New here - question

[LinkH]

Insurance salesmen aren't financial planners. If they were, they could never sell whole life, universal life or any of the other scam products that steal your savings if you use the death benefit. Shop term insurances rates based on cost per thousand and have at least ten times the breadwinner's salary over and above the amount needed to clear all debts. This means that you carry it too. Investment planning requires someone with a securities license. If they are licensed, discard their advice.

My insurance agent sold me term insurance, but I kind of knew what I wanted going into it.

An insurance agent might at least urge him to sell the land.... to use the money to buy whole life.

 

[MomWifeAndEverythingElse]

Are you saying he owns vacant land not generating income? This is my MBA talking, but he shouldn't be doing that. If he's got some great land, it needs to be generating a return year after year or he should let it go. The way future values are calculated, returns next year and a few years down the line are worth much more than returns many years in the future. He should own land or properties that produce enough to cover a mortgage against the properties. Also, in business school, they teach us 'sunk costs.' You don't look at how much you invested in the past. You look at what the investment is worth right now and the cost v. benefits in the future. If it's going to hurt you going forward, you let it go.

I know he's the one who needs to hear this stuff, rather than yourself. Maybe if he discussed with a financial counselor, even someone he could meet for free who'd try to sell him insurance or something like that, it might make sense to him.

Thank you LinkH, I appreciate you advice and reply. And yes, it would be more helpful if he was seeking help from trusting sources. I just can't seem to convince my husband that not everyone is out to use him, and that some people genuinely want to help.

 

[MomWifeAndEverythingElse]

sending you prayers, MomWife. You're in a difficult situation; one I have lived more than once.

and - word- AL & Link are quite Tradionalists. Just saying. Although they mostly speak from their hearts, their hearts are seemingly lodged in the 1950s.

just sending prayers for you. I understand. I hope you will see God's path thru this.
A

Thank you. I teared up after reading this. I think some will truly understand where I'm coming from. But prayer is what I need the most. Thank you so much!! God bless you!!

 

[MomWifeAndEverythingElse]

Debt is very stressful. I can imagine how helpless it would feel to be in debt "beyond what you can imagine" and not be able to make progress on it because your spouse isn't on board. The thing about debt is that, for the most part, we all know what it takes to get rid of it. We know our income and expenses, and what we need to cut to make it work. We know to pay off expenses with the highest interest rates first. And I think we typically know when it's best to sell something, or keep it, in terms of its resale value versus usefulness to us. (I say because cars seem to be one of your assets, and of course having transportation can be less costly than the alternatives - so not necessarily a bad decision to buy or keep a car that could otherwise sell and pay off debts.)

In the end, I think it's just about resolve. You (both) have to come to that point that you sit down and make that budget, and then follow through. And if it doesn't add up, you have to be willing to put those "investments" on that table until it does. And it's possible that it won't...

That could be a really stressful prospect for him. Maybe your husband is afraid that his assets just won't add up to the point that a viable budget is possible? So he's afraid to even approach the math, hoping instead that some investment will turn up worthwhile and he can fix it then...

I know that's not a solution. I'm just trying to brainstorm what his though process might be.

Hello akmom. Yes, I agree. I begged him so many times to sit down and come up with a budget. Working on my degree in Business Management has taught me about finance and budgeting in more detail. But even before learning the technicalities of finance, my husband agrees to this every time, I have always resented my parent's debt, and because of that I have lived a very frugal life. But my husband on the other hand cannot seem to come to terms with "limits." When he gets a bit of "extra" money it gets spent on the most useless things. And it hurts so much because I know I have let go of so many things for my self in order for my kids to have a better life.

Here is an example, I kept track of my spending on food for the family for a couple of months. I was able to feed all 6 (and company sometimes) for around $800/mo. When I started my classes I was unable to keep up with full time school, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and tending to the kids all the time. So my husband started to buy food. We estemated that it cost us around $1300/mo with him doing the shopping. And it was mostly junk food. The kids started to get sick and complain to me that they miss my food. But I went to school to get my degree because he said he is unable to do that, it was betting (in his opinion) for me to get the degree. So you see, for the last 20 years everything I did was for my husband and kids. I didn't focus any time on me. And for this reason I think that the least he can do is this one thing for me, TOGETHER with me get the finances straightened out. But I see not hope of this happening in the near future, or at all...