Newbie here with a question

[seekfirst]

IF one divorces a non-christian, no adultry involved, but for lies and totally different morals and beliefs, and then he becomes a Christian (praise God)..and he wants to try to get back together...do you believe that would be God's will for the couple? Or since they are divorced already the contract has been severed, and they are free of one another. Does this make sense?
He lied a lot, and he did a lot of things that were not right. I was pregnant when I left, and at that time the marriage was a nightmare. It was a bitter divorce, and my family was very supportive. I knew God hated divorce, but I was willing to just not be married anymore for the rest of my life then to live with him.
Now, I am finding myself open to the relationship again, but a bit leery of his intentions. I think my family would be so angry with me if I even gave the realtionship a shot again...but I really want to do what God wants me to do. So I thought I would come on here, and hear your viewpoints. If I need to clairy more just let me know. Thank you!!

 

[mghalpern]

IF one divorces a non-christian, no adultry involved, but for lies and totally different morals and beliefs, and then he becomes a Christian (praise God)..and he wants to try to get back together...do you believe that would be God's will for the couple? Or since they are divorced already the contract has been severed, and they are free of one another. Does this make sense?

He lied a lot, and he did a lot of things that were not right. I was pregnant when I left, and at that time the marriage was a nightmare. It was a bitter divorce, and my family was very supportive. I knew God hated divorce, but I was willing to just not be married anymore for the rest of my life then to live with him.

Now, I am finding myself open to the relationship again, but a bit leery of his intentions. I think my family would be so angry with me if I even gave the realtionship a shot again...but I really want to do what God wants me to do. So I thought I would come on here, and hear your viewpoints. If I need to clairy more just let me know. Thank you!!

Welcome aboard “seekfirst.” You will probably find some helpful posts in the “Is Divorce A Sin” topic in this same forum.



To address you questions though, I’ll do my best. I’m so sorry that you were lied to so much and that your marriage was so difficult. I speak from experience regarding a very difficult marriage (my wife moved out this past January…and has yet to file for divorce, yet she has said that this is her intentions). I am standing for and believing that my marriage will be restored. Enough about me…it’s great to know that you care about what God wants you to do. Family almost always sides with their flesh and blood, which is normal, but often very harmful to relationships. By the way, does you family consider themselves Christians? This is one reason that we should never share intimacies with our family regarding our marriages. It sounds like you filed for divorce. Did you happen to think of a legal separation as opposed to divorce at any time? If so, what were your thoughts about this? Scripturally, I’m not sure (from what you posted) that you can “justify” your divorce, however if your husband had filed for divorce you would have been “allowed” to let him leave. There is also scripture that suggests that you live in a way that might lead him to the Lord. Before I would jump back into your marriage with him (now that you have divorced him), I would pursue professional Christian counseling with your ex with the full intention to remarry. This would be a great time to work through your problems that you share. This would give you an opportunity to date again as well. If he is the father of your child, your ex should be back with you to parent your new baby. It will be very difficult on you regarding your family, but God’s will is not always easy. I am estranged from my only sibling and most of her family because I had to put my marriage ahead of my extended family. This is God’s order for family. Unfortunately, they didn’t understand this, but I am very comfortable, yet saddened that things are the way they are today. It looks like my family was right (on the surface), though I still did what I believe God would have had me do. If I can offer anything else, please let me know…Michael

 

[seekfirst]

Welcome aboard “seekfirst.” You will probably find some helpful posts in the “Is Divorce A Sin” topic in this same forum.



To address you questions though, I’ll do my best. I’m so sorry that you were lied to so much and that your marriage was so difficult. I speak from experience regarding a very difficult marriage (my wife moved out this past January…and has yet to file for divorce, yet she has said that this is her intentions). I am standing for and believing that my marriage will be restored. Enough about me…it’s great to know that you care about what God wants you to do. Family almost always sides with their flesh and blood, which is normal, but often very harmful to relationships. By the way, does you family consider themselves Christians? This is one reason that we should never share intimacies with our family regarding our marriages. It sounds like you filed for divorce. Did you happen to think of a legal separation as opposed to divorce at any time? If so, what were your thoughts about this? Scripturally, I’m not sure (from what you posted) that you can “justify” your divorce, however if your husband had filed for divorce you would have been “allowed” to let him leave. There is also scripture that suggests that you live in a way that might lead him to the Lord. Before I would jump back into your marriage with him (now that you have divorced him), I would pursue professional Christian counseling with your ex with the full intention to remarry. This would be a great time to work through your problems that you share. This would give you an opportunity to date again as well. If he is the father of your child, your ex should be back with you to parent your new baby. It will be very difficult on you regarding your family, but God’s will is not always easy. I am estranged from my only sibling and most of her family because I had to put my marriage ahead of my extended family. This is God’s order for family. Unfortunately, they didn’t understand this, but I am very comfortable, yet saddened that things are the way they are today. It looks like my family was right (on the surface), though I still did what I believe God would have had me do. If I can offer anything else, please let me know…Michael

Michael,
Thank you for responding. I was the one who filed, and he is my daughter's father. I did think about seperation, but with my families advice, and my feeling's at the time I went ahead with the divorce. My family is Christian, and are one's who justify the living conditions for a reason to divorce. I have grown close to God throughout my divorce and since it's been final. He has been my strength throughout this, and I have really "grown up" in so many ways. He lives 3 hours away from me, but has visitation with my daughter so I see him at the half way point where drop off/pick up happens. He has asked me to go on a picnic with him and my daughter the next time. I have told my mother about him coming to God and his apology and how he wishes we were still a family. She is happy he has, and said she has prayed for him...but thinks we should just be friends, no more. I am leaving this in God's hands, and reading your response I find it biblically right on. I will just take it day by day, and let God lead. Your prayers would be wonderful..and anyone else who is reading this. More than anything I just want wisdom about this and discernment. Thank you, and God bless.
Kimberly

 

[bkg]

To address you questions though, I’ll do my best. I’m so sorry that you were lied to so much and that your marriage was so difficult. I speak from experience regarding a very difficult marriage (my wife moved out this past January…and has yet to file for divorce, yet she has said that this is her intentions). I am standing for and believing that my marriage will be restored. Enough about me…it’s great to know that you care about what God wants you to do. Family almost always sides with their flesh and blood, which is normal, but often very harmful to relationships. By the way, does you family consider themselves Christians? This is one reason that we should never share intimacies with our family regarding our marriages. It sounds like you filed for divorce. Did you happen to think of a legal separation as opposed to divorce at any time? If so, what were your thoughts about this? Scripturally, I’m not sure (from what you posted) that you can “justify” your divorce, however if your husband had filed for divorce you would have been “allowed” to let him leave. There is also scripture that suggests that you live in a way that might lead him to the Lord. Before I would jump back into your marriage with him (now that you have divorced him), I would pursue professional Christian counseling with your ex with the full intention to remarry. This would be a great time to work through your problems that you share. This would give you an opportunity to date again as well. If he is the father of your child, your ex should be back with you to parent your new baby. It will be very difficult on you regarding your family, but God’s will is not always easy. I am estranged from my only sibling and most of her family because I had to put my marriage ahead of my extended family. This is God’s order for family. Unfortunately, they didn’t understand this, but I am very comfortable, yet saddened that things are the way they are today. It looks like my family was right (on the surface), though I still did what I believe God would have had me do. If I can offer anything else, please let me know…Michael

Wow! Normally I would jump in here with my personal thoughts on divorce, why I am standing for my own restoration, etc... But, frankly, there is nothing that I can say that Michael hasn't already said in a very eloquent, Scripturally sound manner! Great post, Michael!

Seekfirst - Michael is a very wise person, and I believe you'll find his words to be in line with Scripture and very Godly.

 

[mghalpern]

Michael,
Thank you for responding. I was the one who filed, and he is my daughter's father. I did think about seperation, but with my families advice, and my feeling's at the time I went ahead with the divorce. My family is Christian, and are one's who justify the living conditions for a reason to divorce. I have grown close to God throughout my divorce and since it's been final. He has been my strength throughout this, and I have really "grown up" in so many ways. He lives 3 hours away from me, but has visitation with my daughter so I see him at the half way point where drop off/pick up happens. He has asked me to go on a picnic with him and my daughter the next time. I have told my mother about him coming to God and his apology and how he wishes we were still a family. She is happy he has, and said she has prayed for him...but thinks we should just be friends, no more. I am leaving this in God's hands, and reading your response I find it biblically right on. I will just take it day by day, and let God lead. Your prayers would be wonderful..and anyone else who is reading this. More than anything I just want wisdom about this and discernment. Thank you, and God bless.
Kimberly

The most important thing that has happened to you is that you have grown closer to the Lord. I'm very glad to hear that. I would caution you about sharing much more with your family and I would suggest finding another person (pastor, counselor, best friend - strong Christian of course, etc.) who you can share these things with...Michael

 

[mghalpern]

Wow! Normally I would jump in here with my personal thoughts on divorce, why I am standing for my own restoration, etc... But, frankly, there is nothing that I can say that Michael hasn't already said in a very eloquent, Scripturally sound manner! Great post, Michael!

Seekfirst - Michael is a very wise person, and I believe you'll find his words to be in line with Scripture and very Godly.

You're too much my brother...thank you...Michael