berry2000 said:
Hi..i'm new to this corner of Christian forumns. But I could use some support. I never had a full on ED but have stuggled w/ my being very underweight, low appetite, poor self esteem etc. Mostly though I post on the self harm board as I struggle w/ that more regularly. Anyways my doc put me on zyprexa and it has made me extremely hungry. I'm not eating too much but it feels like too much as before I ate like a bird. I'm totally freaking out and the ED thoughts are attacking me...like hating myself for what I ate and thinking of ways I can get it out so I won't gain weight, or feel so disgusting. I am afraid of gaining weight yes, but I am more afraid of this ED behavior/thoughts that seem to be growing. I don't know what to do because it is infact due to my medication...but I'm scared my doc w/ think I do have ED if I am honest.
Sorry...I just need someone to talk to.
Hi Angel Berry2000:
Just by reading your post, I could feel the intensity of your fear. I wish I could take that inner turmoil from you, but I know God can. I know from my own experience that SI and ED is about control and it's a control that we are unable to surrender to God who really should be in the driver's seat. I have my own mind battles with self-image issues. All I know is that when I fear and try to control, I am not surrendering self to God and letting him lead. So, I make an extra effort to hang on to Him and seek Him in prayer, scripture, thought, meditation, praise and worship music etc. Making an effort to stay in God at all times gives me a great deal of peace.
If your appetite has picked up, then maybe you can work on eating smart and more healthy. There are alot of things we can eat that won't put on weight. What's funny about ED is that the more we are concerned about gaining weight the more our mind is on food and the more we tend to eat.
Up your exercise and try to eat smart during this period of increased hunger. Drink lots of water which keeps your stomach full. Also make homemade lemonade with freshly squeezed lemons, purified water, and Stevia. I drink that through the day and it helps ward off the snacking and urge to pick at food. Don't worry about the acidity in the lemon becaue it will go alkaline in your stomach.
Hang in there. Your treatment is rather new so it will take time to adjust. I would mention to your Doc that your appetite has increased and if that particular side effect will go away in time. If you do have ED, it may be better to bring that out in the open instead of keeping it in the closet. The SI and ED share the same triggers. If your are working on SI, best to work on the ED too.
Stay centered in God and surrender your control to Him and let Him guide you. This is what trusting the Lord really means. It's not easy, but the more effort you put in clinging to God, the more peace you have. Try and focus on eating healthy and try and get some exercise. Feeling physically strong helps with the SI.
Recovery is piece work and we try and take it one step at a time so as not to get overwhelmed which can work against our efforts. GoldenViolet calls them baby steps. One step at a time, one second at a time, one day at a time etc.
My self-image issues are born out of the past. Don't look back. Keep your head up and stay present and centered on God. Don't worry about the future because that belongs to God. What we all have is right now so try and stay in the now. Worrying about tomorrow just makes today harder. Baby steps.
We are all here for you. If you need a hug and positive affirmation, you will find it here on this forum. You are in my prayers. God bless you abundantly as you draw closer to Him and find His peace in your heart and mind.
We are here for you.
Infinite Hugs,
Kim
blessings sweetheart. we talked a few hours ago... i just wanted you to know i read your posts. i care.
it is nice to be at the listening end too. glad you feel warmth. love dee
