New member and I am struggling

[JohnFish211]

Hi everyone,

My name is John and I am having some real issues understanding how to love my wife unconditionally when we are both going through personal battles. I will check through the forums to see if there is an appropriate place to post more details.

 

[Julie.S]

I wish you both the best of luck.
I am not married myself but the last relationship I had to deal with both my problems and help my boyfriend also with his at times. I know its a struggle and sometimes loving him was hard. I suggest going to counseling if you can both together and individually if its possible for you both to do that.
Best wishes,
Julie.S

 

[Tigger45]

Welcome to CF John!

Here are a couple of CF subforums you could start threads at that might be beneficial to your relationship.
Married Couples &
Ask a Chaplain - Main Area

 

[BookishGirl]

Welcome to CF, John.

 

[JohnFish211]

Thank you for the welcome. I have posted in the married couples forum.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi; good to see you; God bless His Word to you guys.

 

[singpeace]

Hi everyone,

My name is John and I am having some real issues understanding how to love my wife unconditionally when we are both going through personal battles. I will check through the forums to see if there is an appropriate place to post more details.

Hi John. I am so glad you have joined CF. Welcome to a great community!

It's a wise and wonderful thing to say, " . . . I want to love my spouse unconditionally."

What God has taught me and has continued to remind me over the years is that love is never a feeling. Although we associate certain feelings and emotions with love, still love is an action regardless of feeling. Love is doing for another what you would want them to do for you REGARDLESS of how you feel.

Perhaps you already know this; still, we all need reminding from time to time what love truly is. When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, his feelings and emotions told him one thing, but he chose to do another. I believe Jesus had moments of resentment, frustration, and anger toward those around him. The Scriptures say so. He even became overwhelmed with fear just before he was to be crucified. Surely he must have wanted to walk away from the world - and from me. Yet, he did what was hardest, and he loved us by dying on the cross. If Jesus would do that for me; knowing all my ugliness, sinfulness, and unworthiness, then who am I to do different - even and especially toward those for whom I feel only anger and frustration and hurt?

Marriage was designed by God to be a beautiful example of his relationship with his church.


Husbands should love their awesome (and frustrating) wives like Christ loved us; by laying down his life for us. Wives are to show respect toward their husbands and build him up not only in private but publicly as well. Both husbands and wives are to love one another by treating each other the way they would want to be treated even though they stumble, fall, fail, miss the mark, misunderstand, don't listen, and cannot or do not hear us or see one another's needs. Still, we love in our actions because true love is the light in the darkness of this world, and it confounds the world. It is a testament to the presence of the Living Holy Spirit which dwells within us. Your marriage is a testament.

The Lord is always faithful, John. He read your post here. He already read your mind and your heart. He sees how hard you are trying, and He wants to do miracles in your marriage.

My husband is a pastor. We have been married for 22 years this month. We have an awesome marriage; however, several years back, our marriage was in a really dark place. It even got to the point where we were both thinking about divorce. We decided to try and save the marriage God had blessed us with. We began praying a specific prayer; what we both truly wanted God to do, and we each prayed alone in our own time throughout the day. This prayer changed everything and made our relationship stronger than ever. Here is what we prayed:

Lord Jesus, help me to see through my spouse's eyes; to hear with my spouse's ears. Lord, I ask that you make me to see my spouse with the eyes of Christ; to hear my spouse with the ears of Christ; to understand my spouse with the mind of Christ, and to love my spouse with the heart of Christ. Lord, if I can do this, and my spouse does this, then we will be healed. Thank you Lord Jesus for giving us the love for one another that you intended. In Jesus name, amen.

This simple prayer and the fact that we both meant what we were praying is what not only saved our marriage, but turned it into an indestructible instrument that the Lord has repeatedly used as an example for others. We did not do this, but God did, and if he did it for us, he will surely do it for you!


Father God I know that you are right here right now and that you aren't going anywhere. I know that it was you who put my marriage together. It is you Lord who calms the seas; who raises the dead; who heals the wounds and feeds the hungry. I take your Word for absolute truth. Jesus, I give your Word back to you now in this prayer for John and his sweet wife. I say and I know that this Word cannot return to you void, but that you will accomplish everything it says. Thank you for leading John to CF. Help him to find many wise and Godly men to support him. I thank you so much for love. In Jesus name. Amen.


John and his wife's Love is patient and kind; does not envy or boast; is not arrogant or rude. The love between John and his wife does not insist on its own way; is not irritable or resentful; does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. John and his wife's Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

There is no fear in the love that John and his wife share, but perfect love casts out fear.
1 John 4:18

For whenever our John's or his wife's heart condemns them, God is greater than their hearts, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20

Therefore John and wife, be imitators of God, as beloved children. Ephesians 5:1

 

[curiousj]

Hi John - I'm in the same boat. New here. And loving my husband better is just one of my many life challenges right now.

 

[JohnFish211]

Singpeace,

Thank you so much and thank God fro your incredible words. I sit here with tears in my eyes reading them. Tears of hope and tears of joy but there are some tears s of fear as well. I have been talking with our Father. I have been praying so hard. He has told me I need to be everything that you said. I am trying so hard to do those things. The one thing he said I need to do and that he would give me the strength to do is be patient. Unfortunately I feel so drained emotionally and physically (I haven't slept well in some time). But I do feel his strength. I felt it just now as I read your post.

Thank you and God bless you! (although I can tell he already has).

 

[Hopeforday]

God bless you

 

[JohnFish211]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. I just replied in my other thread about this. We had a breakthough moment this weekend and I am really beginning to see the power of prayer and of covenantal love.

 

[Jeremy J]

Hi John! Just letting you know that I will pray for the two of you. I'm happy that you are joining the forums. I look forward to seeing you around. Praise Jesus!