New Sub-Forum

[Devasha]

For those who are standing for the restoration of their marriages and those who have restored marriages, we now have this new "home" to support and encourage each other.

My husband and I, after many struggles, have been restored for almost 6 months now, and we look forward to encouraging others looking forward to a restored marriage.

 

[Romanseight2005]

For those who are standing for the restoration of their marriages and those who have restored marriages, we now have this new "home" to support and encourage each other.

My husband and I, after many struggles, have been restored for almost 6 months now, and we look forward to encouraging others looking forward to a restored marriage.

Praise God! May you two continue to walk by the Spirit in unity, and love!

I want to offer up a prayer that all of those who need help will seek it, and be willing to do the hard work involved in bringing restoration to their marriages.

 

[tizherself]

I am so glad to see this new forum! I too am in the midst of trying to restore my marriage after my spouses drug use and adultery. It's a struggle at times, but I really feel that it's God's will for us to reconcile. I really pray for God's blessings on you and your husband for continued healing and for the support that you are offering to others going through the same process.

 

[Devasha]

Thank you for the prayers and good wishes.

 

[mancoach]

My wife and I had to be restored 18 years ago. It was a long process for me to learn to let go of my resentment. But when I realized it was in my power to do so, and to bring God's blessing back to my home, our lives just took off! We are now happier than I ever thought we could be again!

 

[Devasha]

My wife and I had to be restored 18 years ago. It was a long process for me to learn to let go of my resentment. But when I realized it was in my power to do so, and to bring God's blessing back to my home, our lives just took off! We are now happier than I ever thought we could be again!

This is encouraging to hear a long-range testimony--18 years! Thank you!

 

[pianoman50]

Praise God! May you two continue to walk by the Spirit in unity, and love!

I want to offer up a prayer that all of those who need help will seek it, and be willing to do the hard work involved in bringing restoration to their marriages.

My wife and I have been married for 27 years and my wife is planning on filing for a divorce. I am severly hearing impaired and I have also been struggling with major depression for over 30 years. I have received counseling and therapy because I was abusive to my wife and children. I have taken anger management classes and also attended an alternative to violence class. I continue to receive therapy and have been hospitalized four times and I pray for God's mercy and the leading of the Holy Spirit towards godly living. I do not live with my family but I see them at least once a week. I am so lonely and really feel bad about myself, but I know that God has forgiven me and has restored me to His loving family. I know that it will take quite abit for my wife to earn my trust again but I am willing to do what ever it takes to help restore my marriage.

 

[Devasha]

Hi pianoman and welcome to the forum.

One of the best things you can do is to focus on your relationship with YHWH and following his instructions for husbands, asking him to show you ways to bless your wife. (For me, it was the opposite--searching for and following the instructions for wives.)

Another vital thing is praise and thanksgiving for everything (even the stuff we don't like; in fact, especially the stuff we don't like because that helps us develop a thankful heart and attitude). If you haven't read Prison to Praise and/or other books by Merlin Carothers, you might want to give it a try. Praise is very powerful.

 

[tizherself]

For others out there who are just trying to hold it together -
do you ever just get numb from it? My husband got caught up in drugs and had an affair. It's a tough recovery we are now commited to and we are trying so hard to keep it together. I know he's trying - he really tries to stay "accountable" for where he is and what he's doing, but if you've been (convincingly) lied to and betrayed, it feels like you just can't let your guard down. The bells and whistles go off in your head at the slightest provocation. When it comes to my husband, it seems my mind is always going a mile a minute "who is he really with", "what is he really doing" " are his allergies really getting to him, or has he been putting something up his nose again" or, since we're separated, "does someone else come over after I go home?". We went out to have dinner and listen to music the other weekend and I practically followed him to the bathroom! If he turned his head, I looked to see who he was looking at! I finally thought "I will never be able to relax and enjoy myself with him again" It made me so sad! I've just been so tired. I feel I've become less attentive at work and with my kids because I'm just exhausted when I get home. I've also had to make a choice between my husband and a good friend who thinks I'm crazy to stay. I've had many people tell me to just end it and pray for better next time - but I don't want to do that!! I'm told "you are allowed to leave him - he opened that door when he committed adultery" But I still love him. And yes, God did leave a provision for divorce after adultery - but Jesus said it was not God's original plan for marriage, but that he allowed us out of the hardness of our hearts. I don't want to have a hard heart!! I want to fight the good fight and save my relationship with the man who was my best friend and do what pleases God. Any experience out there on dealing with this?

 

[Devasha]

Tiz, I so feel everything you're saying. I've had all the same thoughts and feelings, and it is totally discouraging, sad and exhausting. I remember something I used to do when I was near my husband was to smell his head so I could remember the man I used to know, and oh how I grieved for him because he was long gone.

One day I found yet another suspicious thing and was trying to figure out how to get to the bottom of it. Then, when I was doing the morning devotional with my children, this was one of the readings:

Jeremiah 23:23 [Am] I a God at hand, saith the LORD, and not a God afar off?

Jeremiah 23:24 Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.

I knew He was talking to me and telling me that no matter what may be going on behind my back, He is there and He knows, and He will hold my husband accountable so that I don't have to.

That was my first step in letting go. Have to go, but I'll try to write more tomorrow.

 

[sunshyne]

Wow! 18 years! That is awesome! Your words are encouraging to me..it is so refreshing to hear that people can make it.
I pray God's blessings on all of you trying to restore your marriages...

 

[Romanseight2005]

Tiz, I so feel everything you're saying. I've had all the same thoughts and feelings, and it is totally discouraging, sad and exhausting. I remember something I used to do when I was near my husband was to smell his head so I could remember the man I used to know, and oh how I grieved for him because he was long gone.

One day I found yet another suspicious thing and was trying to figure out how to get to the bottom of it. Then, when I was doing the morning devotional with my children, this was one of the readings:

Jeremiah 23:23 [Am] I a God at hand, saith the LORD, and not a God afar off?

Jeremiah 23:24 Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.

I knew He was talking to me and telling me that no matter what may be going on behind my back, He is there and He knows, and He will hold my husband accountable so that I don't have to.

That was my first step in letting go. Have to go, but I'll try to write more tomorrow.

This is awesome! This speaks to me as well. We have to remember to give our husband's over to God. Tell our fears and feelings to the Lord, but trust our husband's to Him.

 

[Devasha]

Tiz,

I wanted to encourage you about a couple of the other things you mentioned--people who oppose your choice to believe for the restoration of your marriage and about the numbness you're going through.

One of the hardest things in a difficult marital situation is the loneliness we feel, and sometimes it is very hard to find like-minded fellowship. This is why forums like this can be so helpful when you find yourself surrounded by nay-sayers.

Remember that no matter what anyone else is saying to try to discourage or condemn you, you cannot be doing the wrong thing when your heart is crying out and seeking the will of YHWH--that is in fact the right thing to do no matter what the circumstances in our lives are.

I have come to see this as an important season--like a wilderness season--where we learn to lean on YHWH, to trust in Him and allow Him to mold us more into His image.

Psalm 88:18 Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, [and] mine acquaintance into darkness.

He is the one who has allowed these circumstances so that we will focus on Him and learn from Him what we most need to in order to be a vessel fit for His use. Knowing that He, The Potter, had His hands on me was a comfort to me even in the midst of the pain that comes from being made new.

Regarding discouraging words, it has really helped me when I'm feeling discouraged to review Matthew 4:1-11 and 2 Corinthians 10:5.

We need to follow Yeshua's example and examine the words we are hearing and the thoughts we are entertaining and look for any lies coming from the devil, and then search out the Scriptures for the Truth and speak that in response, just as He did. Not necessarily to a nay-sayer (sometimes it's better just to be quiet in the face of that), but to publish it to the spirit realm and to our own ears for our edification.

(So this doesn't get too long, I'll post about the feeling of numbness in another post.)

 

[Devasha]

I think the numbness comes from the open wound that we start out with. It scabs over and maybe eventually develops a callus. I think all of this is normal.

The way I chose to look at it was that I was hiding in YHWH's fortress. I even told my husband that--that I was going into a fortress, and I wasn't coming out until it was safe to do so because I would be a fool to do otherwise.

In reality we should be hiding in YHWH at all times and in all circumstances, but it is an especially poignant visualization in these deeply wounding situations.

I think the numbness is there for your protection for as long as it is needed. Eventually, when the time is right, YHWH will give you the heart you need, especially if you are praying for it.

 

[sreno7]

I have been standing for my marriage for almost two years. In December my husband came back for five months, he left again two week ago. He is a few hundred miles away in his own apartment and back at his job.
I miss him but it wasn't good when he was here. He was very depressed and drinking lots. He isn't walking with the Lord right now.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I have been standing for my marriage for almost two years. In December my husband came back for five months, he left again two week ago. He is a few hundred miles away in his own apartment and back at his job.
I miss him but it wasn't good when he was here. He was very depressed and drinking lots. He isn't walking with the Lord right now.

I am so sorry you are going through this. There is however a bright side here. With your husband not there, you can fully focus on God. Are you in a close fellowship at church? Do you have ladies that can pray for and with you? People who can weep with you? If you do not, I will pray that He will bring those right people into your life. I will also pray that the Lord comfort and strengthen you. Finally, you always have us here.

 

[sreno7]

I am embarassed to say I 'had" that and I "did' that.
When my husband first left I was crushed. I was so depressed, so devastated I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I would fall asleep thinking of him and dream he came back. I would wake up in the morning and my first though was "Rob is never coming back"then I wouldn't want to crawl out from under the covers.
I have great friends and wonderful caring pastors who wept with me and cheered me up and helped us financially. I kept my Bible in bed with me and read it numerious times a day.
I was on a message board with a group of wonderful christian women who had been travelling this road for a while and they prayeed for me and kicked me in the but when I needed it. I went to bible studies and prayer meetings and youth servics at three different churches.
Then I got comfortable. I got a job and a new house and my life started falling into place. THen my husband came back and he wan't well and I began to focus on him.
I am ashamed that now I work, I read one or two devotions a day and try to get to church on Sunday morning before I go to work.
I misplaced my Bible when I moved and it doesn't feel the same reading another.
My husband left again, he is comfortable being away from us and I am just doing OK. I am not too upset just living life.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I am embarassed to say I 'had" that and I "did' that.
When my husband first left I was crushed. I was so depressed, so devastated I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I would fall asleep thinking of him and dream he came back. I would wake up in the morning and my first though was "Rob is never coming back"then I wouldn't want to crawl out from under the covers.
I have great friends and wonderful caring pastors who wept with me and cheered me up and helped us financially. I kept my Bible in bed with me and read it numerious times a day.
I was on a message board with a group of wonderful christian women who had been travelling this road for a while and they prayeed for me and kicked me in the but when I needed it. I went to bible studies and prayer meetings and youth servics at three different churches.
Then I got comfortable. I got a job and a new house and my life started falling into place. THen my husband came back and he wan't well and I began to focus on him.
I am ashamed that now I work, I read one or two devotions a day and try to get to church on Sunday morning before I go to work.
I misplaced my Bible when I moved and it doesn't feel the same reading another.
My husband left again, he is comfortable being away from us and I am just doing OK. I am not too upset just living life.

It is normal for us to lean on God more when we are desperate. We do still need Him though, even when things get better. Having said that, I have been guilty of the same thing, so I am not looking down on you for this. Just reminding you that you still need Him. As far as not using a different Bible, I have several bibles myself, and use them interchangibly, so I guess I don't understand your connection to a certain one. Pray that God will reveal to you where it is. In the mean time, go pick out a nice one, maybe even engrave it. In time, it will feel like your special bible. Commit to spending time with Him everyday. Maybe you need some accountability in this area? This might be good for me too.