Hi there. I'm Leferowe, and I guess you could call me a "newbie" Christian. I'm not too sure that I agree with the use of the word Christian - to my previously atheistic/agnostic mind, it implied religion and passive receiving of priest-delivered monologues rather than a deep, personal, interactive relationship with the One who created us. It has never meant a relationship with God. Nonetheless, though, I'm a new Christian! C:
I've been depressed since I was about ten years old. I'm not on medication and I'm not seeing a therapist because it's only since I opened my heart and life to Jesus that I've become a real "people person" and I would refuse to interact with doctors unless it was an absolute necessity, so I've been battling that depression alone. I've always felt empty - like the depression is caused by a big chunk of my soul missing.
I'm a former non-religious pagan, and some shamanistic practices refer to this as soul fragmentation. I still believe that my soul was fragmented - that I had lost, or damaged, a part of it by pushing myself so far away from God, not allowing others to even discuss God around me, and by deliberately choosing non-Christian friends. I was a truly awful person, and I know that I deserve the depression that I'm suffering as a punishment for my truly disgusting behaviour.
Last year, my two best friends revealed to me that they were Christians. My two best friends, devout Christians! They even attend Church every Sunday - one an Assemblies of God church, and the other a Church of Christ! I was shocked, to say the least! This came out when we were discussing bio-ethics in a biology class, and I listened to their viewpoints - ones which I shared (if you don't support abortion, you shouldn't support IVF -- but that's another topic for another day!) - with heightening curiosity.
I took several pieces of paper to school one day, and presented them to my Christian friends. They were four back-to-back pages of questions about God, about Christianity in size six font. Their answers thoroughly impressed me - they made sense! And my friends were very willing to simply say "I don't know, can I go away and ask my pastor?"
One friend lent me a bible and took me to see her pastor with my list of questions. I began visiting that pastor regularly and more and more questions would bubble to the surface. I was becoming more and more convinced that God exists. I began to attend a bible study. My friend's pastor lent me two of Louie Giglio's DVDs, and when the DVD showed the centre of the whirlpool galaxy, I screamed and jumped backwards.
That night, straight after watching, I sat down and I prayed. The feeling that washed over me was awesome in the original sense of the word. I began to shake and cry. I rocked and cried and prayed and howled apologies for what seemed like forever. I begged and pleaded with Jesus to take all of my sins away, and to bless me with the Holy Spirit. At one point my words were so thick that they weren't even in English any more because I was so tongue-tied by my sobs. I was crying so hard that I was choking. After praying, as I lay down to sleep that night, I felt this amazing sensation of release, peace, hope and protection.
I attended my friend's Assemblies of God church a few times, as I wanted to get a feel for the different churches - but I found that it was too extroverted for me and placed too much emphasis on gadgets. I then attended my other friend's Church of Christ church a few times, and am proud to say that I'm now attending as regularly as is possible for me.
I haven't yet been baptised, though I feel a strong urge and push to be baptised, as my mother disagrees with everything that is religious and won't listen when I try to explain that it's not all ritual and passive acceptance - it's a personal relationship. She wants me to travel the world and turn 18 before I get baptised. As you can imagine, it's a struggle living in a household with my mother - she is the person who raised me to be the awful creature I used to be; empty, God-hating, cruel and promiscuous.
I truly feel as though my life has completely turned around since asking Jesus to take my sins away. I feel truly loved, warm, hopeful and happy. It's like an everlasting spiritual cuddle - and I just love cuddles.
I've been depressed since I was about ten years old. I'm not on medication and I'm not seeing a therapist because it's only since I opened my heart and life to Jesus that I've become a real "people person" and I would refuse to interact with doctors unless it was an absolute necessity, so I've been battling that depression alone. I've always felt empty - like the depression is caused by a big chunk of my soul missing.
I'm a former non-religious pagan, and some shamanistic practices refer to this as soul fragmentation. I still believe that my soul was fragmented - that I had lost, or damaged, a part of it by pushing myself so far away from God, not allowing others to even discuss God around me, and by deliberately choosing non-Christian friends. I was a truly awful person, and I know that I deserve the depression that I'm suffering as a punishment for my truly disgusting behaviour.
Last year, my two best friends revealed to me that they were Christians. My two best friends, devout Christians! They even attend Church every Sunday - one an Assemblies of God church, and the other a Church of Christ! I was shocked, to say the least! This came out when we were discussing bio-ethics in a biology class, and I listened to their viewpoints - ones which I shared (if you don't support abortion, you shouldn't support IVF -- but that's another topic for another day!) - with heightening curiosity.
I took several pieces of paper to school one day, and presented them to my Christian friends. They were four back-to-back pages of questions about God, about Christianity in size six font. Their answers thoroughly impressed me - they made sense! And my friends were very willing to simply say "I don't know, can I go away and ask my pastor?"
One friend lent me a bible and took me to see her pastor with my list of questions. I began visiting that pastor regularly and more and more questions would bubble to the surface. I was becoming more and more convinced that God exists. I began to attend a bible study. My friend's pastor lent me two of Louie Giglio's DVDs, and when the DVD showed the centre of the whirlpool galaxy, I screamed and jumped backwards.
That night, straight after watching, I sat down and I prayed. The feeling that washed over me was awesome in the original sense of the word. I began to shake and cry. I rocked and cried and prayed and howled apologies for what seemed like forever. I begged and pleaded with Jesus to take all of my sins away, and to bless me with the Holy Spirit. At one point my words were so thick that they weren't even in English any more because I was so tongue-tied by my sobs. I was crying so hard that I was choking. After praying, as I lay down to sleep that night, I felt this amazing sensation of release, peace, hope and protection.
I attended my friend's Assemblies of God church a few times, as I wanted to get a feel for the different churches - but I found that it was too extroverted for me and placed too much emphasis on gadgets. I then attended my other friend's Church of Christ church a few times, and am proud to say that I'm now attending as regularly as is possible for me.
I haven't yet been baptised, though I feel a strong urge and push to be baptised, as my mother disagrees with everything that is religious and won't listen when I try to explain that it's not all ritual and passive acceptance - it's a personal relationship. She wants me to travel the world and turn 18 before I get baptised. As you can imagine, it's a struggle living in a household with my mother - she is the person who raised me to be the awful creature I used to be; empty, God-hating, cruel and promiscuous.
I truly feel as though my life has completely turned around since asking Jesus to take my sins away. I feel truly loved, warm, hopeful and happy. It's like an everlasting spiritual cuddle - and I just love cuddles.
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