love, respect and trust.

Amen to that! I learned it the hard way...*sigh*

 

[Musician4Jesus]

Well now I feel completely out-of-place. Like I'm on the outside looking in. I cannot relate to any of my friends, and I feel like the relationship I have with them has drifted. This is because they're married or in a romance, and I'm not. I can understand that the romance will be more important to them then their friendship. Unfortunately, half the time, people (even Christians) end up allowing this relationship to completely absorb their life, and completely forgetting about the other relationships they have with people.

 

[lunalinda]

Hmmm, I dunno my opinion on the matter just yet. It'd be a tad hypocritical of me to completely agree, because I know that if I were the person who was newly involved in a relationship, especially one that is meant to be a serious one that may lead to marriage, then I would want that relationship to be the most serious one I have. That's your future mate, the future parent of would-be children, the future family, etc. That's a romance that may lead to the "till death do us part" stuff. Friendships are not less important, no, but they now have a different place than a relationship that may possibly lead to marriage.

But then on the other hand, if I were the one in the friendship, and my friend was overly involved with their new love, that'd bother me too. I'd feel less important or even expendable. But see, there'd still be that part of me that simply MUST understand that the most important friendship to have is the one with your spouse. While it's important to have outside friendships, those outside friendships shouldn't be more important than a mate's.

I guess it's really just a matter of how long a relationship has been going on. If it's a newly budded romance, you simply have to allow it to get more grounded before things can get back to "normal." The two involved have to develop a trust and respect for each other, get more rooted into how their relationship should be. If, after the time for that has lapsed, the person still obsessives over the love life at the expense of other friendships, then perhaps that's something to worry about, since there's no balance.

Anyway...my two cents.

 

[WhereHeLeadsMe]

They've been desiring a romance just like all of us single people here do. However, they become so excited with the romance and become so captivated with their new signficant other, that this is what ends up happening:

They become completely absorbed in their new romance. It becomes the most important thing in their life. So important, that they imply through their actions that the other important relationships they have with others who also love and care about them just don't matter. That they don't care what is happening in the lives of their friends and family (actions speak louder then words). Okay, this is selfish, unfair, and you can cause much pain and sorrow to others without even realizing it. I know this because my friend has a girlfriend. Here is what ended up happening when I tried to call him one night and actually talked to him instead of receiving his voicemail. "Can you call me back"? I'm on the phone with my girlfriend.

I understand a romance is important, but you need to put relationships in priority. To allow this romance to completely absorb your life is selfish and hurtful.

I know what your talking about. I think most people our age have experienced this. One or two of your friends fall in love and then you dont see much of them or hear from them for quite some time. Ofcourse it depends on the people involved in the relationship and some will be more distant than others. The bottom line is that your fighting a losing battle if you want people to change this behavior. Alot of times love makes us do crazy things. And understand I use the word "love" loosely, I think everyone knows what im talking about. So please, no speaches on "The definition of TRUE LOVE!" Anyway, yea it sucks, but thats the way it works. And soon enough you'll be in their shoes doing the same thing. Oh, I know, how can I say such a thing! YOU WOULD NEVER!! Im not directing that at you personally but at everyone reading this. You just have to be happy for your friends and let them go. And you really shouldn't say that they're being "selfish". Isnt it THEIR lives they're living? I wouldnt appriciate someone telling me I owe them my time. Friendship isnt about that so you cant say the other person is being selfish. You can say YOU are being selfish, but thats about it. Anyway I dont have any great insight into this subject or even much encouragement and the only wisdom I can give is to just be happy that your friends are happy and know that you'll have that someday also.

 

[Musician4Jesus]

I know what your talking about. I think most people our age have experienced this. One or two of your friends fall in love and then you dont see much of them or hear from them for quite some time. Ofcourse it depends on the people involved in the relationship and some will be more distant than others. The bottom line is that your fighting a losing battle if you want people to change this behavior. Alot of times love makes us do crazy things. And understand I use the word "love" loosely, I think everyone knows what im talking about. So please, no speaches on "The definition of TRUE LOVE!" Anyway, yea it sucks, but thats the way it works. And soon enough you'll be in their shoes doing the same thing. Oh, I know, how can I say such a thing! YOU WOULD NEVER!! Im not directing that at you personally but at everyone reading this. You just have to be happy for your friends and let them go. And you really shouldn't say that they're being "selfish". Isnt it THEIR lives they're living? I wouldnt appriciate someone telling me I owe them my time. Friendship isnt about that so you cant say the other person is being selfish. You can say YOU are being selfish, but thats about it. Anyway I dont have any great insight into this subject or even much encouragement and the only wisdom I can give is to just be happy that your friends are happy and know that you'll have that someday also.

Fyi, it IS extremely selfish and hurtful. If I had a relationship with a guy, then I would not allow the relationship to become so important that it completely monopolized my life. Look, people who are living their lives and are Christian maybe living "their lives" but if they truly love God, they've given their life to him. If they claim to be Christian, ditch God, and pursue their selfish wants, they'll be acting hypocritcal and lukewarm. They'll also be betraying their King in the process, seeing how we're supposed to be ambassadors for Christ.

 

[Musician4Jesus]

Fyi, it IS extremely selfish and hurtful. If I had a relationship with a guy, then I would not allow the relationship to become so important that it completely monopolized my life. Look, people who are living their lives and are Christian maybe living "their lives" but if they truly love God, they've given their life to him. If they claim to be Christian, ditch God, and pursue their selfish wants, they'll be acting hypocritcal and lukewarm. They'll also be betraying their King in the process, seeing how we're supposed to be ambassadors for Christ.

Okay, and another thing, I already know I'm a loser. I feel completely out-of-place, with romances and with life in general. I've suffered emotional wounds, and I feel like I'm playing "catch up". Everybody else I know will be serving God in vocational ministry in what God has called them to, or the desire of their hearts have been fulfilled by God, and they're in these Godly romances. I feel like there is NO place for me......

 

[Musician4Jesus]

Okay, and another thing, I already know I'm a loser. I feel completely out-of-place, with romances and with life in general. I've suffered emotional wounds, and I feel like I'm playing "catch up". Everybody else I know will be serving God in vocational ministry in what God has called them to, or the desire of their hearts have been fulfilled by God, and they're in these Godly romances. I feel like there is NO place for me......

I'm also trying to be happy for them, but I've been receiving the short end of the stick with romances and with life in general. All I've received is adversity, rejection, and persecution. I wish I could have my turn. Have the desires of my heart that God has placed there, fulfilled. Yes, wait on God's timing; but can't something, just once in my life come easy? Every goal I've ever wanted to accomplish, I've had to work twice as hard as the people I know to accomplish it

 

[okiemommy26]

Well I have been on the other side. Where my soon to be ex husband thought that his friends and himself came before his wife and family. That hurts too. I did not mind him wanting to see his friends and spend time with them but he would do stuff for them before he would even consider to help me with anything.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Hey, look at the bright side, at least you have friends. Some people are single and don't even have any friends.

 

[Echoespeak006]

I think I need clarification here....

I assumed we were talking about friends who are Christians who have turned their attention to their new "relationship" and less from their single friends. If one is a Christian, absolutey, they're relationship with God is to be primary, as it is the foundation for all other relationhips/friendships to be built on. However, I do not think its necessary out of order if someone begins to spend more quality time with their significant other. As a Christian, it IS important that those in the relationship do let the relationship become their god. Likewise, it is important for the single friend to not let that friendship become their god. I hate to say this, but I've seen it time and time again, where friends sometimes make their FRIENDSHIPS more important than anything else, and view a friend entering a relationship as a betrayl of sorts. Regardless, I've just learned to cut people some slack. No one is perfect, and whenever anything is entered for the first time, you're not always going to behave the appropriate way.

In addition, like I said before, I think its perfectly natural for one to want to spend quality time with a certain person, because with all due respect, this person may become their spouse. And if you think things are rough now, wait until the marriage rolls over..and you really are on the back burner due to marriage, kids, family obligations or whatever. Maybe, I'm not too upset, because I'm at the age where most of my close friends are either married or two steps from down the aisle.

 

[Musician4Jesus]

I think I need clarification here....

I assumed we were talking about friends who are Christians who have turned their attention to their new "relationship" and less from their single friends. If one is a Christian, absolutey, they're relationship with God is to be primary, as it is the foundation for all other relationhips/friendships to be built on. However, I do not think its necessary out of order if someone begins to spend more quality time with their significant other. As a Christian, it IS important that those in the relationship do let the relationship become their god. Likewise, it is important for the single friend to not let that friendship become their god. I hate to say this, but I've seen it time and time again, where friends sometimes make their FRIENDSHIPS more important than anything else, and view a friend entering a relationship as a betrayl of sorts. Regardless, I've just learned to cut people some slack. No one is perfect, and whenever anything is entered for the first time, you're not always going to behave the appropriate way.

In addition, like I said before, I think its perfectly natural for one to want to spend quality time with a certain person, because with all due respect, this person may become their spouse. And if you think things are rough now, wait until the marriage rolls over..and you really are on the back burner due to marriage, kids, family obligations or whatever. Maybe, I'm not too upset, because I'm at the age where most of my close friends are either married or two steps from down the aisle.

I think it is wrong for them to make the romance their god, because that is idol worship. They also imply to you through their actions that they don't care about you or the friendship they have with you. Quality time is my love language, and when a person allows the relationship to become so important this can cause problems. They have to prioritize. They need to realize that they have more then just the romance in their lives and realize that they have relationships with other people who love and care about them too. They need to be on even footing with all of their relationships. The only relationship that should be the most important in their lives is their relationship with God. I can understand that the romance will be important, but it is WRONG to make any relationship their God, because they'll end up doing one of these two things.....


If they make the relationship with their significant their God, then they'll imply that they don't care about the relationships they have with other people who love and care about them. This can cause a tremendous amount of damage, and they may not even realize they're doing anything wrong...

Or they spend so much time trying to help their friends and loving and encouraging them, that they neglect their relationship with their spouse/fiancee/or girlfriend/boyfriend

 

[WhereHeLeadsMe]

I think it is wrong for them to make the romance their god, because that is idol worship. They also imply to you through their actions that they don't care about you or the friendship they have with you. Quality time is my love language, and when a person allows the relationship to become so important this can cause problems. They have to prioritize. They need to realize that they have more then just the romance in their lives and realize that they have relationships with other people who love and care about them too. They need to be on even footing with all of their relationships. The only relationship that should be the most important in their lives is their relationship with God. I can understand that the romance will be important, but it is WRONG to make any relationship their God, because they'll end up doing one of these two things.....


If they make the relationship with their significant their God, then they'll imply that they don't care about the relationships they have with other people who love and care about them. This can cause a tremendous amount of damage, and they may not even realize they're doing anything wrong...

Or they spend so much time trying to help their friends and loving and encouraging them, that they neglect their relationship with their spouse/fiancee/or girlfriend/boyfriend

I agree with you about not putting their relationships with themselves and others before their relationships with God. Forget about that for a second. I agree that it can hurt sometimes. But its still not YOUR right to say what somone else can or cant do with THEIR life. You can point out that its hurtful and that it sucks but you cant say that its wrong (unless they're putting their relationship before God). And no, just because they arent hanging out with all their friends as much anymore doesnt mean they arent still putting God first. Furthermore you cant serve God being married to the same extent as you could being single because you have to give attention to your wife/husband and family 1 Corinthians 7:32-33. So your saying you dont feel like your acting manipulative and jelous and selfish at all?

 

[Musician4Jesus]

I agree with you about not putting their relationships with themselves and others before their relationships with God. Forget about that for a second. I agree that it can hurt sometimes. But its still not YOUR right to say what somone else can or cant do with THEIR life. You can point out that its hurtful and that it sucks but you cant say that its wrong (unless they're putting their relationship before God). And no, just because they arent hanging out with all their friends as much anymore doesnt mean they arent still putting God first. Furthermore you cant serve God being married to the same extent as you could being single because you have to give attention to your wife/husband and family 1 Corinthians 7:32-33. So your saying you dont feel like your acting manipulative and jelous and selfish at all?

Okay you don't have a right to judge me when you don't even know me; secondly, you have no right to judge me, because you're NOT God, and there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Secondly, no I don't think I'm being selfish. I realize my friends have other things going on in their life. However, if they're truly my friends, then they'll be accountable to me in my walk with God, and we'll bare our burdens (Galatians 6:2). The bottom line is, any time you allow one relationship to monopolize your life (except your relationship with God) it will throw your other relationships off kilter. It is wrong for the romance to completely monopolize your life when these start to occur...

A.They were accountable to you, and asked how your life was, and how your walk with God is. Now, the romance they have is so important, they no longer keep accountable to you in their walk with God.

B.They make promises to you, and if you make a promise, you're supposed to keep it. Yet, they keep breaking commitments and promises to others because of allowing this romance to absorb their entire life.

C.The relationship intereferes with them serving God. They care so much about this relationship and loving and devoting all their attention to this one person, that it inteferes with their spiritual walk and the aspects in it (prayer, worship, spending time in God's word)


Also, as mentioned above, I know they have more then one thing going on in their life. However, if the relationships they have with others means anything to them, if they truly love the people who they have these relationships with, then they'll take the effort it requires and make the time it requires for the relationship to flourish. No, I know full well that they have this romance and it's important to them. All I'm saying is to allow a relationship of any kind to monopolize your life and to allow it to solely depend on your happiness, and your happiness solely depends on making the person happy...

THAT right there is also being manipulative and it's being co dependent, which is an unhealthy and destructive behavior if you allow it to get out of hand

 

[Musician4Jesus]

Oh, and another thing the Bible says we are to love our neighbors as ourseleves. This means putting our wants and desires LAST, and think about others first. To only think about love and devotion to the other person and neglecting the other relationships in your life is in a way contradicting Scripture

Like I said, you have to prioritize and allow your relationships to be on even footing. If you care about the other relationships you have with other people, you will make the time and make the effort to make sure you don't neglect the other relationships you have in your lives.

 

[Mskedi]

The issue is simply that there are 24 hours in a day. In general a new spouse or SO is someone they want to spend quite a bit of time with. It doesn't mean that they don't want to spend time with you anymore, but relationships take a lot of time and effort -- particularly in the beginning stages -- so of course the time they are going to spend with you is going to go down. It's just part of life, and it's not necessarily a bad part.

I expect that when my friends get into relationships. Give them some space, and then invite them both to something. When things are more settled for the couple, you'll get one-on-one time again, but probably never to the extent that you once had.