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Needing help to forgive...

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Adelaidez

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I’ve been through a lot recently, i am a newly Christian but backed off when i met this guy, i went into hiding and i just can’t seem to shake this off... It ended, in which then made me see how stupid i have been, even though i do care about him (like i do about every other person that i come across in my life) but i can’t seem to forgive him, same as my first love (but that time i didn’t believe in anything... and let’s just say i had a very fleshy nature, did all the sins possible) but he’s recently come to hurt me badly too and so many different family problems it’s unbelievable.

I don’t want to go into detail but i can’t seem to forgive my 2 exs and my family... my family have never been close and are none believers, they hurt me 24/7 and ever since that one person i thought i could trust has let me down, i feel that i shouldn’t care about anyone, as they all take it for granted and I will only make me feel worse… make me feel more down, hurt and just pain. But i know deep down this is wrong, and i am feeling guilty, and hurting myself for this anger and hatred.

I’m reading scripture about forgiveness, and just praying and praying for the Lord to lift this off me and to help me forgive, saying i have faith in him, and i know if i am truly sorry for my sin (all my sins also) that he will help me forgive but what else can i do?
It’s really killing me inside, and i hate it, but i can’t seem to stop it, my heart is caring, loving, im emotional and anything emotional hits me hard :/

Any advice is truly appreciated, thank you in advance... for reading this, even if you dont reply, thank you =]
 

Criada

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Forgiveness is very hard, and not something we can just 'do' easily, we need God's help.
What helped me to forgive those who hurt and abused me was praying for them, even when I felt I hated them, and didn't want to.. I kept praying that God would bless them, that He would let me see how much He loves them, and that He would bring them to Him.
Gradually I started to find that it wasn't just empty words, but that I actually meant it, and forgiveness grew gradually.

Praying for you, sweetie
 
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Johnnz

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You may be seeing forgiveness, an inner attitude, and your inner very real pain as too intimately related. That means you want to feel 'better', all the pain and sadness behind them wiped away. But the two issues are actually different and quite independent of each other. If you work through the pain constructively you will find your understanding of forgivness becomes far more holistic. Don't go chasing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Instead set out to discover how to better process your past with all its pain (and anger too I suspect).

John
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bsd31

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I don't believe the Lord ever expected forgiveness to be instantaneous. It's part of the process of sanctification. It's probably one of the last pieces that falls into place. To truly forgive people. I doubt anyone aside from God Himself can make the claim they've truly forgiven anyone.

If you want to forgive, and that's the desire of your heart even if you can't bring everything into obedience to do it you're well on your way. But it takes time.
 
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the.Sheepdog

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I have 2 ex's also. and you dont forgive for them as they could care less and would probably think you a jerk for even thinking about it.

You forgive them for you. it's all about you now. You forgive them and you get the benefit. Thats as good a reason as I can give you. It's also what Jesus would like to see.
 
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NCervo

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Sometimes the process of forgiveness is harder to get through than the painful situations others put us in...I hope that made sense. In my life I have surrounded myself with people who had different beliefs than my own, its important to do so in order to have a better understanding of your fellow humans.

No need to be on the offense here regarding your family. Tell them that you love them and accept them for who they are regardless of what they chose to believe in. Tell them that you would appreciate the same respect, you are their daughter (and sibling) and you rely on them for support. Let them know that you support them unconditionally.

When it comes to forgiving your ex's, I dont have much advice because I struggle with this situation as well. I imagine something like this comes in time.

I hope all works out for you and your family, remember that things CAN and a lot of times do get better
 
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asianangel

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Forgiveness is mostly about you. The other person who hurt you is gone...probably having the time of their lives. By holding onto this pain you are only hurting YOU. This is why people find forgiveness comforting...I know I do =]
 
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