needing advice

[Bartlomiej Dyszkiewicz]

needing advice

Okay.
I'm almost 28 years old and i live with my dad.
I currently only have a part-time job about 165 dollars a week.
I allowed myself to get into a trap and didn't see it coming.
I went to poland at the end of 2004 and after three months i came back to the states and discovered i didn't have my job. I also moved in with my dad who is non-believer and he just recently remarried but his wife moved to England to take care of her daughter.

I live alone with my dad. My car just broke down and I ride a bicycle to work. My bike keeps breaking down. Right before my car broke down i hit the front bumper of a car with my rear bumper. I owe 400 plus dollars for the repairs. my inside man has been bruised and i freeze up with fear with my thoughtlife and my thinking has not been the best. I pray all the time to get it better and don't do what my responsiblities call me to do.
I've allowed myself to compromise with certain things and walk around afraid even of my dad who after seeing me live my christian walk at home doesn't want me to even mention Jesus around him. when i do something wrong my dad has anger towards me which i allow to affect me really bad. I'm broken emotionally and just recently am tempted to and have begun hitting myself in the head when I'm not allowed to talk back or give any reason for my behavior. I don't want to blame my dad because the decisions in life or up to me. I never wanted to get in a place like this and just want out. I feel like I'm getting deeper with in.

I'm thinking about taking this post and just reading it to God.

I'm thinking I'm reaping what I'm sowing for judging others in my heart. I've allowed feelings of hate that spill over towards people i love and i'm aware of God's Word.

looking for Mercy, Grace, and just being accepted at the cross and recieve help to not be "co-dependant" because it's hurting my dad , myself, and i believe the Spirit of God has been severely grieved over my home.

there are alot holes and fill me ins left out.

When i hear radio programs i see myself as the bad guy.
some other temptations that i want to forsake and confess is at times there are imaginations when i see a knife and thoughts and whispers like to kill. I just ignore them but i don't want the seeds of murder and hatred and killing in my heart.

l there are good things going on though......

and if anyone thinks it's better for me just to confess to God can wipe it off here. i feel guilty and allow condemnation over me rather than just walk by faith.

I'm upset with certain things that caused me to stumble with my faith and have blamed the results on others and the sin part just wants to take control of me and be sevil towards God.

i would like to be comforted by scripture and not torn up by it. I'm asking for mercy

 

[Akathist]

Hello! I sent you a pm but I thought I would repeat something I said in the pm so that you don't miss it:

Bart, God loves you! His love is never ending. NOTHING can seperate you from the Love of God! Not even depression or bad thoughts! God always loves us.

Sometimes in life we have a bad time of things. That never means that God is punishing us. God is there with you in the bad times and wanting you to grow spiritually through them by turning to Him and leaning on Him. Christ told us to come to him "all who are weak and heaven laden" and He will give us rest. That rest is the knowledge that we can turn to him, we are not alone, we have the support of the Kingdom of God to help us endure all difficult times.

 

[tapero]

Dear Bartlomiej,

Hi, It sounds like you've been having a rough time and things have spiraled (sp) into depression. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You know that God is not hard on you; his burden is light for us.

God has forgiven you all your sins past present and future. Sometimes God's word seems condemning to us, when in fact it is freeing us if we forgive ourselves. It is our own conscience or satan that accuses us before God but we have the One who stands in our defense; the Lord.

I would recommend to read Galatians so that you can be free again. God is merciful and this is what you seek. He doesn't hold these things against us. If He did, we would never make it through a day.

Take all your thoughts captive to Christ so that they will be obedient to him.

It sounds like you could be helped by talking to a counselor or a pastor to help you to sort things out and to help you on the road to recovery.

With the dark thoughts, rebuke them in the name of Christ, and make them obedient to Jesus simply by bringing them to Him.

I hope this has helped somehow. I feel you are really punishing yourself and you don't deserve that punishment. Christ took all the punishment for us.

May the love of Christ overwhelm you with joy. May He lift your spirits and strengthen you. May you be blessed!

God bless you, Tapero

 

[Shane Roach]

Here's the cruelest Bible verse ever, to me. I read it while caught up in a little sin of my own some 12 years ago. Nothing horrid horrid, but... just look at it...

Heb 6:4-8
4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,
6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance ; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.
7 For the earth which drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is dressed, receiveth blessing from God:
8 But that which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned.
KJV

I'd say, "let that sink in," only if you're like I was then, it will nearly scare you to death.

Now look again...

See there where it says, "can no longer renew them again unto repentance"?

If you feel bad, and want forgiveness... you are in the right spot.

You haven't actually given a lot of details, and perhaps there's no need. I think that whatever has you struggling, you can pull yourself together okay? Don't let yourself be overwhelmed with a false sense of total conviction. Use the unease you feel as a motivator, and do what you know is right, and let the Lord take care of what you've been doing. Put it behind you, okay?

 

[heron]

Hi, Bartlomiej--
Thanks for being open enough to let us know. Your profile says you're in school... I don't know if you still are, but that's a very time-consuming venture, and many people don't work at the same time... most people these days go into debt over it. Even if your grades aren't high, you are trying to do more at once than you're letting on!

The bike was a brilliant solution, and if you go to larger cities you'll see that a lot of people don't own cars. Our American culture makes us feel guilty for all sorts of things that we haven't achieved, but look around.. it's just an illusion that we should have everything under control.

The voices that frighten you-- remember your internal reaction to them. You wish they weren't there, you don't consider them your way of thinking.... that is typical of evil forces, and whether you believe in them or not, God does.

1Pe 5:8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

You are handling the attacks well. Resist the devil, and he will flee.
(James 4:7) If these are evil attacks from the outside, then they were never your thoughts. You have not sinned unless you give in to them and reinforce them.

Try this -- when you hear one again, audibly tell it to leave you. Pick a verse that you can say when this happens, as your defense.. something like:
Romans 8:39 [Nothing....] will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. As for some practical things... some states have assistance programs that help you transition into better jobs, your own housing, better health care. If you're a full resident, you can use some without getting into the full welfare trap.

There are also food cupboards that bring food to people in temporary need. Don't be afraid to get some help and advice to get you through this time. Many of these programs direct you toward ways to get more work.... it's just a matter of starting somewhere.

 

[heron]

An example of public assistance--
http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/workfirst/index.htm
http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/workfirst/fsea.htm

About your bike breaking down -- around here, we have so many garage sales with bikes under $20, it would be easy to find a back-up. Take an hour on a Saturday to roam around the neighborhood and look.

It sounds like you need to shift your environment a bit too-- get around people that will encourage you, and you'll find how much of a difference that makes! Even just getting out to different scenery helps.

 

[Bartlomiej Dyszkiewicz]

I'm at the employment secrity commission holding back tears while others i let go, thanks for the help. I'll read the messages again when i find some personel space. Thank you so much my heart was comforted to read the advice and help. I'm learning to ba appreiciative of others helping and loving. I'm also learning not to forsake my friends but getting in touch with them.

 

[Shane Roach]

Bless your heart, my brother... Goodnes.. Yes, when you have time do please come back.

 

[heron]

I hope that God has set aside a wonderful job for you, and that standing in line was worth the wait!

 

[Bartlomiej Dyszkiewicz]

When i was at the Employment Security Commision i didn't wait in line but was on the internet and used a phone to call a clerk at the commision. It is a good idea for me to go back. I have an application to a place with better shifts than the one I'm working which is 4am to 9am at UPS. At the Employment Security Commision i found out of an other part-time job which I could join in with the one i have. Lately i have been good at wasting time or not making the best use of it. This morning on the way to work i ran over a sledge hammer that was broken and popped my head really bad, I was thankfull that I was wearing a helmet. An EMS crew checked me out really quick and said i was fine. I wouldn't have called the EMS but a police officer did for me at the gas station i stopped at to call work and a supervisor gave me a ride home. Before i left i listened to Sarah Groves and said a short prayer for protection out on the road.

My dad encoutraged me to move out today.

 

[pastel]

I pray that you get a better job, and move out away from your dad. I know you love him, but it's hard to live with them sometimes.

 

[heron]

My dad encoutraged me to move out today.

Uncanny coincidence, eh? It seems like God always works that way... preps us for things to come.

Does your head hurt?

Glad to hear about the other job! I hope it works out.

 

[Bartlomiej Dyszkiewicz]

Thanks for your parayers.
I still don't have another job but i have some good leads. Also a couple that I used to stay with have a bi-level house as part of there ministry. the lower part of the house is an apartment for rent. the top part of the house is their offices and the former garage is they're bed room while the remainder of the house is for the ministry. the house has a christian library and alot of people come through is as weel as this ministry is a stem of the church i attend. They are both counselors
and a few years back i used to stay with them for about a year before they had a ministry and they where extra kind to me.



Well it's 500 dollars a month provided i mow the grass and keep it clean. ( which i still believe is too high )
though all utilities are included as well food.

ummmmmm.....should i be complaining??????????

also last saturday i spent some time with friends from the church at a friend's pool- b-day partee and the pastor was there, it was his son'e birthday partee....

Some of the reasons why i don't want to is my level of trust which recently has been very depleated but i do have that slight hunch pull that this is where God wants me for a short period. ( i do hope i can come clean for some of the things i've said and thought wrong towards them.....i've beed despretely trying to be in God's will to the point where 1000 plus requests for certain things in different ways is perhaps ( ill ?) Inside i don't have that assurance and i believe i've allowed some deception in me....( I'm thinking i'm requiring of myself too much and may flesh cannot be the Holy Spirit )

there is thunder outside ....


thank you for your prayers and advice wanted to keep in check.


also confession-------- I think i don't want to make too many on-line friendships or allow myself be pulled in on-line and not inline with my friends here in person.------
It's easy to forget about people or look to people for immediate needs but not stay the long hull or be a true friend in return ( I can't do this with out Jesus ).....a friend loves all the time and i hope that is possible for me....