Newbie/Question

[divinebeatrice]

Hi all - I'm new to this forum, and found my way here probably under different circumstances than most. I am currently not a church-goer, though I was years ago in my teens. I'm here because I recently befriended a man who is very religious and going through some turmoil right now due to separation from his previous church.

He was attending a Southern Baptist church (I believe) and left because of conflict with the preacher. This man's son and girlfriend were living together before they got married, but they were not having sex. When the man's son and the woman decided to get married, this particular preacher refused to perform the ceremony for them on the grounds that they had been living in sin. This hurt the man, as well as his son and his son's girlfriend (now wife). As a result, they all left that particular church.

Now, about the same time the deacon of this same church that this man once attended had a teenage son who was having sex with a girl and got her pregnant - so he married her. The deacon's son and the girl he got pregnant repented to the preacher. The preacher performed this couple's wedding ceremony on the grounds that they had repented to him and confessed their sins. Therefore, it was ok for him to marry them.

Since I don't consider myself very knowledgeable on religion, I was wondering what people on this forum think of the preacher's stance. Is it the preacher's role to pass judgment or to simply perform a service? Does it sound like a case of politics, i.e., playing favors for the deacon? The man I've been talking to says it is not his son's place to repent to the preacher. God is the one who matters. But is it a sin for man and woman to simply live together and not have sexual relations? I'm not quite sure I understand all the facets of this story. Keep in mind, this is a small Southern town - if this makes any difference.

Thanks to you all for your help! I appreciate any feedback/comments.

-bea

PS - Not sure I have the right forum, so sorry if I'm in the wrong place!

 

[StogusMaximus]

There are two ways to be married, either in Church with a pastor, or in a courthouse with a Justice of the peace.

The pastor does not have to perform a religious service for somebody that does not share the beliefs of the church. Once the couple confessed their sins and decided to give their lives to Christ. The pastor saw that they accepted Christ and accepted the rules of that church, he was then willing to marry them.

If they did not accept Christ, they could have a legal wedding service at the Jop instead of a religious service.

 

[Rose-Mary]

It all seems a bit odd to me! I suppose it is up to the minister of the church whom he marries.

I personally don't have a problem with people living together before marriage, my two daughters did. I think it is better than rushing into marriage and getting a divorce at a later stage. At least when my daughters made their marriage vows they knew what they were letting themselves in for!

 

[lucypevensie]

I probably don't have enough of the story to make an absolute decision on an opinion. But from what you've given in the original post, here's what I think.

Many Christians view cohabitation as sin even if the couple are not having sex. Because it gives the appearance of evil and the Bible tells us to refrain from all appearances of evil. I assume that is what the pastor believes.

You did not give any indication that the first couple agreed with the pastor that living together was sin and they therefore did not repent of any sin.

The deacon's son, even though he admitted to having sex DID repent, and that is what made the whole difference in the situation----repentance.

 

[divinebeatrice]

Then Christians would probably view me as "evil"! I live with a male roommate. We've been friends since 1993 --NOTHING but good friends, no sexual relations, no physical intimacy, etc. I have to chuckle because although it is a totally platonic relationship, perhaps we are giving the appearance of evil.

-db

 

[Blackwing]

Will move this to the advice thread ok?

you will get more responses there

 

[solo66 man]

First, it is a sin to have sex out of wedlock. Secondly, the preacher probably has some inside information that you do not have. So, i would not judge the preacher to readily. Remember, it is his family and would he want his son to go on living in sin? I think not. He probably knew some things that the married couple are hiding from everyone else. They may have become angry because he did not cover up for them.