New Problem.

[Caty]

Okay, so Ive told you all about how I have bad thoughts about Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit whenever things don't go my way or I get mad or have a bad day, it sounds pretty pety or pathetic, I know. & I'm pretty sure they are resonating from me.

I'm very angry at the way I am and stuff but its like after I have these thoughts I realzie that why in the world did you think such an awful thought, why did you blame that on God, etc. I know some of it is ocd but Im very afraid that some are mine too. I'm so sick with myself for this and I just want to ask Jesus to forgive me but I know He cant because of that scripture. Because my thoughts call Him teh things the pharasiees did.

But then again when I think about it, sometimes the thoughts attack me whenever I first wake up in the mornings and I just try to go to sleep so they will leave me alone or vise versa at night. Has anyone had these experiences. I know I have ocd but I do believe its developed into a spiritual problem.

I'm afraid to go to church because I dont want to have the thoughts, & that makes me believe that they are not mine, since I avoid things about God because I know Ill have the thoughts. & I think I've been through a really hard time this year and I guess I dont have quite the reaction that I used to about the thoughts. But I also dont want to start making excuses for myself.

Im so disgusted with myself and I understand that I will have to got to Hell for the thoughts Ive had, its like I have a messed up thinking about God. I see God as pouring His wrath out on me and not wanting me at all. I wish soooo sooo bad that I could go back in time and tell myself before it got to far that all the little things that I thought were big things back then were nothing & that I'm loved by God and maybe I wouldnt have gotten this far.

Has anyone else ever been this way, I'm soo hopeing this is ocd---because I so desperatly dont want it to be me.

 

[LadyL]

Yes, and you know what- regardless of whether those thoughts are yours or mine(and there's a good chance it's just OCD) God still loves us! That's not something we can get away from, don't let your OCD keep you from becoming who God wants you to be, Caty.

He's not giving up on you. *hugs*

 

[annrobert]

Amen LadyL

 

[RuthD]

I am guessing the really bad thoughts are OCD. I've heard many people with the same ocd problem, that is if it tortures you it is not God doing that to you. It may be the ocd and I think (if you don't already) you could benefit from a good ocd counselor. I have had the worst thoughts with OCD and now I realize it was the OCD and not me. I have benefittied from counseling and medication. Best wishes to you.

 

[Caty]

But see I know the thoughts arent from God, but im afraid they are from me and yes they bother me but i so physically sick because they have been so bad recently. i dont want to be like this anymore

 

[Caty]

what if im this terrible person, im so scared and sick to my stomach. i dont want to be mean hearted or anything. i dont know why i would have the thoughts, i just want this to go away sooo bad, i cant take it anymore.

 

[seajoy]

It's been about 7 months since I've last posted here in the OCD forum.

Caty - it is so easy for me to see that everything you talk about is OCD related. You don't have a problem with God, you have an illness. You need to be doing therapy with a good OCD psychiatrist. Without therapy, you will be stuck in this OCD circle......and as one who used to be there - I don't want to see anyone suffer.

Step out there and say it's ocd. Don't look back. God understands ocd....so don't worry about that.

God bless.

 

[annrobert]

Caty,

Every single one of us are sinners , every one of us.

Jesus came to seek and to save the lost.

Jesus came to save and not to condemn.


Jesus blood cleanses us from all unrighteousness.


Jesus blood washes away all sins

Jesus blood cleanses what people think are little sins and also what people think are great sins

The same blood

Jesus has power to forgive save and redeem and change and heal


Jesus is our mighty Saviour

full of compassion and mercy

He heals us and gives us rest and changes us

we can do nothing of ourselves

Jesus gives us strength


All we have to do is come

and He will not cast us out


It is not how good or bad we are


It is the fact that Jesus our Good Shepherd laid His life down for us and washes
us clean in His own blood

Our righteousness is of Him

thank goodness


cause we are all sinners


We hope in Jesus

Caty - it is so easy for me to see that everything you talk about is OCD related. You don't have a problem with God, you have an illness. You need to be doing therapy with a good OCD psychiatrist.

amen seajoy

 

[Caty]

Thanks guys, Ive had a BAD day today---ive made myself physically sick and i feel as if im going crazy. i feel TERRIBLE for these thoughts right now but soetimes when they happen its like i dont feel as bad (i mean i fight them off) but i feel worse like an hour afterwards or maybe a day than i do right afterwards. does that make sense? its like im fighting them and i dont want them but i feel horrible for them days or weeks later, more around the times that i feel like i have no hope. I'm not so sure they are all ocd but if they aren't that i mean i dont want to be bad, its not like i enjoy being mean liek this. i hate who i am. i have anger towards God and that why i fear the thoughts are from me too.

 

[annrobert]

Jesus knows you want Him
and you are invited to come and will never be cast out.


Caty,

I remember feeling angry at God long time ago when one of my daughters was sick with a high fever,
I was praying for her and she did not get well as fast as I wanted
A few days later and my daughter was worse and I was feeling more angry at God
and even more desperately worried about my daughter,
my soul was in anguish for her.
God did not condemn me for this,
while I was praying He gently brought it to my attention
and I told Him I was sorry and asked Him to help take the feelings away
and I continued my prayers for my daughter
In the morning she was well


I went through over two years of terror and anguish
Jesus kept me safe and protected me the whole time
I was confused and full of questions
I suffered much longer than I wanted
But Jesus did lift the terror off of me and set my feet upon a rock.

One day Jesus will wipe all tears from our eyes
our present suffering does not compare to the glory that shall be revealed in us


I know how much it hurts and I hope you get well soon Caty,
I believe you will
But this ocd does not affect Jesus protection and love of you
He understands and cares for you Caty
The suffering will not last forever