Newcomers

[Saint Nod]

This is always a tricky one!
I remember hearing once that people in church are like lego blocks... often the connecting dots on their blocks are already connected with others in the congregation. So it is very difficult getting newcomers connected to others in the church.
So, if you have any ideas on how to connect people into the congregation, I would love to hear from you!
I see Many newcomers each week but few seem to connect with the regulars in a way so that they keep coming. We have tried "dinners of eight" where twice a year we set up a meal at various houses where each contributes part of the meal... and this works well, but is only effective every so often...
Thanks!

 

[DeerGlow]

This is always a tricky one!
I remember hearing once that people in church are like lego blocks... often the connecting dots on their blocks are already connected with others in the congregation. So it is very difficult getting newcomers connected to others in the church.
So, if you have any ideas on how to connect people into the congregation, I would love to hear from you!
I see Many newcomers each week but few seem to connect with the regulars in a way so that they keep coming. We have tried "dinners of eight" where twice a year we set up a meal at various houses where each contributes part of the meal... and this works well, but is only effective every so often...
Thanks!

What put me off from my current church is how exclusive they can seem. The greeters were so in-your-face they made a shy/antisocial person like me uncomfortable but the people are so close to each other they group up in arrangements they've probably had for years when we do team stuff or small groups. Really made them seem fake and rude/impossible to talk to. Since I had no option of going to my old church I've been more included but if I didn't have to I easily might have left.

 

[Saint Nod]

What put me off from my current church is how exclusive they can seem. The greeters were so in-your-face they made a shy/antisocial person like me uncomfortable but the people are so close to each other they group up in arrangements they've probably had for years when we do team stuff or small groups. Really made them seem fake and rude/impossible to talk to. Since I had no option of going to my old church I've been more included but if I didn't have to I easily might have left.

Thanks DeerGlow,
This is also what concerns me... how to make the welcomers more genuine... and not in your face... I mean you need more than a good program and good preaching sometimes to keep people in church!

 

[Big Drew]

Not Baptist, but, if I may...

My family and I were attending a church for about a year and never got to know anyone personally. There was one guy that would talk to us before and after service, but that was about it...and it wasn't from lack of trying on our part...we signed up for a small group and never received anymore info, or a phone call or email or anything about it. The church talked a good game, but I kinda see it as a used car lot mentality...they'd meet you at your car, walk you to the door, someone else would open the door, another would give you a bulletin...all seemed friendly enough, but no one really seemed approachable. Even the pastor and his wife, that we interacted with several times, walked right by us, looking right at us, one day in the grocery store...I purposely didn't say anything first just to see if they would, and they didn't...really made me think that the welcoming you get there isn't genuine, that it's just how they teach their ushers to behave.

Now, the church we've been visiting for the last month has been completely different. Not just the ushers have spoken to us, but several members of the congregation...the pastor met us the first Sunday we were there, and has come up and spoken to us every other as well...remembering our names. Same for the music minister. In fact, everyone we met the first Sunday we've been greeted by warmly each other visit, as well as meeting more folks...it's like going into someone's home, not someone's place of business.

I don't know what the secret is there, other than I think it takes an effort on everyone in the congregation to make a newcomer to feel welcomed, and not just those that that's their job. Not saying this is the case in your church, because I don't know...but one thing I've noticed where we're visiting is that the folks want to really know about us...they come up and ask about our week, they've been asking what type of work we're in, where the kids go to school...they're making it personal, and not just smiling for the sake of smiling with an empty, "Hi, how are you?"

 

[Saint Nod]

Not Baptist, but, if I may...

My family and I were attending a church for about a year and never got to know anyone personally. There was one guy that would talk to us before and after service, but that was about it...and it wasn't from lack of trying on our part...we signed up for a small group and never received anymore info, or a phone call or email or anything about it. The church talked a good game, but I kinda see it as a used car lot mentality...they'd meet you at your car, walk you to the door, someone else would open the door, another would give you a bulletin...all seemed friendly enough, but no one really seemed approachable. Even the pastor and his wife, that we interacted with several times, walked right by us, looking right at us, one day in the grocery store...I purposely didn't say anything first just to see if they would, and they didn't...really made me think that the welcoming you get there isn't genuine, that it's just how they teach their ushers to behave.

Now, the church we've been visiting for the last month has been completely different. Not just the ushers have spoken to us, but several members of the congregation...the pastor met us the first Sunday we were there, and has come up and spoken to us every other as well...remembering our names. Same for the music minister. In fact, everyone we met the first Sunday we've been greeted by warmly each other visit, as well as meeting more folks...it's like going into someone's home, not someone's place of business.

I don't know what the secret is there, other than I think it takes an effort on everyone in the congregation to make a newcomer to feel welcomed, and not just those that that's their job. Not saying this is the case in your church, because I don't know...but one thing I've noticed where we're visiting is that the folks want to really know about us...they come up and ask about our week, they've been asking what type of work we're in, where the kids go to school...they're making it personal, and not just smiling for the sake of smiling with an empty, "Hi, how are you?"

Thanks Big Drew,
Indeed what you say resonates with me... I have had the same experience, and no doubt this experience has been played out by too many Christians...
I too have been to a church where there was a concerted effort to meet and follow up people... that wasn't contrived. The pastors would head not to the doors but to people they hadn't met. And even when we sat down to the service the pastors would come up to introduce themselves. I found out later that they had a system of actually checking up on people who hadn't been there in 3 weeks.the church is around the 2-3000 in number... so I guess they have to have ffective ways to catch newcomers.
Anyhow, thanks for replying!

 

[Big Drew]

Thanks Big Drew,
Indeed what you say resonates with me... I have had the same experience, and no doubt this experience has been played out by too many Christians...
I too have been to a church where there was a concerted effort to meet and follow up people... that wasn't contrived. The pastors would head not to the doors but to people they hadn't met. And even when we sat down to the service the pastors would come up to introduce themselves. I found out later that they had a system of actually checking up on people who hadn't been there in 3 weeks.the church is around the 2-3000 in number... so I guess they have to have ffective ways to catch newcomers.
Anyhow, thanks for replying!

Ah...that does make things different...this church we've been going to probably only has around 100 in attendance each week. I got to thinking about it after I posted...the two churches I was a member of for the longest, each around 5 years, were both very personable when I first visited...I remember the last church, my daughters (twins) were born shortly after my wife and I started attending, maybe only a couple of months...we really hadn't had a chance to get to know anyone well...but for the first month after the girls were born, the ladies of the church took turns brining us a hot meal each night...that made a big impression on us, and shortly thereafter we joined the church, and remained members until the doors closed.

I guess in a church the size of yours you would need to have a welcoming committee of some sort...I'm sure there are still ways in a church that big to make folks feel welcomed. I know my mother goes to a large church with about 1500 members, and one Sunday a month they have a lunch with the pastor for all newcomers. Have you tried anything like that?

 

[Saint Nod]

Ah...that does make things different...this church we've been going to probably only has around 100 in attendance each week. I got to thinking about it after I posted...the two churches I was a member of for the longest, each around 5 years, were both very personable when I first visited...I remember the last church, my daughters (twins) were born shortly after my wife and I started attending, maybe only a couple of months...we really hadn't had a chance to get to know anyone well...but for the first month after the girls were born, the ladies of the church took turns brining us a hot meal each night...that made a big impression on us, and shortly thereafter we joined the church, and remained members until the doors closed.

I guess in a church the size of yours you would need to have a welcoming committee of some sort...I'm sure there are still ways in a church that big to make folks feel welcomed. I know my mother goes to a large church with about 1500 members, and one Sunday a month they have a lunch with the pastor for all newcomers. Have you tried anything like that?

Yes 300-400 in church and 3 pastors... Well, we have considered setting up a roster to have folk around on a weekly basis. It is very hard though getting folks to commit to this. However, I like your suggestion of a monthly roster... that would be easier to put in place so thanks for your suggestion. Does your church hand out welcoming packages or anything else special? The reason I am asking this is that I am on the welcoming committee - something I do each week, because if I don't do it each week people will say to you that they have been coming for a few weeks and somehow you have missed them!

 

[98cwitr]

More events to suit a wider audience.

Examples:

Men's breakfast - Guys have breakfast at a disclosed location/eatery
Ladies night out - All the girls get together for an evening out
Night-life - movies, dinners, bowling
Sporting events - watching sports at someone's home, going to a basketball or football game together
Cook-outs - Get together at someone's house for a BBQ, BYOS
Game Day/Night - great activity for youth and adults. Can be hosted at church as well and the costs are low.
Museum visits

Just anything you'd get together and do with friends, advertise it for others to come along. Communicate times, locations, and costs and let that be it.

 

[Saint Nod]

More events to suit a wider audience.

Examples:

Men's breakfast - Guys have breakfast at a disclosed location/eatery
Ladies night out - All the girls get together for an evening out
Night-life - movies, dinners, bowling
Sporting events - watching sports at someone's home, going to a basketball or football game together
Cook-outs - Get together at someone's house for a BBQ, BYOS
Game Day/Night - great activity for youth and adults. Can be hosted at church as well and the costs are low.
Museum visits

Just anything you'd get together and do with friends, advertise it for others to come along. Communicate times, locations, and costs and let that be it.

Thanks 98cwitr.... all good ideas!

 

[Big Drew]

Yes 300-400 in church and 3 pastors... Well, we have considered setting up a roster to have folk around on a weekly basis. It is very hard though getting folks to commit to this. However, I like your suggestion of a monthly roster... that would be easier to put in place so thanks for your suggestion. Does your church hand out welcoming packages or anything else special? The reason I am asking this is that I am on the welcoming committee - something I do each week, because if I don't do it each week people will say to you that they have been coming for a few weeks and somehow you have missed them!

At the newcomers lunch the pastor will speak for a few minutes, give a brief overview of the history of the church, highlight some of the main beliefs, that kind of thing...then spend the rest of the time fellowshipping with the visitors. They'll also give a small gift to first time visitors on the day of the service...I've seen them give a coffee mug with a few chocolates in it, along with a "Welcome" note...or a decorative bag with some fresh cookies.

I think one problem you face is that if there's a visitors card a lot of folks don't want to fill one out, because they're afraid someone may show up at their house unannounced. I've had churches do this, and while I appreciate the gesture, I think it's rude. Send a letter or an email thanking folks for visiting...giving them more information in regards to different ministries and classes the church has for them to be involved in...that makes them feel connected, but just randomly showing up at someone's house can be very off-putting.

As for the volunteers, I would say treat them like employees, to an extent...if they're failing to do what they have said they would, talk with them to see if maybe this isn't the right area of ministry for them, or if they just need a fire lit under them...and look for more...you can never have too much help.

 

[98cwitr]

I guess it poses the question: How many real friends, people we spend a significant amount of time with, building relationships outside of church but that attend the same church we do? We don't have a lot. There are a few people we do have dinner with from time to time, but everyone seems to go their own way when church lets out. Do people need to have more in common than faith?

 

[Goodbook]

Th baptist church i go to has a newcomers lunch. I think small groups are also good.
I do find that some churches can either be standoffish or too eager.
I think there is someone who has the role of inclusion in our church and shes really hospitable. We have community meals and anyone come along, theres no pressure to join up and sign your life away like in some churches.

I do think it depends on the people and i make the effort to not always sit in the same spot each week, which for a new comer can be a bit sad especially if they dont know anyone to be by themselves.

 

[Goodbook]

Having things in common besides faith...well faith is a core thing for many..and i do agree thought that mutual interests are important. But theres just so many different interests you can have thats all.

One thing i really find a lot of christians are into is...gardening! Both men and women.

 

[Goodbook]

Just to add many christian women are teachers, or nurses i find a lot. So children and talking about how children grow up is going to be a very common topic..and having playdates etc.
Music is another interest...im not a musician though.

Outside of church is when christians do their ministry and it can be with all sorts of people. What your outside interest is...will be your ministry or sphere of influence mine happens to be writing, books and gardening.

You just need to find the groups of interest that gather in your area. For example im sure theres a minstry or group for RV owners. As there are for motorcyclists.