Never getting married!

Lady Bug said:

To be honest, I never thought I'd say this in my entire life, but it's quite an easy choice between Jesus Christ and a partner. I see so many people, even on CF, juggle between trying to maintain their faith in the midst of a relationship between themselves and an unbelieving partner, and I'm like, the choice shouldn't be that difficult.

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Exactly: the choice shouldn't be that difficult.

Lost4words said:

I have an image of God reading your post and then shaking His head in disbelief at how anyone could write what you have just written!

God didnt create us so that we have to hide from one another my friend!

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The Most High created us for holiness; most all of us have no idea what that implies.

Having a partner is a luxury - ideally a luxury afforded by Providence. But, having a partner isn't the point of life. Human interaction isn't even the point of life. The point of life is to build a foundation of love for your Creator so that when your time here ends you can be in communion with the Most High.

The Redeemer Himself said that He came to divide houses and turn family member against family member: one will believe the Truth, and one wont; one will watch and one will allow the thief to ravage them.

We are too emotional, and it is an exploitable quality by other humans, powers, principalities, and rulers. Truth should be the first thing we absorb and emanate.

Lady Bug said:

To be honest, I never thought I'd say this in my entire life, but it's quite an easy choice between Jesus Christ and a partner.

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True, but in most Christian marriages I know, each spouse helps bring the other closer to Christ.

Radagast said:

True, but in most Christian marriages I know, each spouse helps bring the other closer to Christ.

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Oops let me clarify. I meant if the partner was an unbeliever. If both partners are very devout, what you said is possible.

Praising Him said:

I am not going to raise kids because I am not getting married. I am taking the lifetime celibate vow. Besides the Bible does not say that every person should get married, in fact it says a person is better single. I have waited over 10 years praying and looking to Jesus so it is time for me to take this vow. I am also after this short time on this form leaving and going on with my life

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I get it. I guess how I would frame it would be something more like, "Lord I am giving up on X because I don't believe it is your will and focusing instead on this (other calling)". That sort of response gives him room to prove you wrong in the years ahead.


One important theme in Bible is people can have their fondest hopes unrealized for many years, especially when it comes to things like child birth and the deliverance of Israel from its enemies. It could be that God wants to give you something beyond the usual meeting a future spouse story. And for that it can take a miracle, where God does something that seems impossible or at least extremely improbably and unlikely.

Kaon said:

Having a partner is a luxury - ideally a luxury afforded by Providence. But, having a partner isn't the point of life.

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Entitlement and expectation have blinded many from the reality that men and women have gone without companions in the past. The reasons for their singleness may differ from the conditions we face today. But it doesn't lessen the desire they had for a partner. Unlike us, they understood the guarantee did not exist. Some would go unmatched.

Spinsterhood was a fact of life most forget. They worked, remained at home, or became companions to affluent women. Many alliances were formed for a mutual need for survival. They worked together. The Hallmark moments would arrive in time. But it was rarely the reason they married.

We place a heavy emphasis on emotions. We want the comfort of companionship and adoration. But that wasn't the primary theme for most. Their togetherness was rooted in partnership. They needed one another. The fickleness we see today wasn't prevalent.

We've romanticized the ideal with little consideration for our culture and its impact on alignments. Survival is no longer the tipping point. We developed ways to build a family outside of marriage. Women entered the workforce en masse. Now what?

Compulsion is the missing link. What compels a man and woman to pledge themselves to one another and remain in place? Some say love. But emotions are changeable. God is the answer but the question is rarely raised.

What does God desire for us to accomplish through this union for His glory? That's the message for today. Its a solid foundation for each. That should be a our prayer. But we're focusing on the mundane and continuing the downward spiral.

~Bella

Praising Him said:

I have this thought that married life takes a major commitment in which I not interested in taking. I am only interested in my commitment to Jesus and other believer. So as May 25, 2020 at 5:11pm pst. I am never getting married.

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Again, I am probably being naive in my thinking, but they say marriage takes work, compromise, etc. I feel that if you have to "work" at it, maybe you.re with the wrong person (?). But I guess that depends on what the attraction was in the first place. What I really don't understand is why someone tries to change you after you get married. It's like they couldn't find the one they 'really' wanted, so they marry you 'instead', and try to tweak it and mold you into something you're not, which will ultimately destroy the relationship altogether.

uniqueandsimple said:

Again, I am probably being naive in my thinking, but they say marriage takes work, compromise, etc. I feel that if you have to "work" at it, maybe you.re with the wrong person (?). But I guess that depends on what the attraction was in the first place. What I really don't understand is why someone tries to change you after you get married. It's like they couldn't find the one they 'really' wanted, so they marry you 'instead', and try to tweak it and mold you into something you're not, which will ultimately destroy the relationship altogether.

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Also keep in mind,,, being alone is not the same as being lonely. when you're lonely, you might be more vulnerable. So don't go out shopping for a mate. You should never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach LOL

Praising Him said:

I have this thought that married life takes a major commitment in which I not interested in taking. I am only interested in my commitment to Jesus and other believer. So as May 25, 2020 at 5:11pm pst. I am never getting married.

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(While I empathize with your sentiment, I am personally cautious about making definite declarations of commitment to things that I'm not absolutely certain by faith and personal resolve will never change. I would gently advise you to be the same. It is better not to vow than to vow and not pay.)

LaBèlla said:

Never is an excellent goal for sin. As servants, we must remain flexible and open to change. Only the Lord knows the end of a matter.

~Bella

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This is not good. If somebody is celibate he must forget about women all their life with the power of his will, or will fall into fornication in the first convenient chance and then will not receive reward for virginity.

Goodhuman said:

This is not good. If somebody is celibate he must forget about women all their life with the power of his will, or will fall into fornication in the first convenient chance and then will not receive reward for virginity.

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Abstinence is a practice of will. Celibacy is a divine gift. God removes the desire from the individual. When we're abstinent the want for companionship remains. We elect not to fornicate in deference to His commands.

~Bella

uniqueandsimple said:

Again, I am probably being naive in my thinking, but they say marriage takes work, compromise, etc. I feel that if you have to "work" at it, maybe you.re with the wrong person (?). But I guess that depends on what the attraction was in the first place. What I really don't understand is why someone tries to change you after you get married. It's like they couldn't find the one they 'really' wanted, so they marry you 'instead', and try to tweak it and mold you into something you're not, which will ultimately destroy the relationship altogether.

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I used to tell my friends, I love you as you are and see who you might become. What I was articulating is my recognition of their potential and willingness to assist them if they desired my help. I didn't tell them they had to change or force the issue. But I was willing to come alongside if they wanted to.

Marriage is a partnership. I want a companion who doesn't turn a blind eye to my failings or weaknesses. Or condemn me for them. I want the person who will lovingly extend his hand and work with me. And I want to offer the same to him. Our mutual service enriches us and the relationship.

All worthy projects require a measure of effort. The greater the goal; the greater the sacrifice. Your aim is lifelong. You won't stumble into it. Humans evolve. Are you the same person you were ten years ago? Probably not. The same holds true for your partner. You grow and adapt together.

But it hinges on your understanding of oneness and recognition that 'we' is definitive. Our wants and needs must be seen within the collective. We-centered connections are considerate. You gauge the impact of your choices and behavior on one another. You're a team. Always.

We must forge alignments with suitors who recognize our potential and respect the person we've become. They must be mindful of our experiences, strengths and weaknesses. And put expectation in its place. Sanctification is God's domain. We're instruments for the other. But the blueprint comes from Him.

Marriage isn't a tear down or mechanism for control. That behavior is unbiblical and dishonors the sanctity of the union.

~Bella

uniqueandsimple said:

Again, I am probably being naive in my thinking, but they say marriage takes work, compromise, etc. I feel that if you have to "work" at it, maybe you.re with the wrong person (?). But I guess that depends on what the attraction was in the first place. What I really don't understand is why someone tries to change you after you get married. It's like they couldn't find the one they 'really' wanted, so they marry you 'instead', and try to tweak it and mold you into something you're not, which will ultimately destroy the relationship altogether.

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Agreed. Life already brings its own challenges. Ideally, a married couple should be helping and encouraging each other. Working as a team to face those challenging situations together.

Granted, people change over time and occasionally disagree. Nobody's perfect. We're all human, but I'm not aware of any healthy relationships that required lots of hard work and compromise in the dating phase. At least not the kind of relationship that I'm looking for.

Although I've known quite a few couples that claim to be happy despite continuous conflicts from the start, such relationships are on shaky ground. Many placed more value on simply getting married than on true compatibility with their spouse.

Praising Him said:

I have this thought that married life takes a major commitment in which I not interested in taking. I am only interested in my commitment to Jesus and other believer. So as May 25, 2020 at 5:11pm pst. I am never getting married.

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Unfortunately I'm too late since the OP has decided to leave this forum. I too made the same decision about seven years ago. It's only two years ago that my heart was open to the possibility of marriage again and I started online dating Dec 2019.

Interestingly three years after I made that commitment, I ended up with a boyfriend. it was short and I still was sorting through if I wanted to marry or not. I do not regret making that decision because I know I am a stronger Christian and more free of the entanglements that I had in my thirties. Although I still have some bad attractions it's not as bad as before I made that commitment. I've really grown in my faith and have boldly proclaimed it during my return to online dating.