New/Marriage

[NenaEV]

Hello. I'm new here and i am going through a lot right now and really need some advice from fellow christians. I know what the world tells me to do, but i want a good opinion.

I've been married for 2 yrs but have actually been with my husband for 4 years. And its been a long hard road for us. We've gone through a lot and had kids very early on, which didn't help. And well to get to the point hes been unfaithful a lot. But as a loving wife and as a christain i forgave him. But even when hes not cheating hes always saying how he's unhappy and that he doesn't like my body ever since i had his two kids.
And about a month ago he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. So he's out doing whatever he wants while i'm home with our two kids.
I love him so much, and the bible does say that i have grounds to leave if i cant get over the cheating, but the thing is I already forgave him. I want to be with him and i DON'T want a divorce. I don't believe in a divorce at all! But at this point theres nothing i can do. He said he doesnt want to be with me, he's out and about doing God knows what and he treats me very bad whenever he is home.
I'm just very confused and hurt right now. I don't know what to do. Please help.
Thanks.

 

[roxanne_101]

If you really want to make it work, try praying that he will get saved. Anoint the house with oil when he is away and pray over every room. When he does come home, I suggest praying out loud so that the spirits will flee. I think the main issue is that this guy isn't saved. See if you can get him to go to church. Don't give up praying just because he says no the first time. Now is when you encounter the "bad times" part of your vows. If he continues to push you away or asks for a divorce then you may just have to give it to him. However, don't give up with your prayers. Continue going to church and maybe seek the advice of other married couples who have had difficult times.

 

[Hipsterz]

Hello. I'm new here and i am going through a lot right now and really need some advice from fellow christians. I know what the world tells me to do, but i want a good opinion.

I've been married for 2 yrs but have actually been with my husband for 4 years. And its been a long hard road for us. We've gone through a lot and had kids very early on, which didn't help. And well to get to the point hes been unfaithful a lot. But as a loving wife and as a christain i forgave him. But even when hes not cheating hes always saying how he's unhappy and that he doesn't like my body ever since i had his two kids.
And about a month ago he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. So he's out doing whatever he wants while i'm home with our two kids.
I love him so much, and the bible does say that i have grounds to leave if i cant get over the cheating, but the thing is I already forgave him. I want to be with him and i DON'T want a divorce. I don't believe in a divorce at all! But at this point theres nothing i can do. He said he doesnt want to be with me, he's out and about doing God knows what and he treats me very bad whenever he is home.
I'm just very confused and hurt right now. I don't know what to do. Please help.
Thanks.

You said he doesn't like your body since you had his kids. Is there something you can do about that to make him happy? If so, are you willing to do it?

 

[ServantJohn]

Hello. I'm new here and i am going through a lot right now and really need some advice from fellow christians. I know what the world tells me to do, but i want a good opinion.

I've been married for 2 yrs but have actually been with my husband for 4 years. And its been a long hard road for us. We've gone through a lot and had kids very early on, which didn't help. And well to get to the point hes been unfaithful a lot. But as a loving wife and as a christain i forgave him. But even when hes not cheating hes always saying how he's unhappy and that he doesn't like my body ever since i had his two kids.
And about a month ago he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. So he's out doing whatever he wants while i'm home with our two kids.
I love him so much, and the bible does say that i have grounds to leave if i cant get over the cheating, but the thing is I already forgave him. I want to be with him and i DON'T want a divorce. I don't believe in a divorce at all! But at this point theres nothing i can do. He said he doesnt want to be with me, he's out and about doing God knows what and he treats me very bad whenever he is home.
I'm just very confused and hurt right now. I don't know what to do. Please help.
Thanks.

Are you plugged into a good church? You really need to be in a church and surrounded by fellow believers who love you. This site is also a great place to find Christian fellowship, and I praise God that you have made your way here.

As for his cheating, I'm not sure what to say but you are putting your own life at risk being intimate with him after he has cheated on you. This is not something to take lightly since you have two children.

To start a healing in your relationship, God needs to be exalted to His rightful place in your heart and your husband's heart. Since you cannot change your husband's heart, focus on your own.

You may have already done this next step but if you haven't, repent for the premarital sexual relationship you had with your husband. Come to the place in your heart where you accept that it truly was sin and that given the chance again, you would do it God's way.

Take this time to go ahead and get everything else off of your chest as well. Confess your sins, your hurts, your doubts, and anything else the Holy Spirit brings to your mind. Have a good long talk with God.

I will be praying for you,
John

 

[Forealzchola]

It is time to leave..you would be making yourself a victim to say in a situation where ur husband is basically saying he is still going to do the heck he wants to do. He is now putting your life in jepoardy...opening you up to exposure of stds/aids. Have pride in yourself and dont stay with someone who doesnt love you or want to be with you.

 

[Peripatetic]

You said he doesn't like your body since you had his kids. Is there something you can do about that to make him happy? If so, are you willing to do it?

Chances are, he wouldn't be satisfied no matter what she did. This type of greed cannot usually be fed by any one person.

You don't deserve to be treated this way. It is commendable that you have so much forgiveness in your heart, but it isn't healthy for you if it continues this way. I think the only way that the marriage will be saved is if God convicts him and his mind goes from the world to the Spirit (and back to you). I'm glad you do realize that you have every right to get out of this marriage without feeling guilt if it needs to go that way. I'm sure we'd all agree that you deserve better.

 

[ezeric]

Dear NenaEV

You are to be commended for trying to keep your home together!

You are doing an excellent job as a Mother and trying to be a wife to someone who is only interested in himself, if those are true comments which he said about you, then he does not love you.

Saying all that, GOD greatly loves you, and is not mad at you.

And this 'trouble' and 'war' isn't over yet, GOD can still give you victory, which HE
will as you continually trust HIM, like you are doing.

Divorce is sin NOT because GOD hates it (although HE hates it). It is something HE hates because it destroys familes, it rips homes apart - HE hates it for the same reason we all hate it (or I should say we hate it because of the same way HE hates it).

We hate things that destroy us - and amazingly so does GOD!

Now, because you love him, that is GOD'S love flowing through you, but like the prodigal son, love has to let go.

You see the FATHER in the prodigal son story, (Luke 15:11-32) represents our LORD GOD, who loves us but love doesn't force someone to stay. Even in a marriage or a Father/son or daughter - LOVE doesn't 'make them' stay. It lets go.
It doesn't insist on its own way. 1 Corinthians 13:5

You have some tough decisions to make, but make the best decision for your children and the best decision for your husband (if he wants out), is to let him go.
You have to decide what 'letting go actually means' in your situation.
Trust GOD to speak to you, HIS still small voice of LOVE (never anger,never a burden) will lead you in the way you should go. Get still with HIM and believe.

We are praying for you.
Keep up all the good work you are doing it is making a difference.
Don't let the enemy trick you into thinking GOD isn't working in this situation.

Remember, all prodigals have their 'coming to their senses' moment too! vs 17


-eric

The Exchanged Life

 

[NenaEV]

Well since recently that he started doing whatever he wants i haven't been intimate with him, to protect myself.
And about the body thing, I've lost 60lbs i still have 20lbs to go to have a good body in his eyes.
I have a church that I go to. And my pastor tells me just to pray and fast and leave it in God's hands. I WANT to save my marriage! I do not want to rip this family apart because i know how it is to grow up with no father and i want better for my kids.
I'm trying to keep moving forward with my life. I got a license, i'm looking for a job and i'm planning on going back to school in January. I'm trying to just pray and leave it in God's hands. I've been praying and going to church all the time.
It's just very hard to see my husband act the way he does. It hurts so bad.
I just want to be able to talk to someone and know that someone understands how i feel. :/

 

[Johnnz]

You will be feeling rejected and also will have many fears about facing life alone. He is acting abominably, but without a very big change in his life you and your children will experience damaging behaviours from him in his current state.

You need more support and practical advice than the 'fast and pray' mantra' that so often is recited without realistic and very necessary support.

John
NZ

 

[heron]

You said he doesn't like your body since you had his kids. Is there something you can do about that to make him happy? If so, are you willing to do it?

Oh gee are you crazy? Let him have multiple kids and take care of them all day, and lose sleep at night, and be insulted whenever he's with his spouse.

You might be feeling love, but look at the reality of this situation. A man can't handle the natural stretching of the belly that is necessary to bear his children?

I got a license, i'm looking for a job and i'm planning on going back to school in January. I'm trying to just pray and leave it in God's hands. I've been praying and going to church all the time.

That's great. You know, there are resources in the community to help people in your position. Ask around, and do a little web searching. See if there's a grant-based small business association for women in your town -- they can be great for referring people to all sorts of resources, and helping with training.

 

[Forealzchola]

Young lady you cant stay...you have been only married 2 years and this is already happening? These are all red flags...everyone always says to pray to God...yet God has already provided you with a way out-divorce...you are going to come out very damaged if you stay in this any longer.My sister was in a situation such as yours and had no kids and was there for a year of marriage..and she came out damaged, it is no joke. You have to make a stand for yourself. Your husband might not ever get saved and that is just reality because God gives everyone a choice no matter how much so He might touch their heart..God can't fix everything if the other party wont submit to him...that would be like God forcing someone to do something or act right...and he didnt make us robots...so in order to get your needs met...find a good husband etc..it probably will have to be someone else God sends your way.