ok, i tried to post in some threads and was told i couldnt. not too sure why but thought maybe this might be my next best bet. i am struggling with a lot of issues. most things u name have happened to me ranging from sexual assault to miscarriage to depression. i lost sight of god at an early age (about 12) and now i am trying to find him again. i have been christened and i though about reattending church, but i dont find our current vicar very helpful. and i dont know where to turn. my mum suggested the uni chaplain which i am considering but i have so many issues and a lot of them i fear are sins. and i know its no way to live, but its so hard.and i am trying. i just dont know where to turn. so please, can someone help guide me? x
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needing help and guidance
- Thread starter scattycat
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Hi...you probably tried to post on Christian only fourms...and that isn't allowed unless you put in your profile you are a Christian...sorry.
You say you have alot of issues and fear of sinning, right? Why are you so fearful of sinning? We all sin and fall short of what God wants...that is why the only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ, who saves us through His grace. None of us can 'work' our way to Heaven by trying to be perfect.
Have you tried just reading the bible and praying to God about what you have read? Pray He gives you wisdom to the meaning of what you have read?
Finding a good therapist would help in talking to someone about some of your issues too....it sounds like you have alot of things to work through. You can work through those with God too by the way...ask Him to guide you and help you in that. God already knows what you have been through..He knows your thoughts and feelings on it and wants to help you through it...
God bless
Whitestar
You say you have alot of issues and fear of sinning, right? Why are you so fearful of sinning? We all sin and fall short of what God wants...that is why the only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ, who saves us through His grace. None of us can 'work' our way to Heaven by trying to be perfect.
Have you tried just reading the bible and praying to God about what you have read? Pray He gives you wisdom to the meaning of what you have read?
Finding a good therapist would help in talking to someone about some of your issues too....it sounds like you have alot of things to work through. You can work through those with God too by the way...ask Him to guide you and help you in that. God already knows what you have been through..He knows your thoughts and feelings on it and wants to help you through it...
God bless
Whitestar
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thank you for replying to me. well i wasnt sure as church of england wasnt on the list so i put i was a seeker? as although im christened, and am c of e, i am also trying to refind my faith. all very confusing. i have seen counsellors and drs. i have also read parts of the bible to try and help me through bad times. i must admit, since i lost my faith i have rarely prayed, as i felt he wasnt listening to me anymore. i feel so confused about everything. and although i am not so happy at what has happened to me over the years, i know there must be some prupose in it all. although there is one issue i am having problems with, i miscarried a baby and i have a major issue in why this happened. i am in a loving relationship and had a loving supportive family, so why did i miscarry? i know this is something you cant answer. but its a bit question for me. when i mention sinning, i know people are never perfect, and thats why jesus gave us his life, but i self harm, drink, smoke, have sex outside of marriage (although it is with a long term partner) and i cant love myself, so i worry about how god sees this. i feel almost a fake. i desperately sek his approval, and i know he loves me, but i cant let him in and this is why im here. to try and come to terms with my conflict. x
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Years ago I meant a man that I starting sleeping with, without being married to him...I got pregnant, the baby had a horrible birth defect...his upper skull did not develop and neither did his brain. He could not live once he was born. Most of the time these types of babies are miscarriaged and the mother never knows it was due to a terrible birth defect. Rarely at these type of babies carried to term and once born, they cannot survive on their own. At first I was also very angry at God over this and ranted at Him for a long time...
Later I realized God didn't DO anything to me or my baby. The guy who did later become my husband, was a drug user...more then likely his sperm was deformed causing the babies deformities...plus the lack of folic acid on my part could cause this too. But basically what it comes down too, is we were both sinning by having sex outside of marriage, so the natural conquenses of this happened...we ended up with a baby with a terrible birth defect that died. How did God cause it? He didn't. He simply let our own actions catch up with ourselves.
Now of course there are married couples that have miscarriages too or babies like mine...what went wrong, they weren't sinning...it happens simply because we live in a sin fallen world. Once sin entered it messed up everything. Before sin the world was perfect...no disease, no sickness, no death....
Think of sin as a type of cancer...it infests literally everything...this is why the bible says God hates sin. Sin hurts everything. But one day God will set it all right again and once again everything will be perfect.
God loves you where you are at now...yes....He doesn't like you living in sin though because He can't protect you while you are. As I have said, I have lived with men in long term relationships too, that I deeply loved, but because I wasn't married to any of them (until I did marry my husband that is), God could not protect me from some of the conquenses of living like that.
I don't know if you are aware that people that cut or burn themselves usually do so due to past abuse..many times sexual abuse. They do it to take that emotional pain way, even though it only helps for a little bit. Its obvious you arent' happy with how you are living or you wouldn't be doing the things you are....you sound pretty miserable actually...and looking for that peace that only God can give us.
What about God would you like to know?
check out this link...and I will answer you the best I can..if I don't know the answer I will find it. I am here for you.
http://www.andiesisle.com/Love_Letter.html
God bless
whitestar
Later I realized God didn't DO anything to me or my baby. The guy who did later become my husband, was a drug user...more then likely his sperm was deformed causing the babies deformities...plus the lack of folic acid on my part could cause this too. But basically what it comes down too, is we were both sinning by having sex outside of marriage, so the natural conquenses of this happened...we ended up with a baby with a terrible birth defect that died. How did God cause it? He didn't. He simply let our own actions catch up with ourselves.
Now of course there are married couples that have miscarriages too or babies like mine...what went wrong, they weren't sinning...it happens simply because we live in a sin fallen world. Once sin entered it messed up everything. Before sin the world was perfect...no disease, no sickness, no death....
Think of sin as a type of cancer...it infests literally everything...this is why the bible says God hates sin. Sin hurts everything. But one day God will set it all right again and once again everything will be perfect.
God loves you where you are at now...yes....He doesn't like you living in sin though because He can't protect you while you are. As I have said, I have lived with men in long term relationships too, that I deeply loved, but because I wasn't married to any of them (until I did marry my husband that is), God could not protect me from some of the conquenses of living like that.
I don't know if you are aware that people that cut or burn themselves usually do so due to past abuse..many times sexual abuse. They do it to take that emotional pain way, even though it only helps for a little bit. Its obvious you arent' happy with how you are living or you wouldn't be doing the things you are....you sound pretty miserable actually...and looking for that peace that only God can give us.
What about God would you like to know?
check out this link...and I will answer you the best I can..if I don't know the answer I will find it. I am here for you.
http://www.andiesisle.com/Love_Letter.html
God bless
whitestar
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im really sorry about what happened to your baby whitestar. i am glad you are now married and you seem and confident. i know there are many reasons why people self harm. and i have many reasons why i do it. i am trying to find god and thats why i am on this forum. to try and find my faith again. your link told me a lot of nice things about god. and thank you. i have a lot to think about. i just dont know if i can change and fit in to what god wants. i want to, believe me. i just dont know where i am. i feel totally lost and confused. xx
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bethdinsmore
Veteran
WELCOME TO THE FORUMS, FRIEND
Sorry for all your pain. I am glad you have joined Christian Forums- you will find many wise and loving Christians here.
About the rooms - I believe you can still read the posts in the Christians only section - there are some pertinent rooms for you in the Recovery Section.
Also, there is a good Christian site with classes on types of recovery: www.settingcaptivesfree.com It is mentored and is free.
I'm not exactly sure where you are coming from, but thought a couple of items from my website might help. First:
Can a person lose their salvation?
I personally believe that a person cannot lose their salvation once they are saved, no matter what they do or whether or not they feel saved. Here's how I would summarize it, based on Scripture:
What is saving faith? In salvation verses, the Greek for believe is "to trust in or rely upon". As in John 3:16, Acts 16:31: to trust in Christ's death on the cross to pay for all sins (I Peter 3:18) and to get us to Heaven one day without any good works or promises of our own (Ephesians 2:8-9). In other words, "faith alone in Christ alone plus nothing".
And we cannot lose our salvation . It only requires a simple decision on our part, ( to rely on Jesus alone to save us and to get us to Heaven one day, without any good works or promises of our own.) If you have not yet made that decision, I pray that you would do so right now.
Once we are saved, God chastens and punishes us when we do wrong, just as a good father would, but He would never cast us out of His family, no matter what we might do. Once saved, always saved:
Romans 6:23: "The wages of sin is death, but the GIFT of God is eternal life."
Romans 11:29 "The GIFTS and calling of God are irrevocable."
John 10:28-29 "no one can snatch you out of His hand" (this "no one" even includes ourselves, we can't snatch ourselves out of the Father's hand).
Secondly, aids in choosing a church:
How do you find a good church?
"Whenever we would more to another town, I would call conservative evangelical churches (such as S. Baptist, Evangelical Free, some non-denominational).
I would ask the pastor these questions:
1.How do you believe a person is saved?
2. Do you believe a person can lose their salvation? (Romans 6:23, Romans 11:29, and John 10:28-29)
"Christ died for sin, once for all [all people and all sins - past, present, and future], the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God." I Peter 3:18, NIV, and "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)
I would avoid a "fundamentalist" congregation. One who judges your spirituality by outward appearances, using some spiritual "measurement sticks" of their own. I have had this experience myself, and have found much more spiritual maturity, comfort, and love in churches that are "conservative evangelical". (Some of them are: Southern Baptist, Evangelical Free Church, and some non-denomimational churches.) They follow God's grace rather than legalism, and they believe all of God's Word.
I especially like churches with "small groups" that meet during the week for worship - it's so much easier to communicate that way. In addition, some people who are uncomfortable in church or have past issues to deal with attend Christian support and recovery groups such as Overcomers Outreach. They really get down to the nitty gritty with God and with each other - and no condemnation allowed. To God, Christians are HUMAN BEINGS, NOT HUMAN DOINGS.
I'll pray for you, friend. Please let me know if I can help further.
Aloha in Jesus
Sorry for all your pain. I am glad you have joined Christian Forums- you will find many wise and loving Christians here.
About the rooms - I believe you can still read the posts in the Christians only section - there are some pertinent rooms for you in the Recovery Section.
Also, there is a good Christian site with classes on types of recovery: www.settingcaptivesfree.com It is mentored and is free.
I'm not exactly sure where you are coming from, but thought a couple of items from my website might help. First:
Can a person lose their salvation?
I personally believe that a person cannot lose their salvation once they are saved, no matter what they do or whether or not they feel saved. Here's how I would summarize it, based on Scripture:
What is saving faith? In salvation verses, the Greek for believe is "to trust in or rely upon". As in John 3:16, Acts 16:31: to trust in Christ's death on the cross to pay for all sins (I Peter 3:18) and to get us to Heaven one day without any good works or promises of our own (Ephesians 2:8-9). In other words, "faith alone in Christ alone plus nothing".
And we cannot lose our salvation . It only requires a simple decision on our part, ( to rely on Jesus alone to save us and to get us to Heaven one day, without any good works or promises of our own.) If you have not yet made that decision, I pray that you would do so right now.
Once we are saved, God chastens and punishes us when we do wrong, just as a good father would, but He would never cast us out of His family, no matter what we might do. Once saved, always saved:
Romans 6:23: "The wages of sin is death, but the GIFT of God is eternal life."
Romans 11:29 "The GIFTS and calling of God are irrevocable."
John 10:28-29 "no one can snatch you out of His hand" (this "no one" even includes ourselves, we can't snatch ourselves out of the Father's hand).
Secondly, aids in choosing a church:
How do you find a good church?
"Whenever we would more to another town, I would call conservative evangelical churches (such as S. Baptist, Evangelical Free, some non-denominational).
I would ask the pastor these questions:
1.How do you believe a person is saved?
2. Do you believe a person can lose their salvation? (Romans 6:23, Romans 11:29, and John 10:28-29)
"Christ died for sin, once for all [all people and all sins - past, present, and future], the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God." I Peter 3:18, NIV, and "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)
I would avoid a "fundamentalist" congregation. One who judges your spirituality by outward appearances, using some spiritual "measurement sticks" of their own. I have had this experience myself, and have found much more spiritual maturity, comfort, and love in churches that are "conservative evangelical". (Some of them are: Southern Baptist, Evangelical Free Church, and some non-denomimational churches.) They follow God's grace rather than legalism, and they believe all of God's Word.
I especially like churches with "small groups" that meet during the week for worship - it's so much easier to communicate that way. In addition, some people who are uncomfortable in church or have past issues to deal with attend Christian support and recovery groups such as Overcomers Outreach. They really get down to the nitty gritty with God and with each other - and no condemnation allowed. To God, Christians are HUMAN BEINGS, NOT HUMAN DOINGS.
I'll pray for you, friend. Please let me know if I can help further.
Aloha in Jesus
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scattycat said:
Oh I didn't finish my story...I didn't want to dump too much on you all at once...my marriage fell apart because ex continued drinking, and I suspect was still using drugs. See the thing is I had been praying for a husband for years...so when the first man comes into my life and I assumed it was an answer to my prayers...never bothering to ask God if he was or not. In looking back I realize God did throw me alot of red flags which I ignore...
I was being totally selfish and self centered and didn't want God butting into certain parts of my life....I figured I could do it...I wanted the control....boy was I wrong...My husband was very abusive, a drunk, a liar and a thief...he took the love I had for him and treated me so badly that my love turned into hatred for him...pretty awful.
In many ways I was where you are at now....when I finally gave God totally control of my life He changed me...I didn't change me...see that is where people get confused at. They think they have to change to be what God wants first before God will love them and accept them. Not true.
When you totally accept Jesus into your life and give your life TO God....He puts the Holy Spirit into you and you become a new creation as the bible says....certain sins I used to have I just lost the desire for...it wasn't any big oh look at me I quit this terrible sin thing at all.....no, God did it.
You don't do it...you LET God do it.
Too many people get some idea in their head of what they 'think' God wants and they are usually wrong. You don't know what God wants you to be. He makes those changing in you...its not really nearly as hard or complicated as many think.
The hardest part is letting God be in control of you....of truly and totally giving all of you to Him.
Just talk to Him...like you do a close friend. He is alread there listening you can't hide anything from Him...so why not talk to Him about what you are thinking...
You can say, God I am trying to find you again...please help me. Then through out your days watch and listen for Him talking back.
God Speaking
*************
The man whispered, "God, speak to me" And a meadowlark sang.
But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled "God, speak to me"
And the thunder & lightning rolled across the sky.
But the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, "God, let me see you." And a star shined
brightly. But the man did not see.
And, the man shouted, "God, show me a miracle" And a life was born. But the man did not notice.
So, the man cried out in despair, "Touch me, God, and let me know you are here"
Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.
I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted. .even in our electronic age . . . so I would like to add one more: The man cried "God, I need your help" . . . and an e-mail arrived reaching out with good news and encouragement.
But the man deleted it and continued crying..... The good news is that you are loved. Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you
expect.
God bless
Whitestar
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thank you. that last bit about us not seeing blessings because they dont come in the way we expect is really good and makes a lot of sense to me. im sorry i misunderstood about the marriage thing. are you happier now? its a good thing you got rid of him. ive had an ex like that who was violent and drank and all the rest of it but i finally left him. now i have a wonderful man. i just worry ill loose him because i know im not the good person he would prefer. like i said, i do a lot of things wrong. i think your right. i dont need to fit to god. its just all so confusing how i am feeling. in answer to the question where im from, well i came here by searching for a christian forum where i might be able to get some answers. if u mean geographically im in the UK. xxx
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W
WashedClean
Guest
Hi Scattycat and welcome to CF! 
You keep mentioning that you're not good enough (for your boyfriend, God, etc). That's the whole point! We ALL fall short of God's standard. Why? Because God is perfect and that's his standard. We are not perfect and God knows this. So Jesus bridges that gap. Nothing we can ever do will earn God's love. He already loves us, but we're separated from him by our sins.
When you trust Jesus as your personal savior and ask him to forgive you and be Lord of your life, you can stand before God as if you've never sinned!! Is that amazing or what??? I start to cry just thinking of God's wonderful mercy. He wants to give it to you so badly. All you have to do is surrender your will and life to him. Ask him to take control of your life. He knows the desires of your heart and what will make you happy. Our purpose is to glorify God. We can't do that until we are born again and make peace w/him. The Bible says in our unregenerate state we are actually enemies of God. Because the flesh is at odds with the spirit.
SOrry, if I'm going too deep. Just don't give up your search. Remember, when you're born again, you become a new creature! You don't have to clean yourself up for God, Jesus will do that for you if you just let him. I advise reading the book of Romans. Many will tell you to read the Gospel of John, but I prefer to start with Romans. Then read one of the four Gospels.
Please , don't hesitate to private message me. Just click on my name above and you will get a list of options.
Praying for you...
You keep mentioning that you're not good enough (for your boyfriend, God, etc). That's the whole point! We ALL fall short of God's standard. Why? Because God is perfect and that's his standard. We are not perfect and God knows this. So Jesus bridges that gap. Nothing we can ever do will earn God's love. He already loves us, but we're separated from him by our sins.
When you trust Jesus as your personal savior and ask him to forgive you and be Lord of your life, you can stand before God as if you've never sinned!! Is that amazing or what??? I start to cry just thinking of God's wonderful mercy. He wants to give it to you so badly. All you have to do is surrender your will and life to him. Ask him to take control of your life. He knows the desires of your heart and what will make you happy. Our purpose is to glorify God. We can't do that until we are born again and make peace w/him. The Bible says in our unregenerate state we are actually enemies of God. Because the flesh is at odds with the spirit.
SOrry, if I'm going too deep. Just don't give up your search. Remember, when you're born again, you become a new creature! You don't have to clean yourself up for God, Jesus will do that for you if you just let him. I advise reading the book of Romans. Many will tell you to read the Gospel of John, but I prefer to start with Romans. Then read one of the four Gospels.
Please , don't hesitate to private message me. Just click on my name above and you will get a list of options.
Praying for you...
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Do you know the story of jesus and the prostitute?
The religious leaders of His day framed a prostitute (which was a sin) so that they could catch her in the act...to set up Jesus. Then they brought her to Him and said, "In the Law Moses commanded such to be stoned to death, what do you say!"
Jesus knelt down and began writing something in the dirt, amazed at this, they pressed Him further for an anwer. He stood up and said to them, "The one among you without sin, let him be the first one to throw a stone at her." Then He knelt back down and returned to writing on the ground with His finger. Some say that He was writing down their latest sin...but we do not really know. One by one they left, until there was only Jesus and the prostitute.
Jesus stood up and asked her, "Has no one condemned you?" and she answered, "No, my Lord." Jesus then said, "And neither do I, go and sin no more." In her answer, she demonstrated that she recognized Jesus as the Son of God, she called Him Lord, which He is. By this time in Jesus' ministry everyone in Jerusalem knew who Jesus was - or who He claimed to be - including this woman. She never came to Him before now, and she didn't come now, she was set up and then dragged there. I imagine she must have felt about herself the same way you are saying that you feel about yourself, along with feeling lost and confused.
Jesus, I believe, as an act of love, alowed them to set her up and bring her to Him so that He could set her straight..."I don't condemn you; go, and sin no more." Jesus says the same thing to you, right now..."I don't condemn you, I died to set you free, come to Me and live in that freedom." You keep saying that you do a lot of things that are sins...here is some wisdom and understanding for you...
The ONLY sin that counts against you is the sin of not accepting Christ in your life and having a relationship with God. Period!
There are only two things that you have to do to live in that life of freedom and joy that He died to give to you, and one of them you are already doing and the other you have already expressed the desire for...
#1. Believe in God, place your faith in Him that He loves you and provided the plan of salvation for you.
#2. From this day forward, hold to the attitude that you want to strive to obey God...we will fall and sin every day in one way or another, but listen to this...
I John 5.3
This is how we love God, we obey His commandments.
I John 3.24, 23
Those who obey His commands live in Him, and He in them. And this is His command: to believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as He commanded.
I John 2.10
Whoever loves his neighbor lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble.
I John 1.7
If we walk in the light, as God is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son purifies us from all sin.
There is more than just having faith...but that is another board, we must love God by obeying His commandments...to believe in Christ and then to love on our neighbors. When we love on people, we are loving on God and walking in the light...when we walk in the light and have fellowship with God, all the little sins that we may still do are erased by the blood of Christ. That does not mean that we should continue in those sins, purposely choosing to do them, but we need to live out that holy position that God now sees us occupying.
Please contact me also if you would like more, I really hope this helps.
Blessings!
The religious leaders of His day framed a prostitute (which was a sin) so that they could catch her in the act...to set up Jesus. Then they brought her to Him and said, "In the Law Moses commanded such to be stoned to death, what do you say!"
Jesus knelt down and began writing something in the dirt, amazed at this, they pressed Him further for an anwer. He stood up and said to them, "The one among you without sin, let him be the first one to throw a stone at her." Then He knelt back down and returned to writing on the ground with His finger. Some say that He was writing down their latest sin...but we do not really know. One by one they left, until there was only Jesus and the prostitute.
Jesus stood up and asked her, "Has no one condemned you?" and she answered, "No, my Lord." Jesus then said, "And neither do I, go and sin no more." In her answer, she demonstrated that she recognized Jesus as the Son of God, she called Him Lord, which He is. By this time in Jesus' ministry everyone in Jerusalem knew who Jesus was - or who He claimed to be - including this woman. She never came to Him before now, and she didn't come now, she was set up and then dragged there. I imagine she must have felt about herself the same way you are saying that you feel about yourself, along with feeling lost and confused.
Jesus, I believe, as an act of love, alowed them to set her up and bring her to Him so that He could set her straight..."I don't condemn you; go, and sin no more." Jesus says the same thing to you, right now..."I don't condemn you, I died to set you free, come to Me and live in that freedom." You keep saying that you do a lot of things that are sins...here is some wisdom and understanding for you...
The ONLY sin that counts against you is the sin of not accepting Christ in your life and having a relationship with God. Period!
There are only two things that you have to do to live in that life of freedom and joy that He died to give to you, and one of them you are already doing and the other you have already expressed the desire for...#1. Believe in God, place your faith in Him that He loves you and provided the plan of salvation for you.
#2. From this day forward, hold to the attitude that you want to strive to obey God...we will fall and sin every day in one way or another, but listen to this...
I John 5.3
This is how we love God, we obey His commandments.
I John 3.24, 23
Those who obey His commands live in Him, and He in them. And this is His command: to believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as He commanded.
I John 2.10
Whoever loves his neighbor lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble.
I John 1.7
If we walk in the light, as God is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son purifies us from all sin.
There is more than just having faith...but that is another board, we must love God by obeying His commandments...to believe in Christ and then to love on our neighbors. When we love on people, we are loving on God and walking in the light...when we walk in the light and have fellowship with God, all the little sins that we may still do are erased by the blood of Christ. That does not mean that we should continue in those sins, purposely choosing to do them, but we need to live out that holy position that God now sees us occupying.
Please contact me also if you would like more, I really hope this helps.
Blessings!
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