New Here, just looking for some support :-(

[sarah78]

Hello Everyone,

My name is Sarah. I have alot to discuss but will just start out with the most recent stuff. In November of this year I was diagnosed yet again with GAD. I felt like I had a nervous breakdown due to alot of stress and one huge trigger that sent me into a two week long panicky spiral. Every waking moment was filled with fearful thoughts(of going crazy, losing my mind etc), one major breathing obsession and physical anxiety symptoms. By Christmas I was sitting in the ER trying to admit myself into the psych ward. They didn't feel I was much of threat to myself or anyoner else, so they made me go home. That night I started taking Clonazepam and the anxiety lessened over time..Then the fears or scarier obsessions started replacing my breathing obsession. Anytime I would read of others violent or blasphemous obsession, they would become mine for a few days. I felt that I had more "fear of" thoughts rather then atcually having intrusive thoughts out of nowhere, in other words it was more the ideas being introduced to my sensitized mind that gave me the thoughts.. Well now its morphed into thinking these thoughts whenever, if I see a knife I imagine myself killing and try my hardest not to actually picture myself harming my family. Today I pictured it and almost threw up. (Sorry to be graphic) The thoughts have become so fearful over time, ranging form worrying obsessively about demons to thinking I am becoming evil.

I would kill myself before I would ever hurt someone. I am a mother and wife and a Christian. These thoughts have damaged my already barely non existent self esteem. I dont even want to talk to God cause I dont know what to say. I am very angry that this has been afflicted upon me. I have had a rough life already. I conquered a ten yr long alcohol addiction through Christ and alone(no AA or rehab) and feel, that it was the hardest thing anyone could go through.

I feel like the devil wants me dead, thats how defeated I feel right now..I feel like this is the worst thing that could ever be put upon someone. Why has God allowed this to happen?

Why should I have to question my thoughts, feelings, morals, test to see if I am turning evil, worry that I am turning crazy or worse a murderer????

I am also depressed now, OF COURSE, who wouldnt be..but whats worse about that is it leaves me feeling flat, without much emotion other then anger, irritabiltity and very little happiness, if ever..I feel like there is no escape..

I often picture ******* myself as my ultimate alternative to living like this..I DONT WANT TOO!!!! but feel like a person can only endure so much...I worry it will come to this..what kind of life is this??

Now let me add that I do have good days, and have been feeling more depression in the last two days. I wondered if my clonazepam had contributed to this and I found out depresison is a side effect. Also ativan use to make me agressive, irritable and thinking violent thoughts and becasue they are both benzos Im wondering if my clonazepam is doing this.. I dont know what i will do if i cant take that cause sometimes I really need it.

I am not on any SSRIS but have a script on top of my fridge (zoloft) in case I wanted too..I am scared of those meds...

So once again sorry for the long post but I had to get some of this stuff out to Christians who may understand. Again I am not suicidal but have thought about it because this feels like torment..

It has me questioning my Faith, then I feel weak..

I'm just so sad about this, I feel like im grieving my life..where have I gone, only to be replaced with a fearful, crazy thinking depressed woman...how can I ever dream of serving my Lord like this?

Thanks for reading..God Bless

Sarah

 

[Jayangel81]

Hi Sarah

In November of this year I was diagnosed yet again with GAD. I felt like I had a nervous breakdown due to alot of stress and one huge trigger that sent me into a two week long panicky spiral. Every waking moment was filled with fearful thoughts(of going crazy, losing my mind etc), one major breathing obsession and physical anxiety symptoms.

Have you spoken to your doctor and Pastor about these situations in your life? If you haven't I would strongly suggest you doing so

Then the fears or scarier obsessions started replacing my breathing obsession. Anytime I would read of others violent or blasphemous obsession, they would become mine for a few days.

Yes that happens quite a bit, my brain used to be a sponge with what I read or heard from other people

I felt that I had more "fear of" thoughts rather then atcually having intrusive thoughts out of nowhere, in other words it was more the ideas being introduced to my sensitized mind that gave me the thoughts.. Well now its morphed into thinking these thoughts whenever, if I see a knife I imagine myself killing and try my hardest not to actually picture myself harming my family.

There is nothing we need to be afraid of. Remember you have all power and authority through Jesus Christ as a Child of God. Do not let fear lie to you.

If we let fear drive us, in this case the knife, images will be created just out of fear, I have had it happen many times in the past.

The thoughts have become so fearful over time, ranging form worrying obsessively about demons to thinking I am becoming evil.

When someone comes to Christ, and becomes saved, they can have alot of hurt and pain from their past, Unforgivness (yourself and others) and repentance that still needs to be done. This can and will cause demon oppression, it does NOT mean you are evil though. You are a child of God if you have been born again.

I would really speak with your Pastor about this, and get some good
God- Annointed christian counseling.

I would kill myself before I would ever hurt someone. I am a mother and wife and a Christian. These thoughts have damaged my already barely non existent self esteem.

Do you mind me asking why you have a non existent self esteem? This can cause alot of problems.

I have had a rough life already. I conquered a ten yr long alcohol addiction through Christ and alone(no AA or rehab) and feel, that it was the hardest thing anyone could go through

That is something to be proud of Thanks be to the Lord. You can do all things through Christ (Philip. 4:13) never forget that and never let the kingdom of darkness steal that from you.

I dont even want to talk to God cause I dont know what to say. I am very angry that this has been afflicted upon me.

God allows things for alot of reasons Sarah, none of them are His fault though, you have to understand that, and I know it can be difficult at times.

First thing you need to do is to confess and repent from this anger, all it is going to do is cause you more pain and ground for the roaring lion to oppress you.

I suggest reading Peters Epistle. Christians are going to be afflicted with much in their lives and they will be dealing with a world full of persecution and hatred toward God and themselves. God will reveal to you how to be free in Christ, ask Him and let the Holy Spirit guide you. It is through our sufferings that build up our faith, trust in the Lord,patience, our character and more.

And that is what Gods Word teaches us clearly. But we can find out who we are in Christ, and take our sufferings with patience and joy in the Holy Spirit. God can teach and reveal to us how we can glorify Him in our sufferings.

I feel like the devil wants me dead, thats how defeated I feel right now..I feel like this is the worst thing that could ever be put upon someone.

Bible teaches us that he doesnt just want you dead, but to Kill,Destroy and to steal from you. It is extremly important to know who you are in Christ, Do you?

Because most Christians do not know.


Unforgiveness in a persons life, is one of the main grounds for satan to oppress us. Do you have unforgivness in your life, toward yourself or anyone??

2Corinthians 2:10-11 To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices

Actually any area of your life that is not submitted to God can give ground for the enemy

James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Why should I have to question my thoughts, feelings, morals, test to see if I am turning evil, worry that I am turning crazy or worse a murderer????

Many people seem to "test themselves" but if they truely knew their identity in Christ, they wouldnt have to If you feel that you have to test yourself, than you will be most likley decieved by the enemy.

Look at self esteem for example.

Not one person in the Body of Christ, should have self-esteem problems, it is just more lies I am afraid. Lies of "who you are not" Rather than "Who you are in Christ"

Now let me add that I do have good days, and have been feeling more depression in the last two days. I wondered if my clonazepam had contributed to this and I found out depresison is a side effect. Also ativan use to make me agressive, irritable and thinking violent thoughts and becasue they are both benzos Im wondering if my clonazepam is doing this.. I dont know what i will do if i cant take that cause sometimes I really need it.

I would speak to your doctor about this, right away. Medications can have these types of effects

It has me questioning my Faith, then I feel weak..

What exactly makes you question your faith, is it because of what you are going through?

You mentioned up top that you do not talk to God much, do you get into Gods Word, you need to renew your Mind Sarah. This is a must in the Christian Walk.

I strongly suggest you speaking to God, don't worry about what to say, just lay it down on Him

1Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

He already knows what your gonna say, just let it out He knows your in pain dear sister

It is very important that we are in communion with the Lord

Praying for you

Keep fighting the good fight of Faith.

 

[annrobert]

sarah,I am very sorry to hear of you suffering like this.You sound like you are in so much pain.i can identify with terrifying tormenting thoughts.Thoughts and feelings have to be the most terrifying and painful thing a person can go through.I have questioned my faith so much and been so scared I was evil .These thoughts are tormenting but they are not who we are.Have you ever asked a doctor if you have ocd.Do you have a counsellor.seajoy was telling me about ERT therapy and I want to find out more about that.It is because these thoughts hurt us so much that we can know that they are not us.A big part of me thinking I was evil is cause I backslid.After fearing I was evil it caused even more thoughts to come.It is very hard to go through.I wrote some really long posts here since I joined I had to get some stuff out that had been stuffed inside for so long.the people here are all so kind and compassionate and helpful.We know what you are going through.I hope you feel better soon and find lots of help here.
annrobert

 

[gracealone]

Hi Sarah,
Glad you found the forum and glad you got the courage to open up to us.
I'm not a Dr. and cannot diagnose you, but what you have just described sounds a whole lot more like pure "O" OCD than any thing else. For me, I have what I would call an overlap of anxiety disorders. Panic disorder, GAD, and the biggest monster of all Pure "O" OCD, so it's not unusual to have physicians just recognize one of them.
The only way for you to get the proper help is to get to a Psychologist who specializes in OCD and then open up totally and transparently about the nature of your thoughts and the agony they cause you so you can get diagnosed. Don't go it alone.
Honestly, I've battled with your very same obsessional themes such as, "What if I go or already am crazy? What if I harm my children? (They're all grown up now.) Horrible visions of me doing it. What if I am or become Demon possessed? What if all this torture drives me to suicide? Why oh why can't I get these horrible visions and thoughts out of my head? What if all this means I'm not really a Christian?" On and on they went and it's unbelievably painful and tormenting to go through this.
Now I know that all of this was OCD and that it is caused by an over abundance of fight or flight chemicals in my brain and body. All that excess adrenaline needs to be spent on something so it attaches itself to any fleeting or disturbing thought that wanders into our consciousness, grabs onto it and won't let it go.
You are probably right that the meds. you are on aren't addressing the chemical imbalances of the disorder. By the way, the fear of the SSRI's was a biggie for me as my OCD attached itself to every known possible side effect and blew them way out of proportion. I wasn't able to look at the positive effects at all.
Some very helpful online reading about pure "O" OCD can be found at:
www.ocdonline.com
Read the articles by Dr. Philipson on pure "O". They really help me in learning to recognize and tackle the disorder in the proper way.
Finally, I would never be able to say that having OCD has been a wonderful experience but I have learned to thank God in retrospect for the things this affliction has taught me.
This is in no way your fault. You didn't ask to have it or cause it. There is help available and you can learn to manage it rather than have it manage you.
I'm praying for you.
Please keep us posted.
Mitzi

Hello Everyone,

My name is Sarah. I have alot to discuss but will just start out with the most recent stuff. In November of this year I was diagnosed yet again with GAD. I felt like I had a nervous breakdown due to alot of stress and one huge trigger that sent me into a two week long panicky spiral. Every waking moment was filled with fearful thoughts(of going crazy, losing my mind etc), one major breathing obsession and physical anxiety symptoms. By Christmas I was sitting in the ER trying to admit myself into the psych ward. They didn't feel I was much of threat to myself or anyoner else, so they made me go home. That night I started taking Clonazepam and the anxiety lessened over time..Then the fears or scarier obsessions started replacing my breathing obsession. Anytime I would read of others violent or blasphemous obsession, they would become mine for a few days. I felt that I had more "fear of" thoughts rather then atcually having intrusive thoughts out of nowhere, in other words it was more the ideas being introduced to my sensitized mind that gave me the thoughts.. Well now its morphed into thinking these thoughts whenever, if I see a knife I imagine myself killing and try my hardest not to actually picture myself harming my family. Today I pictured it and almost threw up. (Sorry to be graphic) The thoughts have become so fearful over time, ranging form worrying obsessively about demons to thinking I am becoming evil.

I would kill myself before I would ever hurt someone. I am a mother and wife and a Christian. These thoughts have damaged my already barely non existent self esteem. I dont even want to talk to God cause I dont know what to say. I am very angry that this has been afflicted upon me. I have had a rough life already. I conquered a ten yr long alcohol addiction through Christ and alone(no AA or rehab) and feel, that it was the hardest thing anyone could go through.

I feel like the devil wants me dead, thats how defeated I feel right now..I feel like this is the worst thing that could ever be put upon someone. Why has God allowed this to happen?

Why should I have to question my thoughts, feelings, morals, test to see if I am turning evil, worry that I am turning crazy or worse a murderer????

I am also depressed now, OF COURSE, who wouldnt be..but whats worse about that is it leaves me feeling flat, without much emotion other then anger, irritabiltity and very little happiness, if ever..I feel like there is no escape..

I often picture ******* myself as my ultimate alternative to living like this..I DONT WANT TOO!!!! but feel like a person can only endure so much...I worry it will come to this..what kind of life is this??

Now let me add that I do have good days, and have been feeling more depression in the last two days. I wondered if my clonazepam had contributed to this and I found out depresison is a side effect. Also ativan use to make me agressive, irritable and thinking violent thoughts and becasue they are both benzos Im wondering if my clonazepam is doing this.. I dont know what i will do if i cant take that cause sometimes I really need it.

I am not on any SSRIS but have a script on top of my fridge (zoloft) in case I wanted too..I am scared of those meds...

So once again sorry for the long post but I had to get some of this stuff out to Christians who may understand. Again I am not suicidal but have thought about it because this feels like torment..

It has me questioning my Faith, then I feel weak..

I'm just so sad about this, I feel like im grieving my life..where have I gone, only to be replaced with a fearful, crazy thinking depressed woman...how can I ever dream of serving my Lord like this?

Thanks for reading..God Bless

Sarah

 

[gracealone]

When someone comes to Christ, and becomes saved, they can have alot of hurt and pain from their past, Unforgivness (yourself and others) and repentance that still needs to be done
Why would you assume that she hasn't forgiven someone or is in any way unrepentant just because she is suffering an affliction?
. This can and will cause demon oppression, it does NOT mean you are evil though. You are a child of God if you have been born again.

Just gotta let you know, Jay, that if someone had suggested to me that my OCD was a manifestation of Demon oppression it would have made my spikes about Demons 10 times worse.
All illness and affliction can be something that Satan uses to attempt to discourage us. This type of thing is not limited to just OCD or other mental disorders. OCD and the lessons we can learn from it are no different from Pauls thorn or Job's trials. But here's the great thing. Though Satan, "means these things for evil", God uses them for our good in that we must learn to rely on His strength IN our weakness and affliction rather than our own. The scripture says that "we are conqueror's IN these things" not out of them.
Do you mind me asking why you have a non existent self esteem? This can cause alot of problems.
This is an unfair assumption. Just because a person develops a mental disorder caused by a chemical imbalance doesn't mean that they have low self esteem. I was raised in an extremely loving and solid Christian home. My folks are so awesome. I didn't have any past hurts or abuse that I could point to that caused my anxiety disorder. I did have relatives on my Mom's side that had various forms of anxiety disorders some quite severe and others only mildly afflicted. My point is just this. I inherited a genetic tendency for the disorder. Stress can certainly make it worse but how is that any different from other illnesses. Stress exacerbates or triggers all of them. I didn't ask for my anxiety disorder or cause it any more than my inherited high blood pressure and high cholesterol. It's just part and parcel of living in a world where, "the whole of creation groans under the weight of sin." "Though my outward man is perishing, my inward man is being renewed daily." I look forward to the day when all of these things will finally and completely fall off me. But till then, God is more than able to "complete the good work that He began in me". With or without OCD. OCD has no power over Him and His plans and kingdom purposes for my life.
I'm not ashamed of having OCD any more than I could be ashamed of having hypertension. I don't blame myself for causing it. I don't view it as a spiritual problem. I view it as a tool to grow me up in Christ.
Would you approach another disorder such as diabetes in this manner? If not. Why not?
My apologies for highjacking this thread. I won't add anything further. I just get really concerned that the suffering from this illness can be increased by a person thinking that it's their fault they have it. Hard to be silent on that matter.
Respectfully,
Mitzi



.

 

[Jayangel81]

I began answering you Mitzi but I decided in the end, I do not feel like going into another debate with you.

I never accused her of anything, please stop putting words in my mouth.

When did I ever say it was her fault, I never did.. Why anyone would say that it is her fault is beyond me, it isnt.

you took my post and twisted it into something that I wasnt even getting into.I was only commenting on some of the stuff she said, alot of it had nothing to do with Ocd and what "causes it".

I can see that alot of the things I say get debated by some of the ladies here, so I am ending my posting in the OCD forums for now on, I do not feel like everything I have to say gets debated on..or twisted around. I dont want their to be any hard feelings, I have to confess I was a bit annoyed and upset, forgive me I just do not wish to keep going at it but like I said I do not want any hard feelings toward you Mitzi or anyone else, this is how I feel at this time and unless God steps in again, this is how it is. I wish you the best. Truely I do


take care everyone I will keep praying for you

 

[BeccaLynn]

Sarah,

I would just like to say that I can identify with some of the things you said. I have felt so angry with God in the past too. In looking back, God was with me through it all, but I often just couldn't realize it because I was feeling like He had abandoned me. God loves you dearly, and your feelings toward Him do not change that one bit.

I agree with others who recommended you see a counselor. Right now, I'm not on medications, and my counselor is a minister friend, so he couldn't prescribe them for me anyway. Out of all the medications I tried in the past, only one helped. Zoloft was the last anti-depressant prescribed for me, but I didn't take it. I struggled when I had an upper respiratory illness with feeling as if I couldn't get a full breath. The more I felt panicked about it, the more I felt I couldn't breath. However, when I went to the doctor, my oxygen level tested fine. I was given Zanax (spelling?), but I noticed that the day after taking it I would usually feel more irritable. I'm very sensitive to medicines too, so it's hard to know whether the actual ailment is worse or the side effects of the medicine.

I know it's frustrating, but coming to this site and being able to open up, realizing I'm not alone with my feelings, and getting Godly counsel has made a tremendous difference. In fact, although I didn't want to die because I so feared not being ready to meet God, I was miserable in life and tormented. God has brought me so far. I felt totally helpless, but God doesn't give up on us. I believe He's led you here, so please realize He is not deaf to your cries and anguish. In fact, He cries with you. I encourage you to keep coming here and posting, and also to seek counseling.

Love,
Rebecca

 

[sarah78]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It really helps to know that I am not alone. I cannot stay on but just wanted to say thank you. I am grateful I found a Christian forum where I can share my thoughts and fears. It is a great comfort to me. Right now, I am just getting by, day by day...I try to realize that these thoughts are not my own, but fueled by anxiety..It is difficult, in fact it is painfully difficult not to take these thoughts to heart, but I am managing. I certainly pray that in the near future it will only get easier to dismiss them. I do have alot of hurt and pain that does need to be dealt with and I see my Pastors for that. I cannot even imagine telling them my biggest struggles, those being the intrusive thoughts. I wish I could, but I don't think he would understand and neither would his wife!

I will be praying for God to direct me to a therapist who does understand and can help me. That is my greatest prayer right now. I have already found many blessings in my anxiety, but the thoughts, well its hard to see those as a blessing. I cannot imagine ever feeling that way.(but hopefully one day I will learn something out of this!!)

I too look forward to the day that I can walk through that gate and into total freedom. As for today I will have to deal with this thorn.

Again thank you all, I really enjoyed reading all the responses and found them all to be helpful and encouraging!!

Talk soon, Take Care and God Bless,

Sarah

 

[gracealone]

HI Sarah,
I couldn't agree with you more that finding this forum was a huge blessing for me. It was such a relief to find other Christians who could totally relate to my suffering from OCD. Doing one day at a time is exactly what you need to do so keep it up. Also your acknowledgement that the thoughts are fueled by the inappropriate anxiety response is certainly a key first step to beginning to treat the disorder. I'm so glad to read that statement from you. And yes it's very difficult not to give the thoughts the attention they want, but that's exactly what you need to do so keep it up. I agree that in some instances it might not be a good idea to share OCD thoughts and the agony they cause us with our Pastors. It's not that they aren't compassionate or wouldn't do their utmost to help you. It's just that if they don't understand the disorder the sessions with them could end up being a cycle of them providing reassuring statements/verses over and over which in real religious OCD can become is part of the compulsive reassurance seeking side of the disorder, and then you having to go back to them over and over because you still don't feel better. That can be very confusing and distressing for the both of you.
I will make it my prayer, also that God will direct you to the proper therapist so you can begin to learn to successfully manage the disorder. It's very discerning of you to recognize the difference between your hurt and pain that you are seeing your Pastor for and the manifestation of intrusive invalid OCD thoughts. Good job!! Hurt, pain, illness, long periods of stress etc. are all things which can cause the disorder to crop up of flare. But this isn't any different from how they affect other illnesses outside of the realm of OCD.
I don't ever feel blessed to have OCD thoughts, who could, they are so disturbing, but I do feel blessed for the lessons I've learned from living with a such a difficult affliction.
My greatest teacher is of course Jesus, who was afflicted with the consequences of the sin of the whole world of mankind. The Garden of Gethesemane is where I see the intense emotional suffering and pain that He chose to endure, for me, for you, for any one who will come to Him. He was not spared anxious feelings, dreadful sorrow and emotional terror. He even asked God the Father, if it could be His will to remove that cup of pain. Yet He never let any of that deter Him from His steadfast and perfect obedience. It is my greatest desire to follow Him and OCD can never rob me of that choice.
Praying for you.
Keep in touch.
Mitzi

Thank you all so much for your replies. It really helps to know that I am not alone. I cannot stay on but just wanted to say thank you. I am grateful I found a Christian forum where I can share my thoughts and fears. It is a great comfort to me. Right now, I am just getting by, day by day...I try to realize that these thoughts are not my own, but fueled by anxiety..It is difficult, in fact it is painfully difficult not to take these thoughts to heart, but I am managing. I certainly pray that in the near future it will only get easier to dismiss them. I do have alot of hurt and pain that does need to be dealt with and I see my Pastors for that. I cannot even imagine telling them my biggest struggles, those being the intrusive thoughts. I wish I could, but I don't think he would understand and neither would his wife!

I will be praying for God to direct me to a therapist who does understand and can help me. That is my greatest prayer right now. I have already found many blessings in my anxiety, but the thoughts, well its hard to see those as a blessing. I cannot imagine ever feeling that way.(but hopefully one day I will learn something out of this!!)

I too look forward to the day that I can walk through that gate and into total freedom. As for today I will have to deal with this thorn.

Again thank you all, I really enjoyed reading all the responses and found them all to be helpful and encouraging!!

Talk soon, Take Care and God Bless,

Sarah

 

[elliotps932]

I'll be praying

 

[elliotps932]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It really helps to know that I am not alone. I cannot stay on but just wanted to say thank you. I am grateful I found a Christian forum where I can share my thoughts and fears. It is a great comfort to me. Right now, I am just getting by, day by day...I try to realize that these thoughts are not my own, but fueled by anxiety..It is difficult, in fact it is painfully difficult not to take these thoughts to heart, but I am managing. I certainly pray that in the near future it will only get easier to dismiss them. I do have alot of hurt and pain that does need to be dealt with and I see my Pastors for that. I cannot even imagine telling them my biggest struggles, those being the intrusive thoughts. I wish I could, but I don't think he would understand and neither would his wife!

I will be praying for God to direct me to a therapist who does understand and can help me. That is my greatest prayer right now. I have already found many blessings in my anxiety, but the thoughts, well its hard to see those as a blessing. I cannot imagine ever feeling that way.(but hopefully one day I will learn something out of this!!)

I too look forward to the day that I can walk through that gate and into total freedom. As for today I will have to deal with this thorn.

Again thank you all, I really enjoyed reading all the responses and found them all to be helpful and encouraging!!

Talk soon, Take Care and God Bless,

Sarah

 

[seajoy]

When someone comes to Christ, and becomes saved, they can have alot of hurt and pain from their past, Unforgivness (yourself and others) and repentance that still needs to be done
Why would you assume that she hasn't forgiven someone or is in any way unrepentant just because she is suffering an affliction?
. This can and will cause demon oppression, it does NOT mean you are evil though. You are a child of God if you have been born again.

Just gotta let you know, Jay, that if someone had suggested to me that my OCD was a manifestation of Demon oppression it would have made my spikes about Demons 10 times worse.
All illness and affliction can be something that Satan uses to attempt to discourage us. This type of thing is not limited to just OCD or other mental disorders. OCD and the lessons we can learn from it are no different from Pauls thorn or Job's trials. But here's the great thing. Though Satan, "means these things for evil", God uses them for our good in that we must learn to rely on His strength IN our weakness and affliction rather than our own. The scripture says that "we are conqueror's IN these things" not out of them.
Do you mind me asking why you have a non existent self esteem? This can cause alot of problems.
This is an unfair assumption. Just because a person develops a mental disorder caused by a chemical imbalance doesn't mean that they have low self esteem. I was raised in an extremely loving and solid Christian home. My folks are so awesome. I didn't have any past hurts or abuse that I could point to that caused my anxiety disorder. I did have relatives on my Mom's side that had various forms of anxiety disorders some quite severe and others only mildly afflicted. My point is just this. I inherited a genetic tendency for the disorder. Stress can certainly make it worse but how is that any different from other illnesses. Stress exacerbates or triggers all of them. I didn't ask for my anxiety disorder or cause it any more than my inherited high blood pressure and high cholesterol. It's just part and parcel of living in a world where, "the whole of creation groans under the weight of sin." "Though my outward man is perishing, my inward man is being renewed daily." I look forward to the day when all of these things will finally and completely fall off me. But till then, God is more than able to "complete the good work that He began in me". With or without OCD. OCD has no power over Him and His plans and kingdom purposes for my life.
I'm not ashamed of having OCD any more than I could be ashamed of having hypertension. I don't blame myself for causing it. I don't view it as a spiritual problem. I view it as a tool to grow me up in Christ.
Would you approach another disorder such as diabetes in this manner? If not. Why not?
My apologies for highjacking this thread. I won't add anything further. I just get really concerned that the suffering from this illness can be increased by a person thinking that it's their fault they have it. Hard to be silent on that matter.
Respectfully,
Mitzi

A wonderful post, Mitzi. OCD has to be treated as an illness. No one would blame anyone for having any other type of illness and unrepented sin along with it. I had a friend die of cancer last week...who would be so bold as to tell him it's from unrepented sin?

This was not a highjacked post, but a respectfully needed one.

Christ did it all for us. We are His. He cares for us even in the throws of major anxiety that this illness causes.

 

[seajoy]

I began answering you Mitzi but I decided in the end, I do not feel like going into another debate with you.

I never accused her of anything, please stop putting words in my mouth.

When did I ever say it was her fault, I never did.. Why anyone would say that it is her fault is beyond me, it isnt.

you took my post and twisted it into something that I wasnt even getting into.I was only commenting on some of the stuff she said, alot of it had nothing to do with Ocd and what "causes it".

I can see that alot of the things I say get debated by some of the ladies here, so I am ending my posting in the OCD forums for now on, I do not feel like everything I have to say gets debated on..or twisted around. I dont want their to be any hard feelings, I have to confess I was a bit annoyed and upset, forgive me I just do not wish to keep going at it but like I said I do not want any hard feelings toward you Mitzi or anyone else, this is how I feel at this time and unless God steps in again, this is how it is. I wish you the best. Truely I do


take care everyone I will keep praying for you

Your words were not twisted, Jay. You are quite plain in how you speak. It's been read over and over in many of your posts. Guess I'm one of those "other ladies" of which you speak. Are you saying that men understand you better? Yikes.

You have great faith, that is evident. But you do not totally understand OCD. What you say, can be harmful at times. And I know you are not trying to be harmful....in fact, that's the last thing you would want to do. Never the less.....I know I would have suffered greatly at what appears to be accusatory remarks, in what you have said.

I am saying these things to help you and others here....not to hurt you. I also respectfully submit this post.

seajoy

 

[kandcmom]

Dear Sarah,

I know exactly what you are going through. My ocd started after the birth of my first daughter and I go through good times and bad times. I have been struggling recently for some reason my terrible thoughts have been so much more frequent and stronger. My dr increased my meds and gave me ativan to help with the anxiety but I don't really like to take meds. There are alot of people here who will help you through this. If you would like to send me a private message I would love to talk with you. You are in my prayers.
kathy