Never Doing It Again

cedric1200 · Apr 15, 2015

pakicetus said:
As far as I know, there's no reason whatsoever to think hell even exists -- anymore than the hells in other religions, which are pretty good evidence that hell is a trope that the human mind invents for psychological reasons (the need to keep the followers of your cult from defecting or the wish to have outgroups punished, for example) and not a reality. You might as well be scared of going to Tartarus. Or, for that matter, Middle Earth!

You have nothing to be ashamed of, either. There's nothing wrong with lust in and of itself! It's just a feeling, it can't harm anything. You can have too much lust, but that isn't a sin: it's just an inconvenience, or at worst a disorder.

As for the other sins you mentioned:

- Homosexuality: that's 100% OK too -- both as a form of sex and a form of love. I doubt God has a problem with it, since it's his fault.

- Thoughtcrimes: There's no such thing as an evil thought. What happens in your mind stays in your mind.

- Covetousness: This is an emotion humans have evolved because your resources affect your ability to survive and reproduce - or, if creationism is true, God gave us the tendency to covet because humanity would've gone extinct without it. Lust is a similar story.

Anyway, you should take the commandment against covetousness with a grain of salt. God literally told the Israelites to covet other people's land and property and women, so he was being a total hypocrite when he said not to covet.

- Lying: Everybody lies sometimes. Except me.

- Murder: Woah! Really? You've committed murder? Have you literally committed murder or have you just hated someone? Anyway, I've read the Old Testament, and despite what he says, God doesn't have any problem with murder.

- Adultery: Have you really committed adultery, or have you just felt lust before?

- Thievery: Well yeah, stealing is bad -- unless you needed to do it, that is.

- Idiocy: Lots of people are idiots. You actually give me the impression that you're pretty smart. But even if you're not, stupidity isn't anyone's fault, and there are some upsides to it.

- Hypocrisy: People who make a big deal out of hypocrisy are all hypocrites themselves. Metahypocrites.

It seems like your "sins" are pretty ordinary, but even if you've committed the worst sins imaginable, you should be able to forgive yourself and move on. You can't go back in time and change the past. All you can do, or should even care to do, is try to use your remaining time in a considerate and ironic and enjoyable way. I would say that to a mass murderer. But you give me the impression that your problem isn't extraordinary sin, but extraordinary guilt. If you really feel so guilty, you should get psychiatric help. Which, by the way, isn't shameful either.

No, I never murdered anyone physically. I hated people though.

And physically I am still a virgin. I have never been intimate with anyone; but I wanted to. I have also violated people in my thoughts. Jesus said it was adultery.

I can't discuss homosexuality according to the rules, so I made a mistake in bringing it up. But of course I have to go with the the Bible when it talks about sex. So I just have to leave it there.

My IQ is 85. I appreciate you saying that I seem smart, but my IQ speaks volumes. It says I am low intelligent. But when I say that I am an idiot, I am talking about me constantly testing God. I look at porn and other unclean material testing God's grace. That's idiotic. So I wasn't insulting my intelligence but my behavior. If you knew someone who decided to eat cake with a pinch of poison in it just to see if the cake will still be good, you may say that person is an idiot. That's what I believe is what I am doing. So I am just condemning my behaviour.

I don't steal now. But I have in the pass

cedric1200 · Apr 15, 2015

Aryeh Jay said:
Atheists are not the only people that dont believe in a hell.

Yeah, I realize that after I wrote that.

True Scotsman · Apr 15, 2015

cedric1200 said:
I have a problem with lust. It's disgusting.

But I wonder if I decided, with will power, right here and right now to never think about sex, if I would successful.

I thought about it. No, I would not be successful.

I am so irritated with our creator. He creates hell and throws us in it if we are unable to follow his demands. How can someone never lust? How can someone never covet?

I feel so stuck. We can never escape the judgment of the Almighty. Killing myself won't work; hiding in space won't work; hiding in caves won't work. David said "Where can I go from your Spirit. I climb to the highest mountain you are there. I make bed in the lowest part of the earth and you are there." God is always there and is always on my mind. But all I see is fire and brimstone. He gave us these strong desires and I am having a hard time controling my evil thoughts.

I am also jealous of non-believers. They don't believe in hell. That must be nice not going to bed and not fearing of waking up in flames. I would love to go out and enjoy life and not worry about whether I am angering the Almighty or not.

However, I can't help but believe in the coming judgment of God. Paul said (I think it was Paul), that people perish for a lack of knowledge. That is why I have to know if there's going to be punishment for sin.

And I believe there is. And I am terrified because I can't stop sinning. My anxiety is going to end up killing me.

But I am done testing God. I do fear God's wrath, but obviously not enough if I continue to sin. I am going to walk in fear everyday of my life until I die. IT'S HEALTHY AND GOOD TO FEAR GOD'S WRATH.

I will keep calling on the name of Jesus, and pray for his mercy. I am everything that is wrong with humanity: I am a pervert, homosexual, a liar, a hypocrite, a murderer, an adulterous, an idolater, a thief, an idiot, and many more. But I am done feeling sorry for myself. Paul writes, "Worldly sorrow brings death, but godly sorrow brings life."

God can change me, so I am putting myself in his hands, and I submitting to his Son, Jesus. I mean I can't run away from him, what other options are there?

Sex and romantic love are two of the most profound values in Human life. I relish the sight of a beautiful woman and I don't feel the slightest guilt about it. It's completely natural to think sexual thoughts. You can't stop it even if your life depended on it. There is nothing dirty or sinful about it. It is part of how we evolved.

This, to me, is one of the greatest evils of religious morality. It takes something that is profound and beautiful and turns it into something to be ashamed of. But if you want to rule people then you've got to demoralize them. There's no way to rule an innocent man. Make him feel that he is evil by nature and you've got him. Pick something that is natural to all men and make it a sin. I'm surprised that the writers of the Bible didn't make eating and breathing a sin.

I suggest you check your premises.

BrokenWarrior · Apr 15, 2015

cedric1200 said:
I have a problem with lust. It's disgusting.

But I wonder if I decided, with will power, right here and right now to never think about sex, if I would successful.

I thought about it. No, I would not be successful.

I am so irritated with our creator. He creates hell and throws us in it if we are unable to follow his demands. How can someone never lust? How can someone never covet?

I feel so stuck. We can never escape the judgment of the Almighty. Killing myself won't work; hiding in space won't work; hiding in caves won't work. David said "Where can I go from your Spirit. I climb to the highest mountain you are there. I make bed in the lowest part of the earth and you are there." God is always there and is always on my mind. But all I see is fire and brimstone. He gave us these strong desires and I am having a hard time controling my evil thoughts.

I am also jealous of non-believers. They don't believe in hell. That must be nice not going to bed and not fearing of waking up in flames. I would love to go out and enjoy life and not worry about whether I am angering the Almighty or not.

However, I can't help but believe in the coming judgment of God. Paul said (I think it was Paul), that people perish for a lack of knowledge. That is why I have to know if there's going to be punishment for sin.

And I believe there is. And I am terrified because I can't stop sinning. My anxiety is going to end up killing me.

But I am done testing God. I do fear God's wrath, but obviously not enough if I continue to sin. I am going to walk in fear everyday of my life until I die. IT'S HEALTHY AND GOOD TO FEAR GOD'S WRATH.

I will keep calling on the name of Jesus, and pray for his mercy. I am everything that is wrong with humanity: I am a pervert, homosexual, a liar, a hypocrite, a murderer, an adulterous, an idolater, a thief, an idiot, and many more. But I am done feeling sorry for myself. Paul writes, "Worldly sorrow brings death, but godly sorrow brings life."

God can change me, so I am putting myself in his hands, and I submitting to his Son, Jesus. I mean I can't run away from him, what other options are there?

Beloved, Your testimony is beautiful! You are correct, there are no other options!

We are sinners,we are liars,we are murderers,and thiefs,and adulterers. But The Christ has come to forgive us,us wreched,perverted beings.

And when we still fail,he'll forgive us again!

He came down to earth,perfect and sinless, lived a sinless life,was persecuted,beaten,cursed,and nailed to the Cross, all for OUR sake! Because of the sheer,incomprehensible love He has for us!

And now He lives,and has risen from the grave,to not only fulfill prophesy,but to also be our hope that His promise of our Ressurection is ours through Him!

If anyone of any faith,of any gender,of any race, sees this and is filled with curiosity or is convicted,I invite you to pick up a Bible,or ask questions in one of the Christian sub-forums,or even pm me! And I pray that God will choose you to be one of His,and to draw you in.

God Be with each and every one of you,friends and enemies alike!

-The Current Lowest Servant

SarahsKnight · Apr 15, 2015

IT'S HEALTHY AND GOOD TO FEAR GOD'S WRATH.

NO it is not, Cedric. The way you are feeling and living day by day is not healthy at all. AT ALL.

I find it very difficult to believe you can trust God and His will to save if you are this afraid of hell. And obviously - at least from what you say - it hasn't done much to stop or even curb your sinning. Think about it. The Bible says that it is the lovingkindness of our Lord that leads men to repentence, not the fear of His wrath (in whatever form His wrath will take).

I know because I was basically like this a few years ago. You are basing your relationship with our God on a miserable fearful slave mentality. And apparently, it's not exactly working.

I will continue to pray for you, sir.

__________________

EDIT:

And physically I am still a virgin. I have never been intimate with anyone; but I wanted to. I have also violated people in my thoughts. Jesus said it was adultery.

And if I may add this, Cedric, I hope you realize that there is nothing wrong with the desire fo rphysical intimacy in and of itself. Believe it or not it is the way God made us. Now, violating someone in your thoughts, and willingly, yes, the Bible certainly does say it is wrong. It is adultery. But I want to make sure you understand the difference here.

GrimKingGrim · Apr 15, 2015

I'm gonna have to agree with SarahsKnight here.

You seem to pushing the grovel button very hard. And as mentioned before I don't think this type of lifestyle of slave mentality is particularly healthy and it seems like it's not gonna get better. I know you said you love yourself but honestly from what you said in your OP I'm not sure how genuine that statement is. It seems like you're very heavily conflicted internally. You have to free your mind from this crippling fear and guilt

brinny · Apr 15, 2015

cedric1200 said:
I have a problem with lust. It's disgusting.

But I wonder if I decided, with will power, right here and right now to never think about sex, if I would successful.

I thought about it. No, I would not be successful.

I am so irritated with our creator. He creates hell and throws us in it if we are unable to follow his demands. How can someone never lust? How can someone never covet?

I feel so stuck. We can never escape the judgment of the Almighty. Killing myself won't work; hiding in space won't work; hiding in caves won't work. David said "Where can I go from your Spirit. I climb to the highest mountain you are there. I make bed in the lowest part of the earth and you are there." God is always there and is always on my mind. But all I see is fire and brimstone. He gave us these strong desires and I am having a hard time controling my evil thoughts.

I am also jealous of non-believers. They don't believe in hell. That must be nice not going to bed and not fearing of waking up in flames. I would love to go out and enjoy life and not worry about whether I am angering the Almighty or not.

However, I can't help but believe in the coming judgment of God. Paul said (I think it was Paul), that people perish for a lack of knowledge. That is why I have to know if there's going to be punishment for sin.

And I believe there is. And I am terrified because I can't stop sinning. My anxiety is going to end up killing me.

But I am done testing God. I do fear God's wrath, but obviously not enough if I continue to sin. I am going to walk in fear everyday of my life until I die. IT'S HEALTHY AND GOOD TO FEAR GOD'S WRATH.

I will keep calling on the name of Jesus, and pray for his mercy. I am everything that is wrong with humanity: I am a pervert, homosexual, a liar, a hypocrite, a murderer, an adulterous, an idolater, a thief, an idiot, and many more. But I am done feeling sorry for myself. Paul writes, "Worldly sorrow brings death, but godly sorrow brings life."

God can change me, so I am putting myself in his hands, and I submitting to his Son, Jesus. I mean I can't run away from him, what other options are there?

Originally Posted by SteveB28 View Post
Seems like you've solved your own problem in just a couple of paragraphs.

Congratulations.

cedric1200 said:
Yes, sometimes I just write how I feel without thinking. Then in a matter of minutes it changes.

i agree with SteveB28.

Congratulations.

pakicetus · Apr 15, 2015

cedric1200 said:
No, I never murdered anyone physically. I hated people though.

And physically I am still a virgin. I have never been intimate with anyone; but I wanted to. I have also violated people in my thoughts. Jesus said it was adultery.

Ah! That's interesting theologically. I wonder if Jesus literally thought lust was as bad as physical adultery. I have to doubt it. After all, if you've already lusted after someone, does committing adultery with them make no difference? Same thing with murder: If you already hate someone, does killing them make no difference? Sometimes I'd like to think so...

I can't discuss homosexuality according to the rules, so I made a mistake in bringing it up. But of course I have to go with the the Bible when it talks about sex. So I just have to leave it there.

Actually, you're allowed to discuss homosexuality as long as you don't "promote" it - which I don't think anybody ever would, though I can think of some intriguing arguments. (I could say, for example, that it's the cure for overpopulation, unwanted pregnancy and abortion.)

There are some alternative interpretations of the Bible verses that supposedly condemn homosexuality. It's possible that the traditional interpretations only seem straightforward because that's how we've been conditioned to read them.

But I don't even think that's so important. I don't want anyone to feel like they're "sinful" for being gay; that's grotesque. It's like being ashamed of your race or gender. I know you believe God inspired the Bible, but isn't it possible that between his words, some purely human ideas from a primitive culture might have made their way in? A culture that still believed in witchcraft (Pharaoh's magicians and the commandment in Exodus 22:18 "Thou shalt not allow a witch to live") and a flat Earth?

My IQ is 85. I appreciate you saying that I seem smart, but my IQ speaks volumes.

Eh, maybe. IQ isn't as reliable as you might think. Nobody I know would believe my IQ is as low as it is.

But when I say that I am an idiot, I am talking about me constantly testing God. I look at porn and other unclean material testing God's grace. That's idiotic. So I wasn't insulting my intelligence but my behavior. If you knew someone who decided to eat cake with a pinch of poison in it just to see if the cake will still be good, you may say that person is an idiot. That's what I believe is what I am doing. So I am just condemning my behaviour.

Ah. Well everybody does things they know are wildly irrational. It's part of being human. That's not just true with porn, there's also unhealthy eating (most Americans are overweight) and procrastination and staying up too late and watching too much TV. I dare say much people are guilty of all of those things pretty frequently. Don't beat yourself up over this stuff. Just remember that trying too hard to be perfect is a flaw in and of itself.

Oh and by the way, people sometimes try to feel guilty to convince themselves that they're righteous people (that they at least have values, even if they're hypocrites). Or to feel like their incredible sinfulness at least makes them important. Don't do that, it's a waste of energy.

ananda · Apr 15, 2015

OP: There is a "light at the end of the tunnel" but I doubt that you will find that light in the direction you are seeking.

Feelings and thoughts grow in strength when we feed them our intentional attention and mental energies, such as with feelings of fear, repulsion, attraction or other delusions. Learn to do the opposite (ignore them without responding to them when they manifest, with either fear or attraction - I recommend jhanic meditation) and these demons will progressively grow weaker from a lack of attention on your part. Also, look into enemas to clean out mind-controlling parasites from your digestive system.

pakicetus · Apr 15, 2015

ananda said:
Also, look into enemas to clean out mind-controlling parasites from your digestive system.

I think it says something about humanity that I can't tell whether you're joking. Obviously there are no "mind-controlling parasites."

ananda · Apr 15, 2015

pakicetus said:
I think it says something about humanity that I can't tell whether you're joking. Obviously there are no "mind-controlling parasites."

No, I wasn't joking:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfqO1U6lfDs

jacknife · Apr 15, 2015

pakicetus said:
I think it says something about humanity that I can't tell whether you're joking. Obviously there are no "mind-controlling parasites."

Actually there are some parasities that can for lack of a better word control their hosts brains. I know of none that do so in humans most parasites that get into our brain simply kill us.

cedric1200 · Apr 16, 2015

pakicetus said:
Ah! That's interesting theologically. I wonder if Jesus literally thought lust was as bad as physical adultery. I have to doubt it. After all, if you've already lusted after someone, does committing adultery with them make no difference? Same thing with murder: If you already hate someone, does killing them make no difference? Sometimes I'd like to think so...

Actually, you're allowed to discuss homosexuality as long as you don't "promote" it - which I don't think anybody ever would, though I can think of some intriguing arguments. (I could say, for example, that it's the cure for overpopulation, unwanted pregnancy and abortion.)

There are some alternative interpretations of the Bible verses that supposedly condemn homosexuality. It's possible that the traditional interpretations only seem straightforward because that's how we've been conditioned to read them.

But I don't even think that's so important. I don't want anyone to feel like they're "sinful" for being gay; that's grotesque. It's like being ashamed of your race or gender. I know you believe God inspired the Bible, but isn't it possible that between his words, some purely human ideas from a primitive culture might have made their way in? A culture that still believed in witchcraft (Pharaoh's magicians and the commandment in Exodus 22:18 "Thou shalt not allow a witch to live") and a flat Earth?

Eh, maybe. IQ isn't as reliable as you might think. Nobody I know would believe my IQ is as low as it is.

Ah. Well everybody does things they know are wildly irrational. It's part of being human. That's not just true with porn, there's also unhealthy eating (most Americans are overweight) and procrastination and staying up too late and watching too much TV. I dare say much people are guilty of all of those things pretty frequently. Don't beat yourself up over this stuff. Just remember that trying too hard to be perfect is a flaw in and of itself.

Oh and by the way, people sometimes try to feel guilty to convince themselves that they're righteous people (that they at least have values, even if they're hypocrites). Or to feel like their incredible sinfulness at least makes them important. Don't do that, it's a waste of energy.

No argument there.

Even though we don't agree with everything, I still appreciate everything you said.

To be perfectly honest, I expected people to be more judgmental. But I was wrong. I guess I thought I needed to be judged. "Maybe it would change my behaviour," was my thinking. But maybe it would also make me feel like dirt and sunk me into a more depressive stage.

So thank you. I hope to hear from you again. I really enjoyed reading your posts.

cedric1200 · Apr 16, 2015

True Scotsman said:
Sex and romantic love are two of the most profound values in Human life. I relish the sight of a beautiful woman and I don't feel the slightest guilt about it. It's completely natural to think sexual thoughts. You can't stop it even if your life depended on it. There is nothing dirty or sinful about it. It is part of how we evolved.

This, to me, is one of the greatest evils of religious morality. It takes something that is profound and beautiful and turns it into something to be ashamed of. But if you want to rule people then you've got to demoralize them. There's no way to rule an innocent man. Make him feel that he is evil by nature and you've got him. Pick something that is natural to all men and make it a sin. I'm surprised that the writers of the Bible didn't make eating and breathing a sin.

I suggest you check your premises.

Well, I just hate lust.

Not just because the Bible tells me, but because it causes a lot of negative feelings afterwards.

Okay I need to be honest with myself. That's not entirely true that I hate lust. Otherwise I wouldn't do it. I enjoy pornography, unclean movies, and unclean material. People don't do what they hate. Unless of course they are required to do what they hate, like go to war or something. But I am not required to look at porn. Nobody is putting a gun at me and telling me to watch this movie and look at that pornographic material. I chose to do that stuff.

BUT I HATE THE FACT THAT I ENJOY IT. I hate how stimulating it is. A drug addict may enjoy the drugs that he takes, but may hate the fact that he enjoys it. That's what my addictions are like. I obviously enjoy it. But I hate enjoying it.

cedric1200 · Apr 16, 2015

BrokenWarrior said:
Beloved, Your testimony is beautiful! You are correct, there are no other options!

We are sinners,we are liars,we are murderers,and thiefs,and adulterers. But The Christ has come to forgive us,us wreched,perverted beings.

And when we still fail,he'll forgive us again!

He came down to earth,perfect and sinless, lived a sinless life,was persecuted,beaten,cursed,and nailed to the Cross, all for OUR sake! Because of the sheer,incomprehensible love He has for us!

And now He lives,and has risen from the grave,to not only fulfill prophesy,but to also be our hope that His promise of our Ressurection is ours through Him!

If anyone of any faith,of any gender,of any race, sees this and is filled with curiosity or is convicted,I invite you to pick up a Bible,or ask questions in one of the Christian sub-forums,or even pm me! And I pray that God will choose you to be one of His,and to draw you in.

God Be with each and every one of you,friends and enemies alike!

-The Current Lowest Servant

Thank you and God bless.

KitKatMatt · Apr 16, 2015

ananda said:
Also, look into enemas to clean out mind-controlling parasites from your digestive system.

"Mind-controlling parasites" actually take up residence in the brains of animals, where they can control the behavior, rather than the digestive system where they can't do squat in terms of mind control.

So please, no, don't just randomly take enemas unless you actually need them to clear out blockages. Plus, enemas don't kill parasites in the digestive system. You need to take an anti-parasitic drug (depending on what parasite is involved) to kill them off. The best an enema would do would flush a lot of dead parasites out. Live ones would hang on or be embedded into the intestinal wall, otherwise they'd be pooped out by normal bowel movements.

cedric1200 · Apr 16, 2015

To those that prayed.

To be perfectly honest, I have mixed feelings when it comes to God's wrath.

Thank you for your prayers.

cedric1200 · Apr 16, 2015

GrimKingGrim said:
I'm gonna have to agree with SarahsKnight here.

You seem to pushing the grovel button very hard. And as mentioned before I don't think this type of lifestyle of slave mentality is particularly healthy and it seems like it's not gonna get better. I know you said you love yourself but honestly from what you said in your OP I'm not sure how genuine that statement is. It seems like you're very heavily conflicted internally. You have to free your mind from this crippling fear and guilt

OK

Well, I was about to say I am going to get help. But I never do.

Umm. I guess I can try to change the way I think. It may take a while.

But I believe my salvation, which I know you don't particularly believe in which I respect, is out of my hands. So I am just giving my fate to God.

You gave me good advice. I am, like I said, going to change the way I think; that's what I am getting from your posts. And it's a good idea.

cedric1200 · Apr 16, 2015

brinny said:
i agree with SteveB28.

Congratulations.

Thank you, brinny

cedric1200 · Apr 16, 2015

SarahsKnight said:
NO it is not, Cedric. The way you are feeling and living day by day is not healthy at all. AT ALL.

I find it very difficult to believe you can trust God and His will to save if you are this afraid of hell. And obviously - at least from what you say - it hasn't done much to stop or even curb your sinning. Think about it. The Bible says that it is the lovingkindness of our Lord that leads men to repentence, not the fear of His wrath (in whatever form His wrath will take).

I know because I was basically like this a few years ago. You are basing your relationship with our God on a miserable fearful slave mentality. And apparently, it's not exactly working.

I will continue to pray for you, sir.

__________________

EDIT:

And if I may add this, Cedric, I hope you realize that there is nothing wrong with the desire fo rphysical intimacy in and of itself. Believe it or not it is the way God made us. Now, violating someone in your thoughts, and willingly, yes, the Bible certainly does say it is wrong. It is adultery. But I want to make sure you understand the difference here.

Thank you for your prayers.

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