New Add-On Story "To Catch A Thief"

[Susan]

I'm beginning my first add-on story. Since I'm an amateur writer with none too much talent I don't know how good I'll be but here goes.
The rules are:
1: NO CUSSING/SWEARING AT ALL . I don't consider cussing realism, I consider it immediate cause to report you to the mods.
2: Romance is allowed on two things: keep it VERY CLEAN and don't let it sidetrack from the main plot listed below.
3: No gore. Also if your characters are "good" try to refrain from violence at all costs.
4: "Good" characters must be Christians or at least sympathetic to Christian virtues and morals.
5: Other characters "undecideds" and "bad" may be whatever you choose to make them.
6: One person may not remove more than 3 of another participant's characters unless permission is granted by that writer in the storyline.
7: New writers are always welcome to chime in! (even with new characters.)
The story is set in 2050 somewhere in Southern California. Which means you can go as futuristic as you think is or as retro as you think is
The plot is that a series of strange thefts is occuring in a large city, and several people are trying to catch the culprit(s).

My first characters are
"Detective Nadia Marshall," 25, newest detective in police department Burglary Auto Theft division, Christian, description Scottish-Native American with green-dyed hair and mirror sunglasses. Assigned to the burglaries and car break-ins.
"Detective Brenda Lim," 30, Christian, other detective from Burglary working the case with Marshall, description Malay Filipina with black hair, wears pro-life pin on inside of her coat. Known for being the person always bringing new technology to the division.
"Chief William Brighton," 60, Irish, old-school police chief who's watched one too many a Dragnet rerun and seeks to run his department like his favorite TV show. Gray hair, always in uniform when everyone else is plainclothes, almost military in bearing. Carries badge number 119.
Now someone else come up with the thief or thieves and we'll begin.

 

[Susan]

Actually I'll begin and then someone can introduce the thief/thieves.
Nadia Marshall walks into the Burglary Auto Theft Division precisely at 5:00 p.m. "Hey everyone."
The desk officer nods. "First time assigned to the night shift. You need to know that no one likes being here, except Detective Lim. So don't be too cheery."
Nadia looks at the computer monstrosity on the table next to hers. Two monitors, four hard drives, and two printers are connected to a tangle of phone and cable lines. "The IT department must have gone berserk."
Brenda Lim moves away from the monitors. "No. This is my work. I used to be in IT two years before going to the academy. . .so you're my new co-worker. I'm Brenda. Nice to meet you."
Nadia still cannot look away from the desk. "I'm Nadia, nice to meet you. But why did you do that?"
"You know our old system of having to either sift through hard copy case files or put in a request to the Pattern Crime Unit if we suspected related cases?"
"too well. Chief Brighton likes it, but it's very hard to keep up."
"Well, watch. You know that string of window smashes we had going last year in the businesses on the beach? I use that as my demo." She types in the address, then types in the M.O. . A listing of similar cases pops onto the first screen, and a list of usual suspects comes up on the second.
"Wow. Well, you've convinced me."
Chief Brighton stands at the door. "Talk about overreliance on technology. Lim, Marshall, there was a car burglary at 1771 Pershing Street. A man called and said that his car trunk was pried open."
"What was stolen, sir?"
"A strawberry pie, a bag of dog food, a toolbox, a spare tire, and a crowbar."
"Let's go."

 

[Boy Wonder]

Real name is unknown, Alias is "John Smith" A.K.A. "Rann". 18. Suspect, Undecided.
Description: Black hair, Green eyes, wears a black over coat, seen in black ninja outfit every now and then.

(Note: I refer to him as Rann when in ninja suit, John when not)
___________

Can't think of anything to post...

Oh yea... You can't say I’m a thief un-less I say I am a thief

 

[Susan]

Brenda leans over the car trunk. "Pried, all right. The patrol officers took fingerprints?"
Nadia looks over at her. "I just finished talking to them. They said they already took photos and prints. Witnesses. . .the officers said that someone in the restaurant named John Smith saw the whole thing."
Brenda shakes her head. "Does that name sound as phony to you as it did to me?"
"Definitely. There he is, over there in the black coat."
"Let's see what he has to say."

 

[Boy Wonder]

'Uh oh... Trouble....' John thought.

He got up from the chair and ran out.

"Hey! Wait, we are the Police! Stop!" One of the Police said.

"Heh, you wish!" John said, as he ran into a tunnel and disappeared.

"Ah! We missed him!" The other said.
"No. We follow him, he's the only lead we have!" The first said.

They ran into the dark tunnel.

John had been clinging on to the roof of the tunnel, and runs out the entrance.

'Hmm, wonder how long it will take them to discover it's a train tunnel?' John said, with a smile on his face.

 

[Susan]

"He's gone." Brenda looks down the tunnel. "Our only lead."
"I think we had better be running. We're in the subway tunnel!" Nadia looks at her watch. "It's 20 minutes until the Green Line comes here. For once in my life I'm thankful that it's always late."
They run along the track to the nearest station heading the opposite direction, then climb onto the platform. "There it is. 5 more minutes and. . ." Brenda's voice trails off.
Nadia signals one of the Transit Division uniformed officers standing by. "Hey! Detective Marshall, Burglary. Have you seen a man with long black hair in a black overcoat?"
The officer shakes his head. "Don't think so. Our surveillance video did show someone in the tunnel, but he had no black coat. Also I hope he got out. Crazy kids, you never know what they will do for an extreme sport anymore."
Brenda looks at Nadia. "What's your idea? I say we go to the district attorney tomorrow and get an arrest warrant."
"For what? Running into a subway tunnel? Look, it was our own curiosity that almost killed us, and the warrants judge will say that. Let's see what else we can find, and even see if we can find Mr. Smith without arresting him and getting the lawyers into it."
Brenda smiles. "Great idea. In fact, I know the first place to look!"

 

[Susan]

New Character:
"Robin Alistair," 21, known local thief and fence. Red hair, hazel eyes, originally from London.

Nadia and Brenda look at the monitor screens in the office. "No John Smith here. No history of unusual thefts recently. Only thing it says is that 2 years ago a Robin Alistair stole a Chihuahua from Pretty Pup Dog Groomers."
"Dog food! It was one of the items stolen in today's car trunk theft. It's slim, but it may be a connection."
They walk to the street corner where the patrol beat officers said they last saw the man fitting Alistair's description.
"Sir! Are you Robin Alistair? I'm Detective Lim, this is Detective Marshall. We would like to talk to you about a burglary today at Mom's Cafe parking lot, that would be 1711 Pershing Street."
"Burglary?" he laughs. "I am no burglar."
"You were convicted of stealing a Chihuahua-"
"That, milady, is petty theft. A misdemeanor if I'm correct, as have been all my convictions. I am not a felon, as that has no class at all."
"Do you know a John Smith?" Nadia asks.
"Smith, Smith, ah, I do not remember. Sounds like you got an alias. . .ah, the poor police. Am I going to help you beyond that? Absolutely not. Goodbye."
Brenda looks at the man's diamond-tipped walking stick. "That had better be yours."
"Oh, it is, milady."
"A man of 20 needs a walking stick?"
"I recieved it in trade for something, and I am looking to sell it, if you must know. Here is my receipt. Now am I under custody?"
"Under arrest? No."
"Then I will go, as my friends may think I have become a rat." Robin Alistair quickly walks away.
Nadia looks at Brenda. "Dead end so far. Tomorrow night the fingerprints and other evidence will be in. That is our best hope of finding whoever the burglar is."
Brenda nods. "I still think he's hiding something. Anyway we have to get back to the office and finish the reports."

 

[Boy Wonder]

John was in the bank, when a guy and a girl came in with ski masks on... And guns.

He sunk back in the shadows, and came back as Rann.

"What? Where did you come from?" The girl asked.
"I don't care let's get hi-" The guy was cut short as Rann's fist connected with his face. (Remember I'm an "undecided" )
"Huh? What?" The girl was shocked.
"I don't punch girls,” Rann said as he tied her up.

After that, he ran out the door.

 

[Tristan]

Brenda and Nadia were just finishing up their lunch at Pete's Diner. The food cheap, and not too bad. Hanging above the counter was a television tuned in to the local station.

"Good Afternoon, my name is George Manning and this is the 1 o'clock News. Today's top story: City bank was subject to an armed robbery today when one of the customers saved the day by taking on the theives single-handed! Here's the security tape from the bank:"

Brenda put down her coffee mug and turned towards the TV. She wondered what kind of person would take on armed robbers.

"As you can see, the masked robbers enter the bank with guns. Now if you look to the corner of the screen at the man with a black coat on..."

"It's him!" cried Brenda
"What? Who?" replied a very confused Nadia
Brenda pointed excitedly at the TV "John Smith! Look!"

"..our mysterious hero dives into the corner, and emerges in a ninja suit!"

"Which bank is that?" asked Nadia
"I think it's City Bank"
"Well..what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Nadia said as she pulled some money out of her pocket

Brenda and Nadia threw some money on the counter and headed out the door, destination: City Bank.

 

[Susan]

Brenda pulls the car into the City Bank parking lot, finally having found a space behind a squadron of marked police and sheriff's vehicles. She and Nadia walk past the unmarked FBI and police Robbery Division cars until they see a familiar face, a detective from the Robbery Division. (if you want to make him/her a new character in your post you can, if you don't leave it at this.)
"Lim, Marshall, Burglary. What happened here?"
"I don't even know. The customers say some guy in a ninja suit attacked the robbers, whom we have in custody. Although we do not officially approve of vigilantism-too dangerous for all involved-this case was different. I wanted to ask Mr. Smith about what happened but he said he had a meeting and ran away."
"Where did he go? We also wanted to talk to him!"
"The Espresso Hut. Over there, see that little hole in the wall place? I think the Health and Fire Departments have been there and cited it more times than I can count."
"Let's go." Brenda and Nadia begin walking at a fast pace toward the Espresso Hut.

 

[Susan]

The Espresso Hut is lit only by some wall sconces, as it has not even one window. "I don't have any idea what's going on with Chief Brighton," Nadia grumbles. "First we work the night shift, now the day. Although it feels like midnight in here."
"You heard what happened too, two of the day officers took vacations. Besides, the last day we worked the 5 to 10 shift was last week." Brenda looks at her notebook in the dim light. "I hope I can read the rights to anyone we arrest. It is too dark."
"Last week, that was the burglary on Pershing when all that weird stuff was stolen." Nadia walks to the counter, then signals the lone daytime waiter behind it. "Police."
The waiter looks angry. "Cops? Look, I told Fire Inspector Albers that I would call an electrician tomorrow morning. There was no need for you to be here, so why don't you stop harassing us?"
"Ah, we weren't here for that. I'm Detective Marshall, this is Detective Sergeant Lim. We wanted to know if you had seen this man."
The waiter holds a flashlight to the picture. "Yeah. . .he was in here an hour ago. Talking to someone. I don't meddle in others business though. So I know nothing. What do you want him for anyway? A ticket?" he says sarcastically.
"No, just a question and an honor of some sort for stopping the City Bank holdup."
"Can't help you then."
Brenda and Nadia return to the police car. "What's that on the radio?"
"Dispatch to car 119 unmarked, car 119 unmarked. Burglary at Green Lantern Apartments. Looks like the Pershing Street MO."
Brenda pushes the button on the radio. "Car 119. Why say, over?"
"Over, the missing items. A bag of old dishrags, a pacifier, a golden poodle statue, and a box garden containing zucchini, cauliflower, and eggplant."
Nadia looks puzzled. "That poodle statue is the only thing worth money there."
"Who said whoever this is, is rational? 119, to dispatch, we're going right now."

 

[Calenlanthir]

I'll join.

NAME: Christiana(Chris-tea-ah-nuh) Ithildin(it means starmoon) goes by Chris.
AGE: 21
GENDER: Female
SIDE: Good, she's a Secret Agent
DESCRIPTION: Redish-brown hair, slightly tanned skin, glowing green eyes.
PHYS. APP.: Balck, long sleeved shirt, black flares, black boots, hair in small braides that are up in a pony-tail, black sunglasses.
BELEIF: Christian
BREIF HISTORY: Christiana never knew her parents, because she was born an orphan. She knows she has a brother out there somewhere, but doesn't know where. When she's on a mission, she looks for him, but hasn;t found him.
PERSONALITY: Serious because of rejection in her life. But if one is persistant, they can get pass the hard top, and make friends with her. She's a nice person, but hides it well.

 

[Susan]

"Now I'm confused." Nadia looks down at the report that they have written of the burglary. "Why would someone steal such strange items?"
"I have no more idea than you." Brenda shakes her head as they walk to the elevator to the police precinct parking lot. "Old dishrags? A pacifier? A box garden? And the victim was so upset about it, especially that statue."
"The victim's name. . .Christiana Ithildin. I heard it somewhere before."
"Yeah, so did I, but she has no prior criminal history in either the state or federal database."
Nadia looks over the parking lot. "another wasted day. No thief. No arrests. No suspects now. Another burglary."
"Are you going to the prayer meeting tonight at the New Coliseum?" Brenda asks.
"Definitely."
"Then there we are not prohibited from praying for some help, like we are at work."
"To find a thief?" Nadia stares. "Isn't that like a petty request?"
"Not to find whoever the thief is, no. I'm praying personally for patience, that we won't do anything sinful or foolish in our investigation, and for the safety of everyone here."
They walk to their separate cars. Nadia looks under the windshield wiper. Is that a ticket? This is the police garage and I'm parked legally, she thinks. No. It's not a ticket! It's a note!

 

[Calenlanthir]

Here's another one of my characters:

NAME: Victor Rizzall
AGE: 22
GENDER: Male
SIDE: Good. He's Christiana's partner.
BELEIF: Christian
DESCRIPTION: He looks like Antonio Banderas. For those of you, who don't know who that is, he has short, black hair, dark-brown, almost black, eyes, slightly tanned skin.
PHYS. APP.: Black t-shirt, black long sleeved overcoat that goes to the waist, black pants, black hiking boots, black sunglasses(you know secret agents and their sunglasses! )
HISTORY: Victor was born in Mexico. He speaks Spanish very well, and uses it to talk to Christiana if there's something that needs to be said in private, so they don't look suspicious to anyone. He moved to America, and joined the OSA.(Opperatives of Secret Agents) He met Christiana, while working on a project. He specializes in languages, getting clues out of notes, and mechanics.
PERSONALITY: He's friendly, and trustworthy. Christiana trusts God, and Victor alone. Victor undertands her feelings, and knows when to leave her alone.


Here's my first post:

Christiana walked into the breifing room. The President of the OSA stood before her.
"Mr. Cargen, I was called away from my assignment for what purpose?"
"Miss Ithildin, I have another assignment for you."
"Another assignment? I haven't even completed the one you gave me yesturday. Why is it, that when I get something in one of my assignments going, you call me here and give me snother one?"
"This one is important."
"Oh, so you call finding a murderor that has killed six people not imortant?"
"We think this is linked to the murderor. There have been various thefts in the city, and we want you to join up with Detective Nadia Marshall, Detective Brenda Lim and Cheif William Brighton. We have informed them, that you and Victor will be helping them on this."
"Mr. Cargen, I am not a detective, a Secret Agent. I work undercover. and take out the enamy. I'm a spy! Not some polive woman, who tries to find some theif."
"I undertand that Chris, but I need someone like you to go and at least inspect it."
"Alright I'll go. But I'm not doing this for you, Mr. Cargen. I'm doing it for my reputation."
"Alright. There is a prayer meeting at the New Colesium. You and Victor will meet them there. Understood?"
"Yes my leige." Christiana bowed, and left.
She called for Victor, and the two headed towards the New Colesium.
"Don't be upset Chris. Josie found the murderor anyways." said Victor, is goes by Vic.
"She did?" Chris asked, puting.
"Yes. So look at the bright side, now you can enjoy this mission and relax."
Chris looked at Vic with a look that said, "Relax?!"
"Okay, maybe not exsactly RELAX, but you can get a heavy burden off your back."
"You watch the road, and I'll watch my back Okay?" Chris said with annoyance.
"I don't why I chose you to be partners with. I should have went with Buck."
"Hey, watch it. I chose you Okay? Just remember that."
"Yeah, and then I fell in love with you, which my second mistake."
"And why was that such a big mistake?"
"You know, I don't know." Chris just laughed slightly, and they rode in silence until they reached the New Colesium.

 

[Calenlanthir]

Here's the re-written one:

Here's another one of my characters:

NAME: Victor Rizzall
AGE: 22
GENDER: Male
SIDE: Good. He's Christiana's partner.
BELEIF: Christian
DESCRIPTION: He looks like Antonio Banderas. For those of you, who don't know who that is, he has short, black hair, dark-brown, almost black, eyes, slightly tanned skin.
PHYS. APP.: Black t-shirt, black long sleeved overcoat that goes to the waist, black pants, black hiking boots, black sunglasses(you know secret agents and their sunglasses! )
HISTORY: Victor was born in Mexico. He speaks Spanish very well, and uses it to talk to Christiana if there's something that needs to be said in private, so they don't look suspicious to anyone. He moved to America, and joined the OSA.(Opperatives of Secret Agents) He met Christiana, while working on a project. He specializes in languages, getting clues out of notes, and mechanics.
PERSONALITY: He's friendly, and trustworthy. Christiana trusts God, and Victor alone. Victor undertands her feelings, and knows when to leave her alone.


Here's my first post:

Christiana walked into the breifing room. The President of the OSA stood before her.
"Mr. Cargen, I was called away from my assignment for what purpose?" she asked.
"Miss Ithildin, I have another assignment for you."
"Another assignment? I haven't even completed the one you gave me yesturday. Why is it, that when I get something in one of my assignments going, you call me here and give me another one?"
"This one is important."
"Oh, so you call finding a murderor that has killed six people not imortant?"
"We think this is linked to the murderor. There have been various thefts in the city, and we want you to join up with Detective Nadia Marshall, Detective Brenda Lim and Cheif William Brighton. We have informed them, that you and Victor will be helping them on this."
"Mr. Cargen, I am not a detective, but a Secret Agent. I work undercover. and take out the enamy. I'm a spy! Not some police woman, who tries to find some theif."
"I undertand that Chris, but I need someone like you to go and at least inspect it."
"Alright I'll go. But I'm not doing this for you, Mr. Cargen. I'm doing it for my reputation."
"Alright. There is a prayer meeting at the New Colesium. You and Victor will meet them there. Understood?"
"Yes my leige." Christiana bowed, and left.
She called for Victor, and the two headed towards the New Colesium.
"Don't be upset Chris. Josie found the murderor anyways." said Victor, is goes by Vic.
"She did?" Chris asked, puting.
"Yes. So look at the bright side, now you can enjoy this mission and relax."
Chris looked at Vic with a look that said, "Relax?!"
"Okay, maybe not exsactly RELAX, but you can get a heavy burden off your back."
"You watch the road, and I'll watch my back Okay?" Chris said with annoyance.
"I don't why I chose you to be partners with. I should have went with Buck."
"Hey, watch it. I chose you Okay? Just remember that."
"Yeah, and then I fell in love with you, which my second mistake."
"And why was that such a big mistake?"
"You know, I don't know." Chris just laughed slightly, and they rode in silence until they reached the New Colesium.

 

[Susan]

Nadia looks at the note once more, walking to the exit at the same time.
"The OSA. Meet us at the prayer meeting, we know you'll be there. Why they assigned me to my own burglary I have no idea. C."
Brenda looks across the crowd as they leave. "Who's that?"
"That's Christiana Ithildin!"

 

[Boy Wonder]

John was walking down the street and sees someone by a shop window and thinks, "that's the pawnshop! And it’s closed."

Then sees the guy push the window out, and sneak inside.

John flips up his cell phone and dials a number very quickly.

--Right before the prayer meeting--

Nadia's phone started ringing.

"Not now" she whispered, "oh well."

"Nadia here, who's this?"
"Never mind that... Get down to the pawnshop. Now."
"Why?"
"It's a b-*static*-y"
"What I didn't-" Nadia was interrupted as the other phone hung up.

 

[Calenlanthir]

Just So you guy's know, Christiana isn't a theif, or murderor or anything like that. It sorda sounds like you're making her the culprate. Forgive me if I'm wrong, I just wanted to let you know.

 

[Apelila]

Ok I will join, but do not know what I should be
************************************************************
BIO
Name:Becca
Age:16
Brief History: Was left at a church when she was three. The pastor and his wife raised her. Her faith is really being pushed.
Belief: Christian
Look:Long Boond hair that goes to her waist, big blue eyes slim and mid height.

 

[Boy Wonder]

Originally posted by Calenlanthir
Just So you guy's know, Christiana isn't a theif, or murderor or anything like that. It sorda sounds like you're making her the culprate. Forgive me if I'm wrong, I just wanted to let you know.

How does it sound like that?