I've made a few posts recently and felt I should introduce myself. Born in 1945, pretty normal childhood up through college. I accepted Jesus when I was eleven but was pretty wishy-washy by my early 20's. In order to get my military obligation over with, I ended up voluteering for the draft and went to South Vietnam as a replacement for one of thousands of infantry out in the jungles and rice paddies.
Everything I learned growing up was challenged. Life wasn't fair, just, or precious - it could be wasted so easily. There were no "I got you first," no overs, no theatrical lingering deaths like we played as young boys.
When I came home, my finacee, my family and I thought life would just go on as it had before my military experiences. I just had to bury it deeply enough and deny it bothered me strongly enough and all would be well.
My conscious mind definately wanted to forget the hell and terror of a year in combat. Unconsciously, I felt forgetting would dishonor those who didn't make it home. In a couple situations, I was the only one who knew what happened to some of them.
What I actually brought home was survivors guilt, anger, depression and frustration. The few good lessons I learned in Vietnam ment nothing back home. Suffering together, supporting one another, and self sacrifice had no value in our "normal" society where it was "every man for himself" in grabbing a portion of the American Dream.
Nothing prepared me for any of this. Though we went to church every week, no one preached on God's view of war, survival, and readjusting back into society. Symptoms of Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) flared uncontrolably before anyone knew what PTSD was. After thirty years of family suffering and trying my best to do all the things I thought God wanted me to do, I had failed - as a husband, father and son.
That's when the small voice of God said, "OK, you've tried it your way all these years, now, do you want to try it my way?" There was nothing else for me to loose. I'm pretty bone headed, but God knew what it would take to get my attention.
Wish I could say that all the changes God is making in my life happened all at once and with with no pain, but life is a process. I'm know God exits, and I know I am not Him. He knew me, He was there when it all happened and He used the worst of my life to ultimately draw me back closer to Himself. Good is stronger than evil.
We can't see beyond the next second, but God isn't bound by time. He sees us perfected by His mercy and grace through this life process already standing before Him in heaven.
Allow Him change you.
Everything I learned growing up was challenged. Life wasn't fair, just, or precious - it could be wasted so easily. There were no "I got you first," no overs, no theatrical lingering deaths like we played as young boys.
When I came home, my finacee, my family and I thought life would just go on as it had before my military experiences. I just had to bury it deeply enough and deny it bothered me strongly enough and all would be well.
My conscious mind definately wanted to forget the hell and terror of a year in combat. Unconsciously, I felt forgetting would dishonor those who didn't make it home. In a couple situations, I was the only one who knew what happened to some of them.
What I actually brought home was survivors guilt, anger, depression and frustration. The few good lessons I learned in Vietnam ment nothing back home. Suffering together, supporting one another, and self sacrifice had no value in our "normal" society where it was "every man for himself" in grabbing a portion of the American Dream.
Nothing prepared me for any of this. Though we went to church every week, no one preached on God's view of war, survival, and readjusting back into society. Symptoms of Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) flared uncontrolably before anyone knew what PTSD was. After thirty years of family suffering and trying my best to do all the things I thought God wanted me to do, I had failed - as a husband, father and son.
That's when the small voice of God said, "OK, you've tried it your way all these years, now, do you want to try it my way?" There was nothing else for me to loose. I'm pretty bone headed, but God knew what it would take to get my attention.
Wish I could say that all the changes God is making in my life happened all at once and with with no pain, but life is a process. I'm know God exits, and I know I am not Him. He knew me, He was there when it all happened and He used the worst of my life to ultimately draw me back closer to Himself. Good is stronger than evil.
We can't see beyond the next second, but God isn't bound by time. He sees us perfected by His mercy and grace through this life process already standing before Him in heaven.
Allow Him change you.
Thank you for sharing your testimony, God is good! God bless.
