New Psycologist -- New Rules!!!!!!!

[Daysoni]

Last week I went to see a new psycologist along with my counselor. They are catching on to my plans faster then I am ready for. I got my weight to the weight that was agreed upon and then some. You would never know that I have had an ED. So I quit going to the doctor because I saw no reason for them to keep weighing me. Then the doctor decided if I wasn't going to be weighed I wasn't going to get refills on my meds. I was fine with this.This new psycologist and my counselor talked to the doctor and the new thing is I don't have to weighed but there will be more tests to see what's going on on the inside. The psycologist asked me why I put the weight on? I said so everyone would get off my back and leave me alone about it. I was asked more questions leading up to her finding out where my plan was? Without me telling anyone. My plan was to put the weight on and keep it there long enough for people to back off and think I was over the ED. And then start all over with a vengence to get the weight all off again. That was a brick wall I didn't see coming. She blew me right out of the water. Now I'm back to more appointments and strickter rules. Wich to me doesn't make sence when I have put all the weight on. I was told to make a DR. appointment and I haven't yet. I don't want both feet in the boat. One good thing out of all of this is that they are going to change one of my meds and one of the side effects is the ED that I have battled with. Man why can't we just be happy with what we have and who we are? When I pass by a mirror or window I cringe at the shape, size, and look of my self. Lately it's gotten so overwhelming that I go to work and stay in my room so know one will see what I do. Can I not be thin and be happy with what I am? And if I'm the one with the problem then how come I'm getting beat at my own game?

 

[blessedmomof5]

You sound so like me, i am crying for you and me as i read this. i cringe, i want to feel good in my body again...but then thats "ed" talking not us. it is Him that is telling us those lies. you need to fight him off, trust me i am trying hard myself, and i give you all the credit in the world to be able to do this by yourself, you are amazing, i think what kinda helps me is i remember what i was like bf i went into treatment, i was planning my own death, was too weak to take care of anyone.....can you remember back when before u decided to get better? was it really good? i would doubt it. maybe if you try and stay focused on that? but in the meantime if you ever feel the need to pm me just to talk, cry, yell, i am here......
Denise

 

[chaelsworld0o]

Sometimes it seems like doctors just put you on medications and give you sugesestions, plans, and whatever else just for you to think that you're money isn't wasted even though it maybe! It sounds like you're going through a very frustrating time and that really bites. Does it feel like you're in a glass room and it's broadcasted all over the world and all you're doing is screaming and crying and no one ever bothered to actually LISTEN to why? Instead they're just trying to "cure" it without tapping into your happiness and what not?

It also maybe the devil is trying to get you to not recover. He knows this is your weakness. He will do anything he can to stop you and manipulate your brain to let him win. The only way he can't win is if you refrain from anything that he says, In the Name of Jesus.

You are blessed and God is our deliver! In him who we shall trust. And remember the Joy of the Lord is our strength.

I pray that God will give you peace, wisdom and understanding with your doctors, strength to fight the devil off, In Jesus name!

 

[angelalr_13]

im praying for ya daysoni
just try to see it as things get worse before they can get better
Mandy

 

[madison1101]

Daysoni,
You sound like I did when I first started therapy a very long time ago. I didn' twant to get better either, I just wanted to get my husband off my back. Well, that did not honor God, nor my husband. It backfired, and I got worse emotionally and ended up losing my husband.

It took my divorce for me to realize that I cannot play games with God. That is what you are doing with your therapy and eating disorder. You are not fooling the psychologist, you are not fooling God, you are just trying to manipulate the people who are trained to help you. And, like I did, you are trying to manipulate God.

Take my advice, because I wasted years trying to get around them and God, and hurt myself in the process. Give up on trying to fool anyone. Surrender everything to God. When you surrender your eating disorder to Him, and submit your body, mind and soul to His will, you will get better emotionally, and physically. Till then, you are going to be miserable. I know I was. I hated my life and everyone around me.

Living in rebellion to God, which is what happens when we are deceitful and manipulative, is sin. The consequences of sin are painful.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[NinadeDios777]

hey, i just sent up a prayer your direction. i know this is hard to deal with now buiti'm told its worth it in the long run...we can do this.