Hi, as the top says I am new to all this. I started reading the forum here a few weeks ago but have been scared to post. Not from anyone but more that if I put it all in writing it will be too real not just this bad dream I have been living.
A bit about my story. My husband and I have always been up and down during our marriage good times and bad. He has always been addicted to computer games and while that doesnt seem bad has caused a lot of hurt including missing the birth of his first child. Though I have hung in there all these years because I made a commitment before God and kept beleiveing one day things would change and me and the kids would be more important then the games.
The last year we have struggled and I noticed my husband getting worse and worse with the internet to the point were we hardly saw him he was taking his dinner in there. When we did see him he was nasty and hurtful and started carrying on about things that never bothered him in the past. The kids toys in the way etc. I knew something had changed I could tell by the way he was looking at me. As if he hated me and the kids.
I was worried because he went from hating mobiles to needing one and started turning his msn on the computer when he never liked it in the past. the study door would get closed and when I opened it it always caused an arguement so I left it. I confronted him are you having an affair with someone online. No he says. Then he went on and on about how hurt he was that I would think that of him. Stupid me fell for it and was ashamed of my self for not trusting him.
A couple of weeks past things got worse till I couldnt take it anymore. I looked at his mobile phone and found a name Tam with a number I didnt know. When he came home again I confronted him. He denied it said he had no idea who it was or how it got there. I didnt beleive him but he started picking an arguement about the credit card bill and I got distracted. The next day I arrange for my friend to take our two children out so we could talk. I waited all day for him to wake up (he stays up till 4am playing games) I was neverous and ran around making sure the place looked perfect so he couldnt distract me with a fight about somthing else. I told him i was scared what was happing and felt like if we didnt get help we would end up hating each other. I asked him if we could get councilng. He then told me that he didnt love me anymore and wanted out of the marriage. He saw no point to counciling as if we couldnt change for each other it wouldnt be real if we changed for the councilor. I argued the point and told him that we could save our marriage but it would take effort on both parts he said no. but he only wanted a trial seperation because he was a 100% sure and didnt want me going off and starting a new life. It was agreed it was best for me and the kids to move out and he say in the home as it had belonged to his mother and we had brought it off her 5yrs ago. The next day as you can imagine I was upset I rang my friend who came over straight away. I told her the story and about the mobile number that I never got a awnser on. she said you know there is a way to check his computer. I said no as I didnt think we would find anything (he is IT guy and new to hide his tracts) she talked me into checking and I couldnt belevie what I found. All there transcript him declaring his undying love for her, her to him. she is married also, and has another online boyfriend. The stuff they said to each other broke my heart and is burned into my brain for ever. Now one has ever hurt me as much. Most of it was done with me in the next room. He saying that he had to wisper so I didnt hear, and for her to imagine it would be how he would sound laying in bed together. I just could not beleive it. I waited for him to come home and confronted him, again he denied it, I was reading his own words back to him he was still dening it. Finaly he gave in and said that I didnt love him enough so he had no choice but to go to her. He also told me that he left that evidence on the computer on purpose because he new I would snoop and find it. I ask is that because he wanted me to leave him and he said he did not know.
So now we are two months down the track. And he wants nothing to do with me and refuses to break things off with her. He feels he has done nothing wrong, and that our marriage was over years ago. The problem is that he forgot to tell me and he forgot to stop sleeping with me so I have been left quite shocked by it all. I still do not know how I did not love him enough and he can not tell me how either. I have asked him but he never anwsers.
I never beleived he was the type of man to do this. He always looked down on others that did. I started seeing a councilor for my self who has helped me stand up to him quite a bit because he would use bully tactics to get what he wants. I in the end had him thrown out as he would not leave and I had no where else to go with the kids. He is not happy about that and barely contacts us. I hurt for my kids and keep trying to encourage him to have a relationship with them, but only time will tell where it goes from here. He has made it clear that he no longer wants the marriage so I have to except that but its hard. How after 9yrs and 2kids do you stop thinking of him as your husband. How do you stop it hurting thinking of him loveing someone else.
Zoila
A bit about my story. My husband and I have always been up and down during our marriage good times and bad. He has always been addicted to computer games and while that doesnt seem bad has caused a lot of hurt including missing the birth of his first child. Though I have hung in there all these years because I made a commitment before God and kept beleiveing one day things would change and me and the kids would be more important then the games.
The last year we have struggled and I noticed my husband getting worse and worse with the internet to the point were we hardly saw him he was taking his dinner in there. When we did see him he was nasty and hurtful and started carrying on about things that never bothered him in the past. The kids toys in the way etc. I knew something had changed I could tell by the way he was looking at me. As if he hated me and the kids.
I was worried because he went from hating mobiles to needing one and started turning his msn on the computer when he never liked it in the past. the study door would get closed and when I opened it it always caused an arguement so I left it. I confronted him are you having an affair with someone online. No he says. Then he went on and on about how hurt he was that I would think that of him. Stupid me fell for it and was ashamed of my self for not trusting him.
A couple of weeks past things got worse till I couldnt take it anymore. I looked at his mobile phone and found a name Tam with a number I didnt know. When he came home again I confronted him. He denied it said he had no idea who it was or how it got there. I didnt beleive him but he started picking an arguement about the credit card bill and I got distracted. The next day I arrange for my friend to take our two children out so we could talk. I waited all day for him to wake up (he stays up till 4am playing games) I was neverous and ran around making sure the place looked perfect so he couldnt distract me with a fight about somthing else. I told him i was scared what was happing and felt like if we didnt get help we would end up hating each other. I asked him if we could get councilng. He then told me that he didnt love me anymore and wanted out of the marriage. He saw no point to counciling as if we couldnt change for each other it wouldnt be real if we changed for the councilor. I argued the point and told him that we could save our marriage but it would take effort on both parts he said no. but he only wanted a trial seperation because he was a 100% sure and didnt want me going off and starting a new life. It was agreed it was best for me and the kids to move out and he say in the home as it had belonged to his mother and we had brought it off her 5yrs ago. The next day as you can imagine I was upset I rang my friend who came over straight away. I told her the story and about the mobile number that I never got a awnser on. she said you know there is a way to check his computer. I said no as I didnt think we would find anything (he is IT guy and new to hide his tracts) she talked me into checking and I couldnt belevie what I found. All there transcript him declaring his undying love for her, her to him. she is married also, and has another online boyfriend. The stuff they said to each other broke my heart and is burned into my brain for ever. Now one has ever hurt me as much. Most of it was done with me in the next room. He saying that he had to wisper so I didnt hear, and for her to imagine it would be how he would sound laying in bed together. I just could not beleive it. I waited for him to come home and confronted him, again he denied it, I was reading his own words back to him he was still dening it. Finaly he gave in and said that I didnt love him enough so he had no choice but to go to her. He also told me that he left that evidence on the computer on purpose because he new I would snoop and find it. I ask is that because he wanted me to leave him and he said he did not know.
So now we are two months down the track. And he wants nothing to do with me and refuses to break things off with her. He feels he has done nothing wrong, and that our marriage was over years ago. The problem is that he forgot to tell me and he forgot to stop sleeping with me so I have been left quite shocked by it all. I still do not know how I did not love him enough and he can not tell me how either. I have asked him but he never anwsers.
I never beleived he was the type of man to do this. He always looked down on others that did. I started seeing a councilor for my self who has helped me stand up to him quite a bit because he would use bully tactics to get what he wants. I in the end had him thrown out as he would not leave and I had no where else to go with the kids. He is not happy about that and barely contacts us. I hurt for my kids and keep trying to encourage him to have a relationship with them, but only time will tell where it goes from here. He has made it clear that he no longer wants the marriage so I have to except that but its hard. How after 9yrs and 2kids do you stop thinking of him as your husband. How do you stop it hurting thinking of him loveing someone else.
Zoila
Not harboring resentment toward your husband is so very good for you and your health. And, facing reality and knowing how and where to keep the boundaries is the right course to follow, IMO. 
