Need Wisdom Please

[GodHasAPlan]

Need Wisdom Pleas
Hello All! I would appreciate the Christian community's input/prayers on my situation:

Here it is in a nutshell.

I'm a 50 year old male (Mr. Mom) with (4) kids (15b, 12g, 10g, 4b). My wife (perhaps soon to be ex-) fell in love with my brother while he was living in our house (we had brought him up from Flordia to give him a fresh start since he had been addicted to crack cocaine for over 15 years).

Their emotional affair started in Nov. 2005 and culminated in a physical affair complete with them stealing money/lying and going on a (3) day crack cocaine binge in March of 2006.

(My wife has suffered from depression/anxiety pretty much all during our 15 year marriage.)

Well, I sent my brother packing back to Florida in March 2006 after their affair was exposed, and my wife left for Florida to be with him on April 10th. She returned for a month around the 25th of May until we refinanced the house - then she took her money, a new vehicle and headed back to Florida, leaving me with the kids, to be with my brother. We tried a christian counselor once in late March, but my wife said she was not willing to commit to the marriage and that she loved my brother more than me. She was "in love" with him and only "cared about" me.

Here's how it is today:
My wife sits in a county jail in Florida on charges of posession of crack cocaine, drug paraphernalia, and (3) controlled prescription drugs. (This is her first offense legally). Most likely she will spend (1) year in rehab. and or prison.

Here's what I need to hear from the Lord:

A) Can I ever hope to get over something that has been so devastating to me and the kids and re-unite with my wife?
Has anyone out there (particularly you men) gone on with a wife who has been doing drugs and had an affair?
Sometimes I feel the leading of the Lord to move along and let her work on her walk (I really can't be part of her healing now).

B) What's your opinion on divorce as far as my situation is concerned?

Thanks to all you saints out there. Please pray for us that God would do something amazing!

Thanks,
I know He has a plan.

 

[Gimpy]

Oh wow, what a situation. What does God tell you? Anything I say can only be taken for what I would do. My wife left under different circumstances, only to fulfill her own desires. Now she too is paying the price. Would I have her back? No, and she wants to come back. Did I divorce her? No. I guess I am stuck in a kind of limbo of not wanting to let her go and not wanting to live with someone who so wantonly would hurt me after many, many lies. I dont know what she will do in the future. I can never trust her again.
If I had a wife in jail because she left me for my brother and drugs...........If you decide to take her back, my advise is to wait and see if she goes through rehab. Then if you believe you should, it would be your decision, but rely on God heavily to guide you in your decisions.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Well "SNAP!" on some of that. My wife had an affair months ago, left me with 4 kids. Obviously you and I are different people, for us it ws straight forward: she never loved me.

Without love there is no marrage. Biblically and legally she has divorced you when she committed adultery, but more importantly, do you love her and does she love you?

If you can answer that, you will be more resolved.

PM me if you want any of my gory details, or wnat to share yer own, mate.

Thinking of you.

Peace out.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

The only advice I can offer is to tell you that you can't save someone who dosen't want to be saved. You wife would have to turn her life around for herself and only then could she decide if she loves you and wants to try to work it out. You obviously do still love her and want to work it out but you now have 4 kids and you are the only one looking out for them so be careful and take care of yourself and your kids first. Talk to God for the rest.

 

[4Christ2]

I don't want this to be long my brother..but I think it can help put some perspective on the situation. I know a man in pretty much the situation you are in. This man is a godly man who loves the Lord and is a deacon in his church. He and his wife years ago were both faithful workers to the Lord's work. A few years ago his wife got mixed in with the wrong people and began doing crack cocaine. She quickly became an addict and abandoned her husband and children (3). She took up with another man who was also doing crack and was unsaved (that man is my brother).

Through it all, this godly man refused to give up on his wife. He prayed, attended church on a regular basis, was a pillar of strength in the community, and cared for all his children. She lived a life of getting high, in and out of jail for posession or disorderly conduct, DUI, etc.

She went into rehab 2-3 times but always went back to the wickedness. The last rehab - praise God, she was delivered from her addictions. She went back to her husband, repented, and is now lovingly caring for her husband who had contracted prostate cancer.

Things have worked to the good for them and their family is strong; their love and works for God bring glory to His name. Wonder how it would have been if he'd divorced her? We will never know.

As to my brother - he still is unsaved and doing crack cocaine. I'm waiting and praying for God to work His grace in my brother's life and praise Him for what He will and can do in yours! Lifting you up! Love in Jesus, 4C

 

[madison1101]

I know that many in the Church see that scriptures allow for divorce in the case of adultery. Therefore, you would be justified in filing for divorce from your wife. In addition, she legally has the responsibility of paying you child support, as she left them with you. I would seek legal counsel for that.

I believe you need to see a counselor for your situation. You have been dealt a really hard blow, and could use someone to help you sort through your feelings and all the stuff that goes with this. I would also suggest you be attuned to your kids' emotional needs.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Ouch! What a sad thing. It's amazing how we think we are in control and our sin slaps back to reality.
I know what I'd do but you need to find out what the Lord would have you do. I feel for you and will pray that your answer will be crystal clear.

 

[HunterJG]

My situation was only half the same. My wife had an affair for 3 of the 4 years we were married. All I can say is something I only learnt recently and that is that each one of us has our own path we need to walk with God and that includes your wife. We can't interfere with what God wants to do in someone else's life. This all of course only if that person wants to allow God into their life. My advice therefore is, keep pryaing for your wife if you feel that there is hope for restoration and keep doing it until God restores the marriage or until he tells you it is time to let go. Also focus on your own restoration in the mean time.

Will pray for you, brother!

 

[GodHasAPlan]

Thanks guys,
I know that we are to be on separate paths now. And its a challenge for me to be raising my (4) kids by myself. Now I know how all those single mothers feel! Whew.

Appreciate all your prayers.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

SNAP dog. It's a wonderful trauma raising 4. The major hassle is all the phone numbers from ladies -- you'd think 4 kids would put them off? Eh?

 

[GodHasAPlan]

Guess not. Women are the nurterers. Maybe you can get some
free "Nannying" there.