New Relationship.

[SmackYouTwice]

Hello!

I'm in a new relationship with a wonderful guy. It's been... 10 or 11 days now, lol. This is my second relationship as a Christian. The first was late last year and well, it was more of a learning experience than anything else. We were NOT meant to do the dating thing, just the friend thing. And now... he's dating one of my good friends... it was hard to adjust to at first, but it's really okay with me now.

ANYWAY, I am just seeking some advice or bible verses on dating... or that equally yoked talk... I'm not completely understanding that, I don't think. And of course, I'd like to know God's word on this stuff!

The guy is older than me. He'll be 21 in July and I'll be 19 in September. He's also a "youth leader" for my youthgroup. We haven't kissed yet, or done anything physical besides that playful thing... and I like it like that. That's not to say I don't want to kiss him, hehe, but we both need to be ready for that!!

So yeah, any wise words would be of much help and appreciated.

Thanks.

Tara

 

[charligirl]

Great advice on any new relationship is take it slowly! and pray alot

The unequally yoked thing is quite simple, it means do not be joined with or in a relationship with someone who is not a christian because you will be pulling in different directions (think of 2 cows yoked together with a wooden yoke over their necks.. they must be going to saame way to walk!) But as he is a youth leader it sounds like you have no worried there.

It's really important to keep God in the centre of your relationship, perhaps you could do some bible study together or start to pray together.

Keep giving it all to God and ask for HIS will to be done and for HIS wisdom to guide you both... you can't go far wrong then.

Really important is to relax and enjoy it don't start over analysing or getting in too deep - keep it light and try not to spend to omuch time alone together in shut rooms!

 

[FaithfulServant]

The book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris has some very good information on how to court/date and honor God in doing so. In his other book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, it shows signs of defective relationships and how to avoid them. They both talk a lot about boundaries in relationships and long term goals. I suggest you and your new boy read them!

God Bless,

Steffani

 

[jenptcfan]

*Just my opinion*

Prayer together is wonderful and a great tool for bonding. In my own life, I've found that it's best (for me at least) NOT to pray with a guy in the early stages of a relationship. It can make you feel like the relationship is more serious than what it's had time to grow to be and that can cause problems.

I would reserve the prayer times for a point in time when a commitment has been made and it's understood that your relationship is definately going somewhere.

Again, that's just me and what I know I personally need to do. Could be totally different for you.

It is very important to figure out what your boundaries will be up front (before you've compromised any of them and before you get into a 'heat of the moment' situation). It's easier to avoid crossing boundaries from the beginning than having to deal with the temptation to continue crossing them afterwards.

 

[SmackYouTwice]

*Just my opinion*

Prayer together is wonderful and a great tool for bonding. In my own life, I've found that it's best (for me at least) NOT to pray with a guy in the early stages of a relationship. It can make you feel like the relationship is more serious than what it's had time to grow to be and that can cause problems.

I would reserve the prayer times for a point in time when a commitment has been made and it's understood that your relationship is definately going somewhere.

Again, that's just me and what I know I personally need to do. Could be totally different for you.

It is very important to figure out what your boundaries will be up front (before you've compromised any of them and before you get into a 'heat of the moment' situation). It's easier to avoid crossing boundaries from the beginning than having to deal with the temptation to continue crossing them afterwards.

It's interesting that you said that, because that is how I feel right now. Praying together is not something I want to do in the relationship right now. I've been a Christian for 10 or 11 months now... and well, I struggle with prayer... but I'm really working on it... I can BARELY pray with my best friend, and we share pretty much EVERYTHING very openly, lol.

I've been dating my guy for about two months now, but only officially almost two weeks. Taking the official step has allowed those feelings (brought about by words, actions, or looks) to come out, not just peek out. It's more comfy... and we're still getting to know eachother... it's really great. I'm so happy!!! WOO! hehe

Thanks for the advice all ya'll!!

Tara

 

[FaithfulServant]

If you are stuggling with prayer you could try reading "The Power of a Praying Woman", GREAT book

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Here's my two cents...

I have read both 'Kissed Dating Goodbye' AND 'Boundaries Before Marriage' and I'd have to say Boundaries Before Marriage was FAR better than Kissed Dating Goodbye.

I felt that Boundaries (its by Henry Cloud and John Townsend) dealt far more indepth with things - not just about sex and physical closeness (as I found Mr Harris book to be dealing with), but also dealt with how to make dating work, how dating doesn't 'fix' you, how to deal with 'opposites attract', saying no to disrespect, requiring and embodying truth in a relationship, and falling for someone you wouldn't be friends with. No offence to Mr Harris, but I found Kissed Dating Goodbye to be more based for people around 14-18 (and seemed to 'talk down' to me), whereas boundaries would be better for those in late teens - over 30s, and approached me on my level. PLUS I found I could take A LOT more notes from it than I did from Kissed Dating Goodbye.

Strongly recommend ALL the boundaries books, and I'm kinda surprised not many people talk about them on this forum...

Blessings,

Sasch

 

[FaithfulServant]

From personal experience, please consider:

Ask the right question. You'll never discover God's perfect will for sexual purity by asking the question, How far is too far? This question is already stretching the limits. The Christian life isn't about living as close as possible to the edge of immorality. It's about living as close as possible to Jesus Christ. The real question should be, How pure can I be?

May God Bless your new relationship,

Steffani

 

[SmackYouTwice]

From personal experience, please consider:

Ask the right question. You'll never discover God's perfect will for sexual purity by asking the question, How far is too far? This question is already stretching the limits. The Christian life isn't about living as close as possible to the edge of immorality. It's about living as close as possible to Jesus Christ. The real question should be, How pure can I be?

May God Bless your new relationship,

Steffani

Right. Before I was a Christian, I was skimming over one of Josh's (I think) books and in there (or perhaps it was some other book) it said what you did--we should ask ourselves how pure we can be. And that is what I've always asked... and it works for me. It's a wonderful question!

Thanks!